Chapter 39
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Carley
When I wake up the next morning, Saylor is sitting in her chair across the room, scrolling through her phone.
Shortly after our talk last night, I fell asleep.
But my dreams were vicious and kept me up half the night, trying to sob quietly into my pillow so I wouldn’t wake her up.
Eventually, I turned my body in D’s direction as much as I could, and I watched him as he lay there, fighting for his life.
I begged him to wake up. I prayed harder than I’ve ever prayed for anything in my entire life.
“Good morning,” Saylor breaks my concentration, and my eyes shift from D to her.
“Morning,” I respond.
“I was thinking about running home and taking a shower, but I’ll come back after that. Do you need me to bring you anything when I do?”
I shake my head gently. The only thing I need is D. And she can’t bring him back to me. He has to be the one to do that.
“Can I grab you a coffee before I leave?”
I nod my head, just because I know she wants to do something to feel useful right now.
When she’s gone, I try my hardest to get out of bed so I can sit in the chair at D’s bedside. But I can’t. I can barely get the top half of my body off the mattress, even though I’m already mostly upright. The strain to my shoulder is too painful.
I lay back down and close my eyes until Saylor returns. I’ve already lost what strength I gained through the night. A few minutes later, I hear someone walk into the room. When I open my eyes, I see Saylor approaching the bed with two cups of coffee in hand.
“Here you go,” she offers.
“Thank you.”
“Can I do anything else for you before I leave?” she asks.
“Actually, yes. Can you help me up? I want to sit in the chair.”
I point to the chair beside D’s bed.
“Yes, of course.”
Once I’m situated, she brings me a pillow and a blanket before leaving.
I don’t know how long I sit there, watching the shallow rise and fall of D’s chest, before my nurse comes in to check on me, but my coffee is ice cold.
“Good morning, Carley,” she practically sings as she walks to the monitors next to my bed and starts pressing buttons. “How are you feeling today?”
Empty.
I don’t speak, nor do I look at her.
She’s smart. Other than asking me if she can get me anything, she keeps quiet as she checks my blood pressure and monitors my concussion.
I don’t mean to be so standoffish, but I can’t bear the thought of making small talk while desperately trying to told myself together at the same time.
As soon as she’s done redressing my wound, she leaves, and I’m finally alone with D once again.
That’s when the tears come back. They form so quickly I can barely see in front of me as I pull myself to the edge of my seat with my good arm. I place my coffee cup on the floor, and on shaky legs, I stand and take one step before I collapse onto the side of his bed.
I can’t remember the last time I cried this hard. My sobs are painful, causing my body to shake and my bad shoulder to throb. But that pain will never match the pain I hold in my heart.
“I’m so sorry D,” I cry in a strangled whisper. I grab his hand in mine before I place my forehead on his chest. “I’m begging you, if you can hear me, please wake up. I promise I’ll never leave your side ever again. I’ll do anything if you just come back to me.”
I wipe away the tears with the back of my hand, but my eyes are full of them again in a second.
“Do you remember that night, at your penthouse, when we danced for hours? I finally got to wear that red dress for you.” I sniffle, trying to control my runny nose in between whimpers.
“You put on a fancy suit and romantic jazz blared throughout the entire house. When we get out of here, I want to do that again.”
I pick my head up and look at his handsome face. Exchanging hands, I grip his hand tightly with my left while I run my right hand through his hair, gently.
“And don’t forget you promised to sail me around the world on your yacht. You wanted to fuck me on every continent, remember? That’s exactly what we’re going to do when we get out of here, and you’re all better.”
I squeeze my eyes closed as more tears run over onto my cheeks. I know full well there is a chance he’s not leaving this hospital alive.
“Don’t worry, D. If you go, I go.” Sobs wrack my body, and my speech is barely audible. “I’d follow you … t—to …”
I begin to make the same declaration he’s made to me before, but I can’t get the rest out.
The mere thought of him not making it is too much for me to bear.
I’m not strong enough to go on without him.
I squeeze his hand, probably too hard as I need something to hold onto.
It feels like the ground is crumbling beneath my feet, and I’m about to get sucked into the abyss.
“… bot—bot … tom …
Now I’m hearing things.
I can hear your voice in my head, D. It’s calling out to me, and I want to run to you, to save you. To bring you back to me so we can find our happily ever after.
“… to the bottom … of the deep blue sea …” a voice sounds somewhere in the room, followed by an exhale you’d make after over-exerting yourself.
My head snaps up, and I don’t believe my eyes as I latch on to his.
His eyes.
D’s alluring, wonderful gray eyes.
“D? Oh, my god.”
“Théa,” he whispers again.
“You’re awake, you’re okay.”
Quicker than I’ve moved in the last twenty-four hours, I plant my lips on D’s and just about die when I feel them move against mine. Standing over him, I shake my head, still in disbelief.
“How are you? Can I get you anything? Oh my god, let me call the doctor in here.”
“Wait,” he requests.
I remember how everyone acted when I first woke up and how much I hated it, so I try to take it down a notch.
“Don’t leave. I just … want to hold you.”
“I’m here, D. And I’m not going anywhere ever again.”
* * *
TWO WEEKS LATER
D was in the hospital for a week before his doctor would release him. In the week since, his parents were here, and we also had many visits from friends and work colleagues who came by to give D their well wishes in person.
I got along with his mother, Camilla, very well.
She’s one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met.
She insisted on cooking all of our meals, and I don’t think I’ll ever taste anything as good as her food so long as I live.
I tried to help out and pick up a few tips, but she shooed me out of the kitchen every time.
His father, Estevan, is just as handsome and charming as D is. Enrikos even flew up for a quick two-night stay but needed to get back home to close out a business deal. D’s family wanted to stay in a hotel down the street, but we insisted they utilize the guest rooms here in the penthouse.
Before they left earlier, they thanked me for making their son happy. The way Camilla held both of my hands in hers and stared pointedly into my eyes, I could tell how grateful she was that her son has someone in his life who truly cares about him.
Now that everyone is gone, D and I finally have the penthouse to ourselves again.
As I walk toward the great room, I can’t help but feel thankful to be back here.
It took two weeks longer than we planned, but finally, D and I are alone together again.
I’m almost nervous about it. We haven’t talked about what happened yet, but with the pain and sadness in D’s stare every time he looks at me, I know it’s inevitable.
“How are you?” I inquire as I sit on the sofa next to D.
I take off my sling as he slowly turns his body to face me. He still has quite a bit of healing to do.
“You’re here and you’re safe,” he answers with a slight smile that doesn’t meet his eyes.
He combs his fingers through my hair. My gaze stays on his as he takes a deep breath, and his eyes gloss over with tears.
“D …” I put my hand on his cheek, trying to comfort him.
“Carley, I was so scared when you didn’t show up at the restaurant. I knew something awful had happened. I was terrified I wasn’t going to find you in time.”
“But you did, just in the nick of time,” I smile.
“No, I didn’t. He—he had you on that bed. I’ll never forget that sight. Sometimes, when I can’t sleep at night, I lie awake, wishing he was still alive just so I’d have the opportunity to kill him myself.”
I scoot in as close to D as I can get without squishing his wound.
“I know, but we have to be thankful he’s out of our lives forever.”
“Part of me never wants to find out, but there’s another part of me that has to know what he put you through. Did he … touch you?”
How much does D really need to know? I put myself in his shoes. If things were flipped, I would want to know everything, too. I think about the fact that he tried to protect me from Emma before telling me about her, and look what happened.
Not that this was D’s fault, not by a longshot. Ren was completely unhinged. But we made a promise to one another those first few nights in the hospital to never keep anything from each other ever again.
“No, he didn’t touch me, exactly.”
I look down at my hands and fiddle with the skin around my nails. D hooks a finger under my chin and forces me to look at him again.
“He … made me do things. To myself. While he watched. He told me he enjoyed watching me on camera, but he wanted to see me do them … in person.”
“Gamo to kerato mu, gamo, théa.” It kills me to watch him cry. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
His head falls into his hands, but I don’t miss the pain and the anger on his face before it’s hidden.
“Gamo tin panagia mu, gamo,” he mumbles under his breath, and I want to know what he’s saying.
“It’s not your fault, D. Look at me.” Guiding his gaze back to mine, my hands cover his cheeks. “I’m fine. And do you want to know why I’m fine?”
“Why?”
“Because you’re here. And I’m here. And after everything that happened, we fought our way back to one another.”
His tongue darts out as he licks his dry lips. Then he takes my face in his hands and pulls me close.
“I would go to hell and back for you, Carley.”
I nod my head.
“I know you would. All the way to the …” My eyes glisten as I stare at him.
“… bottom of the deep blue sea.”