20. Jenna
20
JENNA
I couldn't help but laugh when I looked in the mirror and saw how I looked. I hadn’t dressed like this since middle school in my brief punk era.
But Sy refused to tell me where she was taking me tonight so I had no choice but to follow her instructions: dress for standing and wear something more punk than usual.
Standing at the center of my room, just at the foot of my bed, the thought of wearing this plaid mini skirt and fishnets with a torn-up band tee was honestly laughable.
With a shrug, I decided to trust the process and my best friend who had not yet led me astray. I grabbed my purse and headed out the door and down to the street. I’d waited to leave until Sy confirmed the time and address.
She’d made me promise I wouldn't look up where the address led me beforehand which felt counter to everything I held dear.
All I knew was that I was headed toward Bleecker Street and our old campus. The address wasn't recognizable to me as a college building, but it very well could be a place we'd gone before. Even if it was escaping me now.
I hopped on an uptown bus and threw in my headphones, playing something a little grungy by one of my favorite artists. Bopping along to the beat, I watched Chinatown turn to the Lower East Side and then to NoLita.
With each block, I saw buildings that used to be favorites now shuttered and turned into generic bougie restaurants.
It was hard to imagine what a much older New Yorker would have seen change in their lifetime considering how much had changed in just a few short years.
I knew that by leaving New York, I would hardly recognize it when I came back to visit.
The thought alone brought a tear to my eye before I managed to push it deep down and tune back into my music.
By the time I was at my stop, I'd managed to get myself back into the mood to spend the night with Sy at this unknown location.
I hopped off the bus and walked the three blocks left in my journey, counting the building numbers as I neared the location. The sun had finally sunk below the horizon, a deep blue taking over the sky above as night set in.
But I knew I'd arrived when I spotted Sy’s lean, tall body just ahead of me. Looking over her head, my jaw dropped when I read the familiar neon sign.
“Le Poisson Rouge?!”
Sy laughed and held out her arms to hug me. “Well, I had to take you back to where it all began, didn't I? Plus Ban Sacred is playing tonight and I couldn't miss taking you to their hometown show.”
I wasn't sure I'd be able to pick my jaw off the floor for the rest of the night. Ban Sacred hadn’t toured in years and there were rumors their lead singer was about to leave the band to go solo. So it might be their last show together.
Before I could get my bearings, Sy was moving toward the front door where a bouncer scanned tickets and IDs.
My mind flashed back to Henrietta's, afraid I wouldn't be able to stop myself from getting that close again. My pulse started to race, a throbbing coming to my head as I tried to forget how good it had all felt.
Approaching the front, Sy pulled out another phone barcode. Somehow, this little device had become our passport to unlocking the entire city, like Sy held the whole world in her pocket.
As we made our way down the stairs, I could hear the thumping of music. I knew it must've been the opener, considering it matched the vibe of Ban Sacred to a T. My excitement started to build now that the surprise had been revealed and my eyes wandered to the vaguely familiar band posters on the walls.
The stairwell was painted black with red lights that turned the posters to hues of red and black.
Downstairs, Sy grabbed drinks and got us situated in the crowd, gently elbowing her way through the densely packed room. It was always surprising to me how easy it was for her to navigate a tight space and somehow end up with the best spot in the house.
It was weird to see Le Poisson Rouge so packed with grown adults. The last time I’d been here it was swarming with college freshmen, attending the same welcome event Sy and I started the most important friendship of my entire life.
I’d spent the entire night trying to catch Sy’s eye, trying to send her a signal of some sort that I was queer, interested, and waiting for her to make a move. But given her proposal later in the night, I could only guess I’d succeeded at two of those things.
Never would I have guessed that I’d be back here so many years later. The only thing more surprising to a young me would be that Sy and I never did cross the line in the eight years since we'd met.
Just as the thought was crossing my mind, the opener finished their set, taking their equipment with them. The house music came back over the speakers as the venue filled with murmurs from an excited crowd.
“Are you surprised?” Si leaned in, nearly shouting.
I looked around, my eyes widening. “I never would have guessed.” Meeting her gaze, my chest tightened. I’d looked into those green beauties nearly every day since we’d met. And I still felt that electricity between us years later.
Am I the only one who felt that?
As the music faded again and the house lights dimmed, Sy moved just inches from my ear. “Good, I guess that means I still have a few tricks up my sleeve.” Her warm breath tickling my neck sent a shiver down my spine that I tried desperately to conceal.
I twirled my drink in my hand, the cup getting cooler as the ice melted inside. After everything that had happened a couple weeks ago, I decided at that moment to take it slow. I wanted to remember the details of this last summer with my best friend.
Until Sy looked down at me and shrugged. “Do you remember that first night? I was so nervous to go to a Welcome event at a bar.”
“Of course I do, I still remember what you wore.” The words left my lips before I could stop them.
Raising her eyebrows, Sy studied me. “Oh, do you?”
My throat tightened, worried she’d catch on. So instead I played along. “Duh, you looked so good.”
The corners of Sy’s lips lifted into a smile and without missing a beat, she looked deep into my eyes. “So did you.”
My mouth fell open as I struggled to find words.
Surely she didn’t mean it like that . Surely our time had long passed.
Unless it hasn’t.
Nudging me, Sy nodded toward the stage and I knew to turn my attention as the audience clapped and looked toward the darkened platform.
As soon as Ban Sacred stepped onto the stage, the small but mighty crowd erupted into cheers. The lead singer was still pretty unknown, but you couldn't help but be drawn in.
Sy and I were both convinced she was the next big thing – I had even tried to get Tommy to sign her before she had a management team.
The familiar, opening riff of her debut single rang out, as everyone sang along. The music vibrated through my chest and the excitement took over, my hand dropping down to Sy’s arm and gripping it excitedly.
There it is.
The same churning in my stomach, the same jolt of anticipation that I’d felt when our skin touched that night at Henrietta's. A part of me hoped it would have faded; that it was just a fluke. Then I wouldn't have to deal with the confusing, life-changing feelings that destroyed my mind every time I was within reach of her.
But it didn't seem like I would have any such luck. Not when she looked like that, her toned arms highlighted by the antique T-shirt. Not when she kept taking me on the most magical dates I'd ever been on. Not when she looked at me like I was the air in her lungs and the blood in her veins; like taking me out was the most important part of her day.
I’d have to pretend like she wasn’t the best part of mine.
Trying to focus on the show, I took another drink from the plastic cup and tried to focus on the show. The cool liquid calmed the light burning in my throat from screaming along to the lyrics.
If I can just make it home, I can go back to hiding from it all…