CHAPTER 32
MAAHI
Vikram is back in the bedroom, and he's probably noticed me lying on bed, pretending to be asleep. I hate pretending, but I have no clue what to expect from this revised relationship. Ever since we decided to have no more rules or permissions, everything feels different. I held his hand today, many times, during our sightseeing. It gave me a sense of security in this new place, surrounded by strangers. He adjusted his lifestyle just to explore the city by train with me. He took me to an Italian restaurant, knowing it’s my favorite. I don’t think any other man has done all this for me.
Shyam and I were good friends, and despite our plans to marry, he had his priorities set. I never felt comfortable holding his hand in public or getting physically close, except for a few friendly hugs. But with Vikram, I crossed these lines even before our marriage. He’s kissed me several times without my permission, and though it was against my will, it somehow left a bubbling impact on my body. I’ve reacted to his touch every single time, and now that I’ve agreed to explore this marriage in every way, I’m unsure how to proceed.
My eyes are shut, and the lights are dim, but I feel him standing next to my side of the bed. If I'm right, he's watching me. When we came home tonight, he changed and left to make some work calls. He was the one who asked me to rest, so here I am—resting, sleeping, or rather… pretending to sleep. I sense his fingers inching closer to my lips, and just when I think he'll touch them, he pulls away. Gosh! How can I sense his movements with my eyes closed? What kind of telepathy is this between Vikram and me?
I hear the click of the bed lamp and feel the mattress bounce as he takes his side behind me. Phew! He’s convinced I’m asleep.
“Don’t sleep at the edge, Maahi. You might fall. There’s ample space behind you,” he says softly.
Oh no! He knows I’m pretending. But maybe he's just guessing. I don’t react and continue to feign sleep. Then, his arm pulls me closer, and I’m forced to meet his eyes as he rolls me to the center of the bed.
“No rules, no permissions, and most importantly, no pretense,” he mumbles tapping at my nose once before pulling his arm away.
I’m glad it’s dark because he can’t see my cheeks burning red from being caught.
“Good night,” he says, turning his back to me and pulling the duvet over us both. I feel embarrassed, but I don't know how to amend the situation. I have no clue what to do next.
****************
I wake up earlier than usual and decide to do something special for Vikram. He's been putting in so much effort to set things right between us, and I want to show him that I’m committed too. Planning to surprise him with bed tea, I head downstairs and find Daadi and Meera Singh Grover arguing.
“Oh, please Maa. Why don’t you let me stay happy with my husband and son? Every single tension between us is only because of you. This has to stop,” Meera aunty says, exasperated.
“Meera, that’s a huge allegation,” Daadi snaps back.
“You will never accept your faults, will you Maa? You always think you are right, but you have no idea how much your actions are hurting us. Do you realize Vanraj and Vikram are distancing because of you? Devki Estate has become a curse to this family,” Meera aunty accuses.
“Aunty,” I shout, finally interrupting their fight. I can’t stand anyone talking to Daadi like that and dragging Devki Estate into it unnecessarily.
Both women freeze at my intervention. “Please don’t talk to Daadi like that. She is so much older than you and is your mother-in-law,” I say, stepping closer.
“Are you forgetting I am your mother-in-law too?” she scowls at me. “You better not use that tone ever with me.”
“Maahi,” Daadi grabs my arm. “Don’t get involved. This is not your fight.”
“But Daadi, I—”
“No,” Daadi sternly denies. “This is between me and Meera. We are mature enough to sort it out on our own. I appreciate your concern, but I don’t need it at the moment.”
I am speechless. This is the first time Daadi has asked me to stay out of her problems. I know she is capable of handling it, but I am still a member of this family and I have every right to protect her dignity.
“You know what?” Meera Singh Grover glares at us both. “I don’t want to argue with either of you and spoil my day. I’m already late for the gym.”
She strides away, and I am boiling with anger.
“You shouldn’t have interrupted, Maahi. I don’t want your relationship with Meera to spoil because of the bitterness she shares with me,” Daadi says.
“She is only my husband’s mother, Daadi. I don’t see her as more than that, nor has she tried to be more to me in the time we’ve spent together so far. But I’m sorry. I will never get in between your fights if that’s what you want.” Tears spring to my eyes, which I try hard to blink away as I head to the kitchen.
“Maahi…” Daadi follows me.
I start making fresh coffee for Vikram when Daadi reaches me and turns me around.
“My relationship with Meera is already complex. I am just trying to keep you away so it doesn’t affect your bonding with her,” she explains, but I am not convinced.
“What’s your backstory with Meera aunty, Daadi? I have always wanted to ask but never wanted to poke more than required. But now that I am a member of this family officially, I need to know. Why is she so bitter towards you? In fact, Aunty should be guilty for how she has always kept her husband and grandson away from you, and instead of accepting that and feeling sorry, she never misses a chance to fight with you. Why?”
Daadi’s eyes become moist with tears, and I hate to admit that it's because of me.
“I have had my share of faults too, Maahi. I wasn’t this sane from the beginning,” she replies.
“I don’t believe that. You always have the habit of taking other’s blame on yourself,” I argue.
“Maybe I do that now, but I wasn’t like this earlier.”
I wait for her to explain.
“Meera was never my choice for Vanraj. He was my only son, and I was looking for a daughter-in-law who would match our status and be traditional like me. In short, I was looking for someone who could continue the legacy of rituals and traditions of the Grover family. But one day Vanraj brought Meera home and told me they wanted to marry. I wasn’t happy. Meera belonged to a lower caste than ours and was not much into following traditions. She was a woman with high dreams and aspirations, and for once, I even thought she was marrying Vanraj only for our money.”
I still. I had no idea about Vikram’s parents’ past. Does Vikram know all this?
“Before I could clear my suspicions, Vanraj married Meera and brought her home. I was forced to accept her. She was good to me in the beginning, but she never showed any interest in following the customs and traditions which meant everything to me at that time. We argued over little things. Vanraj was expanding his business, so most of the time he wasn’t home, leaving just the two of us to fight. I had too many hopes from Meera, which I tried to enforce on her, and she always retaliated. None of us were ready to bow down and understand the other. I was done with her. So whenever Vanraj came home from his business trips, I always fed his ears about Meera’s negligence, disinterest, arrogance, and whatnot. I needed someone to share all this with, and he, being my son, was my only option. I didn’t know my constant bickering was distancing Vanraj from Meera. They started fighting and arguing too. Vanraj was handling his business headaches, plus Meera’s tantrums and my bickering about his wife. So one day Vanraj made it clear to me he was done listening to my grievances. And Meera… she had practically stopped talking to me. Things escalated to such a level that once I heard Meera deciding to walk out of the house. It was that day when I realized I was involving myself too much between them. Then Meera gave the pregnancy news, and I decided to ignore all the bitterness between us because that was the right thing to do. I was guilty, Maahi. All I wanted was my son’s happiness, and if he was happy with Meera, it didn’t make a difference what expectations I had from her. But it was too late. Despite my good behavior, Meera always thought I was doing it only because she gave birth to the heir of our family.”
Daadi swallows a painful lump, and I make her sit on a chair before she needs support. I sit next to her, holding her hands.
“Then one day Vanraj told us his plans of expanding the business abroad. I was happy. Initially, he left for New York alone. But when he couldn’t return sooner, Meera decided to join him with Vikram. That was the right thing to do. She was his wife, and obviously, they should have stayed together. Vanraj called me there, but I denied, knowing Meera wouldn’t be happy, and this became a habit. Whenever he asked me to shift, I denied, and it wasn’t just because of my guilt. I was not ready to leave Ratna Mahal ever, as I have my own memories here of my husband. Least did I know I was pushing myself too far from my own son and his little family. Meera got the perfect opportunity to distance Vanraj forever from me, and Vanraj got so involved in his work that he stopped caring about anything and anyone. I know if there is still someone who keeps him glued to the family and away from his business stress, it’s Meera. And I am thankful to her. She never left Vanraj’s side and started adjusting her life according to his schedule. She raised Vikram well; made him the man he is today. I have no regrets.”
Daadi sobs, and I keep stroking her back to console her. So, this is why Meera aunty and Daadi never got along? I do see Daadi’s fault in this, but Meera aunty isn’t innocent either. She might have raised Vikram well and kept Vanraj uncle connected to her and Vikram, but she should have forgiven Daadi at least considering her mother-in-law is old now. And most importantly by bringing Sabrina between us, even aunty has tried to commit the same sin Daadi did: trying to separate her son from his wife.
Daadi rises to her feet.
“Anyway, I don’t want Meera to be a trouble for you and Vikram. So never interfere between us again, Maahi. I request.”
I am about to debate when Daadi’s eyes widen, and I turn around to see what caught her attention. It’s Vikram. He is standing at the kitchen door, and I assume he has heard it all. I am glad he did, and I didn’t have to repeat it to him. He steps inside the kitchen and wipes Daadi’s tears.