Chapter 9
Tori
It’s been a few days since I created this stupid account, and I should’ve known better. I should’ve never poured my heart out to someone the way that I did. I most likely scared them off, and I can’t say I blame them.
I do a double-take though when the status indicates that the other person is currently typing a response. Maybe I was wrong or maybe they’re getting ready to tell me no thanks, they’re no long interested in chatting, considering how lengthy my messages were—talk about writing a book.
I wait and wait but nothing shows up in my inbox regardless how many times I refresh the page.
Let’s face it, rejection, in any form, is just plain awful.
I should really be ashamed of myself for allowing things to get this far.
I mean, did I really expect to find someone that truly cared on a stupid dating site?
I’d like to think I was smarter than that, but apparently I’m not.
I find myself slipping deeper and deeper into a depression state.
Rena would be upset if she knew I was battling these feelings without reaching out to her—David too for that matter—but I don’t want to burden either of them with my troubles.
They have their own lives and worrying about me is the last thing either of them should have to worry about.
The idea of going away for a little while crosses my mind again and I’m convinced now more than I was a few days ago, this is exactly what I should do.
I need a change of scenery, I need fresh air, and I need a new perspective on life.
Dwelling on everything isn’t going to make it better.
In fact, it’s only going to make things worse.
I pull my suitcase from the closet and begin to toss things inside. I don’t care if anything is folded neatly or not. At this point, I don't even care if anything matches. The sooner I can get away and get out of this miserable town the better I will feel.
Instead of waiting until morning to leave, I load my car and try to prepare myself mentally for the almost six hour drive to Rigsby Falls.
Kyle's parents have told me many times that I was more than welcome to stay in the cabin they have there, but I never wanted to burden them by asking.
To be honest, I never wanted them to know how badly I was hurting.
If I can just make it to the state line tonight, which is roughly half way, I'll find a hotel then make the rest of the drive with a clearer head tomorrow.
* * *
I collapse as soon as my head hits the pillow, and my mind takes me back to a time when Kyle and I were together.
Things were so much better when my husband was still alive.
The date nights, the random texts, the little notes he’d leave on the counter, the delicious treats he’d bring home from the local bakery…
I’m convinced there will never be anyone else like him.
While I'm eating breakfast the next morning, I pull my phone from my purse. The more I think about last night, I realize I may have overreacted just a bit.
I’m surprised to find a short but sweet message from BlaznD simply saying he hopes I’m able to feel better soon. It’s almost like he knew something was up and waited before sending his reply.
I let him know I decided to go out of town on a whim and I thank him for not abandoning me after my last message.
By the time I make it to the cabin and I’ve raised the windows for it to air out, BlaznD has left me another response.
These back and forth messages continue the rest of the day and even later into the evening.
He reminds me a lot of David by some the sweet things he says, which reminds me that I need to reach out to him.
I’d hate for him to worry about me should he stop by the house and discover I’m not there.
I’ve not made up my mind how long I plan to stay, but Kyle’s parents encouraged me to stay as long as I need to.
The phone call to them wasn’t nearly as traumatic as I’d originally expected and I regret not reaching out to them sooner.
It’s so hard sometimes to remember I’m not the only one suffering.
Kyle and I spent our honeymoon here instead of taking a lavish trip somewhere, and I hate we didn’t get to come back more often. Isn’t this always the case though? Until something precious is taken from you…
By the end of the week, I’m starting to feel like myself again. As close to normal as I’ve felt in a long time. Maybe it’s the ongoing messages from BlaznD or it could be I’m finally starting to come to terms with things. Who knows, but I’m not complaining.
On Saturday, I head into town and browse several of the gift shops geared for tourists and those looking for little knickknacks.
I treat myself to a couple homemade soaps, a few body scrubs, and a wonderful smelling soy candle that’s almost too pretty to burn.
I even stop by a homemade candy shop and indulge in a few pieces of fudge.
Later in the evening when I’m back at the cabin, I pull out the robe from the closet and prepare to take an extra-long soak in the tub.
I’m excited to try out my new soaps and scrubs.
Kyle was quite fond of the pear scented lotions and sprays I used while we were dating, but I decided to try something different for a change—honey.
The fragrance is mild with a hint of sweetness, perfect for the way I’m feeling.
I check my phone before stepping into the water and it nearly slips from my hand when I scan the latest message from BlaznD.
Can I call you?