Chapter 13 Duke #2
And then I told him how I wasn’t sure I could go on anymore. That I struggled to get out of bed most mornings, and how Harper would be better off if she were in someone else’s care. Someone who could give her all the things I couldn’t. Who could make sure she lived a happy and fulfilled life.
I desperately wanted to make the pain go away, because goddammit… It hurt so fucking bad. Ripping my heart out of my chest would’ve been less painful than the disappointment on Harper’s face when she looked around at her bedroom.
John hadn’t said anything. Not right away, at least. He let me cry and bitch and moan until the room descended into an eerie silence and I’d caught my breath.
Then he stood from his desk and walked over to me.
I watched him, wondering if he was going to slap me and tell me to get my shit together, or tell me I was nothing but a disappointment to him.
Instead, he put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me into him. How long had it been since I experienced a touch of comfort and not disdain? Too fucking long. I lost it again, in his arms, as he stoically told me I would be okay. There were no flowery words or platitudes, just the truth.
I would be okay. Harper would be okay. Everything would be okay.
Of course, he offered to loan us money. When I refused, he offered to put us up in a better place. I couldn’t accept because I knew John, and I knew it wouldn’t be a small two-bedroom rental somewhere in town. It’d be an over-the-top property that I’d never be able to pay him back for.
I couldn’t take anything else from him other than his reassurance. That was the day I knew things had to change. I needed to get my head straight. Not only for my sake, but Harper’s as well.
“That was different,” I said, shifting in my seat. “And you were cheerier yourself back then, too.”
“Because I knew I’d lived my life in a manner I could look back on and smile. A fact I’m grateful for today. Could you imagine being on your deathbed and having regrets?” He shook his head. “I couldn’t. Regrets are for fools.”
Regrets are for fools.
I had so many regrets in my life. Too many, probably. Regret that I’d tried so long to make someone happy who wasn’t happy with herself. Regret that I’d held on in hopes things would change, that they’d get better.
Regret that I’d never be able to find out what Olivia’s kiss tasted like.
“Philosophical, too.” I smiled, but it wasn’t genuine. “Is that why you won’t agree to treatment or a transplant?”
John looked down at his hands. His fingers, which had once been calloused from hours working in the woodshop with Lukas, had grown soft. There were bruises on top where he’d had bloodwork done at the hospital. An undeniable reminder of the sickness that was killing him.
“That’s part of it,” he said quietly. “I’m an old man, Duke.
An old man who has lived an extraordinary life.
I’ve traveled the world. I’ve loved and lost and loved again.
I’ve helped build one of the greatest music empires in the country.
” I saw the tears in his eyes before the first one fell.
“None of that compares to the joy Lukas and Olivia have brought me. Though I was not blessed with children of my own, I helped shape them into the brilliant people they are today. I’ve seen them do extraordinary things in this life, and they will continue doing so when I’m gone.
They are my legacy. I couldn’t give a shit about the rest, if you want the truth. ”
“So, why not stay for them? Why not fight?”
He shook his head. “I’m tired, Duke. I’ve been fighting this disease for longer than either of my kids knows, and I don’t have it in me to fight much more. I just worry they’ll let my death hold them back.”
He took a breath before continuing. “Olivia, well… She’ll work herself to the bone if no one tells her not to.
And life will pass her by in the blink of an eye.
I know how much she loves the idea of her job—Hartstrings wouldn’t be what it is today without her—but it’s killing her.
She hasn’t been happy there in years. Every time I try to talk to her about it, she shuts me down.
There was a time, not long after Charlie was born, when I thought the tides were turning for her. ”
“A woman can have a career and be a perfectly good mother, John,” I said, defensiveness sharpening my tone. Who was I? I barely recognized myself. “It doesn’t have to be one or the other.”
“Don’t lecture me on sexism. I’m well aware.
Olivia’s problem is that she lets the job consume her.
The career she thought she wanted when she was a kid?
She’s finding out that it doesn’t fuel her fire, but she doesn’t understand why.
So she pushes herself harder and harder, but one day, she will break.
When that happens, I won’t be there to help her pick up the pieces or realize why it didn’t work in the first place. ”
I sat with his words for a moment, thinking back to the day I found Olivia sitting alone, drunk, in my bar. She’d looked so exhausted, and I’d been a dick to her for no other reason than I could be. In fact, I’d been a dick most of the time I’d spent in her company as of late.
Could it be possible that she was just as goddamn exhausted as I was? That she was just trying her best to give her daughter the best life she could, even if it was at the detriment of her own well-being?
“Come to think of it, I do have one regret,” John said softly.
“What’s that?” I asked, leaning forward in my seat. Whatever wisdom he was about to impart, I wanted to memorize it.
The pause stretched on until I worried something was wrong.
His clouded eyes were haunted by something I couldn’t see or hear.
A moment in his past that obviously caused him great pain.
“I regret not telling Olivia that following in her father’s footsteps won’t bring him back. She should know. I should tell her.”
Reaching out, I covered his hand with my own. He felt so frail. “You will. You have time.”
This time, his laugh was brittle. “What a cruel thing to say to a dying man.”
“I’m choosing to believe it’s true. What can I do for you? I’m sure you didn’t just invite me over to talk about your feelings.”
“Is it so hard to believe I wanted company?”
“The company you had before I walked in is much better than my cranky ass.”
John tilted his head to the side, observing me closely. “Ah, that’s true. Nicer to look at, too.” My cheeks flushed, earning a smile from the man watching me so closely. “No, I didn’t need anything. I just wanted to see you. It’s been too long since you’ve come by.”
Guilt pricked at my conscience. It’d been over a month since I’d seen him. I kept telling myself I needed to stop by, but something else always popped up. Harper’s school and soccer kept me busy. Not to mention everything at work.
And I’d purposely avoided any place Olivia might have been just so that I wasn’t tempted to do something I’d regret.
“How about I bring Harper by this weekend after her soccer game? I’ll cook lunch. Maybe roll your ass out to the garden to eat?” I offered.
John nodded. “I think I’d like that. I do have one favor to ask of you, while you’re still here.”
“Whatever you need. I brought my tools, just in case.”
“That won’t be necessary. I’d actually like you to get Olivia out of this house for a few hours.
She’s driving me crazy. Ever since she got here, she’s been in and out of my office.
Going through shit I haven’t seen or touched in nearly a decade, and wanting me to tell her if it’s important or not. I’m exhausted. I just want to rest.”
I blinked, clearly not expecting that ask. I mean, what? Was he asking me to take her out on a date or just tell her to leave?
“Why don’t you just tell her you’ve had enough for the day?”
John sighed. “Because then she’ll want to move on to some other menial task instead of just sitting down and enjoying the silence of the country. She’s forgotten what it’s like, I think. To enjoy life. Help her remember.”
“And you think I can help with that?”
“Maybe not, but you can take her out for lunch or something, can’t you? Give an old man a break.”
I pushed to my feet, smiling at the man in question. “That I can do. Want us to bring something back for you?”
He shook his head. “Nothing for me. Meds have me feeling a little tired. Think I’ll just rest my eyes for a bit.”
I wasn’t sure why, but I stepped forward and held my hand out for him. “I’m grateful for you, John. You’re an amazing man.”
He smirked. “You’re just saying that because I talked the sheriff out of hauling your ass to jail when you and Lukas got caught drinking at the football fields.”
“That’s certainly high on my list, sure.”
“Go on. Get out of here.” He jerked his chin toward the door. “And make sure to take care of my girl.”
“It’s just lunch. I’m sure I can handle it,” I said, turning for the door.
I paused at the threshold, looking back at the man who’d guided me through so much of my life.
His eyes had slipped closed in the few steps I’d taken, and his breathing evened out.
For the first time all day, he looked peaceful.
The house was eerily silent as I stepped into the hallway, save for some quiet muttering coming from John’s office.
I took my time, looking at the memories hanging on the wall.
There were pictures of all of us from over the years.
Lukas and me after our football team won the state championship.
Olivia and Grady when they brought Charlie home from the hospital.
The last Christmas we had together right before Lukas and I ran off to college.
It was all here, from damn near birth until now.
And I was in all of them as a real member of the family.
It wasn’t until I was standing there, looking at Olivia’s ass bent over the table, that I realized I’d made it to the threshold of John’s office.
Even though I knew I shouldn’t have, I couldn’t help but stare. She was rifling through papers, talking to herself in a way that had the filthy curses leaving her mouth seem cute. Though the jeans she was wearing weren’t tight, they hugged her curves every time she moved.
What the fuck is wrong with you, Bennett?
I cleared my throat, chuckling as Olivia whipped around with wide eyes. Her hand flew up, pressing gently to her chest in shock. “Fuck, Duke. I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you come in.”
“Oh, I just got here,” I lied. “No apology needed.”
She leaned back against the desk, arms folded in a way that pushed her breasts up. The little gold necklace she was wearing glinted in the light.
“How’d your visit go? I’m sure he was happy to see you. It’s been a constant parade of unfamiliar faces around here lately. Lawyers, nurses, board members.” She rolled her eyes. “Though I just wish they’d stay away. He shouldn’t be focusing on anything other than his health.”
There was so much I wanted to tell her. The things he told me in confidence were all things she should know, but I couldn’t be the one to say them.
John would need to cross that bridge sooner rather than later.
I supposed the good thing about knowing you’re dying was that you could plan those kinds of conversations.
“It was good. I thought he had some work for me, but I think he just wanted someone to talk to.”
Olivia straightened at that. “I’m excellent company. And Lukas should be home soon.”
I raised my hands, sensing her defensive nature kicking in.
“I’m not implying you’re not. But I think maybe he wanted to talk about something other than his impending death and all the goddamn paperwork surrounding it.
” I looked around the office at the countless boxes and stacks of paper.
“I mean, I understand why you’re doing it, but…
” I trailed off, shaking my head. “Look, he asked me for a favor. One I know you’re gonna fight me on. ”
She narrowed her eyes. “What is it?”
Taking a deep breath, I said, “He wants me to get you outta the house for a bit. Take you to lunch or something.”
Shit. Suddenly, this felt so stupid. I mean, I had no idea what to do. And what were we going to talk about? Other than the bar, this was the most time we’d spent together without the kids. Maybe this was a bad idea.
“He wants me… out of the house?” she asked slowly. A little line formed between her brows, one I wanted to wipe away. “Why?”
“You want the truth?” Olivia nodded. “He says you’re driving him crazy.”
I waited for a rebuttal, a tantrum. For her to tell me to get the fuck out of his house, but she didn’t do any of that. Instead, her luscious lips parted, and she threw her head back in laughter. I was swept up in the beauty of it, unable to do anything but join in myself.
She looked around the room, nodding. “Honestly? I could use a break. And,” she checked her watch, “the girls will be out of school in a few hours, so I’d need to leave soon anyway to run a few errands. Maybe we could pick them up together and get ice cream?”
The way she effortlessly included Harper and me in her plans was monumental.
Like my coming in didn’t completely ruin or derail her day.
Sarah would’ve thrown a fit if I’d done that to her.
She would’ve called me selfish or asked why I hadn’t asked her sooner.
For a woman desperately seeking something new and fresh, change was something she hated.
“Yeah, that’d be great,” I said, shoving my hands in my pockets. “I’m sure they’d love that.”
“Honestly, so would I. Ever since we went to Lucy’s diner the other day, I’ve been craving another milkshake. I just want to stop by John’s room and tell him bye.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do. Whatever you want.”
The smile she gave me as she stepped forward was blinding. Her finger lingered on my chest as she moved past me. “Better be careful with that offer, Mr. Bennett. I just might take you up on that.”
As I followed her back down the hallway, I couldn’t help but thank the fucking universe for John Hart and high-waisted jeans.