Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
Brooke
The last of the incoming graduate students left my office, and I sighed as I leaned back in my chair, grateful that the door was closed.
I had known this job would be difficult, as I hadn’t had an easy time of it as a graduate student myself. So being on the other side of the desk would be a different yet just as complicated experience.
I had once been the student vying for a seat with my favorite professor.
There were only so many graduate students a professor could handle during a year.
Not only did they have to deal with funding since we were providing their stipend, even through the school, but we also had to deal with time, desk space, and research opportunities.
I could handle three to five graduate students, and I knew that I would be getting them.
I just had to try for the ones that I wanted.
The large pool of incoming first-years had ideas of their own and knew where they wanted to go.
Because I was the new professor, starting from the ground up, some students were eager to get a foothold.
Others wanted to go to someone who had been here for years and would be able to fit into a place where there wouldn’t be the extra hurdles of starting from scratch and making sure the academic world knew that you existed.
While I had connections to my previous schools and other professors and postdocs that I had worked with in the past, I was still a relative unknown.
And that meant luring students to my cause wasn’t easy.
We had the space, and the funds, but finding the perfect student for my research wasn’t an easy task.
Each student had to meet with at least five professors, and many of them met with more than that. Many students came in knowing what kind of research they wanted to do. Others had no idea, only that they wanted a higher education.
My job was to find students that worked with the personalities of Randall, Jennifer, and Hannah.
They were already working for me, Randall was teaching a class for undergraduates, Jennifer was working on her thesis, at least the initial preparations for it, and Hannah was still taking classes as a second-year grad student.
I wanted the full five first-year grads, I didn’t think I was going to be able to get them, but three to five would be a great start to my career here and the building blocks needed for my students to thrive.
And that meant research, schmoozing, and fighting other professors for the students. Not that we actually fought for them. At least not so far. If anything, everybody looked like they were ready to find the students that worked for them and make sure that every student found a match.
This was in addition to the undergraduate class I was teaching, the graduate class I would be teaching next semester that I still needed to prepare for, my own research, and the day-to-day life of a professor at a university.
Sometimes I thought my life would have been easier if I had gone into industry, rather than academics, but I had taken this route for a reason. I enjoyed the connections, the research, and helping the new generation, even though sometimes I felt like I was still that young generation.
But it meant long nights, and my son having the patience of a saint. It didn’t help that right now a feeling of inadequacy filled me.
It was after five, and I knew I would be missing dinner tonight, as meetings were planned in advance, but I still hated that May was feeding my son, cooking for him, and if I didn’t get home early enough, would end up tucking him in.
This only happened once or twice a month, and I wouldn’t allow for it to happen more frequently. Patrice at least understood, and I hoped the other professors would as well.
People would just have to find a way to make it work, because I needed to be there for my son like I always had, and always would be.
It was just in these moments that the little voice in my head kept telling me that I was a horrible mother.
I went through the last of my emails and made sure I was ready to go.
I stood up, looking up at the door, expecting to see Randall.
He was teaching an evening course, something he actually enjoyed doing because he preferred to sleep in.
It was a perfect pairing since I tended to wake up early to get my day going.
But it wasn’t my postdoc in my doorway. No, it was the person I least wanted to see. I rolled my shoulders back and told myself to ignore the unsettled feeling in my stomach.
“Hello there, Dr. Cunning, what can I do for you?”
“Dr. Adler,” he said, putting an odd emphasis on my name. I knew he did that on purpose, like he wanted to call me Brooke.
He really was an asshole. I was trying not to put my preconceived notions on him, but it was hard not to when he kept acting like the asshole that he was.
He wanted my job, didn’t get it, and his apparent plan was to ruin my enjoyment of it.
That wasn’t going to happen. I was in a tenure-track position, and I was not going to lose my job.
There was another opening coming up in a year or two, and it was all but in writing that Landon would get it.
He had been second runner-up for my job, and the person who had been runner-up had taken a job at Harvard.
There was literally no reason for Landon to do this, other than he didn’t want to wait until he could get a job that was handpicked for him.
It made no sense to me other than he didn’t like to lose, and he wasn’t used to hearing the word no.
He was going to have to get used to it because I wasn’t having any of his nonsense.
“I’m just heading home. Is there anything that you needed?”
I knew better than to ask questions like that. I should’ve asked why he was here. But no, I had to be the helper.
I was usually better than that, but he always rattled me, and it threw me off my game. I was off my game for many things, but I wasn’t going to think about that right then.
“I just wanted to see how the recruitment was going. I know it can be difficult for a new teacher. One who doesn’t really have the experience that others have when it comes to bringing others to their team.
I’m here if you need any advice. Or if you’d like me to speak to a few of the other professors for you.
That way I can grease the wheels a bit to make sure you get who you need.
I would hate for you to start the year without the right number of students.
I mean, what could happen if you didn’t have the research and papers that you needed in order to qualify for your next position? ”
I nearly closed my eyes and told myself that beating a man senseless wasn’t going to help anyone.
It might make me feel better, though.
“I have it all handled. Thank you for looking out for me. I truly appreciate it.”
The sickly sweet tone escaping my lips was a little much for me, but he didn’t seem to mind. Instead, something flared in his eyes, something I didn’t quite recognize, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. I was tired and wanted to go home to my son, and this jerk just wouldn’t go away.
And I knew if I told him to leave me alone, to stop bothering me, to walk away, he would go to all his little professor friends and say that I was a nuisance.
I was the one who couldn’t handle it and was bothering him.
Because, after all, he was just trying to help a fellow teacher, someone new.
They wouldn’t hear the undertones. They wouldn’t see exactly what he was doing.
So I would just have to handle this myself. Like I always did. I had dealt with people like him before, and I would again in the future. I just had to get through this one thing, and I wouldn’t let Landon and his ilk bother me.
“If you’re sure.” He sneered as he said it, and I raised my chin.
“I’m sure. Have a good night then.”
He narrowed his gaze. “Brooke.”
I sighed as he closed the door behind him, and I wished there was a way to fix this.
But there wouldn’t be. Landon didn’t want to be my friend, there was no way I could change how he felt about me.
He wanted my job. He didn’t think I was qualified, and he was going to do whatever he could to ensure that I was uncomfortable and unhappy.
I wasn’t going to let him have that power over me.
I was stronger than that.
At least, that’s what I was telling myself.
I packed my things and headed to the lab. Randall was working, his head bowed over his laptop and data.
“Everything okay?” I asked my postdoc.
He looked up, his eyes wide. Then he shook his head, that numb glaze over his eyes fading away. “Oh, I’m good. Sorry, I was deep in it, and didn’t hear you come up.”
I smiled. “Honestly, that’s what I like to hear.”
He smiled back at me. “Sounds like a good day to me. Say hi to Luke for me. That kid is pretty awesome.”
I had brought Luke in a couple of days prior so he could see my office, and he had met my team.
I was grateful that so far my team liked Luke.
Honestly, it was easy when it came to my son.
He bowled everybody over no matter who they were, or how they felt about kids.
I was never going to ask one of them to babysit or watch Luke.
There were boundaries, and I wasn’t going to encroach.
But I also wanted Luke to feel comfortable wherever I was at.
“I will tell him. And I agree. He is pretty awesome.” I went over a few more things with Randall and promised I would see him after the weekend.
Thankfully, we had a three-day weekend, though I knew some people would be coming onto campus to work.
I would be doing mine from home, just going over papers and assignments.
Randall might come in, but the rest of my team wouldn’t.
I trusted my team to get things done, and they knew that they could come to me with anything.