Chapter 13 Sebastian
THIRTEEN
SEBASTIAN
When I spun on Annalise, I did not imagine myself hovering over her the way I am right now.
Her breath dusts over my lips, and it takes every ounce of strength I have to not lean down and kiss her.
To finally know what it would be like to kiss Annalise Reid.
She holds my eyes, her breathing becoming shallower.
Her eyes flutter closed, and I watch as she falls away from me. I can’t seem to move.
Am I holding back because of myself or because of her?
I came here so I could show her that I want more with her.
That I’ve been in love with her for years, catching glimpses of her and little pieces of information every chance I got.
I made a damn fake social media account so I could follow her, because the second we got back to the city after that trip years ago, she blocked me on everything.
She said she never wanted to see me again and did everything she could to make sure that happened.
When her eyes finally open again, they’re filled with pain.
“Sebastian,” she whispers and damn near breaks my heart.
I push up and move to sit beside her, running my hands through my hair.
She adjusts herself, moving into a sitting position, and wraps her arms around her middle.
Silence fills the room, and I feel her shiver beside me.
Without a word, I get up and grab a blanket for her before starting a fire.
Doing something with my hands gives me a few minutes to think.
I could come clean now about how Walker had seen how I was looking at Annalise all those years ago and told me in no uncertain terms to stay the fuck away from his sister, and being the scared teen boy I was who was being raised by a single mother and spent a lot of time at the Reid family home, I didn’t want to risk not having that safe place to go.
So, I broke her heart even though it broke mine, too.
I could tell her that the first thing I did in an effort to make it up to her was buy this cabin, so she didn’t lose it.
She could see that as manipulation, though, and she could say fuck it to our deal and kick me out on my ass and send me packing back to the city.
When I finish the fire and turn back to the couch, Annalise is gone.
She was so quiet, I didn’t even hear her leave.
My shoulders slump, and all I want to do is yell.
I want to go back in time and punch Walker for telling me to stay away from Annalise and to punch myself for listening to him and hurting her the way I did.
I drop onto the couch, my head falling into my hands as I close my eyes and breath. I’ve only been here two days and have royally fucked this up already. I can’t let this simmer anymore. I need to at least come partially clean to her.
I head upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, but no response comes.
I knock again, pressing my ear to the door, hoping to hear something.
When nothing comes, I slowly open the door, poking my head inside to confirm she’s in here.
She’s curled up in the centre of the bed, completely covered by blankets.
I slip into the room, quietly closing the door behind me.
“Lise,” I say.
“Go away, Sebastian.”
“Can we talk?”
Even I can hear the desperation and hope in my voice.
“Why? So, you can humiliate me like you did when I was sixteen?” she asks, pushing herself up, clutching a stuffed penguin to her chest. Seeing it stops me.
I bought that for her. I bought it for her sixteenth birthday, and I remember the way she smiled as she pulled it out of the gift bag and how her and Walker got into a petty argument about what she should name him.
She wanted to name him Chillie, and Walker thought she should name him Burt.
She argued that it was a stupid name for a penguin, especially a stuffed one.
I have to agree. They wouldn’t stop going back and forth about it, even though it was her gift.
I finally stepped in and suggested she meld the names together, and that’s how she got Chilbert. She laughed at it, but it stuck.
I clear my throat. “No, I don’t want to humiliate you, Annalise. I never want to do that. I want to talk.”
The strong and stubborn girl that she is, sits taller, hugging Chilbert to her chest and jutting her chin, indicating for me to continue.
“Your brother is my best friend. He knew how things were at home, my mom doing everything she could to make ends meet while working as much as she could and giving me everything I needed. I was grateful that he was always inviting me over.”
She nods, and I know she understands. I walk closer to the bed, and she pulls her legs under herself so I have room to sit, and I take the offer before she rescinds it.
“I was surprised when Walker invited me to come to the cabin grade twelve year. I was expecting to spend the holidays at home, seeing my mom when her off time lined up with when I was awake. When Mom heard about the invite, she insisted I come. After the first day, though, Walker got weird. Watched me differently, and on the third day, he pulled me aside and said he’d noticed how I’d been looking at you.
He said in no uncertain terms I was to stay away from you. ”
Annalise closes her eyes and whispers, “Fucking Walker,” under her breath, pulling a soft chuckle from me.
“Yeah, fucking Walker,” I say.
“You were watching me?”
I nod. “How could I not? You were freaking gorgeous and so sure of yourself. You had—have—a take-no-shit attitude. I was utterly infatuated with you.”
Her cheeks pinken, but she doesn’t shy away or duck her head; she holds eye contact, and it’s hot. I love that she doesn’t back down.
“When I tried to kiss you,” she starts, but I interrupt her.
“I wanted to kiss you so badly. I was in shock that you wanted to kiss me, but Walker’s warning hit me, and I stopped you. It’s one of the biggest regrets of my life.”
She licks her lips, her eyes dancing across my face as if she’s judging the genuineness of my words. I want to move closer, to touch her, to make her see how much I mean them. I don’t have to make that decision, because she shuffles ever so slightly closer, and my hand finds the side of her face.
“What about Walker, now?” she asks.
“Fuck Walker. I’m not going to let him send me running from the one thing I want most.”
We hold eye contact, and it’s as though both of our walls start to crumble. The tension in the air is palpable. Annalise is the one to close the space between us, kissing me in a way that sends lightning through me.
My hand moves from her face to her neck, gripping it possessively as my tongue licks at the seam of her lips.
She opens for me, and I swallow her responding moan.
Her hand finds my arm, holding on as we fight for control of the kiss.
It’s messy and unskilled, as though we’ve both fallen into our teenage selves.
I pull back, trying to gain some control of not just the kiss, but myself too. I don’t want this to be some sloppy, uncoordinated kiss. I want to leave her wanting to kiss me again.
I nip at her bottom lip, and she moans before I lick away the sting.
I pull her closer as my tongue invades her mouth and kiss her as if my life depends on it, because in a way, it does.
If this goes wrong, if she decides she doesn’t want me, she’ll completely crush me.
I’ve gone so long without her, getting what knowledge I can of her in passing, missing being able to see her, that if she were to reject me now, I’m not sure I could survive it.
My free hand finds her leg, slowly dusting up it and under the hem of her shirt, finding her waist. She inhales when my hand finds the bare skin of her side. I lean into her, encouraging her to lie down, and she does. I follow, not letting us lose contact as we move.
I brace myself over her as I continue to kiss her, her legs spreading, giving me room to settle between them.
I feel the heat radiating from her core even through her leggings.
I unconsciously roll my hips into her, making her feel just how hard I am for her.
She breaks the kiss, panting, as a soft little mewl leaves her.
My lips move to her neck, and I smile against her skin as I roll my hips again and her sharp intake of breath fills the room.
“You like that, don’t you, Lise? Knowing just how hard you make me. How desperate and aching I am for you.”
She nods, and a breathy, “Yes,” leaves her.
“You’re just as needy, aren’t you?”
She doesn’t answer, but the sound of her swallow tells me I’m right.
I kiss and nip my way up and down her neck, watching the way her skin erupts in goosebumps and her breathing increases.
My hand skates down her side, finding her ass and giving it a good squeeze.
Her hand finds my arm and squeezes in response.
Moving from her ass, my fingers find the waistband of her leggings.
“Wait,” she whispers.
Those words are a bucket of cold water. I remove my hands from her and sit up, putting space between us and adjusting myself in my jeans.
Fuck. The last thing I want to do is make her feel uncomfortable, and I probably just skipped about a thousand steps. I’m pretty sure I was on my way to finger-fucking her while she was still wearing her leggings.
We’re both panting, the endorphins still rushing through our systems.
“We should talk more. We’ve only been here three days, and I haven’t seen you in years,” she finally says.
I nod, running my hands through my hair.
“Yeah. That… That sounds good.” I push off the bed, needing some space and to get my raging erection under control before I try to have a civilized conversation with her.
“I’ll see you downstairs when you’re ready,” I say, ducking out of the room and heading straight to the washroom downstairs.