23. Chapter 23
Krystal bit her lip and took a critical look at the table and chairs set beneath the shade of a sprawling maple tree.
Maddox had gone above and beyond to organize the food and drink that Krystal had requested on short notice, and they’d delivered and arranged it in the small, secluded outdoor space Krystal had chosen.
But was it too hot for a picnic lunch? Would the wind interfere? Did this whole setup look like a date or an overdone seduction attempt when she really only wanted to come clean with Ceth without any agenda?
The flowers in the center of the table might have been a bit much, even though they were beautiful.
Maybe she should move them. Jerkily, she stepped forward, picked up the vase, and carried it away from the table.
She could take it inside and set it down somewhere on the way to find Ceth, who had been strangely absent all morning.
A lead weight of realization settled in Krystal’s stomach at the thought that she and Ceth hadn’t even exchanged phone numbers. Ceth could be having another interview with Ms. Farrington or could have even left the resort completely, and Krystal would have no way to even check in.
Her stomach was twisting over various scenarios as she stepped through a clearing near the back of the Sycamore Lodge and came face to face with Ceth herself.
Krystal’s heart jumped like a startled deer, and Ceth’s eyes widened. “Krystal! What’s going on?”
Krystal looked at the vase of flowers in her hands then back at Ceth. “I was taking these back inside.”
It was only when Ceth’s dark eyebrows dipped low that she realized that answer really didn’t explain anything, but instead of giving a better one, she deflected. “What are you doing out here?”
Ceth squared her shoulders. “I was looking for you. Maddox said they’d seen you come this way.”
“Oh.”
Guess it’s now or never.
“Yeah, I was getting everything ready,” she answered quickly. “Are you busy? I thought we could have lunch.”
“Lunch?” Ceth looked confused again, but she followed Krystal anyway as she turned to go back the way she’d come.
When they got to the garden with the table and chairs, Ceth gave a small gasp. “What’s all this?”
Krystal drew in a deep breath and set the flowers back on the table. “I wanted to have lunch out here where it’s quiet because I need to tell you something.”
Ceth’s shoulders sagged, but the confusion left her face. “Oh, I see.”
Once they were seated, Krystal rearranged the vase so it wasn’t quite at the center blocking her view of Ceth anymore. Then she straightened the serving dishes and plates. She’d moved onto the silverware when Ceth settled a warm hand over hers.
“Krystal.” She looked into Ceth’s gentle brown eyes, and her nerves settled a bit. Ceth squeezed Krystal’s hand once, then released it. “It’s okay. You can tell me.”
“Okay.” After drawing in a deep breath and releasing it again, Krystal burst out, “I know that you really do remember what I said to you the night we had that big fight eight years ago.”
Ceth looked away. “Oh. Well, yeah. I guess I do remember. I’m sorry I lied about that.” She took a long swallow from the glass in front of her and set it down before leaning in. “Is that what you wanted to tell me? I didn’t think it mattered that much.”
“It mattered,” Krystal said more sharply than she’d intended, but she pressed on. “And now that I know you remember, I need to explain why I said those horrible things to you.”
“No, you don’t.” Ceth shook her head. “I know. It’s because you were angry at me for meddling in something that wasn’t my business, which was understandable.”
“That’s not it!” Krystal sat up taller. “I was angry at you for shining a light on how unhealthy my relationship with Elgin was. I knew what you were saying was true, but I needed that relationship to hide behind.”
Ceth blinked. “What do you mean?”
“Things had mostly been over with Elgin for a while by the time you and I fought about it. But as long as I was dating him, I didn’t have to face the truth about who I actually had feelings for.”
“Okay…” Ceth looked even more confused now. Did she really not get it?
“You, Ceth.” She finally said it bluntly. “I had feelings for you.”
“What?” Ceth’s eyes went so wide, she almost looked frightened.
“That’s right.” Krystal realized she was spilling a lot, and she couldn’t sit still any longer.
Standing up, she began to pace in front of the table.
“I’d suspected I wasn’t completely straight for a long time, but I ignored it because of how I was raised.
But when I met you, ignoring it was no longer possible.
I was attracted to you from the start…in so many ways.
And when I got to know you better, my feelings only grew. I-I was falling for you.”
She paused her pacing to look at Ceth. When Ceth only stared at her, she kept going, tears threatening to cloud her vision.
“I lashed out at you, Ceth. I was afraid of my own feelings and who I was, so I lashed out at you. And I’m so sorry.
I had no right to make you feel bad because of my stupid hangups. ”
Pausing, she grabbed her chair and dragged it around the table so she could face Ceth better and sat.
“Then when I saw you again after all this time, I wanted to tell you how wrong I was and apologize. That’s all I meant to do at first. Really.
But as soon as I was back in your orbit, all I wanted was to be close to you again.
Even more than I did when we were roommates.
And the way we were connecting, it made me think there could be something special between us.
Then I found out you only did casual, so I decided to take what I could get and ask you to be casual with me. ”
Ceth was shaking her head now and holding up her hands. “Wait, wait a minute. Are you saying you weren’t really looking for a random conference conquest at all? You weren’t trying to get over your ex?”
“No?” Krystal winced. “I mean, my best friend Miri and I did date when both of us first came out, but that was a couple of years ago and we realized pretty quickly that’s not what we were supposed to be.
We’re still super close and talk all the time.
But, no, I wasn’t looking for a random conquest. I only wanted you.
Even if it was just for a little while.”
Ceth looked away from her and stared off into space. Her expression was hard to read. It was somewhere between witnessing a trainwreck and finding out UFOs are real.
Krystal scrambled to fill the silence. “Ceth, I’m sorry I deceived you. But I’m telling the truth now. I can call my friend Miri, and she’ll tell you that. She’d probably like nothing better than to point out that she told me this was a bad idea from the start.”
She leaned in closer, taking in Ceth’s body and face.
Even now, when she looked so serious and stunned, she was gorgeous.
Krystal’s own body and heart still reverberated with light and energy from Ceth’s touch, from her smiles, and from the unexpected sense of peace she had in Ceth’s presence.
Her voice turned watery. “Maybe I should regret what I did, but I can’t bring myself to.
I’ll treasure these past few days for the rest of my life.
You’re so special, Ceth. I don’t think you even realize how much.
I would have loved the chance to be the one to show you that, but I understand that’s not what you want.
I respect it. You deserve to have whatever it is you do want. ”
Ceth stared into Krystal’s eyes as if searching for something. She wasn’t sure what, so she did her best to keep her own expression open and sincere. After another beat or two, Ceth looked away, and Krystal’s heart sank.
She realized then Ceth’s hands were grasping the fabric of her slacks. It was similar to the way she’d acted that night they drove to the bar. Krystal wanted to reach out and soothe her, but she knew it wasn’t her place.
Long minutes passed. The breeze rustled the tablecloth and cooled their untouched lunch.
Finally, Krystal looked up. “Ceth? You don’t owe me anything, and I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t want to talk to me again, but I really wish you’d say something. Do you hate me?”
Inside, she cringed at the neediness of that last question, but she hadn’t been able to stop it. Besides, she knew that, even if Ceth did hate her, she’d never be cruel.
Ceth’s gaze met hers again. Slowly, as if waking from a deep sleep, Ceth scooted forward in her chair and reached out to cup her cheek.
Krystal’s eyes widened, but she didn’t move. She didn’t even breathe.
“You’re so beautiful,” Ceth murmured. Then she released a nervous half-chuckle and dropped her hand. “That’s not what I meant to say. I’m sorry. I think I’m kind of stunned right now.”
“I-it’s okay,” Krystal assured her shakily.
Her cheek was still warm and tingly from where Ceth’s hand had been.
“I dumped a lot on you. If you need to take time to process, I get it. We can finish lunch and talk about something else for now. Or you don’t even have to eat with me!
I arranged this for you, so you can enjoy it in the peace and quiet out here, and I’ll go finish packing or—”
“Krystal…” Ceth’s tone was soft, and maybe a little amused.
A ghost of a smile played across her lips.
And Krystal really, really needed to stop staring at those lips and focus on what Ceth was saying.
She forced her gaze up to meet Ceth’s as she said, “I’m not going to sit out here and eat this nice lunch you organized by myself. ”
Her pulse picked up. “No?”
“No,” Ceth answered firmly. “But I do think it’s time I make a confession of my own.”
Her face grew serious again. “Okay, yeah. We’ve established I remembered what you said to me when we fought all those years ago, but it wasn’t because I’ve resented you or anything like that.
It hit me hard because it made me realize how selfish I was to try to interfere in your relationship.
You had trusted me as a friend when you confided in me about Elgin.
And, no, I didn’t think he was good for you.
But my bigger problem, which I didn’t want to admit then, was that I was jealous of him. ”
“Jealous!?” Krystal’s racing thoughts screeched to a halt with that word.
Ceth nodded. Her voice softened to a near-whisper. “Yeah. Because I wanted you.”
Her heart was thumping so loudly she wasn’t sure how she heard anything else. Had she heard Ceth correctly? “You wanted me?”
“I did,” Ceth answered simply. Then her shoulders lowered and she sat up taller, eyes fixed on Krystal. “I still do.”
Krystal’s hand flew to her mouth as she stared at Ceth, but Ceth wasn’t done.
“I want to be near you every day. I want to hear your voice when I wake up and as I go to sleep. I want to feel you move against me over and over and a dozen different ways. I want to cheer you up when you’re worried. Celebrate with you when you win. Hold you when you’re hurting.”
Ceth’s hands were clasped on the knees of her slacks again, but Krystal could swear they were actually shaking as she continued. “It scares me, Krystal. You don’t know how much. Because I don’t want to mess this up until I’m the one hurting you. But I want to be safe and good for you.”
Krystal didn’t even realize she was crying until her voice came out shaky.
“You always were, Ceth. Truly. You were when we were friends, and you are now. I wish you could see that the way I do. And maybe we both messed up before, but my mess was much bigger than yours. I’m sure we’ll mess up again too, but if we’re in this together, I think we’ll be okay. More than okay.”
Ceth seemed to seriously chew on Krystal’s words for a long moment before nodding her head. “Yeah, I think so too.” Then she took a deep breath and slowly released it. “So…do you want to try this?”
“Try this?” She was pretty sure she knew what Ceth was saying, but her brain was struggling to catch up and her heart couldn’t believe this was really happening.
“Yeah. Can I be your girlfriend?” Ceth’s eyes were filled with a mixture of vulnerability and longing that stole her breath. Maybe a little uncertainty too. And Krystal couldn’t have that.
A tiny squeal she barely recognized as her own voice burst from Krystal, and she threw herself at Ceth.
Unfortunately, the chair wasn’t made for an additional occupant, so it fell backwards, and Ceth tumbled to the grass with Krystal sprawled on top of her.
The impact was jarring, but she was more embarrassed and concerned than hurt.
Raising her heated face, she looked down at Ceth. “I’m so sorry! Are you okay?”
But Ceth burst out laughing, louder and fuller than Krystal could ever remember hearing. Her arms wrapped around Krystal and pulled her in even closer. “Very okay. I like you here.”
Krystal beamed as joy, belonging, and a healthy dose of desire swept through her body.
Ceth reached up and traced Krystal’s smile. “God, I’ve missed this.”
If Krystal’s heart got any fuller, she worried it might burst like a water balloon. She kissed Ceth’s thumb, making her laugh again. But the laugh turned into a moan as she leaned in and pressed her lips to Ceth’s for a long, satisfying kiss.
Hopefully the first of many.