Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Everyone laughed with Carrie. There was no way I was pregnant. Wyatt and I always used protection. Yes, I knew it wasn’t guaranteed, but there was no way I was pregnant.
“I’d be so pissed if you were pregnant before me,” Vicki said.
“Wait, you’re trying to get pregnant? You just got engaged!” Abby said.
Vicki shrugged. “I’ve wanted kids for so long and Hunter is on board with it. We’ve been trying for a while but haven’t had any luck yet.”
“Is this a shotgun wedding but you don’t want to admit it?” Carrie teased.
Vicki laughed and shook her head. “No. I’d proudly inform all of you if I was pregnant. No shotguns will be necessary at my wedding.”
“Wow. Everyone is having kids now. We’ve shifted from everyone getting married to everyone having kids,” Claire mused. “I almost want to have one, too.”
“Really?” Mandy screeched. “You want kids now?”
Claire shrugged. “We’ve talked about it. If we want kids, we need to start trying.”
“You should get off your birth control now,” I told her. “It can take three months for your cycle to return to normal. If you’re considering it, get off birth control and just use condoms until you decide you’re ready to start trying.”
“Ugh, I hate condoms,” Carrie groaned. “We haven’t used them since we were dating.”
“Neither have we,” Claire said. “I’m not sure I could convince Aidan to go back to them.”
I shrugged. “Just my opinion.”
“Your professional opinion,” Addi said. “She knows what she’s talking about, you guys.”
“We know,” Claire said, shooting me a look of apology. “I didn’t mean to sound like I didn’t care what you said.”
“It’s fine. I tend to go overboard with my information at times. It’s hard to separate my job and my life at times.”
“I think we all do that,” Mandy said. “I find myself giving Xander instructions all the time.”
“Yeah, but sometimes they need a little nudge in the right direction,” Sam said with a saucy grin. “I mean, Brady’s amazing, but if he’s taking too long to finish up, he loses me.”
“Uh, I didn’t mean sex, but okay,” Mandy said.
“Oh,” Sam replied. Her cheeks pinked under her red-rimmed glasses. She tossed her dark hair over her shoulder and shrugged. “Well, I was.”
Snorts and laughs echoed around the table.
“I know what you mean,” Tara agreed, leaning forward to catch Sam’s eye. “As much as I love Noah, there are times I feel like he gets lost. Or maybe he’s just trying something new. Either way, I have to get him back on track or I’m just done.”
“I think Mike’s better at getting me off than I am these days,” Lexi admitted. “It’s been so long since I've had to take care of it myself that I feel like I forgot what to do.”
“That’s how I am, too,” Charlie added. “I think Max is just too good at what he does.”
“Okay, choosing to pretend he’s not my brother, I can go along with this conversation,” Abby said with a shudder.
“Graham is a little of both. There are times when he’s there and done and I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on, but there are times when I feel like he forgets halfway through what he was doing. ”
“Exactly!” Sam cried. “I don’t get it.”
“Have you asked him?” I suggested.
“Um, no. I can’t even fathom that conversation.”
“Nope.”
“Why not? If he’s supposed to be making you feel good and he’s not, you should ask what’s going on.”
“Have you and Wyatt had those conversations?”
I shook my head and dipped my finger in the candy cane cupcake Wyatt gave me. “We don’t need to. He’s squarely in the better-than-me category.”
“I hate to say it, but I see both sides,” Olivia said. “Ethan is always good, but I don’t think he’d handle it well if I told him he wasn’t. That would be a huge blow to their egos if you said they weren’t getting the job done.”
“Brady gets it done. It just takes a while. Sometimes. Not all the time.”
“Graham, too.”
“I think sex has become so mechanical for Joey and I that I’ve forgotten what good feels like. I don’t think I know how to even have an orgasm anymore,” Addi said.
My heart cracked for them. I knew a lot of my patients had trouble being intimate for the sake of being intimate once they were in fertility treatments, but it was always hard to hear them talk about it.
I knew it was a symptom of the situation they were in, and I wanted so badly to fix it for them.
“Sorry, Ads,” Sam said. “I think you should go to work one day without any panties on and text him that you forgot to wear any. I think you’ll have a few orgasms that day.”
“That’s a great idea,” Mandy said. “I’m a big fan of waiting for Xander in one of his shirts. He loves that.”
I smiled, thinking of Wyatt insisting I wear his shirts around his condo.
And all the naughty things he did to me in just his shirt.
“Drew likes me to be in a tie and heels,” Carrie said.
“Apron,” Charlie said.
“Yep, me too,” Abby laughed.
“Connor liked the sexy librarian thing. I put my hair in a bun and perch some reading glasses on the end of my nose. I always button my shirt up to the very top and wear a long skirt that basically hides my shape, but put on really sexy underwear.”
“Oh, yeah, lingerie. I think that’s a surefire way to get him to deliver a few orgasms,” Tara said. “I have tons.”
“Hey, are you guys going to christen every room in the house when Sawyer moves to Hawaii?” Vicki asked Tara.
Tara laughed. “Probably. We’ve already done a pretty good job, but we’ll do it all over again. Have you and Hunter decided where you’re going to live?”
Vicki glanced at me before she answered. I hadn’t thought about Vicki moving so soon, but I knew by the look on her face that she was.
“We’re going to stay at Hunter’s place for now. When we have kids, we’ll have to move somewhere else, but for now, we’re just going to stay there. I’ve kind of already started moving my stuff.”
“You have?” I blurted. How did I not notice that?
Vicki nodded. “Yeah. Just a few things. I was going to talk to you this weekend.”
The entire table was silent as they took in the tension between us. My sister was getting married and moving on. I was happy for her. But I was more than a little hurt that she didn’t want to talk to me about it.
It just showed what she really thought of me.
* * *
By Friday, I was actually sick. I told Laura it was because Vicki and I hadn’t talked, but I knew that wasn’t the whole truth.
Apparently Laura did, too.
“When was your last period?” she said, dropping into the chair in my office.
I was staring at the wall of photos behind my desk. Pictures of all the babies I’d helped create. Babies whose parents came to me looking for help, and I gave them what they wanted.
I was terrified of the thought that I was going to have one of those in a few months.
“I’m not pregnant,” I said.
“Are you sure?”
I shook my head. I couldn’t say the words.
“Did you use protection?”
“Always!”
“Antibiotics?”
“Nope.”
“Condoms and birth control?”
I nodded.
“Did you forget a pill?”
I shook my head. “I went back this week and double checked that I wasn’t behind or anything.”
“Which brings me back to my original question. When was your last period?”
I sighed. “Five weeks ago.”
“A test would pick it up,” Laura said.
I knew she was trying to be helpful. She’d seen me turn green more than once. I knew it was either a very mild stomach bug that wouldn’t let go or a baby. I didn’t want to know the truth. I was perfectly content to stick my head in the sand and pretend it wasn’t happening.
“Wyatt would be pissed. So would my sister. And all my patients. And the new doctor that’s supposed to start in March.”
“You hired someone?”
I nodded. “She seems pretty great. Full of energy and very excited to help people get pregnant. I warned her that it can get emotional. She’s married to her high school sweetheart, who’s a cardiologist.”
“Why March?”
“She wants to give her current job enough notice to start looking for someone.”
“How did you find her so quickly?”
“Right place, right time. She was putting out feelers and we met for dinner one night. It was very casual and comfortable. I think she’ll fit in well around here.”
“Did I tell you I had my interview yesterday?”
I shot upright. “No. I forgot all about it. How did it go?”
“You were right, as usual.”
“About?”
“They offered me the job. On the call.”
“Holy shit! Seriously? Congratulations! We should go out to celebrate.”
“Not until you take a test.”
“Dammit. I thought you forgot about that.”
She shook her head and pursed her lips.
“What am I going to do if it’s positive?”
Laura’s chest heaved with her breath. She was as anxious as I was. “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”
I sighed. “I can’t have an abortion, but I don’t think I could give the baby up either.”
“Then I think you have your answer.”
“Wyatt’s going to kill me. His ex said she was pregnant when she wasn’t.”
“Yeah, but you really are pregnant.”
“I might be,” I corrected her.
“Okay, you might be. It’s not the same thing.”
“He’s still going to be mad.”
“Give him a chance,” Laura said. “But first, you need to find out if you’re actually pregnant.”
She handed me one of the tests we used for patients. I’d never peed on one before. Never had the need to. They were supplies. Something we kept on hand just in case. I’d never bought one in the box from the store before. I bought them in bulk.
And I finally needed to use one.
I took the test from Laura and marched out of the office. Everyone else had left for the day so I didn’t have to worry about seeing anyone. Wyatt was finishing up the last of the details for the winter festival, so whatever the test said, I had time before I would see him again.
I closed and locked the bathroom door. My hands shook as I tore the package open. I read the directions on the back even though I knew how to do the test. I decided to just pee on the stick instead of using a sample cup.
I quickly did the deed then set the test on the side of the sink. I wiped and flushed and washed my hands and carefully avoided looking at the test. I didn’t want to know.
I was staring at myself in the mirror, from the other side of the bathroom, when Laura knocked on the door. I opened it to let her in.
“You’re white. Is it positive?”
I shrugged. “I can’t look.”
She took my hand. “We’ll look together.”
I nodded and let her pull me back to the sink. I squeezed my eyes shut. Laura stood with me, not saying anything. She let me have my panic attack.
I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. I glanced at Laura. She was watching me. I tried to give her a grin, then we both turned to look at the test.