Chapter 24
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
LOTTIE
Knox drives to my place in loaded silence, the tension in the car palpable.
Over the past couple of days, things have been easy between us.
I’ve felt giddy and light, giggling like a schoolgirl whenever he catches me looking at him or vice versa.
My mind has been in a half-daze, getting lost in flashbacks of happy moments with him—a never-ending dose of serotonin boost. He’s taken to finding any excuse to subtly touch me, to graze his fingers over my heated skin with the lightest of touches, driving me mad.
Always subtle enough that no one notices (I hope), but electrifying enough that, by the end of day, the need for him has been built to impossible proportions, necessitating immediate relief and therefore requiring us to stay at his place.
But tonight is different, and it’s only when we hit my street that reality sets in, and I begin to actually panic: he’s coming home with me tonight.
Like, to sleep over. And I know that we’ve been doing more than that for the last couple of days, but it’s always been at his loft—never at mine.
And though I’ve dated in the years since my divorce, I’ve never brought a man back home—and this would be the second time I’d be doing so with Knox.
Except the assumption is that, unlike the time after the convention, he’d actually be sleeping over tonight.
Until recently, I’d been strict about the boundaries I put in place in my dating life (i.e.
don’t have one), but he was able to knock them down fairly easily.
Looking back on it, I feel like I never stood a chance against his charms. I try to tell myself that it’s okay to indulge and succumb to the sort of connection and chemistry that we share because it won’t be permanent.
But I feel the danger that comes with it; its bitter taste coats my tongue.
Knox is such an incredible guy, engaging in this kind of casual relationship feels like tempting Fate.
My stomach turns as I contemplate ending this now, just as I’m beginning to grow attached.
But then I turn to look at him, a soft smile permanently plastered on his handsome face, and I can’t help the way my chest tightens, my heart aches.
Even in the dim light of the car, he’s still the most handsome man I’ve ever seen in my entire life. And the sweetest I’ve ever met.
He parks at the curb in front of the house, pulling me away from my overthinking and back to this moment.
Knox turns the engine off, but doesn’t make a move to get out of the car.
Instead, he keeps his eyes straight ahead.
“If you’ve changed your mind,” he starts, voice low and soft.
“That’s okay, too. I was happy to drive you.
Any time we spend together…” He shrugs bashfully, finally turning to gaze at me with those perfect blue eyes of his, navy in the darkness.
“I…” But I let the sentence die.
“I don’t want you to feel pressured. Even though the past week has been incredible, I want you to know that I don’t…
I don’t expect anything. I hope you know you can always say no.
Would it be nice to go upstairs right now and have mind-blowing sex again?
Yes. Have I fantasized about fucking you on every available surface of your apartment since being there?
Absolutely.” We both laugh a little. “But, in all seriousness, if all I get tonight is a kiss on the cheek and a smile from you, I’d still feel like the luckiest guy in this town. ”
I can’t help the stupid grin that spreads across my face or the way my heart races and jumps and does a whole track and field event in my chest at his words.
He says all the right things. He does all the right things. And maybe that’s wrong.
“I—I am really tired…” And sore. So damn sore.
I had forgotten how sex can hurt with endo.
For the most part, I’d been able to power through our adventurous nights—it had been that good.
But as I squirm in my seat, I can’t deny that while half of my body is craving another night with him, the other is begging for a break.
Because Knox is big. “I have this weird health thing… And I’m fine, but I still…
And I just don’t think that…” I stop myself before getting into it.
I see him wanting to ask more personal questions, to push. But past experience has taught him not to—especially not when it comes to my health. Not after the last time he was at my apartment.
His hand comes over mine on my lap, squeezing it encouragingly. “Hey.” He brings it to his lips and kisses the back of it lightly. And just that gesture of reassurance, the fact that he can read that I need him, even though I’m scared of losing him, tells me so much about Knox. About us.
I swallow once and squeeze his hand back. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you tomorrow at work?” He kisses my hand once more before letting it drop softly on my thigh.
Suppressing a sigh, I regret the loss of contact instantly. Because I don’t want to be without him tonight—not really. And I don’t care if he sleeps over. I just want to be with him, sex or no sex. And isn’t it the whole point of this arrangement? We’re together until we’re not?
So I shove my fears and insecurities down my shadow self’s throat and ask, “Dinner?”
“Sure.” The way his face lights up once the question is out of my mouth has the panic creeping up once more. Again, though, I push it back down. “When?”
“Now,” I say, before losing any ounce of courage I can dream of having.
“Now? I thought—” He cuts himself off and shakes his head. “You know what? I’m not gonna question it. I’m just gonna get out of the car before you change your mind.”
I laugh halfheartedly and watch as he pulls his camera bag from the back seat.
He gets out of the truck and slings it over his shoulder.
A wide grin on his face, he opens my door and helps me down, shutting it behind me.
With gentle pressure, he places a kiss on my forehead— one that paralyzes my lungs, makes it so difficult to breathe.
I lean into him just a bit as my entire body shivers in pleasure.
When he notices, he whispers against my temple, lips grazing my suddenly heated skin.
“You’re cold.”
I open my mouth to tell him it’s the opposite, that I’m blazing hot because just his proximity has me on overdrive, when he takes his jacket off and slips it over my shoulders.
And I melt, because the feeling of being wrapped in his leather jacket is second only to the feeling of being wrapped in his arms. I don’t ever want to give it back.
“Thank god you didn’t send me away, Pretty Girl. It would’ve broken my heart.” He smiles, wrapping his arms around my waist.
Are people in casual relationships supposed to be talking about broken hearts like this? Isn’t the whole point to keep things separate? But as I run my hands over his chest, I know that, at least in this exact moment, I don’t care.
I slide both hands over Knox, feeling him beneath my palms, recognizing every ridge and valley there—every single inch.
Just like he’s discovered mine. Over the past couple of days, we’ve become a topographical experts of each other; masters of each other’s bodies in a way I didn’t know could be possible.
But it isn’t just that. This thing between us isn’t just sex.
It’s everything. It’s the way he takes care of me in ways I didn’t even know I needed or wanted.
It’s the way I love to be teased by him in public and the way I feel I can let myself go in private.
He knows me, we know each other—and there isn’t a thing I would change about him.
Though I’m sure he wouldn’t say the same about me, if he knew all of it.
Though it shouldn’t matter, should it? Not if it’s casual.
God, I’m starting to really hate that word.
I inhale deeply, letting his signature scent fill me up and weaken my knees. He pulls me tighter into him, holding me up against his body. He cups my face with his right hand, tilting it back so I can meet his eyes. “You’re incredible, you know that?” Knox whispers, eyes never leaving mine.
I open my mouth to reply, to ask him how I’m ever supposed to say goodbye to him, to tell him we should probably stop, call this whole thing off before it’s too late and— Alejandro’s front door slams loudly, pulling us immediately off each other.
Knox and I turn to find my brother standing on his front porch, Cindy, my baby niece on his hip.
“What’re you doing outside, lurking like that?” he barks.
“Lurking?” I push away from Knox, placing my hands on my hips.
“Lurking.”
“I’m not lurking. I’m just standing here, having a conversation. You’re the one lurking in the shadows like a creep, you lurker.”
“This is my house.” He points at his chest, reminding me once again that my place isn’t really my place, is it? I live above my brother’s garage. God. “I came outside to check out the couple of weirdos who were standing outside in the dark in front of it.”
I sigh, trying to ignore how adorable my little niece looks struggling against my brother’s hold as she reaches out to me.
Not able to help the massive—and smug—grin on my face, I walk over to the front porch and take her from him.
“We were just talking. But don’t worry—I’m done bothering you and will hopefully soon be off your property. ”
I’ll be in New York again, soon. I’ll be out of this stupid town, and back where I belong.
Alejandro’s face immediately softens, guilty eyes on my hurt ones. “Come on. You know that’s not what I meant.”
“I know,” I smile, kissing Cindy on the cheek before returning her to him. “But still. We’re headed up to the loft now anyway.”
The front door opens again, and my sister-in-law pops her head out. “What’s up? I thought we were—Oh.” A slow smirk spreads across Bonnie’s face, her eyes bouncing between me and Knox.
“Hey there, Knox,” she sing-songs, wiggling her eyebrows at me.
I suppress a groan, realizing now that the last time I saw Bonnie was the night of my stupid uterus’s goodbye party, which ended with a blowout and a discussion on my emotional capacity to fuck Knox with no strings attached. Kind of.
“I haven’t seen you since the bookstore party.”
“Yeah. Bonnie, right? Good to see you again. And you, too,” he says with a smile, nodding to my brother. “Alejandro?”
Ale grunts but manages to at least nod once.
“I didn’t know you were coming to jueves familiar.” She says it with a strong American accent, but at least she tries.
“What is jueves familiar?” Knox asks, though his comes out perfect. I think we all take a step back, surprised by it. “I mean, I know it means Family Thursday, but, like, what do you mean by it?”
“You speak Spanish?” I ask, jaw still a little slack-jawed.
“You didn’t know he spoke Spanish?” Alejandro bites back, raising a brow. As if this delegitimized my knowledge of who Knox is as a person. And, well, maybe he’s right. There’s still a lot to learn.
Knox laughs softly. “Yeah, I picked some of it up while traveling through South America.”
“Well, jueves familiar is I guess a Veracruz tradition? It used to be domingo familiar when Lottie and Alejandro’s parents were still alive.
I guess in Barranquilla their parents always had family barbecues or lunches on Sundays without fail.
It was a way to get everyone to clear their busy schedules and make time for family at least once a week.
But after they passed, and everyone started having kids—” Bonnie glances furtively at me.
“Well, almost everyone— Sundays became about homework and rest, and we decided to move it to Thursdays.” Bonnie shrugs, smiling down at Knox.
“It’s part of their heritage and it’s a nice way to make sure we never lose touch with each other. ”
“That sounds kind of great.” He grins. “I never had anything like that growing up.”
And how could he have, with a single mother and no extended family until his estranged father showed up out of nowhere only to disappear again a few years later?
Jeez, sometimes I forget how lucky I am in that respect.
I have my family. I had parents who loved me and were there for me until the day they died. And not everyone gets that.
I stare at the side of his face, a pang in my chest, as I think of how lonely it must’ve been for him growing up. Because for all my complaining about my siblings I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world.
“Meh. I could live without it. Most of the time they’re just fishing for gossip,” I joke, shooting my older brother a look to lighten the mood.
“So, wait, if you don’t know about tonight’s dinner, does that mean she didn’t bring you here tonight for it? Were you guys just… going over to Lottie’s place?” A wide grin spreads across Bonnie’s face as realization dawns. I roll my eyes behind Knox’s back because I know
I’m going to have to answer some questions now. What did I do to deserve such a nosy family? Having a faulty reproductive system wasn’t enough?
Shit.
“Uh, no. I’ve been so distracted with work—” i.e. sex with Knox “—that I kind of forgot about tonight, to be honest.”
Bonnie takes Cindy from my brother’s arms and smirks at me before looking back at
Knox. “Well, now that you’re here you have to stay and have dinner with us.”
I panic. “Oh, no, I don’t think—”
“I’d love to. Thank you!”
“Bonnie,” Ale whispers. “Do you really—”
“Oh, stop. It’ll be fun!”
“Absolutely. I’m looking forward to it. I think I still have a couple of members of Lottie’s family to meet yet.” Knox smiles, genuinely excited at the opportunity.
I balk “I… But…” I shake my head, trying to come up with excuses to keep him from intertwining more with my life. It will only be so much harder to untangle him from it when the time comes.
“We have peach cobbler. Homemade,” Bonnie pipes in.
“Peach cobbler? I love peach cobbler,” he says, his lopsided grin weakening my ire. Dammit. “And I haven’t had a home cooked meal in… I don’t know. The last time I visited my mother? Like a year ago?”
Bonnie tsks and shakes her head, taking Knox by the hand to pull him to the main house. “Unacceptable. Both the fact that you haven’t visited your mother in over a year and haven’t had a homecooked meal since.”
“Do sandwiches count? Because I can make a mean turkey sandwich.”
I open my mouth to object one final time, but it’s too late. They’ve already crossed through the threshold, leaving me and Ale out alone on the porch.
“Jesus,” he mutters. “Come on, let’s get in. It’s cold out.” But I’m at a perfect temperature, protected by Knox’s jacket.
“Your wife is…” I sigh, shaking my head, walking past him into his house.
“Involved?”
“Meddlesome.”
“Preach.”