16. Payton
CHAPTER 16
Payton
ONE MONTH LATER
" Y ou're home!" Dahlia squeals as she engulfs me in her arms. "You look good," she says as she releases me. "Don't think I missed the pictures of you and Silas." She gives me a worried look, and I sigh, I should have known this was coming.
"Bianca, I'm so glad you're here," she says as she pulls Bianca in for a hug. "Your room is ready, you two have to share, I'm sure you don't mind."
I smile, "No, we've shared rooms before." When we were first starting out, whenever Bianca and I were on a shoot together, we'd always end up sharing a room, it's how we became fast friends.
"Good." She claps her hands, "Go on and get set up. The kids will be home soon, and I can't wait to see their faces when they see you."
Walking up to my old room, I have a sense of nostalgia hit me. It's been a long time since I've been here. Glancing at the bed, I remember the heartache and pain I felt while I cried myself to sleep. Losing Mom, Dad, and then Silas was too much for me. If it weren't for Dahlia, I'm not sure what would have happened. She's kept me grounded, the love I have for her is unconditional, just as she gave me. She's held us all together, when she could have walked away.
"You okay?" Bianca asks. She's another person who has been by my side throughout it all.
I nod. "Yeah, just thinking about how much has changed."
"It's good though, you're a different person than you were back then. You're stronger, better, and more resilient than you were." She sits on one of the single beds, "What's really going on in your head?"
I sit down on the other bed and sigh, "I love Silas, that has never been a question, but it's hard. We've been through a hell of a lot. This past month has been different. I'm worried about what he's thinking and feeling. I've not had to do this in a long time. I feel as though I'm drowning, I miss him. What's happening?"
"It's normal to feel this way," she tells me with a small smile. "You two have been through a lot. So the feelings are stronger than they ever have been. You miss him, because you've just got him back."
I hang my head. "I feel out of sorts, like I'm torn between my job and him. I want to be with him, but I don't want to go back to giving up everything in order for him to have everything."
"You've said it yourself, you're able to survive without having Silas. You have us, your family, and really that’s all we need to survive. But being with Silas makes you happy. You just have to find a way that neither of you are giving up anything in order to be together."
And that therein lies the problem. Silas is settled in Seattle, that's been his dream since as long as I can remember. I don't really have a home, I spend my time moving between countries. Whenever I'm home in the US, it's not for very long. If we do this, be together, can our relationship survive me being gone for that long?
The front door opens and pulls me out of my thoughts. "Aunt Dahlia!" Sebastian's voice is high pitched and full of happiness.
"Well, hello, my little monster, how was school today?" she asks, and it's not for the first time that I realize just how lucky we all are to have her in our lives.
"Good," Sebastian replies.
"Tyler, what about you?" Dahlia asks.
I bite back a smile when I hear Tyler's grunt in response.
"How was your day, Dahlia?" Mary asks, and God, she's so sweet. She's grown so much since I left.
"It was good, I've got a few surprises for all of you," Dahlia says, and I glance at Bianca and grin.
"What surprises?" Mary demands. That girl hates not knowing what's happening. When we were growing up, she'd always find the Christmas presents and open them just so she'd know what she had.
"Shall we?" I ask Bee, and she smiles as she gets to her feet.
"Pay?" Tyler gasps as I walk down the stairs, "Bee?"
"Hey," I reply softly, and I'm tackled as soon as I hit the bottom step. His arms coming around me and holding onto my waist, hugging me tightly. Bianca skirts around us and goes to see the others. "I've missed you," I whisper as I hold him close. "How have you been? Are you okay?"
He nods. "It's just weird without you. I miss you," he confesses and my heart stutters, "Will you be coming home?"
My heart clenches as my throat closes. I should have known that he wasn't doing okay. "I'll come home more often, I promise."
He nods, the relief in his eyes is palpable. "Thank you."
"Why didn't you tell me you were struggling?" I talk to him at least twice a week, sometimes, three times.
"No one else is," he whispers as though he's ashamed.
"That's not true, I struggled. I struggled for a long time. Sometimes I still do. But we're not alone, you have me and Dahlia." He tenses at Dahlia's name. I pull him with me back upstairs. "Hey, what's going on?" I ask once I close the door behind us.
"She's not mom, she's not you."
I sigh. "Do you want to live with me?" I ask, wondering how I never saw this before.
He shrugs. "I don't know her. She's nice, but she's not family."
"She is family, Ty, she really is. She wasn't around a lot when we were growing up, but when she was, she gave us everything she had. Then, when mom and dad died, she dropped everything for us. She never had to do that. She wanted us to have a home and a family."
His jaw tightens. "Why did we have to leave?"
"What's really going on, Ty? You were happy when we got here, so what's changed?"
"Everything!" he screams. "Everything has changed. You're gone, Mary and Sebastian love it here, it's as though everyone has forgotten mom and dad. No one talks about them anymore."
"Oh, Ty," I whisper. "You can talk about them with me. I love remembering them. I love laughing at memories. While I'm here for Christmas, we'll talk, okay?"
Relief washes through him, and he finally smiles. "Yes."
I pull him in for a hug again and squish him when I do. "Never be afraid to ask for anything. If I can, I'll do whatever it takes to do it for you."
When I get downstairs, I'm given more hugs and showered in love. Dahlia gives me a grateful look and I need to talk to her later about her not telling me about how bad Ty had gotten.
"We're having pizza for dinner," Dahlia announces, and Bianca and I grin; pasta and bread are our downfall. We try to be healthy, but put bread or pasta in front of us, and we'll binge until we're sick.
"Tell me," Dahlia demands when the kids are watching TV. "How did you two get back together?"
I smile, "We bumped into each other while Bee and I were in Seattle. We went to a nightclub to unwind, and he was there. When we touched, it was as though the past three years hadn't happened. All the feelings came rushing back."
She gives me a worried look, "Pay, I know that you love him. But, I want you to be careful, you've been hurt so many times before by him."
I sigh, "I know, he tells me that it was all a misunderstanding."
She raises her brow, "Do you believe him?"
"I want to, I really do."
She reaches for my hand. "Take things slow, don't rush into this. You've had your heart broken, and it's not fully healed. The last thing I want is for you to have it broken again."
"I know, we're taking things slow. The next three months we're not actually going to see each other. We've been calling and texting. It's hard."
She squeezes my hand, "I'm happy if you are."
I finally smile. "I am. I love Silas, I really do and being with him makes me happy."
"Promise me, Pay, promise that you won't give up your life again."
"That I can promise. I love my job, and I love what I do. Silas and I are going to have to find a way for us to be together while doing what we both love."
Her shoulders release some of the tightness it had. "That's my girl." She grins, "You seem to know what you want this time around. I'm proud of you, Pay. You've made a good life."
I return her smile, "I wouldn't have done this, if it weren't for you."
"Bullshit," she replies. "Love you, Pay."
"Love you too. What time are you getting up tomorrow?" I ask, wondering if I'm going to be able to sleep in?
"Whenever your brothers and sister wake me."
I laugh and hope to God, that this Christmas is going to be better than the last few.