CHAPTER 30
The next morning, Daadi departed for Haridwar. But before she left, she made sure to remind Kashish to take action on the marriage proposal for Rudra. Kashish had agreed, but deep down, she knew it wouldn’t be possible until Rudra confronted and began healing from his phobias. After Daadi was gone, Kashish set out to buy a formal shirt for Rudra—the only gift she could think of for him. She handed the measurements to the store assistant, her mind elsewhere.
“Which color, ma’am?” the assistant asked.
Kashish didn’t hesitate. Rudra was a man devoid of color, always hiding behind his favored whites.
“White,” she replied.
The assistant presented a variety of shades and patterns in white, and Kashish momentarily found herself overwhelmed with choices. But eventually, she picked one. Lately, hadn’t she been thinking far too much about him, almost subconsciously? It gnawed at her, a subtle warning in her mind—this can’t be normal. But she dismissed it. All of this would pass soon. After Valentine’s Day, after Rudra began his sessions with the psychiatrist, and once she arranged his marriage to the woman of Daadi’s choice, her role would be complete. That would repay the kindness the Raheja family had shown her.
She paid for the shirt, had it gift-wrapped, and then headed to work. At the office, Jay was already collecting gifts from the staff, and the excitement was palpable. Valentine’s Day was tomorrow, with a grand celebration planned at a seven-star hotel after work hours. Kashish had no intention of attending the party, but she couldn’t skip the event where the secret Valentine gifts would be exchanged. Like it or not, she had to be there.
As she sat at her desk, a sudden thought struck her—she had booked an appointment for Rudra with Dr. Akash Dixit. She quickly opened the company messenger and informed Lavina, sharing the details of the clinic and the appointment time. Lavina assured her she’d take him there. Satisfied, Kashish closed the chat and returned to work.
An hour later, Lavina knocked on her door, looking anxious.
“Kashish, I’m so sorry. I can’t take Rudra today,” Lavina said, her voice filled with regret.
Kashish immediately stood up. “What? Why not? You said you were free at that time.”
“I was, but Rudra just assigned me a task to meet with reporters about the next event. It was supposed to be next week, but somehow it got pushed up.”
Kashish felt her stomach sink. “But... can’t you reschedule the meeting? The appointment took so much effort to arrange.”
Lavina shook her head. “I can’t, Kashish. I’m really sorry. Can you reschedule the appointment?”
“No, I can’t,” Kashish said, her frustration mounting. “I had to pull strings to get it for today.”
Lavina sighed, looking at the clock. “Then you’ll have to take him yourself. I’ll definitely join him for the next sessions.”
Kashish’s eyes widened in shock. “No! That’s impossible. I can’t take him there.”
“Why not?” Lavina asked, exasperated. “You’ve been the one pushing for this. No one’s better suited to lead him there than you.”
Kashish turned away, avoiding Lavina’s gaze. “I don’t understand why everyone thinks he’ll listen to me. He barely acknowledges me.”
Lavina sighed again. “I wish I could stay and convince you, but I have to run or I’ll be late. If you don’t take him today, we’ll have to reschedule. I’m sorry, Kashish.”
With that, Lavina rushed out, leaving Kashish feeling deflated. She had been so certain that everything would go smoothly, but now it seemed like her plans were failing. Had Rudra somehow manipulated this situation to avoid the appointment? She checked the clock. It was already noon. The appointment was at 4:00 p.m., and the clinic was half an hour away. She had just three and a half hours to convince him.
****************
“Come in,” Rudra called from behind his desk, his fingers typing away at his laptop. Kashish stepped inside, clearing her throat.
Without looking up, he continued working. “Speak, Miss Bedi.”
Kashish moved forward. “I’m here to make a request.”
Rudra paused, finally lifting his gaze to meet hers. His expression darkened.
“If it’s about visiting Dr. Akash Dixit at 4:00 today, you can leave my cabin right now.”
Kashish’s heart raced. How did he know about the appointment? She had only told Lavina, and that too over the company messenger.
“Confused?” Rudra stood from his desk, walking slowly toward her. “Wondering how I know all this?”
She glared at him. “You’ve been intercepting my chats?”
Rudra didn’t deny it. Crossing his arms over his chest, he met her gaze unflinchingly.
“How dare you invade my privacy? And why?”
“Because this is my company,” he replied coldly. “I can do whatever I want. Personal conversations are not allowed on the company communicator. Don’t misuse it.”
Kashish clenched her fists, seething. Now she understood why Lavina had been conveniently assigned another task. This was his doing, his way of avoiding the appointment.
“I’m only interested in healing your life.”
Rudra’s expression darkened as he took another step forward. “Who gave you the right to fix anything in my life? I didn’t ask for your help, and I don’t need anyone meddling in my personal space, telling me what to do.”
She stood her ground, unwilling to back down. “So now you’re going to threaten me?”
“If that’s what it takes to make you back off,” he replied, his voice sharp.
Kashish’s heart hammered, but she mustered her courage.
“And what if I don’t back off?”
Rudra froze, his brow furrowing as if he hadn’t expected her defiance. His eyes burned with warning.
“Get back to work, Kashish,” he commanded.
But Kashish wasn’t done. “I won’t. Not until you agree to visit the doctor today. I spent all night arranging this. You won’t waste my efforts.”
Rudra’s face hardened. “Who asked you to make such efforts for me?”
“Who asked you to settle my problems with Uday Khatri? Who asked you to take me home safely from that party when I was drunk?” she fired back, catching him off guard. “You have no answers, do you? Just as you went out of your way to fix my problems, I’m trying to help you. And I don’t think I’m wrong.”
Her words left him speechless.
“I’ll be waiting downstairs at 3:30 p.m.,” she continued, her voice steady. “I’m going to accompany you to the doctor, Rudra. Please be there.”
With that, she turned and left his office. Rudra stood frozen, his fists clenched. She was pushing too far, crossing lines she had no business crossing. This had to stop.
****************
It was exactly 3:30 p.m. Kashish had wrapped up her work and was pacing in the lobby, anxiously waiting for Rudra Raheja. She kept glancing at her watch, frustration creeping in with each passing minute. Why hadn’t he come down yet? Deep inside, she held on to a flicker of hope—an inexplicable confidence that he wouldn’t disregard her request, that he wouldn’t shatter the effort she’d put into helping him. Where did this certainty come from? Did she believe he had feelings for her? Was that even true? But no... the way he argued with her, the cold indifference in his voice, none of it reflected any interest. So why did Anjali think otherwise?
It was now 3:45 p.m. Kashish couldn’t wait any longer. She rushed to the elevator and headed to his cabin, knocking once before stepping inside—only to find the room empty. Panic surged through her as she stepped back into the hallway and spotted Jay.
“Rudra? Where is he?” she asked urgently.
Jay chuckled. “Oh, he left an hour ago for some work.”
“Work?” Kashish frowned. “But I checked his schedule—there was nothing planned for the evening.”
“He’s the CEO, Kashish. Anything can come up at the last minute for him,” Jay replied casually. “I don’t think he’s coming back to the office today.”
Kashish felt a wave of disappointment crash over her. He fled. Rudra Raheja had fled from the plan she’d so meticulously laid out for him. How could he?
****************
Back at home, Kashish tossed herself onto the bed, her mind swirling with frustration and defeat. She had tried so hard to get him to the psychiatrist, to make him realize this was for his own good. Why couldn’t he understand that? Didn’t he want to heal? Or was it that he refused to be cured? Her thoughts spiraled. Any woman who wished to share her life with him would want him to overcome his phobias. Couldn’t he see that? Or maybe he was terrified—terrified of opening up, of confronting his horrors.
Dinner that evening was no different. Rudra was absent, and the silence at the table was palpable. Shekhar noticed Kashish listlessly pushing her food around, her eyes repeatedly drifting toward the door.
“Kashish, your food’s getting cold,” Shekhar remarked, his voice gentle.
Kashish nodded, forcing herself to take a small bite.
“Why are you so distracted today? And why do you keep looking at the door?” he asked, suspicion lacing his tone.
“I am waiting for Rudra,” she replied softly, her words heavy with disappointment.
She felt Shekhar and Anjali’s eyes on her, their confusion obvious. They had no idea about Rudra’s phobias or the weight behind her waiting for him. She met their curious gazes and quickly scrambled for an excuse.
“I mean, I needed to discuss some designs with him. You know I’m required to report to him daily. He left early today, so I missed my chance,” she lied, hoping to divert their attention.
Shekhar didn’t buy it. He knew there was more to this than a missed design report. He could see how eager she was for Rudra’s return. Something had shifted between them, and he wasn’t sure what.
“Do you realize something, Kashish?” Shekhar muttered, leaning forward.
Kashish glanced up, curious. “What?”
“You’ve softened towards him,” he said, his voice laced with certainty.
Anjali nodded in agreement.
Kashish sighed, her mind too tired to refute it. “Maybe.”
The truth was, all the rage and resentment she had once carried for Rudra seemed to have faded. And she was surprisingly at peace with it.
Just then, Rudra walked through the door. His exhaustion was etched deeply on his face.
“Ram Prasad, get me some water,” Rudra called out as he slumped onto the couch.
Kashish shot up from her seat, abandoning her half-eaten meal. She had so much pent-up anger to release, and she didn’t care what Shekhar or Anjali thought about her sudden reaction. Fortunately, the living room was far enough from the dining area that they wouldn’t overhear what she had to say.
“You fled on purpose, didn’t you?” she hissed, storming toward him.
Rudra, who had just leaned back and closed his eyes, opened them again, meeting her furious gaze.
“You know what they call people who run away from reality?” she demanded. “Losers.”
Rudra’s jaw tightened, his fists clenching as he stood. Her anger was justified, but he had no intention of explaining himself. He stepped forward, intending to leave, but she blocked his path.
“Stop running from reality, Rudra.”
“Reality?” he scoffed. “Which reality are you talking about? The phobias I carry are none of your concern. That’s the reality. I mean nothing to you, so don’t bother yourself with my problems. And this is the last time I’m warning you.”
He moved her aside and hurried to his room, leaving Kashish fuming as she watched him walk away. Just then, Ram Prasad came out with a glass of water, looking for Rudra. Without a word, Kashish took the glass from him and headed toward Rudra’s room herself.
Shekhar and Anjali, observing the scene from afar, were stunned by the unexpected bond slowly forming between Rudra and Kashish. Though they couldn’t hear anything what Kashish and Rudra were arguing about, they still had witnessed the scene from far.
“What’s going on with those two?” Shekhar muttered, bewildered.
Anjali, however, smiled knowingly. “Maybe it’s not what’s wrong, but what’s right.”
“What do you mean?” Shekhar asked, still confused.
“Can’t you see the change? Kashish has started taking steps toward Rudra. She’s beginning to connect with him, whether she realizes it or not. And that’s good—for the peace of this family, and for both of them.”
Shekhar still felt uncertain, but if what Anjali said was true—if Kashish and Rudra were slowly bridging the gap between them—then he was ready to accept it. He had always hoped they’d both find peace, though he never imagined they’d become cordial with each other.
Kashish pushed open Rudra’s bedroom door and stepped inside with the glass of water. Rudra who was standing by the closet, turned to face her, his expression darkening as soon as he saw her.
She set the glass on the table, her gaze locking with his.
“I know why you’re doing this,” she said softly. “You’re scared—scared of healing, of making your life better.”
Kashish didn’t want to push him further, but she couldn’t leave without saying what needed to be said. She turned to leave, but before she could reach the door, he grabbed her wrist and pinned her against the wall beside it.
“Yes, I’m scared,” he spat. “I’m scared of healing myself, just like you’re scared of forgiving me for my sins.”
Her eyes widened in shock. He was comparing their pain?
“Don’t you dare twist this around,” she choked out.
“Why not? You want reality? Here it is. Our lives are intertwined, Kashish. Our pain is shared. You can’t forgive me, and I choose to live with my demons. That’s how we balance out each other.”
Kashish stared at him. Why did he always have to be so intense? And those eyes—why did they always seem so full of pain? She had never seen him like this before, or maybe she had never looked closely enough.
Suddenly, he released her, pressing his hands to his temples as if to ward off a headache. Concern flickered in her eyes.
“You... you okay?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
“Get out,” he snapped, opening the door.
But Kashish couldn’t move.
“What’s happening to you?” she asked, her voice laced with fear.
Without warning, Rudra grabbed her elbow, dragging her out of the room and slamming the door shut. He didn’t want her to see him like this—not now, not ever. He could feel the panic attack building, and the last thing he needed was her witnessing it.
Kashish pounded on the door, her heart racing.
“Rudra! Open the door! Please!”
Inside, Rudra’s hands trembled as he knocked over a flower vase, desperately searching for his medication to calm the panic that was overtaking him.
Kashish’s panic escalated as she heard the sound of the vase crashing. Tears welled in her eyes. Had she pushed him too far? Was this her fault? She kept banging on the door, helpless and terrified. How much more pain was Rudra hiding? How many more wounds did she have to heal? And was she even doing the right thing by trying to help him?