Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Ethan
The hospital waiting room is alive with the afternoon rush as I walk past. I prefer the quiet twilight zone it was last night.
Every chair is filled, and the scent of burnt coffee and disinfectant is thick in the air. The buzz of conversation blends with the steady beep of monitors and the occasional crackle of the intercom.
I’m used to the controlled chaos, but today, the hum of activity feels intrusive. Dissonant.
As is the February sun streaming through the glass doors, golden and crisp after the storm that rattled the city overnight. Outside, the streets are still glistening with rain, and the cold clings to my skin.
I’m running on fumes. The sandwich I nearly gagged on is a reminder that I’ll crash soon.
I miss the heat of Annika’s skin, the weight of her body against mine, the quiet, aching way she looked at me before we parted. The way she begged me for one last kiss.
Regret slams me about denying her. But if I kissed her, could I let her leave? I would have done something crazy like tie her to the bed with my necktie. Or told her how I truly felt and scared her a little more.
Neither could I dwell on it in a constant loop. There were plans to make, things to set in motion.
Quitting my position in New York isn’t just about handing in a resignation letter. It means leaving behind a career I built brick by brick, the department I helped shape, the colleagues who rely on me. Selling the brownstone? A logistical nightmare. Finding the right care for Mom in Seattle? Even harder.
And then there’s the paperwork—hospital privileges, licensing transfers, insurance, the offer I have to review from the university. Every item I write into my little notebook branches off into more to-do lists. But the mental fatigue and the inertia that consumed me for months as I considered these same changes are gone.
Each form I fill out, each signature I scrawl, feels less like a chore and more like a step toward something that actually matters.
I’m not just moving across the country. I’m moving toward her, toward us, whatever shape the future might take. And for the first time in years, I’m not chasing success or more prestige or any other external metric.
I’m setting the stage for my happiness. And this is what one night with her has wrought in me.
As I reach the corridor that leads to private patient rooms, I see the two men first, like tall evergreens from our home state, guarding her. My mind registers them in the same way I do the world around me since this morning—in blurry shapes and vague outlines.
Annika’s sitting slouched on the hard plastic seat, long legs kicked out, head lolling back in sleep.
My breath catches, my heart slams against my ribs as if it’s trying to burst right out of my chest.
She’s dressed in a worn-out purple sweatshirt that’s too big for her—which she stole from me—and black leggings. Messy hair bound in a tight braid, with small wisps dancing across her temples, she looks impossibly young. My gaze sweeps over the high forehead, the sharp nose, and the lush mouth, making sure I didn’t misremember any detail.
I didn’t.
She’s so beautiful that it hurts to look at her and not claim her as my own. Her slim fingers are wrapped around a paper cup of coffee that keeps sloshing every time her head lolls back and she rights herself.
There’s a burning in my eyes that’s half grittiness from no sleep and half tears. The relief that hits me is like a tidal wave, threatening to tow me under. My knees quake, and for a second, I wonder if the better option is to sink to them willingly.
The bone-deep exhaustion I’ve been carrying around all morning slinks away as if someone’s cut it out of me. A buzzing energy replaces it, and I didn’t even have to chug three energy drinks like I used to as a med student.
She’s here, my heart seems to scream at an insane pitch, as if it wants the entire world to know.
“Dr. Cross,” Rahul says with a stiff nod. Then he grabs Zach’s arm and tugs him away, leaving us alone in the quiet corridor.
My stomach tightens as I reach her. A part of me worries I fell asleep in the comfortable armchair next to Mom’s bed and I’m dreaming. That I’m conjuring her because I’m so desperate for her.
Wide brown eyes pop open. Slowly, as if she’s afraid that I might disappear if she moves too fast, she straightens in the chair and rubs her eyes. She swallows, her fingers flexing around the cup. “You’re back.”
I take the cup with its pungent, stale coffee and put it on a table. My jerky movement makes it slosh. “You’re here,” I say, faking a steadiness I don’t feel. “And you stole my sweatshirt.”
She tugs at the neckline before coming to her feet. “I wanted to check on Martha.” Her voice is soft, uncertain, as if she’s not sure whether she should be here.
I nod without moving closer.
She doesn’t relax. Her shoulders are tense, gaze flicking to mine, then away. I can read it clearly in her face—the worry that maybe last night was a fever dream. That maybe I’ve changed my mind.
“Mom asked if you were going to come see her later today. I told her you had to leave for your big interview and your fancy house-sitting appointment.”
Her gaze jerks to mine. Shame heats my chest at my passive aggressive comments. God, what this girl does to me…
“I won’t leave without seeing her,” Ani says with a lift of her chin.
I keep my hands locked behind me and lean my shoulder against the wall. “She also said she found a hot nurse to introduce you to, if you’ve come to your senses and dumped that teddy bear of a man ,” I add, my grumpiness at my mother’s suggestion back in full force.
Ani doesn’t take the bait. She chews a little more on her lower lip, and I’m tempted to tug it free, to lick at the little indents she’s leaving in the tender curve. Tempted to tell her she’s ruining the flesh that belongs to me. “Everything went well with the consult?”
“Hmmm,” I say without offering much in response. My arms are literally aching to hold her, my entire body thrumming, but I want her to come to me. To claim me.
If she just takes one step toward me, I’ll run the length of the entire world to get to her.
“How did the admissions interview go?”
“It was fine.” She runs her fingers down her face, leaving little pink trails behind. My stomach tightens at how tired she looks, how much this costs her.
Just a few more steps, sweetheart, I want to say. We’re almost there.
“How long do you plan to stay here? In Portland?”
“Haven’t decided yet.”
A sudden flash of temper changes the very angles of her face. Her nostrils flare. “Where will Martha stay during recovery? Have you found a physiotherapist for her? The last lady you hired was a total bitch, and Martha hated her.”
“You could have just called Mom and asked her all this, Ani. I don’t want to be the go-between—”
“I’m here for you, okay?” The words echo in the high-ceilinged corridor like drumbeats, like thunder. Like the sweetest song I’ve ever heard. Tears fill her eyes, and her throat moves in a hard swallow. “I wanted to see you. We were already on the highway, and I made them take an exit. Zach thinks I’ve finally lost it. It’s very probable because my mind won’t stop imagining all these impossible scenarios for the future, and...” She trails off, tugging at the sweatshirt and wipes her face on it.
Staying silent in the face of her pain is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
She faces me, her features ravaged. “You know what my life is like and how much shit I have to unpack. Both for myself and with my family. I’m a stranger to them. I mess up everything I touch. I’m starting nursing college in summer, and I don’t know if I’ll even be any good at it. Now Asha’s getting married—”
“What does all that have to do with you coming back?”
She’s vibrating with emotion as she snaps out, “Why are you making this so hard?”
Her voice cracks, and my body automatically bows toward her. But I fight her gravity. I prefer her anger so much more than the despair I just glimpsed in her eyes. “I asked you to stay. You left. And now you’re back. Instead of telling me why, you’re spouting stuff that I don’t give a fuck about.”
She watches me warily for long, painful seconds. A little color creeps back into her cheeks. “You don’t curse like that usually.”
“No, I don’t, do I?” I scoff. “It’s funny how many little things you know about me already. And yet…” I bite off the words.
“Do you want a little more with me, Dr. Cross? I mean, I can’t stay tonight, but do you?”
“What do you want, Annika?”
She exhales sharply, looking down at her hands. Her fingers tremble slightly, and I want to reach out, steady them, steady her. But I wait. Her chin lifts, and her shoulders square. When she lifts her gaze to meet mine this time, there’s a clarity that makes my breath short.
“I want the laughter we shared last night, the games we played, the way you kissed me.” Her breath shallows out. “I want the A-plus dirty talk, the unbelievably good sex, and the fancy orgasms you dole out,” she laughs at that, and it’s loud in the silence. “I want them for as long as I can have them. I want you.”
Tears run down her cheeks again. Without wiping them, she takes a step toward me. Her vanilla and lemon scent hits me first, and every cell in my body stands at attention. The backs of my own eyes prickle with heat.
This is the last time she’ll ever cry , I promise myself.
“I don’t know how you see this playing out. Or if all you want is a fling. It could end when you get bored with me—”
“Don’t do that, Annika. Don’t guess at my feelings.”
She stills, as if she can hear the growl in my voice. “Coming back to you took all of me. I’m terrified that I’ll do something that will stop you from looking at me like...like you’re looking at me now. But I want more, Dr. Cross. I want everything with you.”
“Why?”
She smiles, and the awe in it is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. “Because I’ve fallen in love with you.” A shake of her head. “It’s either the stupidest or the most courageous thing I’ve ever done, and I don’t think I can take it back.”
Relief crashes into me so fast, so hard, I almost stagger with it. I exhale, my shoulders dropping, my entire body feeling light for the first time in hours. A large part of me is still in shock, still wondering if I’m caught in a dream. Still processing my sheer fucking luck that this sweet, beautiful, chaotic girl is mine.
All mine.
“You, Ethan? Do you want more too?” Her voice breaks at the last, and she sways, and I catch her.
She’s shaking, and I’m quivering—manliness be damned—and we cling to each other like falling leaves. Then I realize I could be kissing her. That I can kiss her, however much I want, for the rest of our lives.
And I do. Long and hard. Fast and slow. Over and over, until her taste isn’t simply a memory in my heart. Until my lips tingle with heat.
She tastes like toothpaste and coffee and all my dreams woven into the perfect form. I stroke my hands over her back, knead her shoulders, cup her hips, crush her breasts against my chest, but it’s not enough.
It’s never going to be enough.
She plops her forehead against mine with a thud, and we both groan. And then laugh. Leaning in, she licks my lips awkwardly and then blushes. “I have this crazy notion of tasting your laughter.”
“It’s yours,” I say, clasping her cheek.
“Are you?”
I frown, my head feels empty of all thought. It hasn’t sunk in that she’s here, in my arms. “Am I what?”
“Are you mine too, Dr. Cross?” Her eyes search mine with a wariness I never want to see when she looks at me. “Because I made this grand declaration, and you have said nothing. About how you feel. If you didn’t know this already, I’m needy outside of sex and kissing too. Especially with you. No, only with you. So, if you want to back out and break my heart, this is the time to—”
I catch her lower lip with my teeth and nip, hard. She hisses into my mouth and jerks against me. Taking advantage of her imbalance, I press her back against the wall and grind my erection into her belly.
Lust and longing she doesn’t hide anymore shimmer at me from her eyes. Her fingers lace around my neck, the tips digging into my scalp. I push my head back, reveling in her possessive hold.
“What was that for?”
“Mouthy girls get punished.”
“And good girls?”
“Get rewarded.”
“With you, I don’t know whether to pick punishment or reward. Both could be highly gratifying.”
I laugh, and my heart melts at the spark of joy in her eyes. When I press my thumb against her lower lip, she sucks it in. I kiss her again, slow and soft this time. “Never doubt me, rainbow girl.”
Her smile is wide and bright at the pet name. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. You’re mine, sweetheart, like no one has ever been. All I want from you is your blunt honesty, your soft kisses, and your brave heart. All I want is you, baby, and in turn, I will give you everything.”
She hides her face in my neck, but I can feel her quiet sobs. I hold her through it, my own heart finally settling into a normal rhythm. We stay like that for a long time. We kiss in between, touch each other’s faces, then return to the embrace. Neither of us is ready to let go, neither is ready to trust this stroke of immense good luck.
Neither of us wants to acknowledge what exists outside of this.
Ani fidgets, and when I release her a little, she pops open a couple of buttons on my shirt and sneaks her hand in. My heart thunders against her palm. She places a string of warm, open-mouthed kisses over my neck, my jaw, and finally reaches my mouth.
“How will we make it work?” she whispers softly.
I can hear the fear echoing through her, holding her in a tight grip. “Don’t be scared, sweetheart.”
“I have to move back, start nursing school. And you…”
“Ani, do you trust me?”
She sniffles, rubbing her nose against my shirt.
I laugh. “Did you just wipe your snot on my shirt?”
“This is serious, Dr. Cross. Maybe you think we can see each other once every few months. Maybe you think it’s enough to—”
I grab the end of her braid and tug on it until her head jerks up. Every muscle in me turns rock hard as I wind it around my fingers. “What did I say about doubting me?”
She presses her chest into me, arching her neck back even more. Inviting me to do whatever I want to her. My cock throbs against her belly. Jesus, I can’t even fuck her right now, can’t work some of this tension out of us. Our bodies create magic together, have more faith than our feeble minds can grasp.
“I don’t doubt you. I doubt myself.” Her gaze holds a wealth of pain and ache. “I doubt that this kind of happiness will last.”
“You’re too young to be that cynical.”
She shrugs. “Maybe. But the world isn’t built for someone like me. I stick out in my own family.”
“Then we just have to build our own world and our own family.” The words spill out of me like a vow. I stiffen, wondering if I have pushed her too far, too fast.
Instead, her eyes are huge in her face as she nods. “That sounds...wonderful. Can we include Rahul and Zach in our world? They’re kind of my family too.”
I laugh. “We can include whoever we want. In the meantime, Ani,” I kiss her softly, loving how she throws all of herself into it every time, “will you promise to be patient and brave for me?”
“For you and only you, yes.”
“Will you promise not to back out of this at the earliest hurdle?”
A little of her sass comes back into her voice when she says, “Yes, sir, Dr. Cross.”
I kiss the tip of her pert nose. “Will you promise to give me everything you have?”
“Yes. All of me, and it’s a lot.” Her laugh is a little wild.
I exhale roughly. “I’ll be in Seattle soon. Maybe in a month. Six weeks at the most.”
She pulls out of my embrace. “For a visit?”
“I have been planning this move for a while. A teaching post at UW fell into my lap. I thought it would be nice to be closer to Jonah. To give Mom some time back in our hometown. Then you came along.”
Sheer wonder and disbelief dance across her features. Her lips tremble, and she presses her fingers to them. “Please tell me you aren’t joking.”
“I’d never joke about our future.”
She nods and swallows. “I quit, Martha fell, you were visiting, Rahul had his bi-awakening, and it’s like…”
“Fate. Kismet. My rainbow girl, my missing piece, walked into my path in a slutty cupid costume.”
Her gaze searches mine. “I’m scared. Aren’t you?”
“Why?” I say, rubbing circles into her back.
“It all feels so flimsy, so out of our hands. I don’t have faith in the universe being on my side, Dr. Cross. It’s always kicked me to my knees.”
“Do you have faith in me, Ani?”
Her “yes” is instant, emphatic.
I gather her to me, my heart overflowing with a quiet joy I’ve never known. “Something like this comes along only once in a lifetime, if that. Believe me, I know.” I inhale deeply and rub my lips against her temple. “I can’t wait for our lives to begin again, together this time.” Then I dip down for another taste of her sweet lips again. “I knew very early into the night that you’re exactly what my life’s missing.”