Chapter 20 Olivia #2
“It would be reckless to pretend,” I whispered. “We’d both end up hurt.”
His tongue darted out, wetting his lips. They gleamed in the low light of dawn peeking through the windows. “I can’t possibly be any worse off than I was when you showed up.”
I leaned into his touch without thinking. “But I don’t want to hurt you, Duke.”
Duke paused, searching my face before he said, “I think it’s too late for that.” And then, slowly, he bent his head toward mine. Our lips brushed, sending electric currents through my body. Never had a kiss felt like this before. It was devastating.
Before I could think better of it, I closed the distance, sealing our mouths together in a tender kiss. I felt the urgency, the need to claim and be claimed, but neither of us rushed things.
Was this a goodbye? A way to put our curiosity to bed once and for all? If so, it was a shit way to go. Thirty seconds ago, I hadn’t known what I was missing. Now, I was acutely aware of what it was like to kiss Duke Bennett.
Even though I knew it would hurt, knew that I would spend the rest of my life replaying this moment in time, I couldn’t bring myself to regret it.
Duke pulled back with a sad smile. I waited for the apology I didn’t want to hear to leave his lips, but it never did. “I had to know,” he murmured. “At least once.”
I stared up at him, trying to calm my rapidly beating heart. “Know what?”
“What you tasted like.”
I exhaled, letting out a low curse in the process. How could he stand there so calmly and say something like that to me? How could he not realize this connection was turning me upside down until I couldn’t think straight?
I finally understood all those stories I read as a kid where the princess woke up from a kiss from the prince, because the simple graze of Duke’s lips would have me clawing my way back from the grave.
“That’s not fair,” I said, crossing my arms. “You can’t just kiss a girl like that and walk away.”
Duke shrugged, moving backward toward the hall. “I’m not the one walking away, honey.”
“You’re doing it right now,” I deadpanned. “Literally. As we speak.”
He smirked. “No. I’m just giving you a reason to follow. What’s it gonna be? Are you gonna sit there and mope, or are you going to come have coffee with me?”
“I’m mourning, not moping,” I shot back.
“Christ, woman. Always with the smart ass comebacks. Are you coming or not?”
I should say no. I should tell him to leave. I should go ahead and prepare my heart for the inevitable fucking pain leaving Pinecrest would bring.
But I wasn’t ready for that. Especially not on the heels of John’s death. I didn’t trust myself to be alone with my thoughts because I would inevitably spiral into a pit of despair from the weight of the responsibilities on my shoulders.
With a sigh, I pushed to my feet. What was a little more pain, anyway? “Is your coffee any good?”
“Come find out.”
“Goddammit, this is good,” I hissed, blowing along the top of the mug that read, “World’s Best Uncle” with Lukas’s face in the middle.
Duke raised his own in salute. “I told you it was worth it.”
When he’d gone outside to pull coffee beans from his truck, I thought he’d lost his mind. I mean, who keeps something like that on hand, anyway?
“This is so good that I don’t even mind being wrong.” I glanced over at Duke, who was looking out into the pasture at a pair of grazing horses. “I didn’t take you for much of a coffee snob. You seem more like a Folgers guy.”
He chuckled. “I used to be. I blame this on your brother. He started carrying the good shit with him to every job site because he was tired of drinking watered-down nonsense his guys drank.”
“Sounds like Luke,” I snorted. “I swear to god, he’s more high maintenance than I am.”
“He really is,” Duke laughed. “Always has been.”
“Y’all talking shit?” my brother asked, strolling through the French doors to the patio. He came over to me, kissing the top of my head, before tossing a large white box onto the table in front of us.
“Complimenting your fancy coffee, actually.” I held up my mug. “Duke let me in on your secret addiction.”
Lukas plopped down in the chair across from us, shrugging. “I like what I like. I don’t see what’s wrong with that.”
“If what you like is this good, then there’s no problem at all.” I took a long sip, closing my eyes to savor the hint of pecans from the freshly ground beans. “You may need to share your supplier, though.”
“What? There’s no fancy pants coffee in Nashville or LA?”
“None that I can drink black like this.”
Lukas leaned forward in his chair, glancing between Duke and me. “Wait… You’re drinking it black?” We looked at one another and nodded. “What kind of monsters are you? You can’t drink it like that. What about the milk? The cream? Half-and-half? Sugar, at the very least?”
Duke got closer and loudly whispered, “There’s that high-maintenance thing we were talking about.”
“Total diva,” I agreed. “I’m not sure how he survives out here in the wilderness.”
“If you don’t quit your shit, I’m going to wake the girls so they can eat all the donuts I just brought before you can even apologize.”
Narrowing my gaze, I asked, “What kind of donuts?”
Lukas reached forward and opened the lid, showing a variety of two dozen donuts. “Yes, dear sister. I got those horrible cake ones you love so much. Don’t worry.”
Before he could snap the lid closed, I reached forward and snagged the glazed blueberry and took a large bite. “You’re still high-maintenance.”
“Honestly, I get no respect.”
“Not with as much fru-fru shit as you put in your coffee,” Duke said, following my lead and grabbing a chocolate with sprinkles.
My brother threw up his hands in surrender. “I don’t have to take this abuse. My nieces would praise me as the hero I am.”
The fact that he referred to Charlie and Harper as his nieces warmed my heart. Duke belonged here with or without me. Blood didn’t define family. It was the ones who showed up when you needed them that did.
While that should have comforted me, it didn’t. Knowing that I was going to walk away from everyone here while their lives went on without me was depressing. What if Duke met someone? Dated? Got married? I’d have to watch as he moved on with someone new, knowing all I would’ve had to do was stay.
If I stayed, he could be mine. Harper, too.
Oh my god. What was I thinking? It wasn’t like Duke and I were a thing.
We flirted. Occasionally. Sometimes he held me tightly to his chest while I cried, sometimes he carried me when my legs gave out from grief, sometimes he listened to my deepest secrets, but that was it.
Totally normal. Totally. Except for the kiss—and the accidental voyeurism—things were totally innocent between the two of us.
Could things be innocent if you saw someone naked? I wasn’t an expert on these things.
“So, what are y’all up to today?” Lukas asked, glancing between the two of us. “Any big plans?”
“I’ve got nothing on the books,” I said, taking a sip. “I might curl up and read a book or something. Just hang out here at the house.”
“Sawyer and Ryan are covering the bar today, so I’m free. Is there a reason you’re asking?”
Lukas shrugged. “I don’t know about y’all, but I don’t really want to sit in a house all by my lonesome, and I don’t want to busy myself with work.” He sighed dramatically. “What’s a man to do?”
I rolled my eyes. “And people say I’m the dramatic sibling.”
“You are,” my brother and Duke said at the same time.
“My point, dear sister, is that it’s a beautiful day outside. What if we opened the doors, pulled out some board games, and just chilled together? Later, Duke and I can fire up the grill or something.”
I glanced over my shoulder to where the girls were still passed out on the couch, sleeping soundly. Lukas had a point. It’d be nice to spend the day surrounded by the people we loved the most.
Even if I was going to ignore why I was putting Duke in that category.
“Fuck it. I’m in,” Duke said, slapping his thighs.
Lukas turned to me. “What about you, sis? Up for some friendly competition?”
“It’s never friendly with you because you’re a sore loser, but sure. Why not? It’ll be fun to kick your ass.”
“One,” Lukas said, holding up his pointer finger. “I’m so glad you said yes. Two,” this time he flipped me off, “You’re not going to kick my ass.”
Before I could ask him why he was glad we said yes, he stood and walked around to the backyard fence. “She said yes! Come in!”
“What in the—”
Lukas went inside, winking as he walked by when the front door opened. I turned in time to see Cleo and Grady stroll through the door, carrying bags of groceries and a tote filled with different board games. They both waved at Duke and me before heading straight to Charlie, who was still asleep.
I watched as Grady placed his hand on our daughter’s back and gently shook her awake. She blinked, clearly disoriented, before surging up and wrapping her arms around his neck. Watching the two of them never got old because they loved each other so damn much.
She definitely had him wrapped around her finger, though.
I hadn’t realized I was tearing up until Duke reached over and thumbed away the fallen tear. “Oh god,” I laughed. “Sorry. I can be a big softie sometimes.”
“Naw, I get it,” he said. “I’d probably do the same if I were in your shoes.”
“I’m sorry Harper doesn’t have that,” I whispered, looking back at Charlie and Grady. “I’m sorry you don’t either.”
Duke was silent for a moment, studying the scene just like I was.
“I don’t mind it so much for my sake. I’ve made peace with what happened.
But Harper doesn’t quite understand why Sarah walked away and never looked back.
” He shook his head. “I don’t believe in things like fate, but I do believe it’d have been worse in the long run if she’d stayed just for the sake of staying. ”
“You’re probably right. Doesn’t make things easier, though.”
“No, it doesn’t,” he agreed.
Lukas came walking out, hands spread wide. “Y’all just gonna sit there like two old biddies, or are you gonna come hang out?”
“Oh, you mean kick your ass?” I asked.
“You couldn’t if you tried. Duke, back me up here.”
“Naw, man. You don’t have a horse in the race.” He stood to his feet, holding out a hand to help me up, which I graciously took while Lukas’s face turned beet red.
“You traitor! You’re supposed to be on my side.”
Duke started walking inside, turning over his shoulder to say, “My money’s on Olivia every time.”