Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Ethan
The sudden stirring of warm limbs wrapped around me pulls me from sleep. For just a second, I don’t know where I am. Then, the warmth cocooning me, the scent of vanilla and rain sinks in. A phone rings somewhere in the suite, and Ani’s crawling out of bed.
My eyes open slowly, adjusting to the dim light spilling in from the French doors. The storm has quieted, but rain still drenches the city, and water streaking the glass fractures the glow of streetlights. The air in the suite is warm, the residual heat from our tangled bodies lulling me into stillness. But my mind runs away like a freight train, churning thoughts, feelings, and impressions. If I thought I would wake up and feel differently, that theory is dashed.
A slow smile spreads my lips, that little flame in my chest as alive and burning as it was a few hours ago. Even in sleep, Annika fit against me like we were meant to be together, her body molding to mine, her breath a quiet rhythm against my skin.
The rumpled sheets still hold the shape of her body, carrying the faintest trace of her warmth. It’s so strange to miss something you’ve only had for a few hours, but I do.
With Annika, everything—every kiss, every touch, even falling asleep in each other’s arms—is new, and yet, there’s also a strange ease to it. As if we’ve performed these exact rituals before. As if our bodies know how to communicate even before our minds can catch up to this new reality.
I push up on the bed.
The suite is shrouded in shadows, save for the occasional flicker outside. A faint, silvery light seeps through the rain-streaked windows, softening the edges of the storm as dawn creeps into the sky.
Ani’s pacing the tight space near the foot of the bed, her back to me, cell phone pressed to her ear. “Of course, you didn’t disturb me. I’m in the middle of a night shift,” she whispers. “At the hospital, where else?”
It’s the false cheeriness of her tone, more than the lie itself, that jars me awake fully.
“No, Asha, I was already up. Just surprised to find you calling me at the ass-crack of dawn.”
There’s that earnestness again, and beneath it, a thin thread of some unnamed ache I sensed in her from the beginning. It’s strange and a little scary how easily I can read her. My ex, Sophie, used to complain that I was completely oblivious to her moods or needs.
Whether it’s the fact that I’m not an underfed, nineteen-year-old, soon-to-be-father anymore or the raw connection between Ani and me… I don’t know.
And don’t care.
It takes a while for my sleep-mussed brain to grasp the full ramifications of her easy lie. Then there’s the fact that she doesn’t want to tell her sister that she spent the night with a man who’s nearly two decades older than her.
Obviously, this isn’t the time. Still, it pricks me right in the center of my chest as if a needle handled by a new nurse has punctured the skin in a rough thrust.
The weight of last night, the wildness with which she unraveled, the way I held her until we drifted off—it was so real that it feels like the entire world should know.
Before I can brood on why she might not feel the same urge, Annika gasps. “Oh, my God. Congratulations!” Her slender frame shakes with excitement. “Yes, of course, I’ll be there. This is such great news, Ash.” She laughs, breathless and bright, followed immediately by a broken sob, all in the space of a heartbeat.
A hand to her mouth arrests it, turning the sound even more pitiful. I have this gut feeling that it’s not me she’s trying to hide the sound from. But I can’t stay still for another second. The plush carpet muffles my steps as I close the distance to her.
Just as I reach her, she drops to the edge of the armchair as if she has no control over her limbs. Her shoulders curve inward. “Wait! You didn’t tell Mama and Papa? You called me first?”
Silent tears run down her cheeks as she nods. “Yeah, I’m sorry I canceled at the last minute. I couldn’t get any time off.” Another broken laugh. “Yep, of course, I’m the most talented nurse in the entire hospital, and they’re lucky to have me. No, Ash, listen. I’m so happy for you. I…” She nods again, thrusts her fingers through her tangled hair, and purses her mouth tightly, like she’s trying to hold so much in. Then, just as suddenly, her face pales. “Ash, we don’t have to talk about all that now. I don’t even…” She bites her lower lip. “Okay, fine. Later, maybe.”
The call ends, but she doesn’t move. Her fingers clutch the phone so tightly that her knuckles show white. The glow of the screen fades, leaving only the moody dimness of the room.
Kneeling in front of her, I clasp her cheek. “Ani?”
She raises her chin and presses her tear-stained face into my bare shoulder. Her fingers scrabble over my skin, as if she’s afraid I might disappear on her. The heat of her skin, damp and flushed, seeps into me. I smooth my hands over the back of her head, stroking through the sleep-warmed tangles gently. “Whatever it is, you aren’t alone, sweetheart. I’m here.”
She shakes her head, another quiet sob wracking her body. I wait, rubbing slow circles down her spine, hoping as hell to soothe her. When she finally speaks, her voice is small. “I’m sorry I woke you up. I tried to keep it down, but it was a lot.”
“Never mind my sleep,” I say, nuzzling her neck. Seeing her like this cracks my heart open as if someone has taken a sledgehammer to it. It’s me who needs the comfort of her scent, the beat of her heart.
For long minutes, she says nothing. At least, the sobs have left her. I’m more than happy to hold her if that’s what she needs.
Her face moves to my neck as she whispers, “That was my sister, Asha.”
“I gathered as much.”
“She has big news. And I’m the one she told first. That never happens. Never. ”
I don’t know how one word could encompass someone’s heartbreak, but that word carries hers. My chest aches.
“You aren’t close?” I probe gently.
“She’s eleven years older than me. She and her twin, Akash. Then there’s my oldest brother, Amit, fifteen years older than me. All three of them are brilliant and successful in their chosen fields. I’m the baby of the family. And the black sheep,” she adds with a hiccup.
What she leaves out is clear as a horn blaring in my face.
I don’t think anymore. Pushing to my feet, I scoop her into my arms and bring her to the bed. She clings to me as I sit up against the headboard, her feet dangling to the side.
“Will you tell me what upset you about your sister calling you?”
She presses her forehead to my shoulder. “In the last couple of years, Asha’s been really trying to get close to me. Do all the things that sisters do together, I guess. She sends me these expensive gifts all the time, calls me to chat, texts me silly memes that she thinks are funny. But are just… cringe.”
I laugh, glad to see her personality shining through the grief that still clouds her eyes. “But you haven’t been completely welcoming of her efforts to get close to you?”
She shakes her head, fingertips dancing over my jaw. “You, Dr. Cross, are far too perceptive.”
“More like I use the common sense I have,” I say, warmed by her compliment.
She giggles, but it’s hollow. And having known the real thing, I hate it. “Right? You’d think more people would use it.”
“I agree wholeheartedly.”
“A few years ago, I’d have welcomed Asha’s efforts. I wanted to be just like my big sister growing up. She’s beautiful and brilliant.”
“You’ve said,” I say dryly.
It escapes the woman staring into the dark night. “Amit was already in college when I was in elementary. Asha and Akash were too busy for me. I mean, I don’t blame them because they were high schoolers. But it’s not just the age difference. My parents have these important, distinguished careers… I’ve always felt like an outsider with all of them. Some bad stuff happened after my eighteenth birthday, and none of them tried to understand the situation I was in. I had to get away from them.” Her breath is a shudder that shakes her. “Anyway, I’ve been wary of her efforts to reconnect.”
I lean back, rubbing at the tight knots in her shoulders. A picture emerges for me, little snippets of everything she told me, everything I know of her from eleven months, falling into place. There’s a lot missing, but “the black sheep” comment and how she talks about her siblings is telling.
A quiet rage settles into my bones toward her parents. I mean, I would never win the best parent medal with Jonah, an infrequent visitor that I was during his younger years. But this sounds like actively harming their youngest child.
I lock it away, though. It’s not the time or my place to comment on her relationship with her family. Clearly, it’s a minefield. And more importantly, I can hear her longing for that close relationship with her sister.
“What was the news she gave you on the call?”
“Asha’s engaged,” she whispers. “She’s been seeing this really sweet guy for a while now. She invited me a couple of times to come meet him, but I made excuses. Anyway, she said he proposed at midnight. And I am the first person she called.” Ani’s slender frame expands as if this small bit of news fills her with happiness and hope. “They plan to have a small wedding soon, and she wants me by her side as much as possible.”
“You want to be there?”
“Yes, absolutely.”
“That’s wonderful.” Relief softens my grip on her. “I hear a but, though.”
“For once in my life, I made proactive plans to fix things with my parents and everyone else. This summer, moving back to Seattle, was the beginning of cleaning up my act. But now…”
“What’s changed?”
“There’s no way I can resolve all the mess I’ve made with them in time for the wedding. Which means I’ll have to carry on with the way things are.”
She’s referring to the fact that her sister and her family think that she’s already a trained nurse working at a hospital. It’s an elaborate lie to not only tell your family but to sustain for years. I could hazard a guess that it was the pain of living up to their expectations, to want to fit in, to seek that sense of belonging that all of us crave, that pushed her to it.
The problem solver in me is dying to grill her about it so that I can find the best, and the least painful, solution for her. For a man who’s spent most of his life alone and liked it, the urge to interfere is startling in its intensity.
“Maybe they will welcome a resolution with you before the wedding, Ani? Would be nice to have all the family together with no outstanding conflict, no?”
“No, it’s exactly how I would have behaved earlier. Uncaring of how it would affect anyone else. It’s what they will expect of me. And I can’t ruin Asha’s happiness. That she asked…”
“Tell me,” I say, wrapping my fingers around her neck, keeping her tethered to me.
“It’s big.” Her breath is still shaky. “Asha’s perfect and popular, and she has a bunch of interesting friends in high places. But she asked me.”
The disbelief in her words is painful to hear, and I tighten my arms around her. Her body, still warm from sleep, melts into me like she belongs there. But how we fit together is clearly the last thing on her mind.
I rest my chin on her head, breathing her in, letting her settle. The world outside is finally quiet. But in here, with Ani trembling in my arms, I feel like I’m on a roller coaster.
My gut instinct that she has a lot going on in her life is on point. Selfishly, I want to nudge and sift through it to make a place for myself. No, I want to be the center of her universe.
“You said she’s been trying really hard to reconnect. That means she wants you there, Ani.”
She exhales, unsteady but lighter, like maybe she’s starting to believe it.
“You should not doubt her intent. Since you’re worth knowing.”
She turns, and our gazes meet. A light shines in hers, and I realize, with a shuddering exhale of my own, that she’s coming back to me. To us.
Instantly, the very air around her charges, the way she holds herself changes. As if the Annika, who’s spending the night with me, is a freer woman than she is with anyone else.
Or so my poor heart hopes.
Her knuckles trace my jawline. “How do you know to say the right thing?”
“I’m not saying it to placate you.” I kiss the underside of her wrist and continue trailing my mouth to her elbow. “It’s knowing here,” I bring her hand to my chest, “that you are someone special. Maybe your sister selfishly wants some of that specialness in her life.”
“Specialness, huh?” she says, throwing her leg over mine and straddling my hips.
I instantly kick my legs higher on the bed, scooting up, before I realize what I’m doing.
Making a place for her.
She slides on my lap until her core settles against my shaft. Her bare, warm pussy nudging up against my stirring cock. Within seconds, I’m rock hard.
Our groans puncture the silence.
“Is it too much if I admit you make me insanely needy, Dr. Cross?”
“Ani—”
She wriggles her brows and her hips, the saucy minx. “Don’t you want some of my specialness too?”
My laughter shakes me. I tweak her nose. “Let’s finish talking about that phone call.”
“Nothing more to talk about.”
My hands find her hips as she grinds down on me. No man could take the torment of her ripe body rubbing up against his, but I try. To do the right thing, to get to the bottom of the ache I see in her eyes. “You’re avoiding the discussion, Ani.”
“No.” Her palms cup my bare shoulders and rub down, leaving indents in my skin. “I’m showing my appreciation for a man who, it seems, has an endless capacity for understanding. I’m overcome by desire for a man who could be the hero from a well-thumbed romance novel. I’m beset by lust for a man who wants me, despite the ugly truth he sees.”
I clasp her cheek, the fingertips digging into her fragile bones. “What is it you think I see?”
Eyes closed, a silent tear rolling down her cheek, she remains quiet for so long that panic beats at me. I feel as if I’m losing her at that last line.
I grip her hips firmly and press my mouth to her breastbone. Her heart thunders under my lips. “Let me in, Ani. I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”
Brown eyes flare open. “You heard me on the call. You know the hollow foundation of lies I’ve built my life on.”
Tears fill her eyes, but there’s more than just shame there. Some kind of focus or clarity like she’s decided to face me in all her messy glory. It flashes through me like a lightning bolt, making every sense sharper. The need to hold her, to protect her, and to love her is a gaping abyss inside me.
I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, and she shivers. “It’s not the foundation of your life, is it?” My throat is sticky with the ache I feel for her. “With your friends, with Mom, and with me, you’re real and brave. It’s only with your family you pretend to be someone else.”
“You can say it… it’s pathetic.”
I shake my head. “No. Whatever you did would have been because you felt cornered. Unseen and unwanted.” I hate having to use those words, and I hate the people who made her feel like that even more. But it’s a wasted emotion.
Ani needs me here, now. And I’m going to spend the rest of my life making sure she never feels like that ever again.
This woman, with her aching vulnerability, her quiet strength, and her self-proclaimed chaos, will be mine. I don’t know how I will manage it, but I will. I will love her so well, so thoroughly that her light will shine like a bloody halo around her for everyone to see.
“We all use coping mechanisms to move through the world, sweetheart. But when it’s family that hurts us, when it’s people who are supposed to love us but don’t even see us, it hurts so deeply. To avoid it, we will do anything.”
“I never meant to hurt anyone,” she says.
My heart squeezes tight, as if it’s in her fist. “Only yourself.”
She smiles through the tears and wipes her cheeks with the back of her hands. Her soft kiss at the edge of my mouth is a benediction. “I’ve never felt so seen. Not even with my friends.”
“I’m glad to be of service.”
She laughs. Her mouth hovers over mine, the tight points of her nipples raking against my chest. But she doesn’t kiss me, eager as I am for it. Her forehead touches mine, then she pulls back. “This night with me… are you beginning to think it’s a mistake?”
“Never.”
But her mind is eons away, mired in the pain that came to the surface with that phone call, in the ache that she had to show me. She slides back and nearly moves off of me when I arrest her.
I feel like I’ve been running in place for years, and finally, this girl is in my path, in my arms. I refuse to let her go at this last hurdle.
“No, Ani. No hiding away now.” I pull her lower lip with my teeth, and she jerks in my lap. Then I lick at the indent and kiss her roughly. I sweep my tongue inside the moist cavern of her mouth, play with her tongue, dip in and out until she’s moaning and writhing. Until she’s back here with me.
“Dr. Cross?”
“You’ve been teasing me all night, Annika. Begging me for my cock, yeah?”
Brown eyes widen at my taunting tone. "I want you , Dr. Cross." Her gaze dips to my bare chest, my stomach, and then the bulge pushing against my sweatpants. “Not just your cock.”
I laugh and push her up until her warm core is pressed up against my stomach. My skin burns as a little of her wetness seeps into me. “You’re ready for me?”
“Yes, but—”
I grip the lapels of the shirt and pull hard until the buttons pop and she’s fully bare to me. The shirt hangs off her arms, and the ends of her hair kiss her warm skin. I lick at the pulse fluttering at her neck, gently skimming my hands under her heaving tits.
She is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen or touched.
My fingers tremble as I lift them to her, the intensity of my need a savage beat in my blood. “Tell me, Ani. Do you still want me to fuck you? Because I would very much like to.”