Chapter 28
SJ had dreaded this moment for years. She’d imagined lots of scenarios.
In her more positive moments she’d imagined that Alison had put on masses of weight and let herself go and looked a mess.
She would shuffle across the room, peering out through bedraggled hair extensions, and sniff a little and say, ‘I’m so sorry, sis, about what happened. Can you forgive me?’
SJ wasn’t quite sure what she’d have said in these circumstances. Her imagination had never extended that far.
In her less positive moments, Alison had looked as gorgeous as ever and she’d smirked and raised her eyebrows and said something like, ‘Well, well…’ Her sister had always been fond of the phrase well, well… ‘We meet again at last. I’m so glad you’ve got over this silly feud.’
The reality was completely different. Alison hadn’t put on weight, at least not as far as she could tell.
She’d had her fair hair cut into a slick bob, which made her face look elfin, and she was wearing black jeans and a pale blue bodice over which her boobs spilled.
SJ felt suddenly overdressed. Why had she let Tanya talk her into buying this dress?
For a very long moment they stared at each other. Alison wasn’t smirking either. She looked a little shyly between SJ and Tom and then she blinked a couple of times and came across the space between them.
‘It’s good to see you, sis. I was really pleased when Mum said you were coming.’
No one else said a word. A kind of hushed expectation had settled over the kitchen.
SJ wondered what they thought was going to happen. A grand reconciliation, possibly – a big hug. Neither she nor Alison had ever been into hugging.
Aware that everyone was waiting for her to say something, she said, ‘It’s good to see you, too. This is Tom, by the way. Tom, meet my sister, Alison.’
It was almost an anticlimax. Why ever had she been so worried about it? Okay, so the top was a bit provocative, but apart from that, Alison didn’t look like a femme fatale, as she turned her attention to Tom and held out her hand. ‘Very pleased to meet you, Tom. I’ve heard lots about you.’
‘Ditto,’ Tom said gravely, and Alison had the grace to blush.
Tom didn’t seem to have noticed the drink in her hand – he’d been talking to her mother when Dad gave it to her.
SJ took another surreptitious gulp. Oh my God, it was amazing.
Her head swam with the desire for more. Maybe the AA lot had a point.
Maybe it was the first drink that did the damage.
She already knew she wouldn’t be able to stop at one.
The rustling of carrier bags heralded the arrival of Clive, Alison’s husband – he was obviously chief tonic water carrier. Perhaps he’d been waiting outside in case there was a fight – he’d always avoided confrontations.
‘And this is my husband, Clive,’ Alison introduced the two men.
Unlike his wife, Clive had put on weight. The buttons around his midriff were under some strain. His brown hair was thinning on top, and he looked older than Tom, even though he wasn’t.
The kitchen was getting crowded and SJ felt light-headed.
She realised her glass was almost empty.
She hadn’t even tasted it – what a waste.
She was, however, aware of the slow feeling of intoxication spreading through her veins.
That would be lack of food, no doubt – not to mention abstinence: seven weeks and two days of abstinence.
She’d really blown it this time, too, not just dreamt she had.
‘Would you like a refill?’ Alison was asking. ‘I’ll join you if you don’t mind? I like the occasional G&T.’
SJ held out her glass. She couldn’t have stopped now if someone had offered her a million pounds. What was that about?
With the bottle of gin in one hand and a half-empty bottle of tonic in the other, Alison manoeuvred her out into the garden and SJ saw a teenage girl sitting on the grass, tapping swiftly into a mobile.
Her blonde hair was cut into a short bob – she looked exactly like Alison had done at the same age.
SJ supposed it wasn’t surprising. That was genetics for you.
Out of nowhere, she felt a pang for the child she might never have.
‘Sophie,’ Alison called, and the girl glanced up. ‘Come and say hello to Auntie SJ.’
‘What for? She’s never been interested in me.’
I deserve that, SJ thought, feeling her heels sinking into her parents’ lawn and her heart sinking with them. ‘Leave it,’ she murmured. ‘She’s right – I haven’t been much of an auntie.’
‘Sophie. Where are your manners? Come here now.’
The girl rose reluctantly and came across, her beautiful face mutinous. She had deep blue eyes and high cheekbones and a mouth that SJ guessed was more attractive when her lips weren’t so tightly pursed.
‘Hello.’ She stared SJ out, daring her to smile, so SJ decided not to bother and finished her refill instead.
There was a small silence while she struggled for something to say.
‘How’s school?’ sounded too trite and auntie-ish.
Likewise did, ‘Long time, no see.’ She felt her face burn under her niece’s cold gaze.
In the end she settled for, ‘Sorry I haven’t seen you for so long. We’ll have to catch up sometime.’
But not now – definitely not now. Possibly later, when she’d consumed a great deal more alcohol.
Her phone buzzed in her bag with the arrival of a WhatsApp and, grateful for the distraction, SJ hooked it out, saw it was Dorothy, and switched it off. She’d sort out what she was going to say to Dorothy later, too.
‘Where’s your brother?’ Alison asked Sophie.
‘The last time I saw him he was having a fag behind the greenhouse.’
SJ almost dropped her glass as she remembered last night’s dream. Perhaps it had been a premonition, after all.
‘He’d better not be smoking.’ Alison’s voice was sharp and she marched across the lawn. She had the gin so SJ followed her. Oh dear, she felt pretty drunk already. She’d have to watch herself.
Still, at least if Alison was with her she couldn’t be chatting up Tom, so it wasn’t all bad news.
Noah wasn’t behind the greenhouse. If he had any sense, he’d have seen his mother coming and scarpered.
Not that Alison looked as though she’d be easily put off.
She poked around behind the nettles that grew rife at the bottom of the garden – their mother’s boot-camp regime obviously didn’t extend this far – and SJ wondered with a growing sense of unreality if Alison seriously expected to find her errant son in their midst.
At least she and her sister hadn’t grown up in this house, hence there were no memories here of shared fights and childhood happenings.
SJ wasn’t sure whether that was a good or bad thing.
She’d never liked this house much. Ex-local authority and solidly built, it was drab in both shape and design.
The only thing it had going for it was the hundred-foot garden, which had been an allotment when their parents had moved in.
‘The little sod better not have been smoking,’ Alison muttered, and SJ noticed her neck and collar bones were already a little flushed from gin.
She’d only had half a glass. Or perhaps that was embarrassment at seeing her after all this time.
She wondered idly whether Alison would apologise.
Perhaps she felt she didn’t need to. SJ didn’t imagine she’d been beating herself up all this time over sleeping with Jacob.
‘So what’s been happening with you then, SJ?’ Alison sat on a wrought-iron bench, which had obviously been polished for the occasion, and patted the space beside her. ‘Let’s have a catch-up before we do the socialising bit. It’s been ages.’
SJ sat beside her, but before she could open her mouth Alison was off again.
‘I am sorry about what happened with Jacob. I know I’ve never apologised properly. It was a really shitty thing to do. I’ve regretted it for years, and if it’s any consolation I know what it feels like.’
‘You do?’ SJ looked at her in amazement, but before she could reply Alison went on swiftly, ‘Clive’s on his third affair. Mum knows, but I’ve never told anyone else. Dad would kill him if he found out.’
‘But why on earth do you stay with him?’
Alison finished her drink in a gulp and her face grew redder. ‘Because of the kids. Because he finances my business. We’d have gone under if it wasn’t for Clive chucking money at it. Especially over Covid time.’
‘Wow!’ SJ was lost for words. It was the last thing she’d been expecting.
Above the marquee the sky was clear blue and beyond the surrounding rooftops it was almost lilac. SJ shook her head and lit a cigarette. She was starting to feel very pissed. But also less anxious. Who’d have thought it? She and her sister sharing confidences on a bench.
‘I suppose we should get back,’ Alison was saying. ‘Do you want another gin to take with you? Once Auntie Edie spots the bottle we’ll have had it. Between you and me, Mum thinks she’s a right old soak. Mind you, you’re not doing badly, are you? Do you always drink so much?’
‘I haven’t had a drink for well over a month,’ SJ said truthfully, holding out her glass. She might as well get shot for a sheep as a lamb. She wasn’t sure that was quite the right expression – but what the hell. She got to her feet a little unsteadily, and traipsed after her sister.
She could cope now. The drink was helping, not hindering. She took another deep drag on her fag. She could cope with whatever the party chucked at her. In fact, she couldn’t wait.
Bring it on.