Chapter 38
Luca
SHARDS OF PAIN smoldered in the ice-cold frost, anguish only I could paint into the depths of Vivienne’s eyes.
Shame burdened the monster, who sulked when I needed him to rage.
I was desperate to explain when no explanation would suffice.
Apologize when words didn’t hold enough meaning.
Instead, I slipped my ring back on her finger, kissing it as if restating my vows.
I knew she loved me, but in the wake of my confession, a wave of disgust had risen and washed away her devotion.
As the tide rolled out, it would carry away her animosity.
I had to believe that. I’d also regain her trust if it was the last act I managed on earth.
But I had little time to begin. The door to the underworld opened, and we stepped onto the path of destruction.
Vigo’s lawyers chomped at the bit for our release. They’d petitioned for hours. Damian would’ve reported our capture the minute it happened. As soon as the family learned of our detention, attorneys were deployed to argue for our freedom. And they won.
“Did you know this would happen today?” Vivi asked as we were whisked down a precinct hall.
Technically, the task force fell under the jurisdiction of the FBI, but for coverage purposes they’d brought us to the police station.
Anything to maintain the guise that Tanaka was responsible for our arrest versus announcing an undercover sting operation infiltrating the Cosa Nostra.
Years of work could not be undone in a day because I lost my shit over the king’s daughter.
“No, I had no idea. If I did, we wouldn’t have left the compound.”
She stopped dead. Ten agents stumbled over themselves to avoid plowing into us.
Others continued on until they noticed their entourage lagged behind.
Brynn O’Connor—the senior agent—turned, her red ponytail flipping over her shoulder.
She glared with lethal precision, but her anger was nothing compared to my wife’s.
“Why?”
“Why? Jesus Christ, uccello.” I grabbed her neck and drew her closer.
“I’ve given you a thousand lies and a million truths.
But I’ve failed completely if you haven’t felt all the reasons I would hold you captive.
Your perfect surrender, your trust, each kiss, and every breath—your love is heaven in the midst of hell.
Even a sinner like me knows not to forsake God’s purest gift. ”
I searched her gorgeous eyes for a sign she softened against my honesty.
Nothing but glinting frost. “I may be selfish, but I’m not stupid,” I insisted.
“I’ll take you every time you’re offered, praise in the glory of your worship, and give thanks to the Lord for your pleasure.
I won’t apologize for loving you, and I won’t allow man to undo what is sacred.
You can fight it, deny it, and watch as the world burns around us, but the truth is and always will be that you are mine.
This.” I motioned to the unforgiving fluorescence and the befuddled stares of my colleagues.
“My career. The vow I made to fight the government’s war is no longer my concern.
You challenged the very core of my existence the moment I saw you.
I didn’t want the reality of my job to come as such a shock.
I wanted time, or maybe none at all. I wanted to finish it and run, but I always wanted to do it with you.
Never against you. So that is the why. You are always the why. ”
Suspicion lived in her gaze. Words wouldn’t win Vivienne’s trust, so I did the one thing I could. I kissed her. I crashed into her like a wave, working her lips open with mine until our tongues met and we drowned in sensation.
Sometimes, devotion changed an already defined course.
This time, she was the only direction I’d follow.
She shivered when my fingers wove through her hair. Then she pushed against my chest to rip us apart.
A breath shot from her lungs. “Non toccare,” she said, her voice low and strained. “No touching,” she said again, as if English would enforce her direction. “You lost the right to touch me when you lied.”
I shook my head. “That’s not how this works, Vivi.
We walk into your house as the same loyal and dutiful couple who left, or we don’t go at all.
Capisci? This sucks. I suck. I’m an asshole and a liar.
I’ll accept every name you invent, but your father is a smart man.
If you don’t hold the same level of devotion toward me, he’ll see through your pretense.
When that happens, Stefano’s gun will aim at my temple and then yours.
I won’t let that happen. So tell me now—give me your promise and say you’ll love me for at least another day. ”
“I hate you.”
The monster howled. I hung my head and grabbed her nape, bringing her close enough that my forehead rested on hers.
“I know you do. I own that too. And as I have promised, one day I’ll give you everything—every moment of my past. I’ll answer every question with blunt honesty.
But right this second, I need you to believe me when I say ti amo.
I won’t ask for your forgiveness, but I will seek your grace.
You, mio bellissimo uccello amorevole, are the best woman I’ve ever known.
Your brilliance outshines the sun, and I’m begging for your light to reach into my darkness. Per favore.”
I squeezed my eyes closed and sought out a God I wasn’t sure existed but who Vivi found comfort in.
Through her silence, I saw our future in the image painted like a prayer behind my trembling lids.
A house with a nursery and a rocking chair, and a child snuggled safely on her lap.
Please. I gasped when her fingers found my cheeks, hissed with hope when they scraped my throat, and breathed easier when her lips hovered next to mine.
“Why did you marry me?” she asked.
“Because we were inevitable.”
“Fate,” she murmured, as if thinking out loud. “I was the tumbling comet drawn to the deep force of your gravity. The center of the world wasn’t strong enough to hold me down, but I never had a chance for independence after I met you.”
A bitter laugh escaped her mouth, and then her chest hitched. I folded her in my arms and thanked God for the opportunity.
“I’ll get it right this time. I’m so beyond sorry, uccello.”
Brynn cleared her throat. “We good here, Mancini?”
Vivi glared at my boss but clung to me; then she nodded and walked toward the door with my hand in hers.
A gesture of solidarity that calmed my nerves and got our party moving again.
The long hallway transitioned into a lobby and then the exit, where the stinging stench of sweat and booze lingered in the evening air.
I loved Manhattan for its energy but longed for the open road and a break from the chaos. It’d been a long five years.
Damian waited outside. We climbed in the back of a Range Rover, and he shot me a look through the rearview mirror.
His dark eyes glittered a warning under the hazy light that blinked on with the opened door.
I drew Vivi in to warn her that someone was listening, but there was no need.
She snuggled into my side and was asleep a block later.
Sitting in the silence of my thoughts, I watched the world fly by out the window and wiped a cutting laugh from my lips.
How ironic that so many people were interested in what I did and what I had to say when I had grown up surrounded by disinterest. I never knew love.
And why would I? I was a sinful child, a selfish teen, and an arrogant adult.
Overseas, when my buddies were talking to wives or girlfriends, I was out fucking or fighting, sometimes both.
And when the inevitable rotation of the Earth took the light, all alone I would stare into the dark sky and know I was forgotten.
I was born without a purpose and without the ability to care.
I’d think about what I’d done that day, and when I felt nothing, I knew.
I just knew that one day there would be a heavy price to pay for all my sins.
The time had come.
And the cost was excruciating.
A fourth chapter had been added to the book of my life. Every choice I’d made while searching for purpose led me to Vivienne, and they also threatened to tear us apart. I held my wife tighter, knowing we needed a miracle to have any kind of future.
She woke up, blinking groggy eyes, when we reached the compound. I helped her out and down the steps to the catacombs. Rocco stood outside her father’s office, tracking her and the bruises and lumps marring her skin as she walked by.
Dante, Stefano, and Vigo listened to me relay a story that Brynn meticulously put together.
Tanaka found the body and made an assumption because of his interest in the Cabellos.
He sought me out, knowing my connection to the family from our interaction after the Cantina.
Once he saw my injuries, a mirror of those of the dead man, he pulled us in for questioning.
Simple. Vivi and I clammed up, immediately requesting counsel. We said nothing.
We also made the six o’clock news. Someone in an apartment above the shop taped the arrest on their cell phone. Good for us. The drama added credibility to the story.
Vivi swayed on her feet. Stefano grilled her while I watched with a practiced eye. She stuck to the truth, all of it minus the moments following her release from the handcuffs. She was exhausted but honest, and when her throat closed over the retelling of my absence, I felt her pain.
Her fingers curled tightly around my hand as they had a thousand times, yet there was a new tenderness that strangled my heart.
No one would question her devotion. I kissed her palm, then her forehead where I whispered the declaration I’d give every day for the rest of our lives. “I’m sorry, uccello.”