Chapter 30
thirty
MAYA
Ever since Ellie and I have been friends, Galentine’s Day has been one of my favorite days of the year.
When we first became roommates, we bonded over our mutual love for Leslie Knope. For one of our crafting nights, we bedazzled T-shirts that said “Enemies of fairness and equality, hear my womanly roar.” It was really fun wearing those to frat parties.
The first February we lived together, we were both devastatingly single. Ellie was still getting over her mystery man—now uncovered as Theo—and I was suffering through my early attempts at dating college guys who never wanted anything more than a situationship. It was brutal. We were both avoiding all talk of the big V-day approaching, and I decided we should go all out to celebrate our amazing female friendship.
I rented a limo to take us up to Sonoma and we enjoyed multiple flights of sparkling wine alongside oysters and caviar—a few of my favorite things even if Ellie needed some warming up to them. We ended the trip with pizza in our hotel room as a very delicious compromise. It was the most special day we’d spent together and cemented the fact that if we had each other, who needed men, right?
Every year since, we’ve always made it a point to celebrate with something lavish. Even last year, Theo watched Stevie for two nights so Ellie and I could spend our holiday in the city together. We went all out at The Russian Tea Room and saw Wicked on Broadway and even though we were both in solid relationships at the time, the holiday was as special as ever. It just solidified that with or without men, we’d always have each other.
This year looked a bit different.
Theo had been helping me plan, even introduced me to the manager of the village café, Fox in the Snow, so we could use a space there. Liam was bringing the main meal, a crepe cake, and an assortment of mini sandwiches. I had all the decorations, even specially made shirts for Stevie and Poppy with our favorite Leslie Knope quote.
But a few days ago, Ellie started getting worse.
Ezra called Liam to let us know her blood pressure was becoming erratic and they were taking her to the hospital. After she was admitted, we learned that the doctors would most likely keep her there until she had the baby. Her due date is still more than three months away.
So we brought the party to the UVM medical center. The guys helped me decorate her room and then left to grab lunch together so we could have girl time.
It wasn’t everything I’d hoped for. But I still felt grateful that we could spend the holiday together.
“Are you okay?” Liam asks as he starts the truck.
He’s already set up Poppy in the back with headphones and a movie playing on the iPad.
“Yeah, I’m just–I’m so worried about her.” Mostly, I hate how scared Ellie looked, like she really thinks the worst will come to pass. That’s not the Ellie I know. “It feels like she’s giving up hope or something. I just want to fix it for her.”
“Like—” Liam glances up at the rearview mirror to check on Poppy. “Like actually fix it for her? With a wish?”
“I’ve thought about it.” And not just recently. I’ve thought about it for years. Every time I’ve ever seen her in pain, every time the side effects from her medicine brought on more uncomfortable symptoms. I don’t think I’ve ever thought about something else more than if I could wish for Ellie to be healthy. “But it terrifies me. What if I end up making things worse?”
“Have you ever tried something like that with yourself? Like if you had a cold or…I don’t know, a stomachache? Have you ever wished it away?”
“Yeah, kind of,” I whisper. I’ve never told a soul about this. But as embarrassing as it is, I don't feel weird about telling Liam. I turn back to look at Poppy, still engrossed in her film and paying zero attention to either of us. “When I was at boarding school, in Switzerland, I umm—” I pause to take a breath. I can’t believe I’ve held onto this secret for so long and I can finally tell someone. Liam grabs my hand, squeezes reassuringly. I close my eyes. “I wished I wouldn’t get my period.”
“Shit, Maya,” he laughs. “I wasn’t expecting that.”
“It was so stupid but there was this pool party I wanted to go to and I knew it was coming any day and I was so nervous about…well, being a teenage girl sucks, so I wished for it.”
“And?” he asks.
“And I never got my period. For years.”
“I’m no expert on women’s health, but isn’t that, like, not good?”
“Well, at seventeen it was awesome. But after a year it was a little scary, so I went to see a doctor. Turns out I had some hormonal imbalance,” I explain. “It took years of trying different medicine and diets to get it back.”
“Wow. Is that…do you…I’m sorry, I don’t even know what I’m trying to ask.” Liam blows out a long breath. “You’re okay, right?”
“Physically, yes. I think. But it has always freaked me out, knowing I was able to change my body like that. So, to answer your original question, no. I have never tried to wish away anything, even as small as a headache since then. The butterfly effect terrifies me. Like, I still don’t know if there are other issues I caused, if something else could be wrong with me just because I didn’t want one period. Seriously, be careful what you fucking wish for.”
“I’m really sorry, Maya. There’s no way you can be sure that you caused it, though. Isn’t it possible it’s just a coincidence?”
“I have told myself that so many times. But the truth is, I know I did it. Because every wish I’ve ever made has come true. Consequences be damned. And I’m older and wiser now. I wouldn’t just make some vague wish like that. But it’s too scary, too dangerous really. Maybe if I understood all the medical terms better, or if I could consult with someone about exactly what Ellie needs, then I could help her. But there’s still so many variables and especially with the baby, I?—”
“Hey,” Liam says, squeezing my hand again. “She’s gonna be okay. The doctors will make sure of it. It’s not on you, all right?”
He glances over at me for a second before pinning his eyes back on the road. I know he’s right, that it’s not my responsibility to cure Ellie, that she has amazing doctors working to protect her and her baby. And still, I silently wish I could save her all by myself, that I could finally use my wishes for something good.
I let myself sulk for a few days after visiting Ellie, but she made me promise that I would enjoy my birthday and not spend it worrying about her.
She’s been texting multiple times a day with reminders.
Liam, with Ellie’s help, has planned a full day and overnight trip for me. He told me all about the bed and breakfast we’re visiting last night over birthday-eve chocolate cake. And now that Poppy is safely dropped off with a friend for the night— not her boyfriend this time—he lets me know that we’re off to visit the Vermont cheese trail.
I’ve heard about this magical trail from Ellie, though I could never believe something so amazing exists. Liam explains that there are over forty-five dairy farms throughout the small state and we are about to visit six of them.
“Best birthday ever,” I say into the map he hands me with six farms circled in blue.
“Hey, don’t jinx it. We’ve barely started.”
He’s wrong. It’s already the best. The weather is unseasonably warm for Vermont in February which means I got to wear my cute coat and ankle boots, and I’m about to taste cheese all day. With Liam .
He throws an arm around the back of my seat and twists to look behind us before backing out onto the gravel road. The amount of switchbacks to get to the first farm is crazy. Luckily, Liam’s a pro.
I used to think Ryan looked hot in his Aston Martin, but he has nothing on Liam Harley, navy henley pressed tight against his muscles, hair tucked into a backwards hat, maneuvering his GMC Sierra through all the country roads. Add the fact we’re going to taste cheese all day, what more could a girl ask for?
It’s funny how everything I thought I wanted in a man has changed since meeting Liam. How I’m more excited about a day of dairy farms than I ever was about a romantic getaway to Hawaii or Mallorca. Everything is just better with Liam.
“Okay, first stop,” Liam says as we pull up next to a picturesque red barn. “This one isn’t actually open to the public, but I used to contract them for all the cheese at Gairdín, so we’re getting a very exclusive tour.” He wiggles his brows at me, unbuckling both of our seatbelts.
“Oh my god, are those baby cows?” I jump out of the truck and practically skip toward the fenced in area attached to the barn. There is an adorable brown and white tiny cow that is drinking from a bottle.
The man holding it waves a hand toward us. “Liam?”
“Jaxon,” Liam says, holding out a hand over the fence. “It’s nice to finally meet in person.”
A few moments later I’m the one feeding the cow from a bottle while Jaxon tells us all about his family’s farm. All their cheese comes from a single herd of cows and each animal is treated like royalty. He shows us all the areas designated for grazing and even introduces us to this little calf’s mom. Her name is Helga and I beg Liam to bring her home with us. I take about a million selfies with her and her calf so I can show Poppy when we get home.
“I wasn’t sure how much time y’all had today,” Jaxon says as we make our way around the barn. “I’m happy to show you through the caves or if you need to be somewhere we can just do a tasting now.”
“Caves?”
Liam looks down at his watch and back at me. “Well, if you don’t mind skipping a few of the other?—”
“Caves!” I cheer. I’ve never heard of a cheese cave, but I’m more than intrigued.
Liam throws an arm around my shoulders. “Whatever the birthday girl wants.”
Jaxon introduces us to a man named Sebastian who’s their head affineur which apparently refers to someone who ages cheese. What a job. He directs us into their central cave which connects seven different vaults. Each vault is responsible for aging different types of cheese.
When we enter the first vault, Liam inhales so deeply that I can’t help but stare. His eyes are closed as he breathes in the aroma.
“This first vault houses all the bloomy rinds,” Sebastian explains as he guides us through the space.
“Is that like Camembert?” I ask, and I swear Liam looks proud when he nods his head at me.
“You’ll notice a unique aroma to each vault,” Sebastian continues on the tour. “This one is my favorite. You should be getting earthy notes of pine and?—”
“Button mushrooms,” Liam murmurs.
“Exactly. You must be the chef.” Sebastian looks pleased, claps a hand on Liam’s shoulder. “Now, birthday girl,” he glances at me, his eyes alight. “What would you like to taste?”
We end up tasting cheeses from each of the seven vaults while Sebastian teaches us all about his process for making the best cheese. I learn about barking, washing, flipping, brushing, spiking, and finally salting the cheese before it’s finally ready for consumption. I never realized how much of an art form it is to make cheese. I already know how much more I’ll appreciate every future bite.
Liam thought ahead and brought a few bottles of wine for the trip, so we open them with Jaxon when we get back to the main barn. Of course, we taste more cheese and Jaxon helps to pair everything perfectly. The whole experience is dreamy.
By the time we finish the tour, the sun has started to set, and we realize we won’t be making it to any other farms or creameries.
“How about for another birthday, we do this again,” Liam says, starting the truck. “We’ll go to Italy and learn how to make the best burrata.”
I couldn’t contain my grin if I tried. “Deal.”
After a few minutes, we’re off the dirt path and back on the winding mountain road. When we get to a flat area with nothing around us, I ask him to pull over.
“What’s wrong?” Liam asks, throwing the truck in park.
“I just…” I don’t even know how to articulate it, this need humming through my body. Instead, I unbuckle my belt and climb over the console until I’m in his lap.
“Oh.” He grips the back of my thighs, helping me maneuver in the small space. “A dairy farm and cheese tasting? That’s what does it for you?”
“You do it for me, Liam. Just you.”
He closes the gap between us before I have the chance, his hand on the back of my head and his lips on mine like a magnet.
This is it. That feeling Ellie was always talking about. The one I was so desperate to understand that I kept faking it, even to myself. Now I get it. Every part of my body is buzzing, screaming Liam, Liam, Liam , wanting to be closer, needing more of him.
“Will it ever stop?” I whisper against his lips.
“Stop what, baby?” he asks distractedly. His mouth moves to my neck, his hands smoothly unbuttoning my jeans.
“Wanting you this much. I’ve never felt like this, like even when I’m with you I still want you, like I’m already craving the next time I get to be with you again.”
He lets out a deep breath against my throat that has my whole body erupt in goosebumps. “Maya.” He says my name like a prayer. “After that night two years ago, I wanted you every day. I tried so hard to stop thinking about you but I couldn’t.” He drags his lips down to my collarbones. “Sometimes I thought about this.” He slides a finger down the center of my body, tracing the shape of me. Then he drags it lower until he snaps the strap of my thong. “But mostly…I thought about laying next to you, talking to you, kissing you. I just wanted to see you, be near you again.” He nips at my skin. “I never thought I could want someone like that. Especially after just one night together. So I hope you don’t stop. Because I know I never will.”
My lips find his again as I awkwardly try to remove my coat. Liam helps me out of it and then smoothly slides my shirt over my head.
His teeth dig into his bottom lip as his gaze roves over my chest covered in delicate pink lace. I silently applaud myself for the little shopping spree I did at Aubade in France.
Reaching across the center console, I grab my cell phone out of the purse occupying my seat. I flip on the camera app and change the orientation to take a selfie.
“What are you doing?” Liam asks.
“Documenting.” I try to get a few different angles but I have to stop when he starts tickling me.
“I never agreed to a sex tape, Bloom. Especially not in my car.”
I drop the phone and attempt to resume what we started. But he pushes me back. “What was that about?”
“Just in case,” I murmur. “What if you do something horrible and I get upset? I don’t want to forget again. I can’t forget this moment right now.”
“Maya.” He cups my face with both hands, his fingers reaching into my curls. “That’s not going to happen. I will never hurt you. And you will never want to forget again. I promise.”