37. Porter
PORTER
Idon’t know how this happened.
One minute, Josie and I were talking about how we didn’t want to cook dinner, and now I’m sitting at a table with Will’s parents celebrating his hundredth career point.
I’m proud of him, I really am, but we’re not dating, and this whole situation feels way too close to relationship territory.
I’ve continuously tried to keep our conversations in the flirty hookup zone to remind myself of what we are, but Will constantly tries to push past it.
I don’t even think he realizes he’s doing it.
Sometimes it’s frustrating, because I know he doesn’t have any interest in a relationship, and then he does things like invite me to his big game or to dinner with his fucking parents, but I have to remind myself this is all new to him.
He’s always been overly friendly, even from before we were officially friends.
And he’s never had a consistent hookup before.
I think because he doesn’t date, he doesn’t understand where the lines should be drawn in situations like this—that we can’t have sex and the same deep friendship as before.
At least, I can’t. Even if I’ve allowed some of those lines to be crossed when I maybe shouldn’t, like cuddling.
But something like this? Having dinner with his parents? That’s definitely blurring the lines way too much. I truly don’t think he realizes half the things he suggests we do together are traditionally relationship things.
If I continue to allow us to blur the lines, if I agree to all the things he suggests we do together, it’s going to be impossible for me not to become even more emotionally attached to this man than I already am.
Ugh, at this rate it might even be too late, because despite my best attempts not to, I’m already hoping we’ll end up as more than fuck buddies.
Fuck. Is it too late? Have I already fallen for him?
When I leave for the summer and this ends in a few weeks, it’ll hurt. I know I need to start preparing for it. Then I can go home and throw myself into work and taking care of my mom and Lewis, even if neither of them need me to.
We sit down, and I feel like I’m in a bad dream, forced to follow along with a script someone else wrote and forgot to give me.
Surely, this isn’t actually happening right now.
How the fuck did I end up at this fancy-ass restaurant I definitely can’t afford with the guy I’m fucking—and desperately trying not to fall for—and his freaking parents?
And to make matters worse, his parents seem great.
It’s not surprising, and I don’t know why that’s worse, exactly, but it just is.
Maybe if they were snobby I could say, “Well it’s a good thing we aren’t dating, I won’t have to see them again,” but they’re really cool, so now they’re just another item to add to the list of things I’ll miss when Will is no longer in my life.
His mom is a very stylish, pretty woman with crazy, curly brown hair, big pink glasses, and she’s currently in a hoodie with Cove Lake College lacrosse on it.
She also has a stack of bracelets on her wrist and big clay earrings.
Somehow, she looks right at home in the nice restaurant despite the more casual attire.
I look between her and his dad, who’s rocking salt-and-pepper hair that’s still kind of got a flow to it and a big mustache.
“So, Porter, Will mentioned you met in class and you did a project together?” his mom says with a sweet smile once we’re sitting at the table with menus in front of us.
I freeze. He’s actually talked about me?
I know she said something along those lines outside, but I thought it was one of those polite mom things to try to make me feel included, not that he’d actually talked about me with his fucking parents.
She said it was school-related, though, so I guess that makes sense.
It’s not like they know we’re sleeping together.
I’m sure they’re operating under the assumption that Will is attracted to women, and that of the two of us, they’d assume he’d be with Josie, not me.
Fuck, I need to focus. She asked me a question.
I finally remember how to speak and answer. “Yeah, our Public Speaking class. I’m a communication major.”
“He’s very smart, he won our debate by a landslide,” Will adds, and I aim a confused look at him out of the corner of my eye, his praise making me uncomfortable in front of his parents.
“Shouldn’t we be talking about how great you are, not me, Mr. One Hundredth Point,” I tease, hoping we can shift the focus away from me.
“We are so proud of him,” his dad adds, and I relax thinking I’m free from the spotlight for all of two seconds before his dad adds, “But we already knew our son is amazing, we’d love to get to know you more.”
Did you know your amazing son has plans to fuck me later?
I want to ask, to push back and make everyone else as uncomfortable as I feel.
I obviously don’t say that. But I can’t help but wonder if maybe his parents aren’t as perfect as they seem.
Would they be horrified to find out Will has been with a man?
But even as I think that, I don’t believe it. I can’t say for certain, but they just give off such good vibes it’s hard to imagine them not being accepting.
“What do you want to know?” I ask hesitantly.
Will cuts in before his dad can reply. “Porter is a junior too, but he works way harder to be honest. He has a job at one of the coffee shops on campus, and if he isn’t in class or studying, he’s there earning money.”
My cheeks heat. Although everything he said is technically true, I can’t help but feel guilty about all the reasons I’ve used to avoid spending too much of my free time with Will.
“You make it sound like I’m doing something special. Plenty of people have jobs and go to school,” I point out.
“You are special, P,” Josie assures me, and Will nods, going along with it.
“Well, I’m so glad we caught you with how busy you are!” his mom adds. “Do you work tomorrow too? Maybe we could visit that coffee shop before we head home.”
I nod. “Just for a couple of hours. With finals coming up I’ve tried not to take on too many long shifts.”
“Very responsible.” His dad nods approvingly. “Do you work there over the summer too?”
My gut drops as I’m reminded once again that this thing between Will and me will be over so soon.
I force myself to hold a pleasant expression as I respond.
“No, I actually go back to my hometown about an hour from here so that I can work at a popular summer restaurant. With the tips I end up making more than I would staying here.”
His mom frowns as though my answer disappointed her.
“Do you get any time off? Will usually spends the summer with us, helping out with the lacrosse camps at the school he used to go to. It’s so nice having him there, it feels so empty with just the two of us.
We’d love to have you visit as well. Our home is right on the water, it’s very peaceful, and it sounds like you could use a break. ”
I have to bite back the laugh that’s threatening to escape my throat.
Visit them? As if. And why was his mom looking at me when she said that?
Josie is here too. I guess because I made the comment about working.
I’m sure she meant both of us. She seems just as nice as Will, and he probably invites his whole team to visit. It doesn’t mean anything.
Even if Will wanted me to come—likely because that would be such an easy fuck for him—visiting his wealthy family’s house on the water, staying with his lovely parents, that all sounds like something a boyfriend would do.
And as much as I might love to do it too, I am not Will’s boyfriend.
No matter how much I wish I could be.
I need to stay strong and maintain the very few walls I’ve put up to attempt any healthy distance between us.
Even if those walls feel more like sheer curtains right now, they are still there, damn it. I will not let another straight guy get my hopes up for a future that will never happen.