Chapter 4
Chapter Four
Knox
I couldn't stop thinking about the way she'd looked at me.
The way her fingers had felt against the scar on my ribs. It was the lightest touch, barely skimming the skin. Like she was trying to understand something about me that I didn't understand about myself.
The way her breath had hitched when I'd touched her face.
I'd almost kissed her.
Almost closed that last inch of distance and tasted her mouth and let myself have something I had no right to want.
But I'd stopped. I’d pulled back and put distance between us like that would somehow erase the fact that I'd wanted it. Wanted her.
Now I was paying for it.
I sat against the wall, watching the fire burn low. My body was wound so tight I could barely breathe. Every muscle coiled, every nerve on edge.
This was insane.
She was a stranger, someone passing through. She'd be gone by morning and I'd never see her again.
That's what I wanted. I needed solitude. That’s why I was here.
So why did the thought of her leaving make my chest feel tight?
I stood abruptly and moved to the woodstove. I added another log even though the fire didn't need it. Just needed something to do with my hands.
Something other than touch her.
"Knox."
Her voice cut through the darkness.
I turned.
She was sitting up in bed, blanket pooled around her waist. My thermal shirt hung off one shoulder. Her hair was messy from lying down. Her eyes were trained on me.
"You should be sleeping," I said.
"So should you."
Fair point.
I turned back to the fire and stared at the flames like they held answers I didn't have.
"I can't stop thinking about it either," she said quietly.
My hands clenched into fists. "About what?"
"What almost happened."
"Nothing happened."
"Exactly."
I heard her shift. There was the creak of the bed frame. Then the sound of footsteps crossing the wooden floor.
Every instinct I had screamed at me to retreat. I couldn’t let her get close enough that I'd do something we'd both regret.
But I didn't move.
She stopped just behind me, Close enough that I could feel the warmth of her. The faint scent of rain was still clinging to her hair.
"Knox." My name again. Softer this time. "Look at me."
I shouldn't have. Should've kept my eyes on the fire. On anything except her.
But I turned anyway.
She was right there, inches away and looking up at me with those hazel eyes that saw too much.
"We shouldn’t," I said. My voice came out rougher than I intended.
"I know."
"This can’t go anywhere...."
"I know that too."
"Then why?—"
"Because I'm tired of doing the safe thing." She took another step closer. "I'm tired of being careful. Of always choosing what makes sense instead of what I want."
"What do you want?"
"You."
The air between us felt electrically charged. Like the storm outside had somehow gotten inside my chest.
"Anniston—"
She reached up and touched my face the way I'd touched hers earlier. Her fingers traced the line of my jaw.
I caught her wrist. Not pulling her away, just holding her there.
"If we do this—" I started.
"I know," she whispered. "One night. That's all this is."
I should've stepped back and let her go.
But I didn't.
I pulled her closer instead.
Her body came flush against mine. She was soft where I was hard. Warm and real and right there.
I could feel her heart racing. Or maybe that was mine.
My hand moved to the back of her neck, Fingers threading through her hair. It was still damp and felt cool against my palm.
She tilted her face up.
I leaned down.
And this time, I didn't stop.
The first brush of her lips against mine was soft, testing. Like we were both still deciding if this was real.
Then she made a small sound in the back of her throat and pressed closer, and something inside me broke.
I deepened the kiss. My other hand roamed up to her waist, fingers spreading against the thermal shirt she wore.
She tasted like coffee and something sweeter underneath. Her mouth opened under mine and I took everything she offered. We both moved slowly at first. I was learning the shape of her, relishing the sounds she made. How she responded when I angled my head and kissed her deeper.
Her hands moved to my chest and fisted in my own shirt. She pulled me closer like I wasn't already as close as I could get.
The fire crackled beside us and heat washed over my back. But it was nothing compared to the heat building between us.
I backed her against the wall, gently trapping her between the solid wood and my body. She gasped against my mouth and I swallowed the sound.
Her fingers slid under my shirt and touched bare skin. I felt the contact like a brand.
This was dangerous. This was too much, too fast, too?—
She nipped at my lower lip and I lost whatever thread of control I'd been clinging to.
My hands moved. One sliding into her hair, tilting her head back so I could kiss along her jaw. Down her neck. Tasting salt and rain and something uniquely her.
She arched into me. Her breath coming in short gasps that I felt against my throat.
"Knox—"
My name on her lips undid something fundamental in me.
I kissed her again. Harder this time. Consuming. My hand on her waist slid lower, finding the curve of her hip. The soft warmth of her skin where the shirt had ridden up.
She pulled at my shirt, trying to get it off. Trying to get closer.
I helped her. Yanked it over my head and dropped it. Then I was back on her. Mouth finding hers again while her hands explored my chest. My shoulders. Every scar she'd been curious about earlier.
This was heading somewhere I couldn't take back.
I could feel it in the way she moved against me. In the small sounds she made. In the heat building between us that had nothing to do with the fire.
My hands slid under her shirt—my shirt. Rough palms against smooth skin. She sucked in a breath and I felt it against my mouth.
This needed to stop.
But I couldn't. I wanted to memorize every sound she made. Every place that made her gasp. I wanted to make her forget whatever she'd been running from.
Her fingers traced the scar on my ribs, until she found the waistband of my jeans.
That's when reality hit.
I pulled back.
We were both breathing hard. Her lips were swollen. Even in the dim light in the cabin I could make out her eyes, dark and unfocused.
"If I don't stop now, I won't." The words came out rough.
She stared up at me. Her chest rising and falling rapidly. "Then don't."
God, I wanted to take everything she was offering and more. I wanted to carry her to that bed and learn every inch of her. Cherish her until she forgot her own name.
But this wasn't right.
I had nothing to offer her except one night that would hurt more than it helped.
"You don't want this," I said.
"Yes, I do."
"You don't want me."
"Knox—"
I stepped back and forced myself to let go of her even though every instinct I had screamed to do the opposite.
She stood against the wall, flushed and breathless, staring at me like I'd just broken something.
Maybe I had.
"You should go back to bed," I said. My voice didn't sound like my own.
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah."
"Knox, we're both adults. We both want this. Why?—"
"Because you're leaving in the morning." I grabbed my discarded shirt off the floor. Pulled it back on because I needed the barrier. "And I'm staying here. This doesn't go anywhere."
"I know that."
"Do you?" I looked at her then. Really looked. "Because this isn't just physical for me. And if we do this—if I touch you the way I want to—it's going to mean something, whether we want it to or not."
She opened her mouth. Closed it. I could see the war playing out across her face.
"Go to bed, Anniston."
"Knox—"
"Please."
The word came out broken.
She stared at me for another long moment. Then she pushed off the wall and limped back to the bed without another word.
I stayed where I was. Watching her settle under the blanket. Watching her turn away from me.