Chapter 12 Lottie
CHAPTER TWELVE
LOTTIE
The light in Knox’s eyes immediately dims, the corners of his lips turning down. “Getting straight to the point, then,” he says, voice tight.
“Regretting the whole open book thing now, aren’t you?”
He sighs and shakes his head. “Nah. You deserve to know. Especially since we’re in bed together, now. Figuratively speaking, of course. Though, I guess I should probably preface the story by telling you I didn’t meet Walter until I was about ten years old.”
“Wait, what?”
Knox nods, his grip tightening on the wheel with a sigh. “The whole story is kinda insane.”
“Explain.”
“You know how Walter used to be a Lit professor, right?” I nod. “Well, my mother used to be his TA.”
I inhale sharply, my hands flying to my mouth to hide a smile. He notices my expression and laughs.
“I know what you’re thinking.”
I sputter a laugh. “Do you?”
“Yeah, I can see right through those beautiful big brown eyes of yours and into your dirty mind. I remember you telling me that night about your thing for romance novels.” I laugh softly at the memory, at the way he teased me at first, but later asked what my favorite thing about them was.
“I’m positive I know where your mind went. But please try to remember these are my parents we’re talking about, and I really don’t wanna think about them… You know.”
I put my hands up in defeat and laugh. “Don’t worry. The ‘Hot for Teacher’ trope has historically never done it for me, anyway. Go on.”
“Anyway, my parents started having this affair. Ma was in her senior year of college and just about to graduate when she found out she was pregnant with me.” He pauses for a moment, runs his hand through his hair.
“Now, according to my mother, when she told my father about me at graduation, he flat-out said he wanted nothing to do with me. Told her to get rid of the baby or count him out.”
I suppress a gasp, not wanting to interrupt his story.
“To clarify, I’m all about women’s right to choose. But it’s a little difficult to grow up knowing that your dad wanted you to be… You know.” He shrugs again, grimacing.
“Apparently ugly words were exchanged, comments about how she would only ever be a good time to him were said. Mom called him every name in the book and threatened to sue for child support. It got ugly.” He shrugs.
“Of course, I know that there are two sides to every story. I understand that memories are usually tainted by emotions. She was a vulnerable recent grad who had decided to have a kid by herself. She didn’t have anyone to support her emotionally or help her financially.”
Knox takes a deep breath and shifts in his seat before continuing.
“Anyway, that was the last time they spoke.
That is, until I was about ten when my mom got in a car accident that left her in pretty rough shape.
She kinda had no other choice but to contact Walter and have him take care of me while she recovered.
See, we used to move around a lot, never staying in one place long enough to build a support system, so Walter was her last resort.
“So, even though I’d never met the man, he showed up for me.
Put his life on hold and rented an apartment in town.
Took me to school and was there for me while Ma was in the hospital for a month.
” He pauses for a second while I do my best to keep quiet, realizing that this is a big moment for him, as if he’s finally coming to terms with something.
“In retrospect, it was a very big thing of him to do—to drop his entire life for a couple of months just to take care of this kid he’d never met.”
“For what it’s worth, I can’t imagine him ever not showing up like that.”
Knox nods, frowning as he keeps his eyes on the road.
I think of ten-year-old Knox, scared and alone, not knowing who his future rested with.
I think of him and how unstable he must’ve felt his life was.
“It must’ve been difficult to suddenly be under the care of a man you grew up thinking didn’t want you while your mother was in the hospital under critical care. ”
“Definitely difficult,” he nods once. “But we figured it out. Eventually. And when my mom came back from the hospital, Da—I mean, Walter—quit his job at the university and moved permanently into town to get to know me better. Or at least that’s what he said.
” He laughs once. “He wanted to be a part of my life and my mother made it clear that we weren’t moving to be a part of his.
If Walter wanted to know me, he had to compromise.
So he did. He stayed, which meant that we stayed.
And I was… ecstatic. I was finally going to be in one place for a significant amount of time.
I could finally have friendships that lasted longer than six months.
I could… I could join a sports team or something. ”
I snort, and he gives me a look, a small smile. “Sorry, you just don’t look like the type to be into organized sports.” Though he has the body of an athlete, that’s for damn sure.
He throws his head back and laughs that full, happy laugh of his. “Definitely not into organized sports. But that wasn’t the point. The point was that we had help now, and my life opened up to new possibilities. For the first time ever, I felt safe.”
My heart aches for the child in Knox, lost and alone, finally feeling the relief of a stable home. Did he lose that when he and Walter became estranged?
“How many times did you move? You said you moved every six months?”
“Yeah. I was born in Virginia, but my mom kept us moving north. We were living in a suburban town in New Jersey when she got into the accident, and that’s where I spent the rest of my childhood.”
“Wow,” I say again, because it’s the only thing that comes to mind.
He shakes his head and frowns. “I just want to clarify that it’s not like I don’t appreciate all the sacrifices and work my mom put in. She’s a fucking rockstar. And it’s not like everything became perfect and Walter saved us. But he helped stabilize us, you know? And I needed that as a kid.”
“Of course. Your mother did everything she could with what she had, I’m sure. But it must’ve felt nice to have that additional support.”
“Exactly,” he smiles.
“Where’s your mom now?”
“She works at a community college, actually. A couple of towns away from where I grew up. Not as a professor or anything—an admin. She’s been doing great ever since. Loves what she does.”
I smile over at him, see how his lips quirk up at the corner in admiration. From the faraway look in his eyes, it’s obvious he loves his mom, admires her for everything she’s done for him.
“So, how’d you end up in this fight with your dad, not speaking to each other for over a decade? I mean, it sounds like Walter showed up, in the end, right? And that’s what family does. They show up.”
“Ah.” He bobs his head. “The official falling out story is a bit more complicated; a story for another time.”
“Whoa, whoa, that’s not fair.” I laugh once, on the edge of my seat—figuratively and literally. “You promised.”
“Ever heard of leaving them wanting more?” He smirks.
“C’mon,” I plead.
He pauses, hesitating. “I… I’d rather not talk about it now, if that’s okay. I’m good with talking about the genesis of it all, but our falling out? That... I can’t do that right now.” His face falls.
I watch the metaphorical shoe dangle, holding my breath as I wait for it to drop.
Part of me thinks it’s best for Knox to just get it out of the way as soon as possible, but the other part of me knows what it’s like to grieve a life and a person.
In my case, I was grieving myself, who I thought I would be.
But the same principle applies, and rushing grief is never an option.
“Okay,” I breathe, wanting so very badly to comfort him. I reach out and put a hand on his, right on the steering wheel.
His exhale is deep, and it clears the tension in the entire cab of the truck—not just his. He loosens his grip on the wheel and takes my hand in his, squeezing it once before placing our joined hands on the center console.
“What about you? What’s your story? Jenn mentioned something about you rebuilding your life?”
I shrug and look out the window. “She just means my divorce, probably.”
“Mmm,” he nods thoughtfully. “It’s more than that, though, isn’t it?”
I sigh and, for some idiotic reason, say “Yeah.” Fighting the urge to bang my head against the window, I make sure to keep my eyes on the road.
“You gonna elaborate on that?”
I swallow the hard knot in my throat and think.
Am I going to elaborate on it? Because my marriage—more specifically why and how it ended—is my biggest failure and I never talk about it.
But something about the way he was able to share his difficult experience with his father makes me feel like I could trust mine with him.
“I—I used to be married.”
“Yes, that’s generally what being divorced means.”
I snort. “Yeah, well… It was to this investment banker guy in New York and…” I don’t even know where to start.
And I guess I say it out loud because he says, “Why don’t you start at the beginning?”
I nod, feeling my chest stretch due to the calm, patient look in his eyes. At least in this moment, I’m safe with him.
“For context, I should tell you that, at the time, I worked for this amazing luxury fashion brand straight out of college where I somehow worked myself up pretty quickly to VP of Retail Operations before I even hit thirty. It wasn’t a common thing. I was definitely very lucky.”
“I doubt it had anything to do with luck. I know how smart you are, how hardworking. I can totally see you skyrocketing like that.”
My heart warms in my chest at his words, wanting to believe every single one of them.