Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Keira
“What’re you thinking?” Dean asked as I drove us home.
“I’m thinking that…I don’t know what to think.”
First it was the revelation yesterday about Ryan Garrett.
A couple of years ago, his friends had almost killed his sister Hadley on Ryan’s orders.
I’d seen her right afterward, broken and bloodied.
Her story had gotten under my skin. She’d become my friend.
Her strength had been an inspiration to me.
Lit a fire underneath me to join the Protectors someday, as I’d explained to Dean that night we were surveilling Woodson outside the strip club.
Hadley deserved justice as much as I did.
She and her mom lived in another state now, and thank goodness. They had new identities. Ryan Garrett could never touch them again.
But somehow, he must’ve known about my involvement. He’d seen me at the roadhouse. Maybe even followed me home and then called his buddy Nox Woodson to join him.
Why hadn’t Ryan gone after me before that night? I had no idea. But I finally understood the motive behind the attack.
I didn’t just want to take down Ryan Garrett for me. I wanted it for Hadley too. And now, Harris Medina had decided to show up, telling me to stay out of it. It was bullshit.
Then again, if I made Ryan Garrett suffer the way he’d made me and Hadley suffer, would that give me peace? Would it make me happy?
“We don’t take orders from Medina,” Dean said. “If you want Garrett, we’ll find him. We don’t have to give up.”
“I need time to consider. A lot’s happened.”
Dean reached over to caress my shoulder. “Take all the time you need.”
I couldn’t believe we’d been shopping together on Main Street just yesterday. It had seemed like we had plenty of time. Now, I wasn’t so sure.
When we got home, I changed out of Jessi’s clothes and put them in the laundry. I would return them whenever I saw her next.
After that, I checked my messages and reassured Mom and Stephie once again that I was fine. They’d been understandably upset after hearing about the shooting yesterday afternoon.
Stephie
Kiki, are you going to come by soon? Mom is so stressed. She’s driving me nuts
Me
I can’t today. Really tired and a lot on my mind. But I’m with Dean, and I told Mom that. She knows I’m safe.
You’re never around anymore
I know. I’m sorry.
Is this what it’s gonna be like now? You’ve got Dean, so you don’t need us? Jk I’m giving you shit but also we miss you and you suck
What about you? Still dating the cute ranch hand? What was his name? Cody? Colton?
If you come around more, you might find out
OK, message received
I smiled at the phone. It was a relief to know the Protectors still had an occasional detail checking on my mom and sister, and Mom had a security system that I always bugged her and Stephie about using.
Maybe after the craziness died down, and we got another bedroom fixed up, Dean and I could invite Mom and Stephie over here to stay a few days and…
What was I thinking? I wouldn’t be living here that much longer.
Dean and I would have to “break up” soon. But Mom and Stephie would survive the bad news. I would survive it. I could visit Stephie often enough that she’d be begging me to go away. We would all go back to normal.
I would get over Dean. Somehow.
Sure. Keep on lying to yourself.
I really was exhausted, so I lay down to nap for a little while. Until the enticing smell of food woke me, and my stomach started making demands. I’d barely eaten anything all day, and my appetite was back.
When I went to investigate, I found Dean bent over the oven. There was jazz playing from his phone, and a couple of candles were lit on the dining table already.
“What’s all this?”
He turned around, tossing an oven mitt onto the counter. “We didn’t get to have our date last night, so I figured I owed you another try. Except it’s frozen pizza and garlic bread instead of a nice restaurant.”
“Garlic? On a date?”
“It’s no foul if we’re both eating it. I’ll still kiss you.” His arms circled my waist, pulling me closer. “Yesterday got derailed in pretty much every way possible. The dress I bought you got ruined. I could call Lorraine and see if she has another in stock.”
I shrugged. “It’s not necessary.”
“But I still want to give you something special.”
“Like garlic breath?”
He grinned. “Yeah. Garlic breath and a whole lot of kissing. And maybe more. If you’re lucky.”
My heart ached even as his mouth met mine in a tender, perfect kiss. Why, oh why, did Dean have to be everything I wanted? I had him, right here, and he would always be out of reach.
“Any new insights about what Medina said?” Dean asked. “Decisions?”
“No.” I put my head on his chest. “I can’t think about that anymore tonight.”
“Okay. You don’t have to. Let’s just be together.”
That was all I wanted.
We had dinner by candlelight at the table.
Cheesy pizza with extra marinara on the side and bread swimming in garlic butter.
After eating so little the past day, it tasted like the finest cuisine.
The bottle of red wine didn’t hurt either.
My chair was right next to Dean’s, and I wound up with my legs draped over his lap, his arm tight around my shoulders.
I hardly had any pain anymore in my injuries. I would never take my health for granted again. The simple privilege of having a body that didn’t hurt and an arm that could lift over my head.
Now, I knew I could survive just about anything. Including a broken heart.
Dean tugged on my hand. “Come on. Stand up. We should dance.”
The jazz playlist had shifted into R&B. I was just tipsy enough to make me loose, but not so much he had to hold me up.
With my arms around his neck, his hands at my hips, we swayed and kissed lazily, no rush to be anywhere else. Like we’d never have to stop.
It was so, so perfect.
Then he dropped one of his hands and dug into his back pocket. “I bought you something else at the shop yesterday. Didn’t seem like the right time to give it to you until now.”
I unwrapped the tissue paper. A silver bracelet lay inside with a tiny charm of the letter K engraved on a heart.
It was pretty and delicate and my own heart was frozen in my chest. “This is why you made me go to the coffee shop? Lorraine talked you into perusing the jewelry, huh?”
“It was my idea. Do you like it?” He seemed nervous. The man who was never afraid of anything.
“I love it.”
Dean fastened the bracelet onto my wrist, and my body came to life again. Pulse thrumming and stomach fluttering.
A new song came on. Dean pulled me close and started swaying again. My mind was all over the place, wondering what this meant. A man didn’t buy jewelry like this for a woman who was just his friend or friend with benefits. Or a fake girlfriend, either.
The shopping trip and the date yesterday. The bracelet…
I wanted so badly for it to mean something.
Dean’s lips brushed over my temple. “I think a lot about the night we danced at Jessi and Aiden’s wedding. How close I came to kissing you.”
I pulled back, frowning. “I wanted you to kiss me. More than anything. Why didn’t you?”
“You know why,” he said softly.
Because he’d already gotten that new job and decided to leave. Because he hadn’t wanted to hurt me. All those ridiculous reasons he’d told me before.
And nothing had changed in two years, not really.
Clarity hit me. Knocked me right upside the head. I almost laughed at how incredibly stupid I’d been. The exact same thing was happening as two years ago, and I hadn’t seen it.
I let go of Dean and stepped back. “You’re about to leave again, aren’t you?” I lifted my wrist, feeling the metal slide coldly against my skin.
“Keira, I was always going to leave. That was the plan.”
“Well, plans change! And I didn’t think you were going to leave now. Not yet.”
“It’s not today or tomorrow, but…” He put his hands on his hips, looking at the floor.
“Yesterday, when I took you into town, I wasn’t thinking about leaving.
But now, Nox Woodson is dead. Ryan Garrett is the last loose end.
I don’t care what Harris Medina says. I will make Garrett pay for what he’s done, and then… there’s nothing else keeping me here.”
A tear streaked down my cheek. “Nothing?”
“You know what I mean. It would be selfish of me to stay. I’m not what you need.”
“Bullshit. Why do you get to decide what I need?”
Two years ago, I’d been afraid. I’d stood on that dance floor and let Dean walk away from me. I’d been a coward.
But I wasn’t that same girl anymore. So why was I making the same exact mistake?
The truth was racing at me, refusing to be denied. Another tear slipped free and left a trail down my face, but really? I’d never felt so damn strong.
“Dean, I’m in love with you.”
He stared. Blinked. Ran his fingers through his short hair. His skin had gone ashen. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s true. I wasn’t brave enough to tell you two years ago, but I should’ve been. I loved you then, and I still love you now.” I’d already bared my heart, so I kept going. “I want you to stay.”
“That’s not what we agreed. I came here to get justice for you. Vengeance.” He shook his head. “I never should’ve taken you to bed.”
Ouch. That hurt. But I stood firm. “I’m just finally telling you how I feel.” This time, if Dean left, at least I’d know I told him my truth. I would know that I’d tried. “I do want justice against Ryan Garrett. But I would give that up in a heartbeat if it meant I could keep you.”
Dean didn’t say anything. Wouldn’t even look at me anymore.
So I walked away from him and got ready for bed. Slipped under the covers. Dean still hadn’t come to the bedroom.
I guess I had my answer.
When I woke, the light on my nightstand was still on. But Dean wasn’t beside me.
I sat up, rubbing my eyes. My phone said it was after midnight. I kicked off the covers, restlessness itching under my skin. Was he sleeping upstairs on the floor again? How stubborn was he? Was it really so awful that I’d told him I loved him?
The man was pissing me off.
Then I noticed the necklace on the pillow beside me, and my anger drained away. Dean had left his leather cord with the bullet pendant. He never took that off, but here it was, on the pillow where he’d slept next to me for weeks.
What the heck did that mean?
I picked up the necklace. The metal of the bullet was cold on my palm.
“Dean?”
The rest of the first floor was dark. I switched on the lights as I went upstairs, calling out his name.
He wasn’t here.
The feeling of dread grew as I moved from room to room. Nausea coated my throat. Back downstairs, I checked the spot where Dean kept the locked cases for his sniper rifle and other weapons.
They were all gone.
No. No, no, no.
He was going after Ryan Garrett. Alone. But what did it mean that he’d left his necklace behind?
Was Dean not planning to come back at all?
Frustration and fear boiled over. Grabbing my car keys, I ran in my bare feet to the front door and threw it open. Dashed outside into the chilly air.
But I stopped short when I spotted the figure sitting on the porch steps.
The porch light was off, but the moon was bright enough to illuminate Dean’s profile. His shoulders were slumped, elbows on his knees. The gun cases were here on the porch. A duffel sat near the porch railing.
“You asshole. You made me think you’d left! You almost gave me a heart attack!”
“I meant to leave,” he said in a monotone.
Tears balled in my throat. “You were going to find Ryan Garrett. By yourself.” I held up the leather cord with the bullet dangling between my fingers. “And this was all you left for me? Why?”
Dean stood up. He was dressed in his tactical cargos and a dark tee. The porch creaked as he walked toward me.
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be!” I shoved his shoulder to keep him back, but he just came forward again.
Another shove, and he wrapped his arms around me, pinning me in place against warm, solid muscle. I couldn’t have gotten away if I’d tried.
“You said you love me,” he rasped. “Are you sure?”
“I kind of hate you right now for scaring me like that.”
Dean moved his hands to my face. His blue eyes, glowing with moonlight, searched mine. “Keira, do you love me?”
“Yes.” My voice broke. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too. With everything in me.”
I repeated the words in my head. He loves me. Had he really just said that?
Our mouths met in a fierce, desperate kiss. Heat built against the cold night air. I grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and held on.
Finally he broke the kiss and rested his forehead on mine.
“But I have to tell you the truth about me. I have to tell you what I did.”