35. Sy
35
SY
I hadn’t stopped pacing around the apartment from the second Jenna walked out the front door. For a while, I managed to do some anxiety cleaning.
I knew there were thousands of outcomes.
And none of them guaranteed that we’d keep seeing each other. I mean fuck, if she did stay, she might call the whole thing off just to make sure our living situation stayed as viable as possible.
Don’t get your hopes up.
I’d spent the last few hours playing out each scenario, how I would hide my own feelings when Jenna came home. It had been months since she’d interviewed for something, not since the winter when she got the SDO gig.
She could have bombed it, it wouldn’t be a shock despite her impressive interview skills. We’d run through potential questions dozens of times since our Flea Market trip.
And here I was rehearsing responses.
My heart was beating out of my chest when I heard steps climbing up the stairs just outside our door. No one else lived up here.
It had to be her.
Turning toward the door, I felt my lungs struggle to pull in air. More than anything, I knew how badly she needed – and deserved – this.
So when she pushed open the door and her face was in a slight pout, I felt my stomach fall through my body and out of my ass. Shit.
But once the door closer, the corners of her mouth lifted as she met my gaze,
“How did it go?” My own smile followed hers as she crossed the room.
Basically skipping, Jenna shrieked. “I fucking killed it!”
“YES!” I shouted, jumping into the air and wrapping my arms around her. “I knew you could do it, baby.”
I hadn’t meant to let a pet name slip, but it took all my effort to keep those things to myself, and at a moment like this, I had nothing left to hide.
“I can’t believe it, they were so excited.” Jenna bit her finger, eager but still nervous. “There’s still a chance they pick someone else. There were so many people there.”
Nodding, I tried to remind myself of that possibility. “Of course. But you’re you.”
She recounted the whole thing for me, the vibe of the offices and the other people who worked there. Then she detailed the whole interview. She nailed all the answers we’d practiced and seemed to handle any surprises with grace and poise.
“Wow, you are such a force.” I sank into the couch after a few minutes of pacing together.
Unable to sit down, Jenna clapped. “Can I take you out to dinner… tonight? I owe you for all your help.”
My jaw dropped and all I could do was nod. “Name a place and I'm there.”
“What if I don’t name a place but you’re still there?” Biting her lip, Jenna was starting to scheme a way to surprise me just as much as I’d surprised her since our dates started.
And after all the shit I’d pulled to keep secrets from her this summer, I couldn’t deny her the chance.
So I smiled. “Just tell me the vibe and I’ll follow.”
A few hours later, we’d gotten changed and ready for what seemed like it was going to be a shockingly fancy dinner. But it was a Thursday night so most restaurants wouldn’t be too busy.
Jenna was in full gentleman mode, opening every door and taking total control of the date. Walking us to our first bus of the evening, Jenna swiped for me on the digital ticket scanner.
We shuffled to the middle of the bus and took a seat with a good window view. Huddling together, we were basically on top of each other in the seat as we rode the seven-minute bus to the subway station.
Even during the chaotic transfer, we hadn’t stopped talking for a single second. It was like the opportunity alone had brought back Jenna’s excitement about her life and the city.
I tried to contain my own excitement, hopeful that we’d finally get to see what was happening between us without fear of some premature long-distance relationship.
It wasn’t until we hopped off the subway on West 4th Street that I started to question where exactly Jenna was taking me. We’d spent lots of time in the West Village in the last few weeks of Pride month.
But this was also suspiciously close to our college.
As we approached Washington Square Park on West 4th Street, everything started to click. We descended down a familiar set of stairs to a restaurant with an all-glass facade. There, a vegan restaurant called Red Bamboo was tucked away.
“We haven’t been here in ages!” I laughed as Jenna nodded.
We’d gone together a lot in college before we had rent and bills to pay – when we had disposable income. Once a month, we’d come to this corner of our campus and feast on delicious vegan cuisine.
Neither of us had been vegetarian when we tried it but I was too curious and too much of a foodie to not suggest it.
And Jenna, always a good sport, was willing to try it.
Jenna held open the door for me and approached the hostess. “Hi, we have a reservation for two, under Chambers.”
“Perfect, you’ll be right here.” The hostess gestured to the table right by the front door, giving us some of the setting sun and the foot traffic to watch.
A chronic people-watcher, I was thrilled to be able to see outside while we ate.
Jenna let me take the booth, pulling out the chair for herself as we settled in.
Looking over the menu, I got to thinking. It had been a long time since someone had taken me out like this. Everyone I went on a date with assumed that as the masc it was my job to be the gentleman.
But Jenna knew how much it bothered me, that I wanted to be treated like a princess every once and a while too.
As if she could read my mind, Jenna looked up from her menu and smiled. “How do you like the princess treatment so far?”
“Loving it.” I beamed across the table. Unlike the exploration dates I'd planned throughout the summer, this felt the most like a real date . I wasn’t sure that Jenna had meant it to – in all fairness we’d come out to nice restaurants together dozens of times.
But we also hadn’t discussed where this whole situation was headed. We’d sworn not to do it again, broken that promise, and then not wanted to peek under the bandage since.
A waiter approached the table and took our drink orders: two glasses of prosecco since we were celebrating Jenna’s killer interview. We weren’t shy about appetizers either, making sure to try out whatever was new on the menu.
“So, did you like the office?” I asked as I popped a piece of vegan popcorn chicken into my mouth. Despite the fancy vibe and price of Red Bamboo, the food itself was far more casual than you’d expect.
Jenna hemmed for a moment. “Enough, yeah. It was a little bit of a sausage fest but overall it will do the trick. I’m trying to think of it as a stepping stone.”
Nodding, I reached for another piece of food. “Well, that’s a good mindset. Did they tell you the pay?”
“Nope.” Jenna shook her head, they rarely did these days. More often than not, she wouldn’t know for sure until they sent her an offer but the range had a minimum of $50k a year so that was good.
We kept talking, Jenna daydreaming about how she could leverage the entry-level position in just over a year to something bigger.
I rested my chin in my palm and watched her talk. Her eyes lit up with an excitement I hadn’t seen since before she’d lost her internship.
It wasn’t until our entrees came that a moment of silence passed as both of us dug into our food.
Halfway through, Jenna set down her utensils and bit her lip nervously.
“What’s up?” My forehead wrinkled as concern washed over her face.
Jenna let out a sigh. “We should talk about… this.” She pointed between the two of us.
Waiting for her to take the lead, I rested my hands on the table and prepared myself for her to end it. We’d had a good run; it had been an amazing summer. But we were still roommates and testing out a full-scale relationship probably wasn’t the smartest thing.
“I think I’m worried.”
“Me too, but about what?” I pressed.
Jenna broke our eye contact, her eyes bolting down to her hands as her nerves grew. “I’m worried because I thought this would just be casual. But the more we explore this, the more I’m wondering if this is more than just hooking up.”
Nodding, I knew exactly what she meant – fear included.
“Sy, you’re kind of everything I’ve ever wanted. And that’s scary because you’re also my best friend and my roommate. And if this job doesn’t work out, we’d have to figure out how to turn our friendship into a real relationship with thousands of miles between us.”
My heart stopped. Does she really feel that way?
I thought I was alone, stewing on this feeling that the love of my life might be leaving the city forever and I’d never get a chance to find out.
Jenna bit the inside of her cheek as her brow furrowed. “I just don’t know what we should do. Because I can’t lose you but I’m also not sure I can risk not having you.”
My jaw dropped as I tried to understand. Even this job was completely hypothetical. Sure, Jenna nailed the interview. But how many times does someone actually get the job? It’s rare and that made putting any more hope into this an extreme risk.
Especially with just a few weeks before the end of the lease.
Looking into her eyes, I felt like I was looking into the crystal ball of my future. I could see it all behind those blue eyes.
But could I handle losing it?