Chapter 24
Sawyer
She’s here. Back in my arms. And it’s not a dream.
Warm, soothing water floats around us as Honey lays back against me in the rolltop bath, my arms encircling her completely.
Her head rests on my shoulder, while I lean mine against the side of hers, giving me the perfect view of her beautiful body.
The body I never thought I’d gain the privilege of touching, holding, again. Too broken to be worthy.
What did I do to deserve this? To deserve her again?
One hand is clasped over her stomach, holding her flush against me, letting her curves imprint into my skin where we’re both bare.
Meanwhile, the other trails over every inch of her body that I can reach, the quiet trickle and splash of water sounding from my movement as I relish in feeling her.
Her strong arms, the ones that would carry her son through any struggle.
Her soft yet sturdy thighs that have kept her standing through even the toughest times and are just as mouth-watering as the first time I saw them.
Her full breasts which—well, they’re just fucking great.
Especially when she arches up slightly every time I massage them.
They’re also one of the reasons I’ve been perpetually hard since the moment we got in the tub. That and because I keep thinking about the several rounds of sex we had this morning, making up for lost time.
I could lie here for days, just the two of us.
Gently, though I’d happily weather any pain if it meant having her hands on me, Honey runs her fingers over the scar on my bad leg—a permanent mark left to remind me of my failure. One of the best failures ever, I suppose, given it led me back to her.
‘They’re ringing you again,’ Honey says, her voice soft and buttery in the quiet of the house.
I listen out, noting the distant trill of my phone from downstairs—likely my agent wanting further explanation as to why I didn’t get on the plane to Arizona.
The not going anymore text I sent wasn’t particularly informative but, in my defence, I was distracted by trying to make up for the nine years I suffered without hearing the sweet melody of Honey Goldman coming.
And fuck is it worth staying for.
‘They’ll survive,’ I say, closing my eyes and continuing my exploration of her body.
‘You should go, Sawyer,’ she sighs, but there’s little protest in her tone.
‘I ain’t leaving, not when I just got you back.’
Honey lets out a breathy laugh, but still melts back into me further, rolling her head to the side so she can press a kiss to my neck. She whispers, ‘I’ll still be here when you get back.’
‘What about your apartment?’ I ask, finally giving into the small voice that’s been worrying in the back of my mind since she admitted it was ready last night.
She tenses. ‘I …’
‘Stay.’ I stroke my fingers along her arm until I can interweave them with her own.
Needing to be connected to her every way I can.
I squeeze her fingers. ‘Stay here. You said you were saving up and waiting for a place to buy for you and Noah. Do that here. Then you don’t have to waste your money on rent. ’
Honey shakes her head. ‘Sawyer, I don’t know—’
‘Actually, screw that—just stay here permanently. You can have the house—it’s yours, for free, I don’t need to own it.
You and Noah can keep it warm and happy for me when I’m back on the road.
’ I press a kiss to her cheek and drop both our arms back into the water to wrap around her. Clasp her tighter to me.
Yes. That feels right. Coming back home after a rodeo win and getting to bask in that celebration with Honey and Noah, as opposed to an empty room and bed.
Maybe they’d even come watch me sometimes, and I’d be riding to their cheers, knowing I was making them proud.
Sure would feel good to make someone proud for once.
Honey chuckles, all light and golden, the room instantly brighter at the sound. Then, she reaches an arm behind to stroke the back of my head, fingers sifting through my hair. My eyes flutter closed at her gentle touch.
‘Thank you, but … I want to take things slow,’ she explains, a faint tremor in her voice.
‘I want this, Sawyer—I always have. But we need to do this properly. Make sure we don’t jeopardise what could’ve been again.
I don’t think third chances are as easy to come across.
So, I’m not sure when giving over the deed to your house usually comes in a relationship,’ she laughs lightly again, ‘but maybe not in the first twenty-four hours.’
A muscle in my jaw feathers at the word relationship.
We’ve only just slept together again.
That sudden twinge in my limbs, a tenseness that takes over my body, surfaces with the need to run.
Fear squirms inside of me, crawling under my skin as it seeks a way out.
A way to overwhelm me. To whisper in my ear that if I go down this road with Honey she’ll learn what I’m truly like.
She’ll uncover all my scars that I try to hide with my charm and trophies and titles.
But Honey’s seen those scars before and she’s still here in my arms. Yes, she ran before, and maybe it’s inevitable that she will again.
I’m not na?ve—I know how some of the other riders struggle to keep up with their family lives when they’re simmering with passion to win, zeroed in on nothing but seeking glory.
And I know I fought for us last time, but maybe I just didn’t fight hard enough.
I could’ve run after her, yet I let my fear best me, and watched her leave, accepting my fate.
I was simply a boy then.
Now, I’m Sawyer Nash—the cowboy with no fear.
Let me live up to that name.
Let me prove my fear wrong.
For her. For Noah.
I roll out the tightness in my shoulders and hug Honey against my chest, letting the sweet vanilla scent of her lure me back into calmness. ‘Then stay until you find somewhere permanent, at least.’
She lets out a sigh—one of relief, my favourite kind to hear from her. ‘Okay, if you’re sure. I know having Noah here isn’t exactly what you’d—’
‘Blue, I’m gonna stop you right there.’ I shift in the tub and bring a hand up to her chin, angling her head around to me.
‘When I said I wanted to be the man you needed, I meant for you and Noah. He’s a part of you which instantly makes him important to me—and as much as it baffles me, helping out with him has given me a strange sense of purpose, I guess …
’ A grin springs into my cheeks effortlessly, just from the thought of how much joy that little boy brings me.
‘Makes me smile a hell of a lot too. I’d miss him if you guys left. ’
That makes Honey twist in the tub, water sploshing at the sides when she turns to straddle my lap. Her gaze glistens with hope. ‘Really?’
‘Honest, Blue.’ I cradle her jaw with both my hands, watching how silver rims her eyes even as the brightest smile takes over her.
She glances away then, swallowing thickly before returning her gaze to me. ‘I’m sorry I left before.’
‘Forget about it, Blue. It doesn’t mat—’
‘No, it does,’ she presses on, hands sliding up my chest, curling over my shoulders, as if to anchor herself to me in the heartbreak …
‘We … we should talk about this properly. We were always honest with each other and that’s what I should’ve done that day.
But I got scared and I pushed you away instead.
You didn’t deserve that, and I hate the idea that you thought it was because of you. ’
Knots form in my stomach. I want to believe her, I do, but I’ve carried this heartbreak for so long, I can’t help but still judge myself for being partially responsible.
‘You were right though—we weren’t ready to love properly then.
You needed to be with someone who knew how to, someone who could give you and the kid you eventually had a stable world.
Someone as golden as you shouldn’t have been wasting her time on someone tarnished like me. ’
‘No—’ Honey’s freckled face crumples, hardness storming her eyes.
But then something softens there, the kindest of smiles tugging at her lips.
She rakes her fingers through my hair, baby blues twinkling as they scour my face, and my heart races at being under her prolonged attention.
Being worthy of it. Her hand comes down to cup my jaw.
‘You’re not tarnished, Sawyer. You just need a little polishing—some love and care—to bring out your real shine. ’
Her words are a remedy to my caged heart. Even more when she leans in to press her lips to mine softly—a kiss tasting entirely of hope. The kind I’ve been starved of for too long.
‘For what it’s worth,’ she whispers against my lips, forehead now touching mine. ‘I think you would’ve been a great dad if Noah had been yours.’
Fighting the smile that tries to tilt the corners of my mouth is pointless. I always loved her praise, sometimes I think I’d go to dangerous lengths to get it, but that line hit me harder than I expected.
‘You’re so good with him. He adores you—and not just because you’re a cowboy.’ She chuckles and I want to drink down the sound. Want to drown myself in this moment. ‘Seeing how good you are with him, it’s sweet … and kinda sexy.’
‘Sexy, huh?’ I perk a brow, my fingers finding the soft flesh of her hips.
‘Maybe, a little bit.’ Honey sinks her teeth into her bottom lip innocently, batting those lashes at me. I’m instantly hard, hit with the burning memories of what it felt like to finally be inside of her again.
‘Mmm.’ I run a hand over her wet hair, giving it a gentle tug to angle her head back so I can press a kiss to her neck. Her hips roll against me, my cock easily sliding against her centre where we’re both naked and wet.
I could fuck her right here if she let me. In fact, I think we should fuck all over the house, officially mark this place as both of ours. Much better than sitting on the sidelines at a rodeo in Arizona.
‘God, Sawyer.’ Honey lets out a breathy laugh when I grind up against her. ‘For someone with a broken leg, your stamina is nothing short of shocking. I don’t think I’ll be able to walk if we go again.’
‘’S’all good. You don’t need to walk this weekend.
Can stay in bed and I’ll take care of you.
’ I pepper her neck with more kisses, mind and body focused on only one thing right now—her.
Hand plunging into the water, I grab my cock and run it through her centre again, lining myself up.
‘Maybe we should call your mom, tell her Noah needs to stay another couple of days.’
Honey’s hands push at my chest lightly and I immediately pull back, dropping my hands from her—just in case she’s not comfortable with the direction I was taking things.
‘Everything okay, Blue?’
‘Yeah …’ She worries her lip but closes the distance between us, fingers fanning out over my shoulders again.
‘Maybe we should keep this quiet for now. I meant what I said before—I want to do this right, and I think maybe that’s better without others intervening at the start.
But also, for Noah’s sake. I know he’s been making progress with his confidence, but I don’t want to ruin that with another big change so soon after the apartment. ’
Without hesitation, I nod and press a soft kiss to her forehead. She could suggest anything, and I’d say yes. As long as it means I get to keep her for a while again.
‘Of course, Blue. I told you—I just want the chance to prove to you this can work. That we are meant to be. And if that means we keep it under wraps until we’re ready, then that’s fine.
I don’t wanna do anything to lose you again.
I just got you back, I don’t think I’d survive another nine years without you. ’