Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
“Nothing is a guarantee,” I told Addi and Joey late Thursday afternoon. “I have no idea if it’ll work for you, but I’d like to try it. If you guys are up to it.”
They exchanged an excited glance and I knew I failed at keeping their expectations low. They wanted kids. It was obvious in everything they did. It broke my heart that they hadn’t had them yet, but I knew they would. One way or another.
I just really didn’t want to give friends the maybe-adoption-is-your-only-option talk. That was painful to deliver to people I didn’t socialize with every week.
“We want to try,” Addi said excitedly. “When can we do it?”
“You can take a little while to think about it if you want,” I suggested, knowing any time a couple tried IVF it was a big decision.
She shook her head. “We’re ready. We want to try. I have four eggs left, right?”
I checked my notes and nodded. “Yes. There are four frozen embryos left.”
“So we have four chances before you have to get more eggs. I’m not getting any younger. Let’s do it now.”
“If you’re both ready, we can. Where are you in your cycle?”
“I’m at day thirteen so we can go ahead now.”
I shook my head. “It’s too late.”
“But I’m right in the middle of my cycle. I thought that was the best time to try?”
I nodded. “It is, but I don’t have an opening in my schedule to do it now and you know you should be prepared to rest. Plus, I don’t want to rush into this.”
“We’re ready, Peyton. Let’s do it now.”
I glanced to Joey, hoping he could help talk some sense into Addi. Thankfully, he was already on board.
“Ads, let’s just give it another month. We’ll schedule an appointment. You know it takes a little while for the embryos to thaw and be usable. We don’t have to rush.”
“We do, Joey. I’m almost thirty-three. Our chances of having our own kids are dropping every month.”
“You’re still healthy enough to get pregnant and have a child.”
“But not more than one,” she said sadly.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Let’s get you pregnant with the first one before we worry about the second.”
Her eyes filled with tears. She nodded, spilling a couple down her cheeks. She brushed her long, brown hair back, gathering it into a ponytail and immediately dropping it.
“I’m sorry,” she said, reaching for Joey.
“I know you’re not trying to keep me away because of something bad.
This is all just getting to me. The meds and the medical talk and every day wishing I had a baby.
My best friends are getting pregnant without any issues at all.
And I don’t want them to go through all this, but it’s just hard that I haven’t gotten my chance yet. ”
“I know,” I said, handing her a tissue. “It’s not ever going to be easy. When you have your baby, it will be worth all this, but right now, I know how hard it is.”
“I know you do,” she said. “I don’t know how you do this every day. I’m a wreck all the time.”
I smiled. “It’s not my baby. I know that sounds harsh, and I hate that I can’t make this happen for you, but it’s for you. It’s not for me. I’d give up my own chances at kids forever if I could give you a child.”
“Don’t say that,” she breathed.
I shrugged. “I never planned to have kids. I work too much and I’m not cut out for permanent relationships. If I could surrender my chances and give you guys a baby, I’d do it right now.”
“Thank you,” Addi whispered. “And I really am happy for Carrie and Drew.”
“I know you are. But I know it’s hard. I’ve had patients who broke down in church watching other people with kids.
Or at the grocery store or just driving to work in the morning.
It’s not an easy thing to go through. You just have to remember you’re not alone.
” I looked at Joey. “He’s here for you. So am I. And so are all our friends.”
Addi reached out and hugged Joey to her side. “I know. It’s hard to talk to all them about this. None of them understand what I’m going through.”
“They’re still your friends. Just because they haven’t been through it doesn’t mean they won’t be there for you.”
She took a deep breath and nodded. “You’re right.”
“Okay, so if you’re on day thirteen right now, and your cycle is typically twenty-seven days, then I’ll want you back in here in right at four weeks. Schedule something for three weeks from now. We’ll double check your dates and make sure we’re ready for everything. Does that sound good?”
She nodded. “Perfect. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Hopefully it works this time.”
Addi sighed. “I hope so. And Peyton?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry about pushing to do it now. I’m just so ready to be a mom.”
I nodded. “I know you are. And you will be.”
She smiled at me as I left the room. I knew they’d need a minute to talk before they came out, so I went to my office. I checked my messages and signed some paperwork before I heard their voices in the hallway. Since my day was over, I went out to talk to them on their way out.
“Are you okay?”
Addi nodded. “Thanks.”
“Any time. You know, um, we don’t know each other that well besides here, but you can always call me. You know that, right?”
She shrugged. “I feel like I’d be taking advantage of you. I mean, I don’t think it’s fair that I would bug you when I’m feeling like shit just because we hang out.”
I shook my head. “You have my number for a reason. I give it out to a lot of my patients. Don’t feel bad if you want to call me.”
“Thanks Peyton.”
“You’re welcome. Enjoy things for a few weeks. When you’re back in here, you’ll be off all the fun stuff, like alcohol.”
Addi laughed. “Yeah. We can celebrate in advance.”
“Fingers crossed.”
Addi crossed her fingers and waved. She and Joey walked up front to check out, leaving me in the back. I went back to my office and finished up for the day, ready to go shortly after the office was empty.
“What are you doing tonight?” Laura asked, finding me in my office.
“Going home. Hunter is coming over tonight.”
“I thought the mayor’s name was Wyatt?”
I grinned. “It is. Hunter is my sister’s boyfriend.”
“Ah. Family dinner.”
I shook my head. “No, just a Thursday. Wanna come?”
“I don’t want to intrude.”
“Please. I feel like a third wheel with those two. You will not be intruding.”
“Are you sure?”
“Definitely. Are you done?”
“Yep.”
“Good. Let’s go.”
Laura followed me home, after she complained that she should go home and change.
“You’re dressed a heck of a lot nicer than I am,” I argued, thinking about her dark washed jeans and silver top that sparkled every time it caught the light. I would have worn that to a club, but Laura wore it to work. “Plus,” I added, “if you go home, you won’t want to come back out.”
“True.”
Laura walked inside with me and asked why Wyatt wasn’t coming over.
“We don’t see each other that much,” I said.
“You should call him.”
“I’m going to see him this weekend. I don’t need to see him that much.”
“If I had a guy like him, I’d never let him out of my sight.”
“How are you doing with the breakup?”
She shrugged. “Fine. It’s not really much different than normal.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. We never saw each other anyway. It’s kind of lonely knowing no one will be there when I get home though.”
“When Vicki moves out you should move in with me.”
“Vicki’s moving out?”
“I’m sure eventually she will. She and Hunter are talking about kids and marriage. She spends a lot of her nights over there.”
We hung up our coats and left boots by the door. “Is it bad that I hope it happens soon so I can do exactly that? Of course, then I’ll be in the way of you and Wyatt.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, please. Wyatt and I are short-lived. I keep telling everyone that.”
“What if you’re not?”
“We are. Neither of us wants anything permanent. Why is that a problem?”
Vicki stuck her head out of the kitchen. “Oh, hey Laura! I thought my sister had finally lost it and was arguing with herself.”
“Nope, just me,” Laura said with a grin. “I hope it’s okay that I’m crashing dinner.”
Vicki waved off her concerns. “You’re always welcome. It’s been forever since I’ve seen you. How are you?”
“Good.”
“She’s single and leaving me,” I complained.
“What?”
“Your sister is overly dramatic.”
“I know, but what is she talking about?”
“I broke up with Bill. It wasn’t working and I was sick of not caring about him and knowing he didn’t care about me.”
“And leaving?”
Laura sighed. “I’ve been considering doing something else. Nothing has been decided yet.”
“What are you thinking about doing?”
“Go ahead,” I said, “tell her.”
“Infusion.”
“Infusion?” Vicki asked.
“That’s what they call it when you administer chemo.”
Vicki’s eyebrow shot into her hair. “You’re joking, right?”
Laura shook her head.
“I figured you were going to do something happier. Something less stressful.”
“Nothing in nursing is really happy. People only come see you when they’re sick.”
“Uh, true,” Vicki said. “But still. You go from infertility to cancer? I didn’t think it could get more depressing.”
“I’m excited about it.”
“Well, that makes a big difference. Have you started talking to any local hospitals?”
Laura glanced at me, looking worried. “No, but I did call a hospital up in the Thousand Islands.”
“You called them? I didn’t know that.”
“I just wanted to get a feel for the place. I didn’t interview.”
“I’m not mad,” I said, hoping she believed me. I would miss her like mad, but if that was what she wanted to do, I’d give her the best damn recommendation that place had ever seen.
Vicki eased back into the kitchen, leaving Laura and I to talk.
“I would tell you before I went there or interviewed with them,” she said.
“I know. And if you didn’t, that’s fine, too. You don’t have to clear things with me. I just ask that you give me a little notice if you’re definitely going so I can try to find someone else. Not that anyone can truly replace you.”
“Thanks, Pey. And I’ll give you plenty of notice.”
“So are you definitely going?”
She shrugged. “I’m still thinking. A part of me feels like I’m nuts for doing this. That it’s just a symptom of everything with Bill. The other part of me feels like Bill was a symptom of a bigger problem and I should be going for more.”
“Well, let’s not worry about it tonight. Knowing Vicki, she has a bottle of wine open. And it smells like they made something good. Want to meet Hunter?”
Laura nodded, her shoulders easing and her lips drifting up into a grin. She followed me to the kitchen where I introduced her to Hunter. He offered a glass of wine to each of us and announced dinner was ready.
“I really appreciate you guys letting me join you.”
“Vicki said you work with Peyton?” Hunter asked.
“I do. I’m a nurse.”
“That’s impressive. The work you guys do is so important.”
Laura nodded, glancing at me. “It is. I know that. What do you do, Hunter?”
“I’m an artist. I just opened a new gallery in town.”
“Wow. That’s awesome. I barely know which end of a paintbrush to hold.”
We all laughed.
“I think that’s an important part of the process,” Hunter teased.
Laura fit in with us like she was another sister. In many ways, she was like another sister for me. It hit me that it wouldn’t be long before both of them were gone. Vicki would marry Hunter and they’d move in together, and Laura would go to the infusion center.
I was a blend of happy and sad. I wanted to see them both happy. I loved the idea of them each having something in their lives that made them happy. But I would miss them.
Vicki would still be close. I would still see her regularly. It would be different, but she’d be around.
Laura though… She’d leave. She sounded more and more excited every time she talked about the facility she found. She wanted to work there. She needed a new challenge in her life.
And I wasn’t going to let her not jump at it because she was scared.