Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Brooke
“It always stuns me that I know a real, live, nuclear physicist,” May stated as she sipped her drink.
I laughed as Lake clapped her hands. “Isn’t she brilliant? I mean, she’s a physicist, so I knew she was brilliant, but the way that she can casually just discuss radioactive materials, silicates, and chemical leaching without anyone the wiser just makes me grin.”
“That was for my graduate degree. I don’t work with that branch anymore. At least not in detail.”
The girls went on to ask more questions about physics, and I did my best to answer them.
I didn’t do the same type of research I had back in California or even in graduate school.
Instead, my research went in a slightly different direction.
I wasn’t a rocket scientist like Leif called me at one point, but I was close to it. At least in some aspects.
I ate a bite of my cupcake, then sipped my champagne as the three of us enjoyed our girl time.
Luke snuggled into my side and I kissed the top of his head.
He might not understand all of the physics explanations I was going into, but he enjoyed being part of the group.
And I loved the fact that while I was slowly making friends, Luke was part of everything.
He was my everything. I might be finding myself in a serious relationship with Leif, somehow slowly finding my footing at work again, but no matter what, Luke was mine. My everything.
“I want to be a tattoo artist,” Luke said suddenly, and Lake gave me a knowing look.
Luke had been looking at Leif these days as if he were my little boy’s hero, and I was a little worried about that. What happened when Leif left? When things didn’t work out? It was hard to find the balance, and I wasn’t sure I was doing it right.
“Do you want to show us what tattoo you would make? Your crayons are right here,” I said, pointing towards the coffee table where Luke and May had played with coloring books earlier.
“Okay, Mommy,” Luke said as he scrambled down off the couch and knelt in front of the coffee table.
He bit his lip, then tapped his chin with his pointer finger as he studied the crayons, and then reached for a blue one before starting his outline.
“You’re going with blue?” I asked
“I need to sharpen the purple one because purple is what you outline with.” He nodded tightly and then went back to his drawings.
I widened my gaze, trying to think when he would have learned something like that.
“I think I remembered Leif saying that he and Luke had talked about tattoos before when you were making dinner a couple of nights ago,” Lake said, as if she had known where my brain had gone.
I nodded as May and Lake continued to speak, watching Luke draw.
I needed to sit down with my son and have a long conversation about what it meant for Mommy to be dating. He knew that Leif was my friend and was honestly so great with him.
I hadn’t meant to begin a serious relationship before Leif, but this happy accident had turned into something I wanted to trust.
I just needed to learn to trust again.
We had dinner with his family coming up in a couple of days, and Luke was coming, too.
It scared me to think that I was taking all these serious steps, but I felt like I was also just getting started.
I had known Leif for longer than anyone else in the state.
I was friends with his cousins, his family, and him.
And I trusted him.
“You look like you just had a revelation,” Lake whispered as she leaned toward me.
May smiled over at me, winked, then looked down at Luke’s drawing.
“I’m just thinking,” I answered.
“About?” Lake prodded.
I looked over at the other woman as she tugged on her long sleeve. She had her hair piled up on the top of her head and was wearing foundation but no other makeup. It seemed out of place for her since Lake was usually so put together.
“The fact that I’m falling for your cousin,” I whispered, barely more than a breath.
May heard, though, and gave me a thumbs-up as Lake clapped her hands.
“I knew it. I like to think that I had something to do with this, but knowing my cousin, he would always find a way into your life.”
We were being quiet as we watched Luke draw.
“I just have to take things slow. Be careful.”
Lake nodded. “Because you’re a good person, and an even better mom.”
I smiled at her as the doorbell rang and I frowned, wondering who it could be.
I got off the couch, waving May down, as she and Lake went to help Luke with his drawing, each of my friends adding their tattoos to the paper.
I looked through the peephole, and warmth spread through me, my toes curling as I opened the door to see Leif standing there.
He had his hands in his pockets as he rocked back, a serious expression on his face.
I studied his eyes, the darkness in them, and dread filled my stomach even as I told myself I was just reading too much into it.
He opened his mouth to speak and then shook his head as if he were trying to figure out what to say.
Alarmed, I stepped out on the porch, closing the door behind me. “What is it?” I asked.
“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” he said after a minute, shocking me. I pressed my back against the door, my eyes wide. “What? You can’t do what anymore?”
He pulled his hand out of his pocket and gestured between the two of us. “This. It’s not working out. I have to go. You’re safer here.”
“Safer? What the hell are you talking about? Are you breaking up with me out of the blue and not telling me why? What is going on, Leif?”
“It’s over, Brooke. This was nice. But I can’t do this.”
Then he turned on his heel and left. That’s when I realized that he hadn’t even driven here. He’d walked from his place on the other side of the neighborhood, and I just stood there, shaking.
Lake opened the door after what seemed like an hour, or possibly ten minutes, and frowned. “I heard someone shout, but it wasn’t my cousin, right? Why are you standing there? Why are you so pale?”
I turned at her, my eyes widening. “I have to go figure out what the hell just happened.”
“What is wrong, Mommy?” Luke asked and my heart twisted.
I had just told myself that I was trusting Leif. That I was falling for him. And Leif showed up, leaving us, leaving Luke. Well damn it. I was not going to let that happen. No matter what, I would not let him hurt my son.
Or myself.
I moved past Lake to kneel in front of Luke. I pushed his hair away from his face, realizing he needed another haircut, and kissed his forehead. “I need to go talk to a friend. Do you think you can stay with May and Lake for a little bit? You can have another cupcake.”
Yes, I was bribing my son, trying to make him feel better because he could sense the nervousness wafting off me.
“I like cupcakes.” Then he leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose and I nearly burst into tears. “Don’t be sad, Mommy. You’ll fix it. You fix everything.”
I knew my son had no idea what he was talking about, but I wanted to be that strong. To be the protector who could fix things. I just had no idea how I was going to fix this.
“What happened?” Lake asked, concern etched on her features.
I swallowed hard. “I think Leif just broke up with me.” My voice broke, but I refused to cry. I did not have time to break down. I had to fix this and let my anger take over because I would be damned if Leif walked away like this. Not when something else had to be going on.
He had been the one to hold me, to get angry with me over what had happened at work. He had been the one to start this relationship with me when I wasn’t sure I had the time or strength to do so. And yet he could just walk away?
Lake’s eyes widened, and she nearly staggered back.
“Anything you need. We’re here. Something must have happened because I saw the way he looks at you. He loves you.”
My heart stopped for a moment, and everything went cold. “I don’t know about that, but I thought he at least respected me enough to tell me what’s on his mind.”
May was watching us, but she kept her attention on Luke, and for that, I was grateful.
They would take care of my son while I figured this out.
I trusted them, and I had to believe in that trust. Because if I allowed myself to break down after just thinking I could trust Leif with everything, I was not going to make it for long.
I said goodbye to them, and since I’d had two glasses of wine, I walked toward Leif’s house rather than getting behind the wheel.
It might be after dark, but the streetlights were on and there was a full moon.
I would only need a few more minutes outside to make it to his place.
I’d always found it comforting that we lived so close, even as I resisted starting a relationship, and yet he had just walked away. From me, from everything.
Damn it. I couldn’t let him do this.
At least not without answers.
I stormed up to his porch and banged on the front door, ringing the doorbell a couple of times for good measure.
The light in his living room was on, so he had to be home, even though his car was probably parked in the garage.
We’d barely spent any time at his place, mainly because Luke had everything at my place. It was just easier.
Was that the problem? Was it because he felt like I wasn’t taking this serious enough, putting enough effort in?
I swallowed hard, a single notion of worry sliding into anger.
Maybe I didn’t put in as much effort as I needed to.
He was always the one setting up dates and taking me out when we had time.
But the three of us did things together.
Although not as much as Leif probably would like.
I was taking things slow, trying not to hurt Luke or get his hopes up.
Or rather, my own hopes.
That was the truth. I didn’t want to hurt myself, so maybe I had hurt Leif in the process.