28. Vivian #2
“Michael and I…” The words stick in my mouth.
Everything has been going so well. I hate to ruin the evening with the inevitable fallout.
Do I have to do it tonight? It’s been such a pleasant dinner, far better than I could have expected.
For once, my mom actually seems to approve of someone I’m with.
Maybe we can just do this another time. I’m dragging my feet and I know it, so I clear my throat and continue, “We, um…” I falter and Michael squeezes my shoulder, searching my eyes.
I give an imperceptible nod, and Michael takes over for me.
Warmth suffuses my chest as I relax slightly, grateful to have his support.
“Vivian and I are going to be married,” he says in a quiet but firm tone. A gurgle from my mom alerts me to the fact that she’s choking on her drink. I swiftly rise to pat her on the back.
“You’re… you’re what ?” She’s not choking anymore, but her eyes are wide as she dabs a napkin at her mouth, trying to regain her composure.
“We’re getting married, Mom,” I repeat as I finally find my voice.
I sit back down and hold out my left hand pointedly.
“Did you not notice this?” I ask quietly.
She glances at the ring for only a moment before her eyes look back up and search mine, for what, I don’t know.
A joke? Outright defiance? I hope that’s not what she's reading on my face, but now that Michael has dropped the bomb I was agonizing over, I’m on the defensive.
My shoulders tighten as I prepare for her inevitable sharp words.
I try to calm my mind, repeating internally I can do this, I know how to do this , as I wait for the volley of attack.
“I thought it was just some pretty jewelry.” She swiftly dismisses the symbol of our commitment. Figures. “But nevermind that. Have you lost your mind ?”
Yep, first shot fired. My lips flatten in a thin line as I shake my head.
“ He —didn’t you say you just met this guy?” She speaks as if Michael isn't even in the room as she focuses all of her attention on me. My fiancé’s hand tightens as he pulls me closer into his protective hold. I roll my shoulders back, sitting up taller as I address her.
“I know it’s fast, Mom—”
“You’re damn right it’s fast,” she spits back.
“And I know it doesn’t make sense to you. I didn’t quite understand it myself at first. But this is happening.”
“You’re telling me you met this, this boy a few weeks ago and now you’re going to marry him?” I feel Michael’s entire body tense, and this time it’s my hand that goes to squeeze his thigh in reassurance. I’ve got this. Despite faltering at the start, this is my battle now.
“You barely even know each other!”
“I know him better than you realize, Mom,” I say, doing my best to keep my voice steady even as I ache to retaliate.
The man that I love is not going to be another mistake, and I won’t let her treat him as such.
“I know him in all the ways that count. I know that he is good, and honorable, and strong. I know that he works hard, and values family above all else. I know that he’s motivated, and that he’s creating a future for himself.
One that I’m a part of. And I know that he loves me.
” I turn to look at Michael, and the pride shining out of his eyes almost floors me.
His strength gives me strength. “And I love him,” I finish, talking directly to him at this moment.
“So incredibly much.” I turn back to my mom.
She’s quiet for a minute. “Are you sure this isn’t just a distraction?”
“Distraction from what ?” My frustration bleeds through, and I don’t even try to hide it at this point.
“Distraction from what you need to do. With your life, remember ?” She elaborates when I look at her blankly.
“You and I both know my life isn’t turning out the way either one of us had planned.”
“ Ain’t that the truth ,” she mutters, maybe not meant for my ears but I hear her regardless.
“Why can’t you just be happy for me?” It’s always like this. I knew she wouldn’t understand.
“I just want what’s best for you.”
“Yes, but you have to let me make my own decisions, Mom. Just as I’ve been doing for years now.”
“Yes, and look how that’s turned out so far.” She scoffs.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Michael’s jaw clench. “Listen, I’m not you, okay?”
Hurt fills her eyes, startling me. I wasn’t expecting that.
“I never said you had to be. I just don't want to see you making a big mistake.” Her eyes and tone are softer now, the combative edge gone.
I feel genuine concern under the sharp words, and it hits me in the chest. Maybe her love really does come under the guise of criticism.
“If it is, it’s my mistake to make,” I tell her firmly.
“All this time, I’ve been trying to figure out what I want.
And I’m still not sure what that’s going to look like.
But what I do know for certain is that it isn’t the life I’m currently living.
I need more. Michael is that more. He’s everything to me.
I love him so, so much. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before.
“No, we haven’t known each other for long.
Not in days, anyway. But my heart knows him.
My heart feels safe with him in such a way that I trust him.
Completely. I trust him enough to leave everything I know behind and pursue a new adventure with him.
One where I’m not just a girlfriend, or a fiancée. One where I’m his wife.”
His hand that’s been rubbing my shoulder now squeezes me gently on that last word—his favorite word for me.
“I don’t know what the future holds, but I can tell you the way he makes me feel.
He makes me feel safe and secure. Like a solid place to land when everything else goes wrong.
He encourages me to figure out my dreams and pursue them.
He looks for the best in me. He loves me.
All of me, faults and all. He wants to build a home with me, a family with me…
and I want that too. With him. Only him. ”
My eyes flick to Michael, wanting him to understand that I’m not holding back anymore.
The warmth and love in the way he looks at me gives me courage as I continue, “Mom, I can see a future with him. An actual future! I’ve wasted so much time overthinking this, and I’m tired of second-guessing.
I’m tired of waiting to see if things are going to get better on their own.
I love this man and want to start my life with him.
This is what my gut is telling me. I can’t explain it in any way, shape, or form that will make sense to you or anyone else, but I know that if I don’t do this, I’m going to wonder what I missed out on for the rest of my life.
I get that you don’t agree with it, and I don’t need you to.
I don’t even need your blessing. But I need you to accept it, and we would really like your support.
Because here’s the other thing… We need to get married soon.
Michael’s job is transferring him to Miami, and we’re going to have the wedding before the move. ”
I sit back in my chair, slightly out of breath and unaware that I’d been leaning closer over the table, my words having run out of me. My heart feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest, my emotional speech exhausting.
I’m almost surprised Michael hasn’t said a word, yet also grateful that he didn’t intervene.
His solid presence and reassuring touches helped ground me as I said my piece.
Only his tightened hold on my shoulder and twitching thigh revealed how much he was holding himself back, restraining himself from jumping in to protect and defend me.
I try to focus on his warm touch as I attempt to slow my breathing, inhaling and exhaling slowly, as I watch for my mom’s reaction across the table.
Her eyes are glassy as she picks up her half-empty wine glass, swirling the liquid around as she collects her thoughts.
I detect sadness in her expression, but I can’t get an accurate read on what she’s thinking or feeling.
After several moments of tense silence, she finally clears her throat and speaks.
“Can’t you two just live together for a while? ”
That one sentence tells me everything I need to know.
I get her concern, I really do. And for other people, it might make sense.
But it only highlights for me our differences in opinion.
She doesn’t understand the depth of Michael’s love, how intense and all-consuming it is. Or how much I return it.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that I’m supposed to be with this man. If it was up to my mom, she’d probably advise us to wait a few years.
And I’m not willing to wait any longer than I have to. Not now that I’ve found him. I’m holding on tight and never letting go.
“Mom, that’s not gonna happen—”
Michael places his hand over mine and squeezes it, halting my next words.
He glances at me, eyebrows raised, and I give a slight nod of my head.
Turning toward my mom, he says, “Ms. Chadwick, I’ve heard everything that you’ve said, and I respect your fears and concerns for Vivian.
What I can promise you is that I’m going to take care of her.
I’m going to love and cherish her all the days of my life. That—”
My mom cuts him off before he can finish. “I understand that’s what you’re meaning to do, young man—”
“That is exactly what I'm going to do. I don’t make promises lightly and the commitment I’m making to your daughter will never change.
Regardless of anything that happens in the future, you have nothing to worry about when it comes to her.
But I will not listen to my future wife being spoken to like this any longer.
As her husband, it is my job to protect her and keep her from harm and distress, and right now you’re hurting her. ”
His eyes flare, but he keeps his voice even.