Chapter 26
Honey
The quaint small town and serene landscapes surrounding Willow Ridge was always one of the appeals to move back, but when I learned that Sawyer’s friend, Rory, had moved over here from England and stayed, I always wondered why.
However, stretching on the back deck of her house at Sunset Ranch, with the late fall sun high in the crisp blue sky, its light making the snow-capped tops of the mountains ahead glitter—it starts to make more sense.
Just like Lucky Star Ranch does, this place beckons you with vast pastures, sky-piercing mountains, and the blissful silence that keeps your mind clear and light.
Despite the bright sunshine this morning, Rory and I are still in long gym leggings and thick, fluffy fleeces, the November breeze nipping at our noses and whispering past our ears.
She’s been inviting me over for a yoga session since I moved into Sawyer’s place, and I’ve been putting her off for long enough—mostly from nerves.
Rory, with her bright-ginger waves and beaming smile, exudes the kind of confidence I wish I could have and I’m a little worried my introversion won’t jam with her, but also, I’ve never been good at building friendships.
Even in school I only had the odd friend because I kept to myself, and a lot of those friendships were surface level since I was rarely allowed to spend time with anyone outside of home, school, or church.
College saw me branch out more as my confidence grew, but once I fell pregnant, my priorities changed, and suddenly my life revolved around being a mom.
So here I am. Trying to push myself out of my comfort zone. If Willow Ridge is to become my home, I should try to build more connections here. Besides, Rory’s one of Sawyer’s friends and, well, if I’m serious about making this work, surely it can’t be a bad idea to get to know his friends better.
Didn’t make leaving him in bed this morning any easier though. It’s barely been more than twenty-four hours since we admitted everything yesterday morning, but falling asleep next to him, waking up in his arms—nothing has ever felt so right.
‘I’m gonna preface this by letting you know that I have very little shame and have been described as over-friendly many times,’ Rory starts as we settle into a warrior pose—feet planted either end of the yoga mat, hands clasped high above us.
‘Oh God, okay,’ I say warily, eliciting a chuckle from her. We’ve been mostly quiet for the session, soothing music with distant water trickling in the background playing from her phone making up for lack of conversation between the odd bit of small talk.
She looks over and perks a brow at me. ‘How do you and Sawyer really know each other?’
I swallow, almost losing my balance. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Let’s move into warrior two,’ she instructs before answering me, and we slowly drop our arms until they’re stretched out horizontally—one reaching behind us to the house, the other toward the mountains ahead.
Sunshine glitters along my arm and I can’t help but wave my hand through the rays, relishing their warmth.
Rory’s warm smile is disarming enough to have my shoulders dropping.
‘The guys keep saying that you tutored him, and I might not know Sawyer as well as them, but one thing I do know is that he is obsessed with you. You can see it in the way he lights up when someone mentions you or he talks about you—and I’ve seen him with other women over the last year, and he’s never reacted like that to any of them. ’
She shrugs then and lunges further forward, deepening her stretch, but her mouth tugs into a pearly grin. ‘Maybe you did just tutor him, but he definitely has a big ol’ crush on you, girl.’
The tingling in my limbs isn’t just from stretching, nor is the way my chest feels lighter.
Warmer. I always wondered how much Sawyer told them—if everyone knew about the secret I kept, the true depth of our connection.
I’m grateful that he honoured the privacy of our relationship I always wanted, even if I know part of him withholding that truth was likely from the wounds me running away caused. Wounds I hope we can heal together.
You can see it in the way he lights up when someone mentions you or he talks about you.
I think I rather like the idea of bringing more light into Sawyer’s world. God knows he brings it to mine, and Noah’s, for that matter.
And maybe it’s just the magic of Sunset Ranch but giving in to the years of pent-up need for Sawyer, finally letting him fill the hole in my heart that’s been festering for almost a decade, has courage kindling in my heart. The courage to believe in us this time.
‘Sorry, if that was too forward.’ Rory winces, crumpling her nose, and I realise I’ve been so caught up on what she said even to reply.
‘No, not at all …’ My smile overpowers me.
‘Bring the knee down,’ she quickly says, and we both drop our knees to the floor. Rory then brings her other knee down and sits on them both, waiting to listen.
‘Sawyer—he understands me in a way no one else could,’ I start, sitting down too, letting my body finally relax.
‘I had a pretty difficult time growing up, and Sawyer was the one who helped me find the strength I needed to keep going while we were in high school. He helped me open up to parts of myself I’d always hidden away. Still does now, actually.’
‘That’s beautiful,’ Rory says, her kind smile like a warm hug.
‘I never thought I’d see him again after we graduated, if I’m honest. Sometimes feels a bit too good to be true that we’ve ended up in the situation we have again.’
Her hazel eyes consider me. ‘I don’t think too good to be true really exists.
I think it’s just a phrase someone made up to explain the fear you feel when you’re so used to getting lost along rocky roads but then you finally find the right path.
I truly believe if something is made for you, it will find you. ’
Damn, this woman is wise. No wonder she does motivational sessions at the retreat. I could sure use that from a friend.
I hope she’s right. That maybe Sawyer just found me too early in our journey. Maybe we bumped into each other accidentally while lost, unaware that our true paths would’ve eventually entwined in the future, we just still needed to find the right ones to end up there.
‘Let’s cool it down now. We can start with child’s pose.
’ Spreading her knees out, Rory leans forward and brings her chest flush to the mat, which I copy.
‘Find this one so good for stretching my hips since I’ve been doing more horse-riding.
’ She then adds on plainly, ‘Also great for sex. Keeps those hips nice and flexible.’
I decide then that I am definitely going to try to make Rory my friend.
She’s someone who would have my eyes widening and cheeks blushing at the ease she says some things, and it would help me step out of my comfort zone, to a place I’m intrigued in, but always too sheepish to jump into alone.
Sawyer’s the same, and although he’s the complete opposite to me, I think that’s why I can’t help but be drawn to him—he coaxes out a side of me I’ve always been nervous to indulge.
‘I’m sure Sawyer will appreciate that,’ I say, immediately rolling my lips afterwards to hold back the grin that wants to release at how daring that felt.
Rory’s eyes brighten with delight as she sits back up. We both giggle to ourselves, a radiant heat filling my cheeks and heart, as we stretch our legs out and reach forward to grab our ankles. The delicious stretch has my back thanking me.
‘Thanks for coming today, this was really nice,’ Rory says, releasing her stretch and leaning her hands back on the mat. She glances away for a second, to the horizon, then back. ‘It’s so bloody hard to make friends when you’re an adult, let alone when you move somewhere brand new.’
It’s like she read my mind.
‘It is, isn’t it?’ I respond. ‘But I don’t get why. I wasn’t exactly good at making friends when I was younger but the idea of trying to build up a friendship from scratch again terrifies me.’
Rory nods. ‘I think that’s it, though—I think we’re all more guarded when we’re older.
When we were kids it was just, hey, you’re sat next to me, so now we’re best friends.
We’re so careful now to reveal our true selves, probably because we’ve been hurt over the years and carry that with us.
But y’know what—no more! Honey Goldman, I declare you my friend! ’
My laughter bubbles out of me, and my cheeks ache from all the smiling. It’s been a weekend of having a grin plastered to my face constantly and hope it never ends.
I let myself wonder then—about how much more joy I experience when I allow myself to give in to what I want, no matter how scary or wrong it feels.
Like the universe rewards me each time I show courage—the courage to admit my truth to Sawyer, the courage to be vulnerable and offer myself, my heart, over to him, the courage to put myself out there and meet new people, the courage to move across the country and reconnect with a town that once brought me pain.
I’m not sure I would be where I am now had I not found the courage to speak to Sawyer all those years ago in senior year.
Had I never climbed out of my bedroom window that fateful prom night and risked everything.
Maybe each step of strength I show, the universe guides me a little closer to my true path, and if it isn’t funny how it’s led me straight back to Sawyer.