Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Dean
I was so going to hell for this.
My lips brushed against Keira’s the way I’d imagined so many times. She made a tiny sound, a whimper, tilting her head. Which just made me press closer. My hand cupped her cheek as the bow of her upper lip fit perfectly against my lower one.
I knew exactly what I was doing. Knew she couldn’t shove me away, in case someone was watching.
Fuck, her mouth was every bit as perfect as I’d imagined. I knew I should stop, but my tongue flicked out for a forbidden fraction of a second to taste her.
Then, reluctantly, I pulled back, and her eyelashes fluttered.
“What was that?” she hissed.
“Our excuse for you moving in with me. I’m worried about your safety, so I’m insisting, as your boyfriend, that you live with me.”
“You have got to be kidding me. No.”
“You wanted ideas. Options. This is what I’ve got.”
“Well, it’s stupid,” she spit out. “Think about it. We’d have to tell everyone we’re together. That we’re…” She gestured between us. “Romantically involved.”
I tapped my fingers on the driver’s side door. Did I know what I was doing? Not really. But I’d do anything to protect Keira. Help her.
I’d had an ulterior motive for that kiss, though, and I wasn’t proud of it.
I’d already jerked off once thinking about her last night, then a second time in the shower. Then earlier, after she’d walked in on me naked and stared at my cock, my dick was longing for a lot more attention.
But I was not bringing her back to my place for that, stolen kisses aside.
“We can work on the details. At the very least, you need to pack some things. You can’t stay here. These assholes have come to your house twice to hurt or scare you and haven’t been caught. What’s stopping them from a third? Or more?”
“I know,” she whispered.
I hadn’t wanted her to come back here at all, but after she’d gotten so flustered, I hadn’t wanted to argue.
What I really wanted was…not something I could have. The best I could hope for was a stolen kiss.
“You agree?” I asked.
Instead of answering, Keira pushed out of the truck and went back inside her house. I followed, unwilling to leave her there alone.
It was an instinctual need. This feeling that I should be close to her. A weakness for sure, but what was the harm if I was also keeping her safe?
Could’ve sworn she was easier to resist in the past. This version of Keira? A little older but a lot wiser and fiercer?
Fuck, she was my kryptonite.
I found her in her bedroom, throwing clothes and items into a bag. So she was packing.
“Can I help?” I asked.
“No thanks, babe.” She glared. “I’ve got it.”
“Be gentle with yourself.” I went to rest my hands on her hips. “You’re still healing.”
Her glare was pure murder. But as I touched her, the look in her eyes shifted, and suddenly it was so full of anguish it made me question everything.
“I’ll, uh, leave you to it.” I decided to pack up the food in her fridge and cabinets so it wouldn’t spoil and go to waste. But I paused there in her kitchen, hoping all this wasn’t a mistake. I’d never made the best decisions when it came to her.
Keira packed up a couple suitcases, and I carried it all outside. After the bed of my truck was full, we got back in and I started the engine.
“How do you want to handle the broken window?” I asked.
She took her phone out. “I’ll text a handyman. I don’t want to tell Owen there was another break-in. I doubt they left any evidence behind, and besides, if Owen finds out about this, then we’ll have to tell him about going to see Donny Phelan.”
“He’ll likely find out anyway. If Phelan sends his lawyers to complain.”
She threw a hand up in exasperation. “Then tell Owen whatever you like! Or don’t. Seems like you always do whatever you want, Dean.”
“Trust me, that is not true.”
She frowned at her lap.
“Text the handyman. If Owen comes asking questions, we can decide together how to deal with him.”
“Fine. I’ll contact Brynn too about the protection detail.”
“What’re you going to tell her?” I asked.
“Just that I’m worried about my mom and sister. As for everything else… I don’t know.” Keira slumped against her seat, sighing, as I pulled onto the road and headed back toward my place.
I took a circuitous route, making sure there was nobody following us. By the time we pulled up in front of my house, Keira hadn’t said a single word more to me.
But no problem. The last couple days had been a lot. She needed some time to process and decompress.
And I needed to stop lusting after her.
Sunlight slanted down between clouds and blue sky, lighting up some spots in brilliant yellow while leaving others in shadow. I reached for my door handle. And that was when Keira spoke, though she was still looking out her window instead of at me.
“Dean, I can’t pretend to be in a relationship with you.”
I pushed loose strands of hair out of my face. “Why not? You wanted to go undercover in the past, right? With Brynn. And I think you’ve done other undercover work as a cop. Haven’t you? It’s not that different.”
“It’s completely different.”
“Why? It’s a mission. An assignment.”
“That’s all I am to you now? I used to be your friend, someone special, but now I’m an assignment. A box to check off, so you can soothe your guilt.”
Oh, hell. She was hitting me where it hurt.
“Of course you’re more to me than that. I didn’t come back to Hart County for an assignment, Keira. I came for you. I’ve told you I care about you. I always did.”
“But not the same way I cared about you. Don’t deny it. You knew how I felt about you.” She wiped at her face.
Oh, damn. She was crying. And I was the cause.
I cracked my knuckles, the truth so close to tripping off my tongue. How I really felt. Both then and now. Because nothing for me had changed. Not a fucking thing.
“I knew,” I agreed.
Yes, I’d known years ago that she had a crush on me. I’d told her I was too old for her, just to shut the idea down. But it had been a lot more complicated than that.
“And you didn’t want me,” she said in a monotone.
“That’s where you’re wrong.”
Keira jolted like she was coming back to life. “I’m not wrong! You didn’t want to hurt me, so you left town. So I could get over you or something like that. Right? Because you didn’t want me the way I wanted you.”
I squinted at her. “That’s what you think?”
“That’s what I know!”
Don’t say it, I thought. But I couldn’t hold this back. Not anymore.
“Keira, I wish I could’ve had everything with you. Every single thing. If I could’ve stayed forever for anyone, it would’ve been you.”
Her head swiveled, those big brown eyes searching mine. I didn’t know what she saw there.
A second passed. Two.
Then she said, “Kiss me again.”
Turmoil erupted inside me. What I wanted warring with what was right.
“I shouldn’t do that,” I murmured.
“How are we supposed to fool everyone else if we can’t even fool ourselves?”
What had I been thinking, suggesting this? Kissing her in the first place?
I’d never been very smart, apparently.
Leaning forward, I met her halfway. Our lips touched, and it was like a chemical reaction, breaking the bonds of my resistance. Keira’s hand found the back of my neck, fingers tugging the rest of my hair free from its knot.
Her lips parted. Inviting me in. My tongue stroked hers, sending sparks along my limbs and down into my needy cock.
I kissed her deeper. Really tasting her this time. Sucking at her bottom lip, then licking into her mouth for more. Electricity danced along my nerve endings, leaving fire in its wake.
Nngh. It was even better than the last kiss. Better than any kiss I’d ever experienced before.
Keira pulled back first. Breathing hard, eyes glassy. She licked her lips. Touched them with wonder. “I was always curious what that would be like. Kissing you.”
“Same here.”
“Too bad we can’t make a habit of it.”
I hummed in agreement, though my dick wanted to leap out of my pants and tackle her. My arm draped over my lap to hide the evidence.
Keira patted her hair and rubbed her face. Blinked at herself a few times in the side mirror. Almost like she was putting on some kind of mental armor. I didn’t like that she had to guard herself from me, but then again, it meant she was smart.
We couldn’t let this go any further. I couldn’t.
Don’t be an idiot.
“Okay,” she said. “We’ll do this your way. Pretend to be together, and act like we’re giving up on investigating Donny Phelan and whoever else attacked us. That way, when we find out who they really are and how to get to them, they won’t be expecting it.”
“Good. Yes. That’s the plan.” Shaking off the desire that had clouded my brain, I reached for the door handle again.
But she wasn’t done.
“I still can’t understand you, though,” Keira said in a small voice. “You’re sure you can’t stay? You can’t even try?”
I slumped back into my seat. She was tearing my heart out.
“I did try. The years I spent in Colorado…more than anything, that was because of you. But I’m not made for it. I’m sorry.”
She had no idea how sorry I was.
Keira deserved so much better than me.
“Don’t be sorry. I’ll be fine.” Her plush lips curved, but her dark eyes betrayed how much my words had hurt. Exactly what I’d never wanted to do, hurt her, and here I was, doing it again.
“You will be fine,” I said, needing to believe it.
“So, after this is over, we’ll say goodbye. And that’s okay. You’ll leave again, and you’ll rent out your property. No hard feelings. It’ll be a clean break, like before, except I’ll know it’s coming this time. And that will be that.”
I nodded too, just once.
“There’s something else I want,” she added.
My breath stopped. My heart was aching, wondering what she was about to ask. And if I could stand giving it to her. “And that is?”
“I want you to teach me to shoot.”
Huh. Not what I’d expected.
“You know how to shoot.”
“I mean, shoot like you do. Like a sniper. I’ve trained with Brynn on hand-to-hand combat, and now I want to train with you on sniper rifles. And assassin stuff.”
“Assassin stuff?”
“You know what I mean.”
“Still gunning for a spot with the Protectors, after all this time?”
“Yes. And you can’t stop me, so you might as well help me.”
At least I knew she’d be on the right side of things with the Protectors, instead of wading into the murky gray waters I’d been living in during my ghost op days.
“I thought you didn’t want me using weapons. Because of my vow.”
“Teaching me is another loophole.”
“You’ve thought of everything. But your arm is still in a sling.”
“Two more weeks. Then I’m free of the sling.”
“It’ll be almost a couple more months until you’re healed. You can’t fire a weapon until then. Even longer before you can fire a rifle.”
“So you can teach me other things in the meantime. We’ll also be investigating Phelan and his friends and figuring out exactly what they’re hiding. Are you rushing this mission, Reynolds? We don’t know how long it will take to nail the bad guys and bring them to justice. I’ve got time. Do you?”
I stared through the windshield. “I’ve got time. That’s never been a question. I’m all yours until this is finished.”
Shit, why had I phrased it that way? I’m all yours. If only. But Keira didn’t comment on that.
“Then we’re agreed,” she said.
“You weren’t going to stop arguing until I gave in, anyway.”
She smiled more genuinely this time. “Nope.”