20. Will
WILL
Ihave no idea what Girls, Gays, and Theys Night consists of, but Porter wants me to join him, so I’m here. Didn’t even hesitate.
I’ve been turning my sexuality over in my head a lot since the porn.
I know I’m not gay because I am definitely attracted to women.
But lately, I’ve been wondering if attraction is more of a spectrum than I’d previously thought.
I’ve been doing some “am I too old to have a bi-awakening” and “how to know if I’m attracted to men” searches online.
I found the Kinsey scale, and I’ve been wondering where I might fall on it.
When I think about my teammates, I’m certain I’m not attracted to any of them.
Maybe it’s because of how well I know them, or maybe it’s because they’re built so similarly to me.
But when I consider Porter, that’s where things are a little less clear.
Objectively, I think he is an attractive person, especially if you find disheveled blonds with an attitude attractive.
So maybe thinking that is enough to land me somewhere more in the middle of the scale.
As I walk into the bar, scanning the crowd for Porter, it’s obvious there are a lot of other guys that don’t have that athletic build I’ve spent my entire life around.
Could I be into any of them? So far none of them are getting my dick going.
But I’m also not immediately hard when I look at an attractive woman.
Fuck, this is confusing.
I finally see Porter at a crowded table with Josie, Abbey, and a few other people I recognize. Thankfully, it hasn’t been weird at all with Abbey being such good friends with Porter. Especially since she still seems coupled up with the guy from Porter’s birthday.
Porter is in a bright cropped shirt with tight black ripped jeans that really show off his slim frame and highlight the difference in our builds.
The memory of the first time I watched the threesome video and ended up coming while his selfie was pulled up on my phone comes to mind…
again. I still don’t know how to feel about it.
It’s not like I intended to jerk off to a picture of him, even if it kind of ended that way.
I refuse to do anything that could fuck up our friendship though, so I will continue on like I’m not wondering what he looks like naked.
I head to the bar first and get two tequila shots before finally approaching Porter.
There are a lot of empty shot glasses at their table, and I wonder when they got here.
Porter doesn’t see me coming, so I place both shots on the table without him noticing and wrap my arm around his waist to surprise him.
“Hey, P,” I say into his ear, going for a lighthearted surprise, but he turns in my arms, and my hand shifts from his hip to the middle of his back, touching the bare skin under his crop top.
The exchange suddenly feels far less innocent than I intended.
I smile through the tension I’m suddenly feeling as our eyes meet, and I realize his gaze is a little out of focus like the alcohol is catching up to him.
He picks up the two shots I just set on the table and clinks his with mine before swallowing it without hesitation, and I do the same.
“Hi,” he finally greets me with a warm smile.
“Hi.” I smile back. “Thanks for inviting me. I was worried I wouldn’t see you much before our trips.”
“You were?” he asks, sounding surprised.
“Yeah,” I confirm easily. Not sure why he’d doubt that.
He blushes slightly before turning back to face the rest of the table, and Josie is looking at me with amusement.
I still haven’t moved my arm, so it’s back on his hip now.
I just told myself I wasn’t going to do anything to risk our friendship.
I should probably pull away and not rub my thumb against his skin as he introduces me to the people he’s with who I don’t recognize, but letting go seems nearly impossible.
“Uh, everyone, this is my friend, Will. Will, this is Carrie and her friends Paige and Elijah.” There’s a chorus of “hellos,” and I return them before everyone goes back to their own conversations. Porter turns his attention to me again. “So what were you doing before I texted you?”
“Nothing really, was just at home playing video games with Cam, Decker, and Nathan. This sounded way more fun.”
His brows draw together. “Did it?”
“Yeah, I’d prefer to hang out with you,” I answer honestly.
“Oh boyyy.” He drags the word out and sways a bit. I think the alcohol might be affecting him a little more than I realized. He looks like a helpless little kitten as he blinks up at me. I just want to wrap my arms around him and make sure nothing bad ever happens to him.
He’s still smiling at me, so I mirror his expression. “How are you feeling? Do you want me to get you a water?”
“I think I wanna go home,” he admits sleepily.
“Oh. Yeah, okay. Want me to walk you?” I offer, relieved when he nods that he still wants to spend time with me.
“Sorry,” he starts before hiccuping. “I invited you here just to basically leave.”
“It’s okay. I just wanted to see you. Now I get you all to myself,” I tease.
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before turning back to his other friends. “We’re gonna leave.”
Josie smiles. “Have fun. Text me if you need me to come home. If not, I’ll just go to Carrie’s.”
“Go to Carrie’s. Love youuu,” he responds before turning around and lacing his arm through mine to pull me out of the bar.
“So glad we’re out of there,” he says with another sigh as soon as the cool spring night air hits us.
“Yeah?”
“I probably should have found someone to flirt with tonight, but I didn’t. Couldn’t. Didn’t wanna,” he rambles.
The thought of him flirting with someone else makes my stomach knot.
I probably shouldn’t feel as relieved as I do by him telling me he didn’t.
Especially because I haven’t figured out exactly what’s going on with my feelings for him, and he’s drunk, so tonight isn’t the night to talk about it anyway.
I’m not sure how to respond, so I hum as I lead us toward his house.
“Do you like anyone?” he asks randomly.
“No, I don’t date,” I respond automatically, saying the same rehearsed line I’ve used for years.
“Why not?”
Why not? I haven’t really stopped to think about actually dating in so long.
“Well, I came into college with the approach of making the most of every moment, enjoying my glory days, and I have. I guess I’ve never felt like I was missing out on anything by not tying myself to anyone.
I’ve always just hooked up and moved on, which I know makes me sound shitty, but I try not to lead people on by setting that precedent first. I’m aware what I did to your friend wasn’t great, but I learned from that and never want to hurt anyone again. ”
He nods, and then stumbles.
“Whoa.” I steady him, almost to his place now. “Probably a good thing we left the bar when we did. I’m glad you texted me. Do you want me to order us some food?”
He groans happily. “You’re wonderful.”
I burst out laughing. “So are you. But I’ll take that as a yes?”
“Why are you so nice to me? You’re not supposed to be this nice to me.”
“What? Why wouldn’t I be nice to you? I thought you’d realized I’m not the asshole you assumed I was freshman year,” I ask, concerned I did something to fuck things up between us yet again.
“Are you this nice to all your friends?” he asks as he opens his front door.
I follow him in while I consider my answer. I was just thinking about how unlike Porter is compared to my other friends, but I don’t think he means it like that. I finally answer, “I don’t know. In different ways, I guess. Our friendship just feels different.”
He doesn’t respond. He walks over to the couch and plops on it, face down.
“Hey, hey,” I coo as I rush over to sit on the edge of the couch by him. I put one hand on his back to rub soothing circles and am relieved when he doesn’t pull away from my touch. “Did I do something wrong?” He groans into the throw pillow. “P, talk to me.”
I’m worried I did something to upset him, but maybe he’s just really drunk because he finally responds. “I’m hungry.”
“What do you want?” I ask, grabbing my phone and opening my delivery app. “I can get you anything.”
“I don’t know, you pick.” He shrugs so I quickly order the same thing we’d had from Taco Bell on his birthday since I’m positive he likes it.
“Okay, it’ll be here soon,” I share after I press order, hoping it’s quick for his sake.
He’s clearly drunk, and I don’t want him to get sick, especially since his attitude just changed, and I’m not sure why.
If I wasn’t worried about leaving him here, I’d just go and pick it up since it’s so close to his house, but I don’t want to be apart from him to do that.
“Let’s get you some water,” I insist. He’s still lying on the couch, but he shifts onto his back.
His slim body is stretched out below me, and my eyes snag on the sluttiest little tattoo I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
It’s right over his hip bone, the one I couldn’t make out last time I noticed the ink, but now I can clearly see it says “lucky you.”
I suck in a sharp breath. I have the wildest urge to lean over and touch it. I’ve always found tattoos to be attractive, but there’s something about this one, the way it’s normally hidden and has such a sexual undertone, that makes it so much hotter.
“You like what you see?” he asks, and fuck me, I realize my mouth is parted so I shut it, swallowing before I tear my gaze away and look up at him.
“I, uh, yeah. I like your tattoo,” I answer honestly. “Do you have any other hidden ones?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” he says with a smirk, and I can’t help but let out a little laugh.
“I like when you get like this,” I admit.
“Like what?”
“Bratty,” I answer quickly before adding, “playful, free.”