Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Ethan
Steam clings to my skin as I towel off.
But it can’t melt the icy fist at my core as I stare at my reflection in the mirror. Dawn has given way to a new day, and there’s just over an hour until I have to meet Mom’s consultant.
It’s enough time to wake Ani, to have breakfast together, to ask her… What though? If she’ll be here when I get back? If she wants to spend a few more days with me in our universe?
Do the words she whispered to me when she thought I was asleep, or the way she made love to me at dawn—because that’s exactly what she did—hold weight in the light of the day?
I scrape a hand down my face, sighing, because I know the answer.
She made it clear from the start that she wants only one night. If I push past the walls she’s erected around herself, there’s every possibility that the fragile defenses she needs to function might shatter.
My stomach tightens at the very idea of causing her pain.
What I need is more time to pull each brick out of those walls slowly. More time where we can lose ourselves to the mind-blowing passion between us, without thinking of a label or an expiration date. For all I’ve been arrogant that I control my own fate now, I can’t give her—and us—that time right now.
She’s leaving for Seattle soon. I still have things to settle in New York. And before I can start on that, Mom needs me here. She’ll have the best resources for her recovery, but I don’t want to leave her alone for a while.
That means sticking by whatever Annika decides. A savage helplessness fills me at the thought because her decision, I know in my veins, won’t be good for us. For who we are meant to be. For the future I see for us.
Heart sitting in my throat, I dress in jerky, uncoordinated movements. It takes me three tries to clasp my wristwatch, and I nearly slice through my jaw as I shave. The aftershave bottle falls to the marble floor with a loud thud, and I finally give up.
There’s a hollow ache in my chest, worse than anything I’ve ever known. But I also feel more alive than I have in years.
The first thing I notice when I step into the bedroom is the storm. Or rather, the lack of it. The city outside the floor-to-ceiling windows is washed clean, damp streets gleaming under the suddenly bright winter sun.
The world looks different. New. As if it’s standing in solidarity with me.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I turn and search for those naked limbs on the bed.
Annika isn’t there.
A soft laugh catches my attention, and I walk out.
Two men flank her in the sitting lounge.
One is tall, white, and looks like he belongs on the runway, looking malnourished and haughty. This one’s Zach. The other man is brown, heftily built, and looks like a real version of a fairy-tale teddy bear with warm brown eyes and a soft smile—clearly her ex, Rahul.
The two men are talking over each other, hands gesturing, voices rising and falling with urgency. Ani, head jerking between them, doesn’t look like she’s mad or heartbroken.
I stop in my tracks, watching. Ready to pounce to her defense or to just hold her if she needs that. It would be comical how much of a goner I am for this beautiful girl if our coming separation wasn’t crushing my chest like an anvil.
She laughs suddenly, a breathless sound that does things to me. That laughter is mine , some strange combination of ego and masculinity says in my head.
Rahul has tears in his eyes as he pulls her in for a hug. The other man wraps his bony arm around them both until she’s trapped in between them. My sweet girl, as tall as them, rolls her eyes but lets them hold her, expression soft.
I exhale at the knowledge that while the idiots hurt her last night, they care about her.
Zach says something, Rahul blushes, and Ani smacks him on his chest. All three of them laugh, and I have a sinking sensation that I know what the tall one suggested.
At that moment, I feel removed. Distanced. As if I’m an alien from another planet, making first contact with a new species, and watching their weird rituals.
Their presence is a stark reminder that she has a whole life outside this suite, one that doesn’t include me. My heart plummets all the way to my stomach.
Last night, whatever she was seeking, she found it with me. But can I truly be a part of her world? Would she want me, even if we got over all the other hurdles?
Yes . That gut instinct that got me this far in my life screams back at me. I would never hurt her like these idiots, never neglect her like her older siblings, never want her to be someone else like her parents had.
I’ve never felt seen like I do with you.
I clutch her words from last night as if they are a lifeline. Then, I school my expression and clear my throat.
Ani’s gaze lifts first, sweeping over my damp hair, the small nick on my jaw, and my clothes. For just a second, her brilliant smile falls, as if someone has flipped a switch inside her.
I know the precise emotion she’s feeling right then—falling endlessly. And as pathetic as it is to want her to be as miserable as I am, at least she is right there with me.
She steps back from her friends. “Good morning, Dr. Cross,” she says, a little too fast. “Uh, this is Zach and Rahul.”
They both turn, looking at me fully. The beat of silence that follows is as deafening as the storm’s shenanigans last night. Rahul moves toward Ani in a very late, near-pathetic attempt to protect her. From me?
I don’t know whether to laugh that this bear of a man considers me a threat or to be annoyed when he’s the one who hurt her last night.
“You are Dr. Cross?” Rahul finally says, eyes wide. “Martha’s son?”
I raise a brow. “Do you want to see identification?”
Zach whistles low, gaze running over me as if I’m a designer jacket he just spotted in the spring lineup. “Jesus, Ani,” he says, looking between us. “You run out into a storm and fall smack dab into the arms of a DILF surgeon? How’s life even fair?”
Ani slaps his shoulder. “Do you want to go over why I ran out in the first place? As for Dr. Cross, he isn’t...he’s not some stranger I picked up on the street,” she finishes awkwardly.
My heart prowls in my chest like a caged animal. God, I’m too old for this kind of rollercoaster of emotions. But I’m not running away either. The panic in her eyes makes me want to hold her tight and soothe her. “You don’t have to give this a label just to satisfy their juvenile curiosity, sweetheart.”
She stares at me as if I’ve sprouted two horns.
“I think I understand why,” Rahul clears his throat as his brown eyes meet mine, “you forgave us so easily.”
“Got some good, did you, pet?” Zach says to her with a smirk.
Heat rushes to my cheeks, a little from embarrassment and a little from anger. “You have the nerve to tease her after the stunt you pulled last night? She could have been seriously hurt because of your asinine behavior.”
Rahul pales, while Zach covers up his guilt with a defensive lift of his shoulders.
I place my hand on Ani’s back slowly, giving her time to back away if she needs to. Even though it would cut me up. Like I just reassured her, we don’t have to perform our relationship for anyone. All I want is to be a safe space for her, whatever the situation.
My breath settles when she presses her side into me with a quiet sigh. The scent of her—deeper and warmer in the morning—sweeps through me, coiling around my muscles. I swallow at the sudden longing and press a quick kiss to her temple. “Why are they here?”
“Oh, they brought me a change of clothes and my medication.”
“Medication?”
She stiffens and I tighten my grip on her waist. “Just my ADHD meds. I have a lot of things on the agenda for the day.”
A lot of things she said, about how her family perceives her and how she perceives herself, fall into place for me. I ache to tell her, over and over, how magnificent she is and how lucky I am to know her.
Her voice turns soft. “I didn’t think you would mind if I let them come up.”
“Of course I don’t,” I say, lying easily. Clearly, she needs a buffer in the morning, a dose of normality, after the intense interlude at dawn.
I slant the two men my I’m very displeased look that I usually save for first-year residents. “They should have been here last night then. If they were truly worried about you.”
Rahul winces. “I texted her. She said to stay away.” He turns those puppy-dog eyes on Ani. “I never meant to hurt you.”
Zach pats his arm, his fake cheerfulness dropping and revealing something far too real. I recognize that look, having seen it in my own eyes in the mirror mere moments ago. “Oh, for God’s sake, Ani, tell your fabulous doctor to forgive us. Or Rahul will feel guilty for the rest of our lives.”
“It’s not my opinion that matters,” I say, relieved that Ani didn’t say I wasn’t hers.
“Clearly it does, Dr. Cross,” Rahul says, his gaze thoughtful as it rests on Ani. “Whatever you did last night to her, I’ve never seen Ani like this. With such real happiness shining in her eyes. You must do it again. She deserves to be…” Slowly, twin strips of color climb up his cheeks.
Zach gazes at Rahul as if he’s the most adorable thing he’s ever seen. “What he’s saying is that you’re good at what you do, clearly. Whatever it is that you did to her overnight.”
Ani groans. “Shut up, you idiots.” Her color is high as she moves in front of me. “Stop making this worse. Stop staring at him as if he’s a delicious morsel and you’re hungry dogs.”
There’s something in the way she squares her shoulders and stands with her back to me that makes it look like she’s shielding me from their slobbering grins.
God, she’s adorable, especially when she reluctantly, but fully, claims me. Does she even know she’s doing it?
Goofy idiots they might be, but her friends have noticed too. They exchange tense looks over her head. It’s Rahul who speaks up. “You live in New York, don’t you, Dr. Cross?”
“Did Ani tell you she got into UW nursing school?” Zach pipes up. For once, his eyes are serious.
“Jesus, we don’t need you two to communicate,” Ani says, shoulders stiff. “Of course, we’re aware that we live across the country. That he’s a renowned cardiac surgeon and I’m me. This is…” A serrated laugh falls from her lips. “One night’s madness.”
I’m fully aware of how she sees this. Still, my stomach tightens, and my heart hammers painfully at her declaration.
“I think you should wait downstairs,” I say, knowing she might need them by her side soon, with how this might play out.
I never want her to feel like she’s alone. Especially when I can’t be there.
“Take as long as you need,” Rahul says. Apparently, he isn’t a complete lost cause because he meets my eyes with a shrewdness that is tempered by kindness. “Good to meet you, Dr. Cross. I hope we have a chance to get to know each other better. In the future.”
I nod, keeping my gaze carefully away from Annika’s face.