42. Zara
ZARA
Monday afternoon, I’m working the front counter of Picnic & Treats when Garrett enters with Peony in his arms. Athena is with them. Today was Peony’s third weekly session with the play therapist, and they always come here to get her a treat after the drive from Eugene.
Peony grins at me, and I can’t believe how big she’s getting. It’s only been a few days since I last saw her, but damn, what are they feeding her?
Athena is also smiling, which I suspect has nothing to do with me…and everything to do with the desserts in the display case. Turns out, Athena has a weakness for my lemon raspberry cupcakes, as I discovered two weeks ago.
“Za-wa.” Peony waves hi to me.
“Hey, you three.” I swear my ovaries do their usual happy dance at seeing Garrett with his little princess in his arms. His little princess in an adorable light-green dress with appliqué daisies all over the tulle. Two white bows decorate her hair.
After raising four boys, his mother loves having a little girl in the family to dote on. She was the one who bought Peony the dress.
I’m not the only one who thinks Garrett and Peony are adorable together, as the dreamy sigh from one of the nearby customers can attest. The woman is no more immune to them than I am.
My ovaries aren’t the only things reacting to the sight of Garrett. My clit aches for his touch, like a dog in one of Pavlov’s experiments.
It’s been three and a half weeks since Garrett and I conducted our experiment. Three and a half weeks since I discovered firsthand the pain-control magic of orgasms.
But it’s been sixty-six hours since my last one.
Sixty-six excruciatingly long, lust-filled hours.
I’m barely keeping myself from climbing over the counter and dry humping him. And it has nothing to do with pain-relief management.
“Do you want the usual?” I do my best not to rub my legs together, to ease the growing ache and give away my body’s reaction to him. “I can bring it to your table.”
“Yes, a lemon-and-raspberry cupcake for me,” Athena confirms with a small smile. While I still suspect that she would prefer I’m not in their lives, she has warmed up to me a smidgen. I can thank the baked goods for that.
“You want a unicorn cupcake or a chocolate chip cookie?” she asks Peony.
Peony points to the collection of cute, kid-sized cupcakes in the display. Her favorite.
Garrett passes her to Athena. “Why don’t you two grab the table in the corner by the window, and I’ll bring the drinks?”
Athena walks off with Peony.
Muffled hammering filters through the wall separating this part of the café from next door, where Troy’s crew is working on the expansion. Another week and it will finally be finished after several unexpected setbacks.
And starting tomorrow, Picnic & Treats will be temporarily closed, while they work on joining the two areas into one.
But that doesn’t mean I get to take a vacation. Au contraire. I’ll be working on the last-minute details for the grand reopening.
“How’s the pain? From one to ten?” Garrett drops the volume of his voice. The deep cadence of it washes through me in a warm, delicious shudder.
My staff knows about the spondyloarthritis, but they’re the only ones, so I appreciate his caution. Even so, it doesn’t keep me from rolling my eyes. “You don’t have to ask me every time you see me.”
“Yes. I do. We’re in this together. I’m part of your treatment plan.”
I snort out a laugh. But he does have a point. He’s a very important part of the plan—and not only because of the orgasms.
We’re still walking together in the evenings. But I don’t know how much longer that will last as his deadline draws closer. His book is due to his editor in just under two months.
“Okay, Mr. Treatment Plan. It’s a six.” This is a big improvement over what it used to be, before my diagnosis and lifestyle changes, which has included making sure I eat healthier, cutting out highly processed foods, and following the Mediterranean diet.
“What was it yesterday? Since you ignored my text last night.”
“The same. And I didn’t ignore your text. I just didn’t see it.”
The truth is, I did see it. I didn’t respond because I knew he needed to get back to his novel, after his weekend excursion in the mountains. Coming to my apartment to give me an orgasm wouldn’t help him with the deadline.
I fetch the drinks for him and put them on a tray. “How did play therapy go?”
“Not bad. It would help if Peony could tell her therapist what’s going on in her head. Today, she played with the sandbox again, and like with the first appointment, she buried all the plastic characters who were men.”
“Does the therapist have any idea why she did that?”
Garrett shakes his head, the movement slow, too many unknowns rusting the movement. “Not specifically. She has trust issues with men, but Jada doesn’t know why. It could be related to Kenda’s death. Or it might have a deeper root.”
“What did Athena say about that?”
“She didn’t say much. She agrees it could be because Peony witnessed her mother being shot.” Garrett puts his hand on the countertop .
I give it a squeeze, telling him without words that I’m here for him and Peony. “Why don’t you take the drinks, and I’ll bring the treats.”
I grab the two cupcakes and walk with him to where Peony and Athena are sitting next to the window. I don’t get to spend enough time with Peony, so I’ll steal whatever precious seconds I can, even if it’s just delivering her food.
“Daddy!” Peony says from her highchair, her toothy grin directed at him.
“Oh, that’s so sweet. She called you Daddy.” I swear I’m smiling at him as much as she is. My eyes mist, and I blink the tears away.
Pride beams on his face, and the warmth of it pours into my heart like a ray of sunshine. “She started calling me that this morning.”
“I’m so happy for you. You two have come a long way.” I put her plate on the table in front of her. “Here you go, Princess Peony.”
Excitement rounds her eyes as she takes in the adorable cupcake, with its closed-smiley eyes and a sugar-cone horn in the fringe of rainbow curls.
She reaches toward the cupcake. “Uni-corn.”
“So, this is your little girl,” a male voice says from behind me, a Southern drawl to his tone.
I turn to see who it is but don’t recognize the tall man with dark, military-shaved-short hair.
I might not recognize him, but he seems to know Garrett. The man smiles at him like they’re old friends.
“Hey, Joffrey.” The amusement in Garrett’s tone is equally friendly. “Yes, this is Peony.” His gaze shifts to Athena, and then to me. “Joffrey was one of the Army veterans who joined us on the climbing trip this weekend.”
“One of the best climbs I’ve done in a while.” The man turns his smile on me. “You have a beautiful daughter, ma’am.”
On instinct, I glance at Athena. Her complexion has paled to almost the same shade as the white-washed table, but she’s also scowling at the man.
“She’s not my daughter,” I hurriedly point out .
Athena ducks her head and begins peeling the paper from Peony’s cupcake. But her reaction isn’t what has me worried.
It’s Peony’s.
She frantically squirms in the highchair, leaning away from the man, looking as if she plans to throw herself out of the chair—like someone in a burning building whose only chance of escape is to jump from a third-story window.
Then she releases a wail so loud, so panicked, it startles the nearby patrons.
Garrett and I both make a move to her, but it’s Athena who shoots to her feet first and hastily lifts Peony out of the chair.
“Is it okay if I take her to the staff room?” she asks me, cradling Peony against her chest, blocking her view of us. Peony’s little body trembles in her arms.
“Go ahead.”
She levels Garrett a look so poisonous, I reverse a step from the force of it. What the hell?
From the confusion creasing Garrett’s brow, it looks like he’s wondering the same. He didn’t do anything wrong, so why is she mad at him?
Carrying Peony, Athena rushes to the hallway, like a mouse spotted by a circling hawk.
“I’m sorry.” Joffrey’s gaze follows Peony and Athena as they hurry away. “Didn’t mean to scare her.”
“I know.” Regret roughens Garrett’s tone. “She witnessed a man shoot her mother a few months ago.”
“Shit, man. I’m so sorry. Both for what just happened and for your loss.”
Garrett excuses himself to check on Peony, taking the two uneaten cupcakes with him.
Joffrey returns to a table where two other men are sitting, looking a little stunned, like everyone else, at what just happened. Or maybe something else has them surprised.
I walk to the front counter, stopping on my way at a table where two women are talking, their plates empty except for some crumbs.
“The ALS is draining me,” the blond woman says to her friend, without giving me a second glance as I pick up her plate.
“I rarely have time for myself. I constantly have to do everything for him. For better and for worse…” She huffs, the sound harsh.
“Whoever came up with the line has never looked after someone with a chronic illness.”
I don’t stick around to see what her friend has to say. I hurry to the kitchen, trying to keep the comment from tangling with the ghost of Joseph’s words. Trying to keep it from spreading through me like poisonous fungus.
I put the plates in the dishwasher and head to the staff room.
“He thought she was her mother,” Athena scoffs, her voice barely audible through the closed door, and I freeze, my hand pausing midway to the doorknob.
“She’s not the one who plays with her.” Bitterness reshapes Athena’s voice into something barbed and cutting. “Or is there for her when she has a nightmare. She’s nothing like Kenda. How can anyone think she could be Peony’s mom?”
I wait for Garrett to defend me, to explain spondyloarthritis makes it more difficult for me to get down on the floor and play with Peony.
I wait for him to remind her I must take care of my body, which takes more time than I’d like, so the spondyloarthritis doesn’t impact my quality of life as much.
I wait for him to remind her I have a business to run, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to spend time with his little girl.
I wait for him to say all these things, but he doesn’t. He remains silent.
The time I spend with Peony is usually just during our evening walks with Garrett. I wish I could spend more time with her. To be cool Auntie Zara, who gets to hang out with her and do all the fun things Peony wants to do.
But while the spondyloarthritis does slow me down and my work takes time from my schedule, it doesn’t mean I don’t love Peony. It doesn’t mean I don’t secretly wish she was my daughter, that I haven’t been waking up from dreams about Garrett, Peony, and me as a family.
The washroom door opens, revealing the man who I’ve been waiting to defend me. Peony is in his arms, and there’s a damp spot on her dress .
I blink owlishly. “Hi? I didn’t realize you were in there.” So who the hell was Athena ranting to in the staff room?
Whomever it was, her tirade seems to have stopped for now. The staff room is quiet.
“She got icing on her dress, so we were just cleaning it off.” Garrett smiles at his daughter.
“I was going to get something from the staff room, but Athena’s on her phone and I don’t want to interrupt.” Especially considering what she’s saying about me.
“You sure? Athena doesn’t have her phone with her. She forgot it at home when we left for Portland.”
So who the heck is she talking to?
The door opens, and Athena steps out. I peek past her. She’s the only person in the staff room.
“We’re heading out now,” Garrett tells me. “Are you coming over later?”
“I probably shouldn’t. I have a meeting with some of the small-business women whose products I’ll be stocking here soon.” A meeting that wasn’t stopping me from seeing Garrett tonight…until I heard Athena’s cutting rant.
She was talking to herself. That’s who she was ranting to.
“You’ve also got to keep up with the treatment plan,” Garrett continues, oblivious to my inner turmoil. “Otherwise, your symptoms will worsen.”
His words are a slap to the face, though that’s not what he intended. They’re just one more reminder Athena is right. I could never be Peony’s mother, not in the way Kenda was for her daughter. Not in the way Athena is now, in Kenda’s place.
“I will. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.” I curve my mouth into a smile for Peony’s benefit. “Bye, Princess Peony.” I wave at her.
Don’t let him see how much Athena’s words hurt.
As soon as I turn away from them, I give in to the heavy pull of gravity on the corners of my mouth.
And my heart sinks with it.