Chapter 5 #2
More head shaking. More shivering. “It was stupid to ride it in this weather, anyway. My mom said I could use her car while she’s on her cruise, so I’ll just do that.”
“And then what will you do when she’s back?” I asked.
More shrugging. “I’ll figure something out.”
“Deacon …”
“You can just drop me off at the bus stop. I’ll be fine.”
“I won’t. I’ll take you home. Just tell me where to go.”
He tossed me a sideways glance as I turned off my hazard lights and pulled back out into traffic when it was safe to do so. “Are you mad at me or something?”
“Mad at you?”
“Yeah. All of a sudden today, ever since the party, you’ve been acting weird around me. Like you can’t get away from me fast enough. You won’t even look at me or smile. What did I do?”
Exhaling, I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. “You need to give me directions, remember?”
“I know. Keep going straight. But we can have a conversation while you drive, and I give you directions.”
Dammit.
“I’m just worried about what the other parents might think.”
“About what?”
“You’re not as friendly with the other parents as you are with me.”
“Because I’ve known you longer. I still chat with the other parents, though. I’m not rude or mean to them.”
Pulling a deep breath in through my nose, I kept my gaze focused forward.
It was just easier than looking at his handsome face and those impossible green eyes.
“I know you’re not. But the length of our acquaintance is not enough to rationalize how much extra attention you give to me.
And maybe I’ve encouraged it, but it has to stop.
People are going to start talking. They’re going to think something is up between us. ”
“So?”
I couldn’t not pivot to gape at him. Luckily, we were at a red light.
“SO? So, I don’t want the other parents thinking we’re something.
I’m like twelve years older than you. And we just moved here.
Kira is adjusting and making friends. The last thing I want is for her friends or those friends’ parents to think you’re giving her preferential treatment because there’s something going on between us.
You’re flirty with me, Deacon, admit it. ”
“The light’s green,” he said, his expression alarmingly blank.
I hit the accelerator and faced forward again, moving with the traffic. My body was an inferno. And goddammit, his wonderful, woodsy scent was filling my car and making my head a little fuzzy.
His silence, however, made me nervous.
“Are you going to say anything?” I finally asked.
More silence.
Oh fuck.
“Kira gets treated no differently than any of the other kids. I can’t give her more medals or anything. She’s earned those all by herself.”
“I’m aware of that. But that’s not going to stop other parents from making accusations based on observations. You didn’t disagree with me when I said you were flirty.”
“So what if I am?”
“It’s inappropriate.”
“Why? You’re single. I’m single. You’re an adult.
I’m an adult. There’s nothing illegal about it.
And besides, what if it was a parent coaching the team?
That’s happened before. Remember when I was fifteen and Coach Fiona and Coach Stu had kids who competed and were part of the team?
Nobody accused them of anything. If anything, they were tougher on their own kids. ”
“It’s different, and you know it.”
I slowed down at another red light. “Maybe I was encouraging it at first. The attention was nice. But I was wrong to encourage it. To tell you about my divorce and all of that. So I accept responsibility for this too. But come the new year, it has to be different. You have to treat me like any other parent. We can’t screw this up for Kira. ”
His expression turned stony, but it was a terrible mask for what was really beneath—and that was pain.
My heart hurt.
“What about what I want?” he whispered.
That made me face him fast enough to cause whiplash.
He lifted his brows. “I’ve …” His chest heaved.
“You’ve what?”
Muscles ticked at the corners of his jaw, and he shook his head. “Never mind. The light’s green. Take a right at the next set.”
I waited for the car in front of me to move before I hit the accelerator again, facing forward, but unable to stop my gaze from drifting sideways to where he sat there looking like a thoroughly kicked puppy.
I took a right where he told me to.
“Next left, then right, then into the cul-de-sac.”
Nodding, I did as I was told.
“Green house up there.” He pointed.
I pulled into his driveway and put the car in park.
“So I take it I’m uninvited to Christmas dinner then, huh?”
Fuck.
Deacon was a good kid. But that was the thing. He was a kid. He was my daughter’s swim coach. I wanted to tell him that, yeah, maybe it was a good idea he didn’t come over for dinner, only the words refused to come out of my mouth.
I faced him. “Come for dinner. I couldn’t bear the thought of your being here alone. We need to keep it platonic, though. No flirting. No … whatever this is.” I pointed back and forth between the two of us. “Kira will be there, and even though she’s only twelve, she’s very observant.”
“Does she know that I was invited?”
I nodded. “She does. I don’t keep anything from my child. She was fine with it.”
His head bobbed stiffly. “Okay.”
“You’re going to drive, right? I don’t want to find out you walked to my house carrying a pot of mashed potatoes.”
That made him snort, though it came out mirthlessly. “I’ll drive over, yeah.”
“Good.”
Our eyes locked, and he swallowed, a deep pain in his green gaze. “Thanks for the ride.”
“Please consider reporting your bike stollen.”
His hand fell to the door handle. “I’ll think about it.” Then he opened the door and stepped out onto his driveway, giving me a half-hearted wave before he headed inside.
I sat there in his driveway probably for too long, my head against the steering wheel as I berated myself for … what? I wasn’t sure. I should have told him not to come for dinner. Why didn’t I?
Because you like him and he likes you. You’re broken, and attention from a younger, hotter-than-the-sun man is exactly what you need to heal.
Right. That was why. I was thinking with my vagina, not my brain.
Great. I was no better than a freaking man.