CHAPTER 43
She was in his arms. In Rudra Raheja’s arms.
The thought kept flashing in Kashish’s subconscious mind, over and over as she dreamt about Rudra throughout the night. His face was everywhere in her dreams, and surprisingly he was even smiling—a genuine, contented smile. The very idea seemed absurd, yet in her dream, he looked at peace, as though he had won some silent victory. It was disorienting, confusing her more with each passing second. As the fragments of the dream began to fade, she slowly opened her eyes.
But there he was— still there, close, too close. She blinked, trying to shake off the haze of sleep and tried to roll away. Maybe that would snap her back to reality. But the second she shifted, Rudra despite still asleep, instinctively pulled her closer.
Her heart pounded. This was real. He was real.
Her eyes flew wide open as last night’s events flooded back. Rudra had been having a nightmare, and she’d tried to calm him down, somehow falling asleep next to him. In his arms. The entire night!
Damn it!
She needed to get out of here. Slowly, carefully, she tried pushing him away without waking him, but it was too late. His eyes fluttered open, immediately locking onto hers with an unreadable intensity. She froze, caught in his gaze, feeling the tension wrap around her like a vice.
Shit! He was awake. Watching her.
The next instant, she shot up from the bed, sitting upright as Rudra relaxed back into the pillows, stretching lazily as though nothing unusual had happened.
“It’s such a lovely morning, isn’t it?” he said, completely nonchalant.
Her breath caught. What? Why wasn’t he questioning her? He had just woken up with her in his arms —why wasn’t he demanding an explanation?
“Why are you staring at me like that?” Rudra teased, smirking.
Kashish’s jaw dropped. He wasn’t just ignoring it—he was enjoying this!
“Aren’t you surprised to find me in your bed, beside you, so... close?” she asked.
Rudra leaned closer, his hand reaching out to lightly trace her cheek.
“No. Because this is where you belong.”
Her heart stuttered as his husky morning voice but her suspicions clicked into place. Had he known this all along?
“That’s right,” Rudra confirmed, reading the shock on her face. “When I woke up last night, I wasn’t hallucinating. I knew you were actually here... with me.”
Kashish’s pulse raced. She knew he wasn’t lying.
“I… I thought…” she stammered, searching for her words. “I thought you were asleep… I thought staying was the only way to help calm you down… so I stayed the whole night.”
Rudra rolled his eyes, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
“So what?” he replied, leaning back against the headboard. “Big deal. Didn’t you hear me? You belong here—next to me.”
She flushed, pushing him away in frustration.
“You kissed my hair,” she accused.
He glanced at the spot where his lips had touched her head, then smiled, eyes gleaming with mischief.
“I can take it back if you didn’t like it.”
Heat surged through her, twisting in her stomach. She shoved his arm again, harder this time, her emotions spiraling.
“This... this is a sin! We’re not supposed to be like this!” she cried.
Rudra’s brow shot up sharply.
“Sin?” he asked, incredulous. “ Sleeping next to me is a sin? Kashish, what century are you living in?”
Kashish balled her fists, standing her ground.
“I believe it is a sin. We’re not a couple, Rudra. And we never will be. Maybe this doesn’t affect you, but it does affect me,” she shouted.
Rudra’s playful smirk vanished, replaced by a firm resolve.
“Then let’s fix that,” he said smoothly. “Let’s become a couple. Let’s erase this ‘sin’ from your mind forever.”
His bold declaration struck her like a blow. He was using her every word against her, twisting it to prove his point. He was relentlessly pushing her toward the one thing she feared the most—his proposal. She couldn’t help but replay the night’s events when she couldn’t leave him to tackle his nightmares alone.
“Are you okay?” Rudra snapped his fingers to break through her internal chaos.
“How can I be okay when you’re around?” She glared at him.
His expression darkened as he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to him.
“Exactly,” he whispered, closing the space between them. “How can you be okay when I’m close to you? Because every time I’m close, your heart starts beating louder.”
Her breath hitched.
“W-What nonsense,” she stammered, trying to move away, but Rudra pulled her hand over her chest.
“Feel it,” he murmured. “Your heart... it’s racing. Now tell me I’m wrong.”
Her heart thudded violently under her palm. She couldn’t deny it. Her entire body betrayed her.
“Our hearts beat in sync when we’re together, Kashish. They don’t just beat louder—they beat as one.”
She swallowed hard, trying to compose herself, but every part of her felt overwhelmed by his nearness.
“That... that only happens in books and movies,” she protested, her voice weak.
Rudra sighed.
“Your words and your expressions don’t match, Kashish,” he said softly. “Which one should I believe?”
Kashish knew he wouldn’t stop pushing her. He was too persistent, too determined to get the truth out of her.
“It’s not my problem. Right now, we’re late for work, and my boss doesn’t like it when I extend my working hours. So, if you don’t mind, I’m leaving.”
Rudra smirked again, his eyes gleaming.
“Since when did you need my permission to leave? You came here because you wanted to. You can leave whenever you like, Kashish. But if you ask me... I’d never let you leave.”
Flustered and desperate to escape, she pulled away from him and hurried out of the room. Every moment spent with him felt like a trap, a trap she was afraid to admit she was falling hard into. But as she walked away, something gnawed at her—leaving him no longer brought the relief it once had. Instead, it left her feeling breathless, as though something inside her was slowly breaking apart. And the worst part? She didn’t know why.
******************
Jaipur – Mehta’s Office
The meeting had begun, and Kashish was in full presentation mode, showcasing her designs to the client in the conference room. Yet, despite her focus, she could feel Rudra’s intense gaze on her. It made her restless yet she glanced back at him. There was a spark there, a fire of passion she couldn’t ignore. He didn’t care that there were others around, his stare burnt straight through her.
Although she tried to focus, it wasn’t easy knowing Rudra was watching her like that, with the kind of attention that made her insides churn. Somehow, she managed to continue explaining the sketches while he leaned back in his chair, never breaking eye contact.
The meeting finally ended. The summer collection designs were approved, and Rudra walked out with the Mehtas, leaving Kashish alone in the conference room. She sank into her chair, releasing a long, shaky breath. His presence had begun to affect her in ways she could no longer ignore. And she knew he was well aware of it. But it was all wrong. How could she entertain the thought of being with the man whose life her father had destroyed? It was unimaginable.
Just as she was lost in these troubling thoughts, her phone rang.
“Ma’am, I’m calling from Dr. Akash’s clinic. There’s an appointment for Rudra Raheja scheduled for tomorrow. I wanted to confirm if you’ll be able to make it or should we reschedule?” asked the receptionist.
“We’re not in Delhi right now, so yes, please reschedule,” Kashish replied, her voice faltering slightly.
“Okay, Ma’am. Thank you.”
She hung up wondering if he should speak to Dr. Akash about Rudra? Maybe he could shed some light on the confusion that had been swirling in her head. She had his personal number from the last time they visited the clinic, and without overthinking it, she sent him a message, asking if he could speak with her when he was available.
To her surprise, Dr. Akash instantly responded, offering to call her in an hour. Grateful, Kashish thanked him and hoped for some clarity from their conversation.
******************
An hour later, as promised, Dr. Akash called. Kashish made sure she was in a quiet, isolated room to speak openly.
“Yes, Kashish, how can I help? Is Rudra alright?”
“Yes, Doctor, he’s fine,” she replied, though she wasn’t entirely convinced. “He had a nightmare recently. I don’t know if it’s something recurring or just a one-off, but it seemed intense. He doesn’t really talk about these things, as you probably know.”
“Yes, I’m aware. Rudra’s not the type to open up easily. But that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t. Maybe someone needs to help him do that,” Akash suggested gently.
Kashish understood the unspoken implication—she had to take the lead in this.
“I know therapies take time, Doctor, but it’s hard to watch him go through this alone.”
“Therapies do work, Kashish, but emotional healing isn’t just about treatments. Sometimes, it’s about the people around you. You play a more significant role in his recovery than you realize.”
A bittersweet smile tug at her lips. His words were comforting but made her feel even more responsible.
“Thanks, Doctor. Actually, there’s something else I wanted to discuss, and it’s why I reached out in the first place.” She hesitated, then continued, “Rudra has proposed to me.”
There was a brief pause, then Akash chuckled.
“Well, congratulations. That’s quite a step for him. People with haphephobia often struggle with intimate relationships, but it seems like Rudra is taking strides. It’s a good sign.”
Kashish’s stomach twisted with unease.
“It’s not that simple, Doctor. Our history is... complicated. Rudra was involved in the accident that took my father’s life. Even though I know his feelings for me are genuine, how can I reconcile all of that?”
Akash’s tone grew more serious. “So, it’s not that you doubt his love—it’s that you doubt whether you can accept it, given your past?”
Kashish closed her eyes, struggling to find the right words.
“I trust him,” she admitted. “But after everything that’s happened... can love really heal all of that?”
“Kashish, from what little I’ve noticed, Rudra’s emotional wounds run deep, but love—real love—has the power to heal him in ways no therapy ever could. Medications and sessions can calm his mind, but they can’t erase the demons inside him. That’s something only you can do.”
She froze. Love? Could she love him, despite everything?
“Your love, Kashish,” Akash continued, “could be the key to his permanent recovery. If he’s already proposed, it means he’s found something in you that makes him believe he’s worthy of that kind of future. But if you turn him away now, it could have the opposite effect. He might never pursue another relationship. It could send him spiraling further into depression, and that would be devastating for him and his family.”
Tears stung her eyes. Rudra’s family had already suffered enough because of her father’s actions. Could she really bear to add to that pain by denying him the love he so desperately needed?
“I understand, Doctor. I’ll think about it,” she murmured, her voice trembling.
“Take your time. And remember, I’m always here if you need to talk.”
After she thanked him and ended the call, Kashish sat in silence. It felt like Dr. Akash had just shifted the weight of the world onto her shoulders. Her love could be Rudra’s salvation? Was she even capable of giving him that? Or would accepting his proposal only deepen the guilt that already consumed her?
As voices stirred outside the room, she quickly wiped away her tears, determined not to let anyone see her break. Least of all, Rudra Raheja.