Chapter 27 Lottie
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
LOTTIE
Itrail my fingers over the rows of rope, feeling the difference in textures beneath my fingertips.
From the goofy smile on my face, you would think I find them fascinating or something.
Beautiful, even. Or that I’d equate trips like this to the hardware store to going to Disney World.
But you’d never know all that’s running through my head right now is Knox.
And the way he tied me to his bed last night.
You’d never guess I’m trying to find a way to sneakily buy the blue rope in my hand without Jenn noticing or raising suspicion from Frank, the cashier.
I could come back later. I could come back when I’m alone and pretend like I need it for the reno and—
“Girl, what are you doing here?” Jenn’s voice, so close to my ear, makes me jump.
“We’re supposed to be in the paint section picking out a color.”
“I—I was just… I got distracted. Sorry.”
Jenn follows looks at the items before us and raises a brow. “By rope?”
“I…Yes? I thought the color was pretty,” I say, trying to come up with a semblance of a believable lie. “For the walls. Of the store.”
Shit.
“I thought we were going for a neutral tone. Picking a color like that would make it harder for buyers to imagine themselves in the space, right?”
“Right. No, you’re right. Let’s—” I clear my throat once, leading her out of this aisle and toward the paint one. “Let’s go. We need to start painting soon. No more dilly-dallying.”
For the next fifteen minutes I watch Jenn review each paint sample available, comparing pricing and quality.
And I watch her in fascination, loving how this teensy bit of responsibility has caused her to blossom into this…
adult. Or maybe she’s always been this way. And I just haven’t been able to see it.
“Okay, so, like, I feel like we should go for more of a cream, you know?” she says, her brows creased in concentration. “This white is giving asylum, and no thanks, no one’s gonna want to buy one and dove grey is boring AF.”
I snort and take the paint samples from her, comparing them side by side. “Absolutely. I agree with you.”
“Where’s Knox? Shouldn’t he be here to approve this?”
“Why are you asking me?”
Jenn scoffs. “Puh-lease. You two have been attached at the hip.”
I don’t because I know it’s all over my face. Instead, I own it. Laugh about it. Because I love it.
“Knox is—”
“Right here! I’m right here. Sorry I’m late.” He plants a quick kiss on my cheek as if on instinct leaving me stunned. A huge grin spreads across Jenn’s smug face while Knox catches his breath. “What’re we looking at?”
“Uh, the reason why we’re supposed to be meeting here in the first place?” Jenn rolls her eyes.
He laughs. “Right. Paint. Sorry. Is this what you guys got it down to?”
“Yes.” She takes the samples from my hands and passes them to him. “We were between these three. You’re a dude, so I don’t expect you to know the difference, but—”
“The cream, right? The white is too clinical. Wouldn’t work for the sale. And the grey is just… Meh.”
Jenn’s jaw slackens but I smile, unsurprised. Knox is all about attention to detail—in work and in his relationships.
“Am I right or what?”
Jenn smiles. “Right. Good job, Riddick! Making me proud.”
“Thanks?” he laughs.
“Okay, so let’s get a couple of gallons—you carry them.
I’m gonna go check out doorknobs and stuff.
We still need to replace essential hardware.
And that way you guys can have some alone time and Lottie can go back to that gross happy expression she had on her face when she was fantasizing about you five minutes ago. ”
“I—”
But she holds a hand up to stop me. “Ah-ah! Don’t try to deny it, babe. See you at the cash register.”
Knox winds his arms around my waist as soon as Jenn walks away, placing an openmouthed kiss on my neck.
“I missed you,” he murmurs in my hair.
My chest tightens, and I want more than anything to admit that I missed him too. But casual. Need to keep it casual.
I place a soft kiss on his lips and dig my fingers into his hair, pulling back just enough to look him in the eye. “What took you so long?”
He laughs. “So long? I was only like five minutes late, Pretty Girl.” I raise a brow in reproach, but it only makes him smile wider. “Was at the park, getting to know the rest of the town. Ceres Cove is kinda idyllic.”
I make a face, ready to tell him all the ways in which he’s wrong but decide against it. No need to bring this vibe down.
“It is. I took some pretty sick pictures of it. One day, I’ll show them to you.”
I snort and pull away from him. “Okay, Helmut Newton.”
He inhales sharply, hand to his chest. “You did not just call me by his name. I don’t think I’ve wanted to fuck you more,” he says with a growl.
I laugh when he pulls me closer to him, nipping at my neck and whispering all the things he wants to do to me as soon as we get a second alone.
There’s no denying I want him just as bad, heat building between my legs. And just as I come up with the perfect excuse to feed to Jenn so Knox and I can take the day off, a voice breaks through my fantasies.
“Carlota?”
And as I open my eyes and slowly push away from Knox, it’s like a record scratch to my heart, my body—everything.
“Jason.” His name comes out on a whisper, mouth dry.
I try once to swallow while I take in his appearance: tall, runner’s build, blond hair with light brown eyes—kind ones.
He was always so kind. Standing before me, he looks just the same as the night I got up suddenly from our last date, cutting our dinner short.
Except this time around, he has a baby strapped to his chest.
His smile is warm and welcoming, like he’s genuinely happy to run into me even after the way I treated him. “It’s so good to see you.”
“I…” I can’t say the same. “It’s so good to see you too.” Like an idiot, I go in for a hug, stopping short when I realize he has a fucking baby strapped to his chest. “Oops, sorry.” I laugh awkwardly. “And who’s this little guy?”
“Girl.” Jason looks down, beaming at the baby who beams right on back at him. “This is Katie.” He makes a face at her, and she giggles. “Say hi, Katie.” He grabs her little hand and waves it before kissing it.
“Hey, I’m Knox.” I jump at his voice as he stretches out his hand to Jason, who happily takes it.
Jason grins at him. “You’re Walter’s son! It’s so good to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“I’m not surprised,” Knox says with a laugh. “Seems like this town is good about keeping everyone up to date.”
Jason laughs easily and nods.
“I thought you moved away,” I say, voice detached. And I wish I could take the words back as soon as they leave my mouth because what the hell.
The vibe shifts, the air grows a bit tense. Jason’s face falls when he turns to me. “Yeah, I did. But Saskia, my wife, and I are here visiting my parents. Katie and I are here buying a couple of things to help my dad with a project at his house.”
“Got it.” I nod, forcing a smile.
After a painfully awkward silence, he nods once with a tight smile. “Well, it was good seeing you again, Carlota. And it was good meeting you, Knox.”
“Good to meet you, man.”
Knox has the decency to wait until Jason is out of earshot before prying: “So how long did you date for?” I can tell from the sound of his voice that he’s trying so hard not to sound jealous. Or eager for information. Or both.
I take a deep breath and look him straight in the eye, trying my best not to look devastated. Not because I’m not with Jason anymore. Not because he’s moved on. But because of what he represents. And there’s no way I can be that honest with Knox, is there?
“Not long. About three dates.”
His brow furrow, and I’m certain it’s due to the short length of our non-relationship. “He end it?”
“No. I did.”
He sighs, frustrated. “You gotta give me more than that, Lottie. Not to sound like a jealous boyfriend or whatever, but you looked like you saw a ghost. You’re fucking white as a sheet. I’m trying really hard to respect your boundaries, but…”
“I just… We didn’t fit.” I close my eyes, remembering that last dinner. Feeling the hope at the beginning of our date, realizing I was really starting to like him, that I was ready to move on and start another relationship. Only to have it all come crashing down after one little conversation.
“I really like you,” he’d told me, my hand in his. The candlelight hit him in a way that turned his light brown eyes into a warm gold hue. “And I want to be clear about what I want. From us. For us.”
I remember the way my stomach dropped, knowing exactly what was coming.
“I can see this long-term, Carlota. House, kids—the whole nine yards. What about you?”
“I—” I remember trying to speak, trying to say something. He wanted it all. “Kids?”
“Three,” he had said with a warm smile.
I had stared at my hands in my lap, wondering what to say or do. All I could think of was how much I needed to get out of there. So I did. I got to my feet and without another glance in his direction, I walked away, vowing never to seriously date another man again. What was the point?
He wanted it all and I had nothing to give.
Jason, being the good guy that he is, called and messaged, asking whether I was okay—but I left every attempt at communication unanswered. It wasn’t until I Venmoed him for my part of dinner that he got his answer: I was through with him. And I was through with everyone else, too.
Until Knox.
“It wasn’t going to work. Ever. So I’m really happy he got his family. I promise you my expression had nothing to do with any sort of remaining feelings for him—of which, to be clear, there are none—and more about my shock of running into him.”
I watch Knox grind his teeth, biting back questions he deserves answers to he knows he’d never get.
“Okay,” he says after a bit with a single nod.
“Okay?”
“I mean, not okay. You know you’ve left me with more questions than answers. But okay. I’m going to respect your privacy. Trust you.”
“Okay,” I whisper before pressing a soft kiss on his cheek. “Thank you.”
He sighs heavily and brings a shaking hand to mine. “Let’s get the stupid paint and go.”
Guilt weighs on me as I follow Knox to the check-out counter, fully aware the tension in his shoulders isn’t from carrying the heavy cans. But it’s casual, I remind myself. And I can’t have kids is not a casual conversation to be had. Or relevant to our relationship. Because, again: CASUAL.
“Lottie-pie!”
I look up to find my parents’ old neighbor, manning the cash register. “Mr. Pierce. How are you?”
His smile lines deepen as he reaches over the counter to pat my cheek. “Good now that you’re here. Haven’t seen you in a while, my girl.”
Knox smiles, so I don’t even bother pulling away. Let him be distracted.
“I know Mr. Pierce, I’m sorry I haven’t visited more often.” And I mean it. He and his wife used to babysit us whenever our parents needed help and were there for us when they passed.
“You know, Molly and I were talking about setting you up with our daughter’s brother-in-law. But then I heard you were with this guy now!” Mr. Pierce throws a thumb in Knox’s direction.
I choke, but Knox bursts out laughing.
“Mr. Pierce, have you even met Knox yet?” I ask, embarrassed for the man. He’s pushing eighty, but still.
“No,” he says with an easy shrug, looking Knox over. “But I don’t need to in this town. I’m pretty sure I know all about him, now.”
“I’m honored to be such a widespread topic of discussion, sir,” Knox says with his lopsided grin. “But how about I introduce myself just the same?”
Mr. Pierce looks down at his hand, then at me, then back at his hand before shaking it.
“He’s a nice man, Lottie. Good lookin’, too.”
“Oh my god,” I whisper, putting my face in my hands.
“I’ll tell Molly we should put off introducing you to other men for the time being, okay?”
“I would greatly appreciate that, sir,” Knox says. “I’m not one to share.”