Chapter 16 Lottie #2
“You might not be grieving him. But I think you can’t deny that a part of you is grieving the life that you could have had.
The life he could’ve offered you. Like, if he had been a present father, involved in your life.
I mean, from what we found out Saturday, it’s not that he didn’t care, but I think it’s more he didn’t know how to that was the problem.
And… it’s okay to be sad and therefore grieve something you never even knew you wanted or could have had. ”
“I…” He swallows once, eyes wide, gaze locked on mine. And it’s in that moment that I know I’ve hit the nail on the head.
I feel my heart fill in my chest, aching to comfort him. It’s almost as painful as it was on Saturday.
“Don’t,” he pleads with an awkward laugh. “I know that look, and you’re feeling sorry for me again.” He looks down and fidgets with his mug, avoiding my gaze.
“I don’t feel sorry for you, I feel sorry for him. Because he never got to truly know you.
At least as an adult. And I think you’re pretty great.”
His smile is tender when he finally looks up at me, heartbreak still in his eyes. “You think I’m great?”
“Come on, Knox. You know I do. I just told you so not two minutes ago.”
He shoots me a rueful smile, and nods. “I think you’re pretty great, too. And I can do the friend thing, I think.”
I laugh softly. “You think?”
He shrugs with a lopsided smile. “I’ll make an honest effort. I don’t want to push you away. Plus, it’s not like you’re wrong; we do need to still work together. Can you imagine finally giving in to this sexual chemistry we have? We’d never get anything done.”
I snort and laugh in earnest. “I love your confidence.”
“What? It’s true!”
Shaking my head, I put a hand on his chest and push him away from the coffee maker.
“Now, get out of here. I need to make myself some coffee.”
It’s hard to pay attention to Luke, our contractor, as he walks Knox and I through the final demo strategy and budget.
All I can think of as he talks about knocking a wall down is what the place meant to me, how it took this moment right now to realize that this store might’ve been responsible for saving me when I came back to town.
I wince as Luke talks about breaking down built-in bookshelves, I stop myself from objecting when he discusses getting rid of the current register for something more generic, and I do my best to keep a straight face when we agree to remove any signage pertaining to Adams’s Bookstore today.
But when we discuss gutting Walter’s office, I nearly lose it.
I look away and blink back tears, blocking out whatever it is the two men are discussing while I try to gather myself.
What is wrong with me? I mean, it’s just a stupid office. I know—
Luke snaps his fingers in front of me, bringing my attention back to him. “Hey,” he does it again, and Knox’s hand comes flying in front of my face, slapping Luke’s fingers away.
“Hey, don’t ever fucking disrespect her like that again. She’s a fucking person, not a dog, asshole.” His voice is vicious in a way I could’ve never imagined it could be.
“Whoa, whoa. Let’s calm down, okay?” I slide in between the two of them, suddenly on high alert.
Luke glares at Knox, moving to stand squarely in front of him, clipboard in one hand, a fist in the other.
Fear skitters down my spine in a cool chill.
Luke is as dumb as a rock, but he’s also built like one.
A giant boulder of a man, he stands a couple of inches taller than Knox, and more than a few inches wider.
With his buzzed hair, tattoos covering almost every inch of his body, and ripped muscles, he is exactly what you’d see if you googled “smoking hot construction worker.” He could definitely take Knox if he wanted to.
“Hey guys, hold on.” I put my palm on both their chests, trying to ignore the way Knox leans just a little bit into it. It’s fine. We’re fine. “Luke isn’t going to do anything like that again, right Luke?” I look to him, who’s still glaring at Knox. He grits his teeth and nods once.
“Sorry, babe,” he replies, enjoying the way Knox rolls his eyes at the pet name.
I press on, ignoring them both. “And Knox, you’re going to apologize to Luke, right?”
Knox’s head snaps to look at me. “What? Are you joking? He was an ass to you!”
“He was. And Luke knows that, as I’ve reminded him nearly every day I’ve seen him since we broke up in high school.”
“You dated this clown?” He throws a thumb in his direction.
Shit. That was definitely the wrong thing to say.
I also happened to sleep with him when I first came back to town.
I was at my lowest of lows. But I don’t mention it since there’s no point in stirring the pot.
Instead, I sigh and say, “Ages ago. But he’s also the best contractor around.
” The only one, really. I feel rather than see Luke’s smug grin spread across his face.
“So we need him even if he is as big a tool as the sledgehammer currently hanging from his belt.”
Luke grunts in anger, but Knox smirks, light slowly coming back into his eyes.
“Okay. So we’re good?” I ask Luke.
He rolls his eyes once, but nods.
“Cool, let’s forget this silly testosterone competition and start the demo, shall we?
But we’re leaving the office as is. It’s still our mission base.
Now let’s get to work.” I clap my hands once and Luke walks away over to his crew, muttering something under his breath about “crazy exes.” Unfortunately, Knox hears this and takes a step toward him.
But I stop him with a strong grip around his bicep.
“Don’t.”
“He’s a jerk. If he’s gonna act like that then I don’t want him working anywhere near you.”
I snort and shake my head.
“What? I don’t like him. He doesn’t treat you right.”
“Newsflash, buddy. He’s the only game in town. And don’t worry about him. I know how to handle Luke.”
“I don’t know.” He sighs, looking over at Luke as he goes over the blueprints with his crew. He runs both hands through his hair looking torn. “I don’t like the way he looks at you.”
I shrug and gently place a hand on his cheek, pulling him back to face me. “Don’t worry about him.”
We both freeze, suddenly realizing at the same time that I’m touching him—something I haven’t allowed myself to initiate since Saturday night in my loft.
I should drop my hand now, but as if it had a mind of its own, it slides to curve around Knox’s jaw, prickly with stubble, down his smooth neck, and stopping at his hard chest. A little rattled by my brazenness, I try to take a step back and move away.
But Knox is faster than me, quickly pressing his own hand over mine, taking another step forward.
Both of our breaths come out a little faster, skin heating like wildfire. I feel it spread from my cheeks, down my neck and chest.
“I love your blush.” His voice is so low, it’s as if he’s saying it just to himself. “You look beautiful today.”
“You already said that,” I whisper.
“Did I? I can’t stop staring at you.”
My gaze remains glued to our hands because I cannot—I just cannot—look up into his eyes. I know the second I do I’ll crumble and break my rule.
Instead, I push out an awkward laugh and say, “I noticed.” I wince, wanting to head-slap myself because this is flirting, and we. Aren’t. Supposed. To. Flirt.
I feel the rumble in his chest as he chuckles, moving his hand to thread his fingers through mine.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. That wasn’t very friendly of me, was it?” I sigh.
“Hey,” he gently tilts my chin up to meet his eyes. That mischievous spark is back—the one that makes my insides twist, the heat build low in my stomach. “It was very, very friendly.”
I laugh, and pull my hand free, slapping him gently against his chest. I take a step back and move around the front desk, needing to put distance and an actual piece of furniture between us because, my god, I am two seconds away from throwing myself at this man.
“Stop. I don’t want to send you any mixed messages. ”
“Sure. We wouldn’t want that, would we?” He sighs and shakes his head knowingly like he can read every single dirty thought running through my head. “Lottie,” he breathes on a sigh, his eyes a mix of humor and longing.
“Stop. Don’t.” I raise a finger at him. “I don’t want to hear it.”
He rolls his eyes, laughing. “C’mon, we like each other!” He throws his hands in the air. “Go out on a date with me, please.”
“We did already.”
He laughs once. “Let me take you on another one, then. Show you I’m actually a good guy.”
“I know you’re a good guy.” That’s the problem. “Still, it’s a no.”
He purses his lips to keep from laughing and nods. “Okay, but I’m not giving up.”
“What happened to our talk this morning? What happened to you accepting this wasn’t ever going to be a thing?”
“Nah, I’m not doing that anymore. I’m gonna make you like me so hard you won’t be able to deny me any longer.”
You really don’t have to try that much.
He pauses. “And I mean that in a non-stalker, non-creepy, and I-won’t-pressure-you way.”
I laugh a little lighter now. “You know what would make me like you?”
“What’s that? Tell me, because I’d pretty much do anything right now.”
“I’d like it if you helped Luke with the demo and leave me alone so I can finish reviewing the info my brother sent us. He’ll be here in a couple of hours to walk us through the whole sale process. So it would be uh-mazing if you would make yourself useful somewhere else.”
He snorts, but doesn’t look offended. “Okay, Pretty Girl.” I roll my eyes at the nickname. “You want me to help with the demo? I’ll help with the demo.” A dimpled grin pops on his face while he walks backward toward the crew, wiggling his eyebrows.
Laughing once, I pick up my things from the counter in one swoop before heading for the back office.
I lose myself in paperwork for the rest of the morning until Salt-N-Pepa’s Push It blares suddenly from my phone, breaking my concentration. My hand flies to pick up, the personalized ringtone already alerting me to who the caller is.
“Hey, bro. I was just—”
“Where the hell are you?” Daniel snaps at me from the other end of the line, whisper-yelling.
Taken aback, I sit up in the desk chair. “In the back, going through some numbers before we—”
“Well, I’m here in the bookstore and you need to get the hell to the front. Because— Jesus, Carlota.” Daniel stops and exhales to catch his breath. My stomach drops as my mind begins to race. He only calls me by my full name when something is really wrong.
“What is it?” I say, getting up so quickly, I trip on my way out.
I run to the front of the store where I see my brother standing by the counter, mouth slightly open, phone in hand, but no longer pressed to his cheek. “What? What is it?” I ask anxiously.
Daniel raises his hand slowly, pointing in the direction of some very, very loud banging.
And that’s when I see him.
Knox.
Sweaty and shirtless.
Sledgehammering away at the old bookshelves.
“Oh my god,” I groan. “How much more is one girl expected to take?”