15. Porter
PORTER
Ireread Will’s text again and groan. I shouldn’t have told him he could come over tonight. And to watch a movie? What is wrong with me? Everyone knows that’s basically code to hook up when it’s the person you’ve been texting nonstop.
Except this can’t be a date. There will be no hooking up because Will isn’t into me, and it is what it is.
I push myself off the bed and pace my room.
I tell myself I don’t care what I’m wearing, then immediately stop in front of my full-length mirror because I’m a liar and I do care very much.
I’m in my silky sleepwear, which is one of my go-to home outfits.
I also love an oversized sweatshirt with briefs—or my silk panties if I know Josie will actually be gone—and sweatpants and a crop top.
The silk sleep shorts and crop top feel like too much for a movie night with Will, so I change into a cotton crop top and sweatpants then drop back onto my bed.
There’s no way I’m getting another ounce of homework or studying done.
Not when I know Will is coming over soon.
I need to spend the remaining time it takes him to get here to stop freaking out.
There’s no reason to be nervous. This would just be like if Abbey or Dom came over to have a movie night.
My phone buzzes beside me, and I pick it up, seeing Will’s name on my screen.
Will
On my way
“Fuck,” I whisper and get out of my bed, glancing around my room.
The sudden urge to tidy up when it’s already clean is overwhelming, but we’re not even going to be in my room so it doesn’t matter.
Still, I address the pile of clean clothes that are sitting on my dresser and finally put them away.
It’s making me feel good to be productive.
When I’m finished, I pull out my phone to text back.
Porter
See you soon
I lock my screen then head into the living room. Josie is digging through the fridge with wet hair and an oversized hoodie.
“He’s coming over,” I warn her, knowing Josie will know exactly who I’m talking about without me even saying his name.
She slams the fridge door shut and turns around, a massive grin on her face. “Oh? And what are you two doing together?”
“Watching a movie, I guess. It was his idea. He invited himself over.”
“Mmm,” she hums, immediately suspicious and delighted. “Very normal platonic thing to do.”
“Ugh,” I groan. “Don’t remind me.”
I barely have time to mentally prepare before there’s a knock at the door. My heart does a stupid, annoying little skip, and I take a deep breath like that might fix it.
“I’ll get it,” I shout.
“Obviously.” Josie chuckles, already leaning against the counter. I want to tell her to get out of here, but I can’t avoid her and Will in the same room forever, so I bite my tongue and open the door. Besides, this isn’t a date. We don’t need alone time.
Will is standing there in his lacrosse hoodie and black sweatpants, looking far too good for someone who I can only have innocent thoughts about.
“Hey,” he greets with a warm smile and perfect teeth that fit his face so well. He’s tall and muscular and a really good person. Ugh. It’s just the worst.
“Hey,” I parrot, stepping aside to let him in.
He follows me in, and then his eyes land on Josie who already looks amused.
I don’t know what’s going to come out of her mouth, but I can already tell I’m not going to like it.
I should’ve begged her to go to her room, promised to do the dishes for a month or something just to avoid whatever is about to happen.
“Oh,” he says, still cheerful. Not at all aware of my internal panic over how this conversation might go. “Hey, Josie.”
She straightens instantly, all charm and warmth for him. “Hi, Will. So good to see you again!”
“You too, and without being drunk or super hungover. I was a bit too distracted by this one on his birthday to really talk to his friends.”
“Distracted? Yes, he can be very distracting,” she agrees brightly, and I give her a death glare that she pays absolutely no attention to. She should be able to feel it. What kind of best friends can’t feel each other’s death glare in a situation like this?
“So. Movie night?” I need to get Will the hell away from this conversation.
“Yeah.” Will nods. “Sounds fun.”
“Totally fun.” Josie inserts herself again. “Except, P, I didn’t get to tell you, but I actually kind of need the living room tonight.”
I whip my head toward her because she had so much time to tell me this, and she didn’t say a single word about the living room. “Oh? What for?”
“Yes,” she says, very seriously. “For my project.”
“And what project is that?” I ask, because I have a really good feeling this project doesn’t exist.
She waves a vague hand. “The project. You know, I’ve been talking about it a lot.”
I cross my arms because yep, she’s lying. “You told me you were done with all your projects.”
Will breaks our stare-off. “Well, we could go to my place if you want?”
“Actually,” Josie cuts in before I can open my mouth. “Porter, do you still have your TV in your room? You could just watch your movie in there.”
Do I still have my TV? What kind of question is that? Does Josie think I just got sick of my TV and threw it out the window or something? Of course she knows I have a TV. I bite my lip and glare at her and her scheming. “Mhm.”
“Cool,” Will interjects. “That’s fine with me. We can watch it in your room so we don’t bother Josie.”
I slowly drag my gaze from Josie to look at Will with more of a shocked expression. “You don’t mind watching in my room?”
“No.” He shrugs. “Honestly, it’s probably better than my place. My roommates are annoying even though I love them.”
“Oh, don’t I understand that,” I agree loudly, eyes locked on Josie who is just loving this setup.
She ignores me though, smiling right at Will. “Perfect! Problem solved. Have fun you two!”
“Thanks!” Will obliviously answers.
But I know better, and she knows I know better, which is proven by the smug look she finally gives me. She meddled, and she won. I shake my head, trying to be mad, but all I can do is laugh. I should’ve expected something like this.
“Of course, I’ll just be in here,” she continues, moving toward the couch. “Doing my very important project.”
When we get to my room, I shut the door and turn to Will, hoping he doesn’t think I had any part of that obvious scheme to get us in my room alone. Fuck, the last thing I need is him thinking I’m coming on to him. If I have to, I’ll make Josie admit this was all her doing, and I had no part of it.
“She seems fun.”
“That’s one word for it,” I mutter, then sigh. “Sorry that she’s like this. I—”
“No, no need to apologize. I can totally see why you’re friends and live together,” he says as if he knows either of us well.
“Yeah.” I shrug. “She’s… a lot. But she’s my best friend, and I love her endlessly, even when she loves to involve herself in things that don’t have to do with her.”
“It’s all good. I’m just glad we get to hang out again.” He smiles at that, then looks around my room. “So, where do you want me?”
“Uh.” I falter because that question makes it sound like something far filthier than watching a movie together is about to go down in here. “You can have the bed. I can sit on the floor or the chair or—”
“The floor?” he interrupts. “We’re not kids. The bed is fine. For both of us.”
He wastes no time, dropping onto my bed as he lets out a groan. A fucking groan. In my bed! He really has no idea the effect he has on people. On me. Despite me knowing I should not be thinking any of this.
“Oh shit, this is comfy.” He shimmies deeper into the mattress, and I’m really happy I spent money I didn’t have for a mattress topper. Absolutely worth it. Every single cent.
“Yeah, it is.” I hesitate for just a second, then climb onto the other side of the queen bed, trying to consciously keep a decent amount of space between us. I want him to feel comfortable even though it seems like nothing will make him feel weird.
I turn on the streaming service I’m logged into under Josie’s account. “Any strong movie opinions I should know about?”
“Nah, I’d say I’m pretty easy to please.”
“Perfect.” I scroll through a few movies, but stick with a classic I’ve seen, and I’m sure he’s probably seen before too.
He grins beside me. “I knew I trusted you.”
“Good,” I reply, hitting play. “Because if you hated this movie, I’d definitely have to judge you.”
“I’d expect nothing less from you.”
I smile to myself as I settle in more. Will is leaning against the headboard, so I grab my blanket to get underneath it, intending to add a barrier between us. Except he takes that as an invitation to join me under the covers. Our legs touch through our sweatpants, but he doesn’t pull away.
“This really doesn’t feel like a big deal to you?
” I ask, half joking yet half testing the situation.
I shouldn’t be playing with fire, but unfortunately, I can’t help myself.
After how badly things blew up with Robbie, I almost wonder if I might be trying to self-destruct this friendship before I can let myself get in too deep.
He glances over at me. “What doesn’t?”
“Being here. In my room. On my bed with me. A gay man.”
“Oh,” he acknowledges as it clicks, then shrugs. “No, why would it?”
I laugh softly because of course the only person in this room who’s overthinking is me. “No reason.”
“Porter,” he starts seriously, looking right at me. “If I was uncomfortable, I’d let you know. But I feel completely comfortable around you. And if you felt uncomfortable, I’d hope you’d feel safe enough to tell me.”
“Yeah, I do.” I nod, staring at the screen even though I’ve stopped paying attention to whatever’s happening. This is why I picked a movie I’d assumed we’d both seen, just in case we were distracted.
Will shifts beside me, stretching his legs out a little more, his shoulder brushing mine. It’s such a small thing, but I’m hyperaware of every small movement between us.
It’s annoying that my mind is spinning over this because I’m usually very good at not doing that. I know who I am. I know what I want. I learned from my mistakes… or so I thought.
This shouldn’t be throwing me, and yet it is.
Will is just different.
He’s not awkward about being here, not weird about being on my bed under the covers with me, not performing or acting like proximity to me is a threat.
Because if he were uncomfortable, or stiff, or overly careful, I could roll my eyes and mentally downgrade him…
and we probably wouldn’t even be here right now.
I’m glad Will insisted on us spending so much time together, though. Otherwise I would have missed out on what might become a really great friendship.
We don’t talk much as the movie continues, and after a long stretch of silence, I risk looking at him.
Oh my god. Will’s asleep. In my bed.
His lips are parted slightly, and his head is rolled to the side.
It’s cute, honestly. He looks so peaceful even partially sitting up like he is.
His brown hair is a mess, curling at the edges, and the entirely unhelpful thought that it would feel good between my fingers flashes through my mind. But I don’t dare touch him.
Will shifts in his sleep, his weight settling more fully into me, his head sliding just enough that his cheek presses against my shoulder.
I hold my breath, waiting for him to wake up, to realize what he’s doing and pull away.
But after a few moments of me holding my breath, he just nuzzles into me deeper while murmuring something unintelligible.
This doesn’t mean anything, I remind myself.
Plenty of people fall asleep watching a movie.
It’s a very normal thing to do. He’s probably one of those people who can sleep anywhere, and maybe he doesn’t even like cuddling and this is a weird thing for him because he’s in an awkward position.
Him putting his head on my shoulder means nothing. It’s not even a conscious thought.
I nudge him gently. “Will. Will, wake up.”
He hums and shifts again, but instead of pulling away, he moves closer. He leans into me and wraps his arm around my bare stomach. “Five more minutes,” he mumbles in the most precious, sleepiest voice I’ve ever heard.
I’d love just one night with him like this, wrapped in his arms. But I shouldn’t. “You know you’re in my bed, right?” I check, hoping it registers to his sleepy brain where he is. Even though no part of me wants to move him.
“Hmm,” he hums, seemingly uncaring for a moment before he opens his eyes and looks at me, blinking a few times. “Shit, I fell asleep. I always fall asleep watching movies.”
“It’s fine.” Knew it.
Will slowly removes his arm from my stomach and stretches as he peels himself out of my bed, sitting up on the edge.
“Your bed is so comfortable I didn’t stand a chance.
” He yawns. “I’ll head out, but tonight was fun.
Maybe we can do it again? I’ll try not to fall asleep on you next time, but no promises. ”
I wish he actually wanted to fall asleep on me. I’d bet he’s a great cuddler with how easily affectionate he is. I’d love to know what his big body feels like properly wrapped around mine, but I shouldn’t be having these thoughts about him.
“Yeah, that’d be fun,” I agree anyway, ignoring the voice in my head warning me that I’m going to be in too deep with him.
“Cool.” He stands and grabs his things. “I’ll text you in the morning.”
“Night, Will.”
“Night, P,” he mumbles before walking out of my room and closing the door behind him.
Yeah, this is definitely a problem.
But it’s a problem I don’t want to solve.
I lay in my bed with the movie on until the credits roll while I remind myself that wanting something doesn’t make it real.
Even when it feels this easy.