15. Chapter 15 #3
The stress of the accident and its aftermath ripped Ceth’s parents’ marriage apart.
As for Ceth, she suspected her parents blamed her just as much as she blamed herself.
In the heat of the moment at the hospital, her mom had even suggested Ceth had wanted to hurt her brother out of jealousy for how much attention he received instead of her.
It had stung that the one and only time her mom had ever acknowledged how much more energy and time they put into Roan was in the same breath that she accused Ceth of deliberately hurting him.
Whether or not there was any merit to her mom’s accusations, the guilt had carved out a deep crater in Ceth’s soul and left her with a heavy sense of obligation to help her family no matter what else was going on in her life.
Spilling everything to Krystal had been unexpectedly cathartic, even though Ceth realized she’d likely altered the way Krystal saw her for good. That was probably for the best.
After a long silence, Ceth finally looked across the table.
Krystal’s blue-green eyes held sadness but no judgment.
She spoke in a soft, sober voice. “You know, where I come from, whenever someone goes through something hard like losing a loved one or being sick, people always say the same things. ‘Everything happens for a reason. Just trust God’s plan.’ Or ‘You’re being taught an important lesson. ’ Or ‘This is a test of faith.’”
Ceth nodded slowly, wondering if Krystal would say the same until she surprised Ceth by screwing up her face in a grimace and shuddering. “I hate it when they do that.”
That made Ceth blink in surprise. “You do?”
“Yeah. They mean well. I know that. But it feels like those messages are used to skirt around the pain and harshness of the fact that life is just shitty sometimes.”
Ceth’s eyes widened. She’d never heard Krystal swear before. In fact, Ceth rarely swore around Krystal to avoid offending or making her uncomfortable.
“Sometimes it is,” Ceth agreed.
Krystal leaned her elbows on the table, her gaze intent. “I’m sorry for what happened, and for what it did to all of you. But I appreciate that you trusted me enough to tell me.” She gave a small, encouraging smile. “And if you ever need to talk about it again. I’m here.”
Ceth was floored. Roan had been lucky enough to have some amazing nurses and doctors.
Her parents’ friends and colleagues at the college had been so supportive.
But no one had looked at and spoken to Ceth with that much compassion.
Or maybe Ceth had never given anyone the chance to.
She hadn’t deserved anyone’s compassion, after all.
But Krystal was different. Special. Something about her made that crater inside Ceth feel a little smaller.
Music started again in the restaurant, and Ceth looked up in time to see Krystal make her way back to their table. She held her head high, and her hips swayed with an alluring confidence.
As she sat back down, she said, “Thank you for what you said about enjoying music for music’s sake. I really needed that reminder.”
She turned the fullness of her sunny smile on Ceth, and to Ceth’s frustration, she felt her cheeks start to burn. Looking away quickly, Ceth cleared her throat. “Yeah, well. I’m pretty sure you were the one to teach me something similar to begin with. So I’m only returning the favor.”
A puzzled frown replaced Krystal’s smile. “When did I do that?”
Ceth stared down into her nearly empty glass for a second, struggling to arrange her thoughts into coherent words.
Then she met Krystal’s eyes again. “After Roan’s accident, everyone talked about what a tragedy it was because of the abilities and potential he’d had before the injury.
Everyone. My parents, his teachers, doctors.
‘Who knows what he could have become?’ they’d say.
‘Maybe a brain surgeon or an astronaut.’ I’ll admit that I thought the same thing.
It made the guilt I felt even more intense. ”
Krystal settled her soft hand over Ceth’s, but she didn’t interrupt.
Ceth gave her a small, grateful smile and continued.
“But when you met Roan and whenever he’d come to our place to hang out, he wasn’t a tragedy or something regrettable to you.
He wasn’t lost potential. Even after you found out the whole story.
You always saw and treated him like a complete person just as he is.
Like a sweet, if occasionally temperamental young boy who loves action movies and remote-control cars.
And that was good enough. I think he sensed that.
That’s probably one of the reasons he liked being around you.
People can just be themselves around you without the expectation to perform or excel or contribute. And I always appreciated that.”
Once she was finished, Ceth drained what was left of her glass.
Her throat was dry after saying so much, but it was her heart that felt raw and exposed.
She hadn’t intended to share all that, but at the same time, it was true.
Krystal’s frank acceptance of Roan had helped change the way Ceth had interacted with her brother over the years for the better.
Part of her had always wished she could tell Krystal that.
She never dreamed she’d get the chance, though.
The hand still resting on Ceth’s squeezed lightly, and Ceth looked up to see that Krystal’s eyes held a hint of a sheen. “I don’t really know what to say except that I appreciate you telling me that.”
Ceth nodded. “You’re welcome.”