CHAPTER 32
Fear rippled through Rudra’s body as the reality of what could have happened sank in. If he hadn’t pulled Kashish out of the path of that speeding car in time, she could have been gone, and with her, his entire world would have shattered into pieces. He felt her shallow breaths against his chest, almost in sync with the frantic beating of his own heart. She was still clinging to him, and for a few brief moments, he could swear their hearts beat as one.
Kashish, still trembling from the near-death experience, was also attuned to that strange connection. She had never believed in something as fantastical as two hearts beating in unison. This feeling, this closeness, was alien to her. She knew who had saved her, but what truly startled her was not his rescue—it was the fact that Rudra, a man who recoiled from any physical closeness, was holding her like this. The fear and panic in him had made him forget his usual aversion to touch.
Slowly, she lifted her chin to meet his dark, intense eyes. But before she could say anything, he pushed her away, his face tight with fury.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he roared. “You didn’t see that car speeding toward you?”
He stepped forward, grabbing her arms again, yanking her closer. His grip was tight, desperate.
“What if that car had hit you? What if I had lost you?” he shouted again, his voice laced with a raw vulnerability she had never seen before.
This transformation stunned her. Rudra’s fear of losing her was laid bare. She could hear Anjali’s words echoing in her mind: “He loves you, Kashish. He loves you, but he’ll never tell you.”
Kashish tried to free herself from his hold but couldn’t. Finally, she steadied herself and asked the one question that burned in her mind.
“So what? If that car had hit me, if you’d lost me tonight, so what? Why would it matter to you?” she spat.
“It does matter to me, dammit because I love you, dammit! I can’t lose you... not now... not ever!”
His words hit her like a tidal wave. Kashish stood frozen, utterly speechless. Fireworks exploded in the sky above them, a reminder of the Valentine’s Day celebrations still happening around the city. But here, beneath the glowing bursts of light, she had just received the most unexpected and shocking confession from the one man she had never thought could fall in love with her. The fireworks illuminated their faces, while she stared at him, unable to believe what she had just heard.
There was no relief on his face, no joy in having finally revealed his deepest secret. He wasn’t happy about confessing his love, nor was he regretful. He was furious—furious that he had let his emotions slip in the heat of the moment. She could feel the tension radiating from his body, his pulse still racing beneath her fingertips, as though the fear of losing her was still coursing through his veins.
It was madness. The moment his grip loosened, Kashish stepped back, shaking her head in disbelief.
“You... you shouldn’t love me...” she murmured, her voice weak, almost a whisper.
Her words jolted Rudra back to reality. Did he really just confess that? He clenched his jaw, swallowing hard as their eyes broke apart. That instant had been too raw, too overpowering for him to hold back. He had said what he felt, letting slip the one thing he had guarded so fiercely—his love for her. His hand rubbed his forehead in frustration, as if trying to erase the moment that had just unfolded.
Kashish, still dazed, stared at him, refusing to accept the truth behind his confession. A cab pulled up beside them, and she realized it was the one she had called earlier. Without another word, she gave Rudra one last horrified glance, climbed into the cab, and disappeared into the night.
Rudra ran his hands through his hair, exhaling sharply. This wasn’t going to end well. She now knew the one truth he had tried to keep buried—his love for her. He knew she wouldn’t use it against him, but the fragile connection they had begun to form could be shattered forever after tonight. What if she decided to leave? She had already threatened to walk out if he didn’t agree to see the psychiatrist. He wasn’t ready to lose her, not like this. He couldn’t bear the thought of her slipping away from him... not now.
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Kashish returned to Raheja Mansion, her mind swirling with the weight of Rudra’s confession. Thankfully, Shekhar and Anjali were out celebrating Valentine’s night, and Daadi was in Haridwar, absorbed in prayers for the family’s well-being. She was alone, and solitude was what she desperately needed. Tossing her purse aside, she flung herself onto the bed, burying her face under the cushion. But Rudra’s voice kept echoing in her ears:
“It does matter to me, dammit because I love you, dammit! I can’t lose you... not now... not ever.”
She pressed the cushion harder over her ears, trying to drown out the torment of his words. How could this be happening? He, the man responsible for shattering her world, for killing her father and turning her an orphan, had confessed he loved her? She knew now that the accident wasn’t intentional, but how could the man who had taken everything from her fall in love with her? It defied logic, reason, and her ability to accept it. It was madness.
Frantic and helpless, she threw the pillow aside and sobbed. Nothing made sense anymore. Just when she thought she had reached the peak of her pain, another wave had crashed over her. Rudra’s unexpected confession had broken her in ways she didn’t know were possible. She felt utterly lost. No matter how hard she tried to push the thoughts away, his face, his voice, and his words haunted her. The more she tried to forget, the more they consumed her.
*****************
Rudra, back in his bedroom, stood under the cold shower, hoping the icy water would wash away the turmoil raging in his mind. He had heard from Ram Prasad that Kashish was back, locked away in her room. But the knowledge that she was just behind those walls offered no comfort. His thoughts spun uncontrollably—fearful of her distancing herself from him again. The memory of pulling her out of the path of that speeding car, her body crashing into his chest, had stirred something in him. For the first time, the fear of losing her had overshadowed his own phobia of being touched.
He stared at his reflection in the shower’s glass door. He knew he had to face her. He had meant every word he said, but he had no intention of forcing his feelings on her. She could reject him—he expected it. He understood now that his love for her was like chasing a dream. Kashish was the dream—one he could only hold onto in the dark, never in the light of reality.
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The next morning, Rudra descended the stairs to find Anjali performing the aarti, with Shekhar beside her. Usually, Kashish was there, faithfully attending the morning prayer. But not today. A sense of unease gripped him, and he stopped Ram Prasad as he passed.
“Ram Prasad, where’s Kashish?” he asked.
“She is in her room,” Ram Prasad replied.
Rudra’s concern deepened. If she was home, why hadn’t she come down for the morning rituals? Anjali approached him with the prasad, noticing the confusion on his face.
“Kashish isn’t going to the office today,” Anjali said, offering an update. “She wanted to stay home.”
“Is she alright?” Rudra’s concern slipped through, despite his attempt to remain composed.
Anjali raised a brow.
“Why? Is there something that should be bothering her?”
Rudra quickly shook his head, evading the question. His phone buzzed, offering him an excuse to walk away. But Anjali wasn’t fooled. She suspected Rudra had something to do with Kashish’s sudden withdrawal. What had happened at the party last night? She had to check on her.
****************
Anjali knocked gently on Kashish’s door and entered the room. Kashish lay on the bed, clutching a pillow tightly, her face pale and withdrawn. She didn’t even acknowledge Anjali until she sat beside her.
“Kashish, what’s wrong? Why did you refuse breakfast? Are you not feeling well?” Anjali asked, placing a hand on her forehead.
Kashish sat up, hugging the pillow tighter. “I’m fine, Anju. Just needed a break, so I decided to take the day off.”
“A break? From what? Come on, you can’t just stay locked up here. Let’s go shopping, get some fresh air.”
“Not today, Anju. I just... I want to be alone.”
Before Anjali could pry further, Rudra stepped into the room. Kashish instantly sensed his presence and stiffened, refusing to even look in his direction. Anjali stood up.
“I need to speak with Kashish,” Rudra said.
“I don’t want to talk to him, Anju. Please, ask him to leave.”
Anjali, caught between them, hesitated. Who was she supposed to support?
“I’m not giving you a choice, Kashish,” Rudra stated coldly walking in.
“I’ll be downstairs.” Sensing the gravity of the situation, Anjali quickly excused herself.
As soon as Anjali left, Rudra closed the door behind him. Kashish’s unease grew, and she instinctively moved toward the bathroom, hoping to escape. But Rudra blocked her path.
“When I’m talking to you, don’t walk away.”
“There’s nothing left to talk about,” she shot back.
“Why?”
Her gaze finally met his. He didn’t seem the least bit fazed by what had happened the night before, and it only fueled her anger.
“You know why,” she replied.
Rudra bit back a groan, but now that the issue had been raised, Kashish was ready to confront it head-on.
“Do you even realize what you said to me last night?” she asked, her voice rising.
“Nothing you didn’t already know,” he said, his tone calm but firm.
Kashish’s jaw clenched. So, he knew she was aware of his feelings? But that wasn’t the point. She wasn’t ready to let this go.
“How can you even think about it? Just because I showed you some kindness doesn’t mean I’m willing to accept whatever you feel for me,” she snapped.
“I didn’t offer anything, Kashish.”
Her frustration boiled over. How could he be so dismissive of the entire situation?
“You proposed to me last night!” she nearly shouted.
“I confessed how I feel,” he corrected her. “It wasn’t a proposal.”
Her confusion only deepened.
“Not a proposal? Then what was it? Just an FYI (for your information)?” she asked sarcastically. “Why are you always so mysterious, Rudra? Do you enjoy keeping everyone in the dark?”
Rudra took a deep breath before speaking again.
“At least now, maybe you’ll stop looking for brides for me.”
“Wrong,” she scoffed, shooting him a withering glare. “I’ll just speed up the process. I want to be rid of you and your so-called confession.”
Rudra clenched his jaw as he stepped closer.
“You still don’t get it, do you? No other woman can replace what I feel for you, Kashish. You mean everything to me. And this isn’t something new. I’ve felt this way since the day you started hating me.”
Kashish’s heart raced as he cornered her against the wall, his voice growing softer but more forceful.
“Whether you acknowledge it or not, this feeling is mine. And even if I die, it won’t disappear.”
His words left her speechless. She had hoped this conversation would break whatever bond he thought existed between them, but instead, he had only solidified his resolve. Rudra stared at her for a few more moments, his eyes softening slightly before he turned and walked out of the room. Kashish remained frozen, her back pressed against the wall, her mind reeling. She didn’t know how to handle the emotions he had stirred, but one thing was certain—he wasn’t going to let her push him away that easily.
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Next Day
Kashish’s head had been spinning since the night before, and Rudra’s intense confrontation earlier in the day had only amplified her restlessness. Still, that didn’t stop her from keeping her promise to Veeru Kaaka. Despite wanting to hide away in her room, Kashish knew she had to honor her word. Now, standing at the door of Veeru Kaaka’s home, she rang the bell, her heart heavy with unresolved emotions.
Veeru Kaaki answered, her appearance almost unchanged from a few years ago, except for a little more weight around her middle. Kashish smiled and folded her hands respectfully.
“Namaste Kaaki, I’m Kashish...”
Her face lit up in recognition, and she welcomed Kashish inside with warmth. Soon, Veeru Kaaka joined them, and they spent a pleasant time chatting over tea and snacks. For a brief moment, Kashish felt a sense of belonging, connecting with someone from her father’s side. It was a rare joy.
But the warmth of the evening was quickly interrupted when Veeru Kaaki spoke.
“So, how have you managed to stay with that family for so many years? I heard their killer grandson is back.”
Kashish’s heart clenched at the word killer. For reasons she couldn’t fully understand, it stung to hear Rudra spoken about that way.
“Yes... he’s back. We live in the same house. You know I can’t leave until the court-specified time elapses,” Kashish replied, trying to keep her voice steady. “But they’re good people. Shekhar, the elder grandson, has been a constant support, and his wife, Anju, is a dear friend now.”
“And what about Savitri Raheja? I’ve heard she’s quite strict. Has she ever mistreated you?” Veeru Kaaka asked, his tone sharp.
Kashish shook her head, feeling a mix of emotions. “No. We didn’t talk much in the beginning, but even that has changed. She’s not bad, Kaaka. She’s just fiercely protective of her grandsons... especially Rudra.”
The room grew quiet for a moment, and Kashish sensed the conversation turning toward more painful territory. She quickly shifted gears.
“Kaaka, you mentioned there was something you wanted to give me... something that belonged to my father?”
Veeru Kaaka nodded, his expression growing serious as he stood from his chair.
“I’m sorry for holding onto it for so long. But your father made me promise not to give it to you until you had grown into a woman capable of understanding his sacrifice.”
Sacrifice? Kashish’s heart pounded in her chest. What sacrifice? Her pulse quickened as unease took over her thoughts. She hoped that whatever revelation was about to unfold wouldn’t shatter everything she had come to believe about her past and the life she had been living with the Rahejas.