Chapter 9
Honey
Pulling up to Sawyer’s ranch is like a hallucination.
I never thought I’d set foot here again.
I try to push the memories of that fateful prom night away, grateful that at least that was in a field at the back of Lucky Star’s land, far away from the main house I’ve just parked in front of.
He still has the same old truck from all those years ago, though.
Fortunately, there’s enough chaos from my current life that is in the forefront of my mind to distract me.
I can’t believe the damage a few hours of water can do.
Today was the last thing I needed. More upheaval when Noah was just getting settled into our new routine.
Our new life. And now I’m going to have to turf him out of our apartment and disrupt everything because of a freaking pipe bursting.
I just hope he was okay with Sawyer picking him up—with any luck he was so excited about getting to spend time with one of his cowboy idols that he didn’t question why I wasn’t there.
Hopefully Sawyer doesn’t begrudge me too much either—I know kids aren’t exactly his thing.
I exit my car and make my way up to the porch to knock on Sawyer’s door—except when I get there, the front door is slightly ajar. Laughter echoes inside, a deep rumble mixed in with high-pitched giggles that I instantly recognise, as well as some … mooing?
Carefully, I ease the door open, revealing the large kitchen with polished wooden cupboards, a central island counter and stools, and long beams stretching across the ceilings.
The warm wood and cabin-like vibe of the house, especially with its A-frame front, is a seamless blend of cosy and homey, a perfect facade to the years of cruelty that occurred here.
Still, it’s the kind of place I think I’d like for me and Noah one day.
Dark wooden structuring where I’d mark Noah’s height on the door frames, large windows with the picturesque scenery of rich pastures and sky-piercing mountains constantly on show, and plenty of land that Noah can run freely about, and maybe even share one day with a sibling.
You know, the kind of thing they sing about in country songs.
‘Sawyer? Noah?’ I call out as I close the door behind me, stretching my neck to listen for a reply. There’s more laughter again, accompanied by footsteps, and what sounds oddly like hoofbeats—
A small brown cow runs out of the archway to my left and through the kitchen in front of me, forcing me back into the door with shock.
It plods off through another archway at the end of the kitchen, which seems to lead all the way to a backdoor, not even acknowledging me.
I’m pretty certain it even had a tennis ball in its mouth …
What the hell?
‘Hi, Momma!’ Noah then skips into the kitchen from my left too. But he doesn’t give me a second to ask him what’s going on when he sprints past me, following the path of the cow and leaving little dusty footprints along the wooden floor.
I’m thrown—that might be the first time Noah hasn’t run to me immediately after we’ve been apart. I’m so used to picking him up from school, where he’s had to struggle through his shyness all day, that he usually can’t wait to be back with me. I’m not sure how to feel.
‘Wait for me, buddy!’ This time I squeal when Sawyer shouts after Noah, hurrying through the same archway as the cow and my boy with impressive speed considering he’s using crutches.
‘Oh, hey, Honey.’ A glint touches his eyes when he sees me, and he halts, cheeks all flushed like he’s been running around for hours.
Yet his dark-blond hair is effortlessly windswept, and that thick moustache along his upper lip is perfectly smooth.
Real soft too, I bet. He flashes me a grin, dimples blaring and rendering me momentarily speechless.
Sawyer clears his throat, and I babble out, realising I was probably staring a little too long, ‘There’s a—a cow in your house.’
‘Yeah, I know,’ he says as if having a cow roaming one’s house is perfectly natural.
‘Why is there a cow in your house?’
‘Oh, that’s Kentucky. Don’t you worry about her, she’s basically a big dog. We were playing fetch with her and Trixie outside when she ran off with the ball. Been chasing her around the house for ages.’
Right, because that’s totally normal behaviour.
Exasperated, I let out a sharp sigh.
‘C’mon,’ Sawyer chuckles, the sound deep and husky, like a crackling fire, leaving me warm inside. He cocks his head towards the archway the cow and my son ran through and waits for me to start walking before he follows.
I take in as much of the house as I can as we pass through, checking up the stairs to the next floor, and getting a peek into what appears to be a downstairs bathroom, and a bedroom that looks well lived in, bedsheets still messy.
The backdoor is wide open, the whispering October breeze and golden glow of the early sunset pouring in.
But my little boy’s laughter is what I can’t help but home in on, the sound the most beautiful melody a mother could hear.
Especially since so few people ever have that effect on him beyond the confines of our home.
As we step onto the back deck, Noah’s running about with a golden retriever and the goddamn cow, throwing the tennis ball for them both, and giggling when whichever animal gets it first brings it back to him.
I know he’s a happy boy, even if he’s quiet most of the time, but seeing him like this—so carefree and overflowing with excitement—God, it warms my heart.
It’s the kind of change I hoped to see in him by moving.
Like the world is playing a little slice of my dreams right in front of me.
A welcome distraction from the chaos of my drowned apartment back across town.
‘How’s the apartment?’ Sawyer asks, joining me by the fence, where I’ve found myself leaning as I watch Noah, not wanting to interrupt his fun.
‘Oh, um, flooded.’ I stroke my hand over my head, realising some hair has come loose from its braid, and I quickly try to tuck as much as possible behind my ears so not to look too dishevelled.
As if that’s the worst of my worries right now.
‘The carpets are ruined. And the counters. It had been like that for hours apparently—my neighbour only realised there was an issue when they got home. I’m just glad they found it when they did. ’
‘Shit, I’m sorry.’ Sawyer runs his fingers across his moustache. ‘You got insurance, right?’
‘Yeah, but it doesn’t matter—I was renting the place while hoping somewhere might come on the market that I could afford to buy for me and Noah.
My landlord thinks it could take up to a month to get it sorted.
It’s gonna need industrial dehumidifiers, counters and cupboards replaced …
’ I pause to take a deep breath and stop my eyes from welling, surprised I even have any tears left.
‘I’ve been on the phone with them all afternoon to see if there’s any way it can get sorted quicker—that’s why I’m so late picking Noah up. Sorry, about that.’
‘Don’t fret. We’ve been keeping busy.’ Sawyer steps back and holds out his broken leg with a smile that almost seems smug. It’s only when he angles his cast in the light of the sunset breaking through the slats of the fence that I finally notice all the drawings covering it, some still unfinished.
Dammit, the tears are threatening again.
Why is the thought of Noah drawing on Sawyer’s cast so cute?
Shocking too … I honestly expected to find Sawyer had sat Noah in front of the television or something he didn’t have to put much effort into.
Mostly because of his leg, but also, well, he doesn’t exactly give off the paternal vibe with all the rodeos and women I hear about.
Nor is Noah used to spending so much time alone with strangers.
Sawyer leans on the fence again with a mischievous twinkle to his eyes. ‘Who’s your landlord? Maybe I can rough ’em up a bit, get them to sort it sooner.’
‘With a broken leg? Sure.’ I shoot him a look layered with doubt—that little bit of attitude Sawyer always seems to coax out of me. ‘It’s fine. It’s just gonna be a case of lodging with my mom until everything gets fixed. It’ll be too much to expect Noah to live around it all.’
Silence fills the air as Sawyer just nods, and we both turn back to where Noah is in a fit of giggles on the floor as both Trixie and Kentucky lick him.
He’s definitely going straight in the bath when we get home.
Or not home, now. God, I hope this whole apartment situation doesn’t ruin this little high he’s having.
Still, we really should go. I’ve asked enough of Sawyer today and we shouldn’t outstay our welcome. I go to push off from the fence—
‘You could stay here,’ Sawyer suddenly declares.
‘What?’ My laugh of disbelief is louder than I expected, and I quickly seal my lips together.
He must not sense my shock, because he motions to the house behind us, then out towards the surrounding land. ‘Here.’
‘You’re joking, right?’
Chestnut eyes seek out mine. ‘No, Blue.’ The use of his old nickname for me doesn’t go unnoticed by my fluttering stomach. ‘I just—how many bedrooms does your mom’s place have?’
‘One,’ I admit quietly, aware of the inconvenience of such. ‘But it’s fine. Noah can share a bed with my mom, he does that when he stays with her anyway. I can sleep on the couch. It’s only a month. I don’t want to keep disrupting his life.’
Sawyer shakes his head, glancing over to Noah. ‘Meanwhile I’ve got a massive empty house with a whole unused top floor because I can only get around downstairs right now. Noah could have his own room. Even got a rolltop bathtub upstairs.’
Man, what I’d do for a hot bath tonight—
No, Honey, you can’t be persuaded by a goddamn bathtub.
He continues, ‘Plenty of land for Noah to run about. Would be nice for someone to make use of it—’
‘Wh—why?’ I plead. Why would he offer something so generous? He doesn’t owe me anything. Really, I owe him a favour now he’s looked after Noah. I probably owe him a lot more after how we left things in senior year …
‘Because.’ He shrugs, ambushing me with a soft expression that finishes his argument: Because of the same reasons you sat in my hospital room late at night after my fall when you didn’t have to come.
Because he’ll always own a piece of my soul.
That’s why it would be stupid to say yes. Dangerous, even, with our history. Because even if it’s been nine years, that didn’t stop me from remembering all the reasons I cared about him the minute I laid eyes on him again. That same light effervescence coursing through my veins at his presence.
Not that I would ever let anything happen, or even want anything to happen—Sawyer doesn’t fit into the life I’m building here, and I’ve always known that—but …
Seeing Sawyer every day? Living with him?
After everything that went down all those years ago.
We’re tiptoeing over it all right now, pain and regret neither of us really want to revisit.
Surely he doesn’t want that either.
‘Sawyer, I couldn’t ask that of you. Besides, you’d hate it. Usually there’s toys everywhere. It’ll be early dinners and bedtimes. And Noah gets real bad nightmares sometimes—you’ll get woken up.’
He crosses his arms, leaning a hip against the fence, fully unconvinced.
I’m running out of arguments, so I grab for the one I think will hit hardest, the one I need for myself too. ‘And what about when you bring women home? That would just be weird. We’d be completely in the way and—’
‘Blue,’ Sawyer sighs out, dropping his gaze to the floor. ‘I—I ain’t brought any girls back since I last saw you.’
‘What? Why?’
‘Why?’ He barks out a laugh and my cheeks immediately heat.
‘God, sorry, that’s none of my business.’
‘Don’t get flustered around me now, Blue.
’ He smirks, definitely knowing that will do the opposite of de-flustering me.
‘I’ve had a lot going on—the ranch has fallen to me now my dad’s gone.
Ain’t had the mental capacity for much. Plus, I don’t know if you noticed, but I kinda broke my leg. Only so much I can do with my hands.’
The way my body tightens at what he said is completely unwelcome. He’s talking about using his hands on other women for God’s sake, yet it’s heat that licks up my spine.
This is why I have to say no.
But it’s at that exact moment that Noah’s sweet little laugh rings out again, and his footsteps come pounding up the steps to the wraparound deck where we’re standing. He barrels into me, hugging my legs.
Noah pulls back, out of breath from running around. ‘Momma, did you see Kentucky? She plays fetch!’
I crouch down to his level. ‘Yeah, baby, I did. Have you had fun today with Sawyer?’
‘Mhm,’ he nods, flashing me the cutest grin, gaps between his teeth on full display. ‘Can we stay over?’
My throat tightens at his request—just because he’s never wanted to stay anywhere but home or my mom’s before.
Even staying at his father’s took him time to get comfortable with because he’d grown so used to the two of us being in our little apartment back in North Carolina.
So, I feel terrible saying no, but I have to.
‘Sorry, sweetie, but we need to go to Grandma’s tonight. Sawyer probably has plans too.’
I chance a glance up at said bull rider and get exactly what I expected—a perked brow that says oh, look at that, he wants to stay, and the smuggest of grins.
Noah frowns, his lower lip protruding, but he just nods his acceptance. Without me even having to tell him, he then thanks Sawyer for looking after him, and Sawyer ruffles his hair in return, which smacks the smile right back onto Noah’s face. He’s as easily charmed by the cowboy as I was.
After saying goodbye, Sawyer walks us back to the front of the house in silence and watches us leave.
‘Blue,’ Sawyer calls out before I descend the last step down from the porch, Noah already having run off ahead to the car.
I turn, finding him leaning in the door frame, rubbing the back of his neck.
‘The offer stands. I’m stuck here for the next four months with an empty house that deserves to be lived in.
I wouldn’t expect anything in return—no money or nothing.
Just someone to fill this place with some good memories for once.
You always were pretty good at doing that. ’
‘I—I’ll think about it,’ is all I can say for now, my heart skipping at the compliment, before I head down to the car.
As we drive away from Lucky Star Ranch, I brace myself for the wave of melancholy that hits me whenever I’ve left Sawyer behind. But nothing comes this time. And even if I don’t want to admit it, I think it’s because my body knows it’s not the last time I’ll see Sawyer. Or his ranch.
Moving in with him would be a terrible idea, right?