Chapter Twelve #2
Doing as I say, he slips a second finger inside me before he begins massaging my gspot.
Pleasure is building inside me and I know I don’t have long before I come undone.
I don’t want to come like this, though. I want rough, raw, passion filled fucking.
I want to be pinned down and made into his own personal sex doll.
“Fuck me, please,” I beg.
Alec comes up for air, releasing my clit with a wet pop before he smiles. He wastes no time in pushing off his pants and boxers, discarding his shirt in the next moment before he lays on his back.
“Ride me.”
Disappointment flickers inside me. Not because I don’t enjoy being on top.
It’s fine, I’m just not really a dominant person in bed.
I think maybe I was more so a switch when Alec and I dated.
After I got a little more experience, though, I quickly realized how much I crave being a sub.
How good it feels to relinquish power to someone else and then experience how they take care of you in reward.
It's not Alec’s fault, though. I haven’t communicated that, he’s falling into old routines where I was almost always the initiator.
He’s rekindling something, reliving it, and just because I get on top this time doesn’t mean it’ll be every time.
Hell, I don’t even know if there will be more times after this.
I know he said that there is no question that I’m his, but I’m not sure how that sits with me.
Which is honestly so unfair because do I have any reasoning as to why I wouldn’t want to give it another try with him? No, not really.
“You okay?” he asks, and of course he did. I’ve been spiraling in my own head about my sexual desires and our impending label for at least a minute. Way to make things awkward as hell, Cass.
Climbing on top of Alec, I slowly lower myself down onto him and he moans in approval. The feeling of him inside me is amazing and I draw back up when I realize something.
“Condom,” I practically choke out.
Alec’s eyes widen for a moment before he reaches for a bedside table, fumbling around before grabbing one. He tears it open in no time and pushes me off for a moment before rolling the latex down his cock. When he’s ready, he pulls me back down onto him.
I’ll admit, it really doesn’t feel as good as going bare. You know what else doesn’t feel good? STDs.
Though I’m on birth control, I don’t know what Alec has been up to over the last few years, or even the last few weeks. It’s a topic we will obviously have to discuss later since my dumbass just sat right on down with no questions.
That’s a later thing, though.
I begin gyrating my hips as my hands come to rest on his chest for stability. Alec’s hands settle on my waist and he holds me tight as he helps guide my movements.
“Fuck, Cass. You feel so good. I’ve missed you so goddamn much.”
“I’ve missed you,” I pant.
I’ve been on top for roughly seven seconds and I’m already exhausted. I’m convinced it’s more strenuous for girls than it is for guys because goddamn, being on top kinda sucks.
Pushing through the burn in my thighs, I keep on pace as my eyes fall closed on a moan.
God. This feels so good. I’ve needed this release, this pleasure. Now that I have it, I can finally erase Nico from my head once and for all.
Though, thinking of Nico in this moment was probably the worst thing that I could have done.
Instantly, my mind conjures his face. That barely there smile, those intense brown eyes.
His large hands, my god. I never thought I would be attracted to hands but watching them tie rope effortlessly, seeing the way he grips my skin firmly, keeping me in place until I’m exactly where he desires me.
Fuck, it’s like a drug, and my pleasure doubles from just the thought of it.
By it’s own free will, my mind keeps playing a fucking highlight reel from that night with Nico. The feel of his lips on my skin, his touch, the look in his eyes when I gave myself over to him so completely. The tension, the aching, the pleasure.
Before I know what I’m doing, I’m falling over the edge, riding the cock inside me like it’s Nico and I’m desperate for just one more time with him.
“Oh my god. Fuck! Yes!” I moan as I fall over the edge, circling my hips over and over to pull out every ounce of pleasure possible.
“Cassi,” he calls out beneath me, instantly shifting my reality.
My eyes fly open as understanding dons on me. That wasn’t the deep gravely voice I’ve become way too familiar with these last few days. That was an old one from the past, a familiar one. Alec.
He smiles up at me like he just had the best time of his life, meanwhile my stomach turns in an instant at the realization of what I’ve done. I fuck faced him. I had sex with him imagining he was someone else. I’m despicable, I’m disgusting. I’m….
“That was amazing,” Alec smiles as he gently rolls me off of him, wrapping his arms around me tightly like we have all the time in the world.
“Yeah,” I rasp, struggling for my smile to meet my eyes.
He can tell too. His grin begins to slip as his gaze fills with concern. Doing my best to slip on a content smile, I press a gentle kiss to his lips that seems to lower his guard.
“I have work in the morning, I should probably head home.”
Disappointment touches his features but it doesn’t last long before he nods.
“Let me get dressed and I’ll walk you out.”
I nod as he disappears into the bathroom while I get dressed as fast as humanely possible. I feel dirty, ashamed and so morally corrupt.
By the time Alec is out of the bathroom, condom disposed, I’m already dressed and heading for the door. He barely has time to grab a pair of boxers before he’s chasing me down the stairs and to the front door. I’m barely able to make it to my car door before his hand comes to rest on my car.
“So, that’s it, just gonna hump and dump me?” he teases.
My eyes come to his and find that he’s one thousand percent kidding. It still doesn’t erase the ugly guilt that is gnawing at my insides.
“I’m sorry,” I say, leaving it open ended because I’m sorry for way more than leaving quickly.
“I’m kidding, Cass. As long as we’re good. Are we good?” he asks, forcing my eyes to his.
I give him a small smile and a nod which allows his shoulders to relax fully.
“Good. Text me when you get home, okay?”
“I will,” I say as he leans in to kiss me.
I don’t pull away, though I don’t engage too much either. When we break apart, I give him a smile and a nod before slipping into my car. Alec watches me start the engine and back out of the driveway, giving me a slow wave as I take off down the road.
My house isn’t too far from his which means I’m not nearly done mentally berating myself by the time I pull into my driveway. So stupid. I was having a nice night, with a good guy, and then Nico fucking Sanders had to come along and ruin everything per usual.
Actually, to be fair, I think I kinda ruined everything for him originally.
You know what, fuck that. I didn’t ruin anything. I’m the one who has been single the whole time. He’s the slimy loser. Fuck him. What was I thinking? Defending a man? Who have I become?
Slamming my car door shut a little harder than necessary, I walk up to the front door, unlocking it quickly before stepping into the dark house. Glancing at my phone I see that it’s just after midnight and I have to be up for work at five thirty. Awesome.
Moving to the kitchen I flick on the light to grab a protein bar or something from the cabinet when movement comes from my left.
I practically jump out of my skin as I let out a shriek and see a disheveled looking Nico on the couch.
His hair is pushed up in an untamed way I haven’t seen before, his eyes barely open as he squints to me.
Seriously? Half asleep and he still looks like he belongs on the cover of a magazine. He’s so fucking annoying.
“What the fuck? What are you doing?” he grouches.
“What am I doing? Getting a snack, what are you doing sleeping on the couch?”
He just glares at me, slowly wiping the sleep from his eyes as he stands.
“I figured it was better for the night.”
“Better than sleeping with my witch of a sister? Well, can’t blame you there. At least you’ve woken up to the devil in your bed,” I scoff as I open a cabinet and rifle around until I find what I’m after.
The chocolate peanut butter goodness is practically calling my name but I don’t get to unwrap it before my neck is being ripped to the side, two large hands holding me in place.
“What the fuck is that?” Nico practically snarls.
I’m barely able to look at him with the way he has my neck craned but I’m able to see his nostrils flared and his jaw clenched tight before his eyes come to me. It takes me a moment to figure out what he’s referring to before it dons on me.
The hickey.
“What does it look like?” I say with a shrug as I push myself out of his hold.
He lets me go easily as his hands return to his sides, balling up tighter and tighter by the moment as he speaks.
“I know what a fucking hickey is. What I want to know is who gave it to you?”
“How is that any of your business?” I challenge with a lazy raise of my brow.
Nico’s jaw tenses once more before he blows out an irritated breath.
“It was that little prick, wasn’t it?”
“If by little prick, you mean my ex-boyfriend, then no.”
Nico’s brows furrow. “No?”
“Yeah, no. As in, no, I won’t be answering your out of pocket line of questioning, but thank you so much for playing,” I say with a roll of my eyes as I step past him.
Or at least, try to step past him.
His wide body blocks my escape easily, taking step by step until my back hits the wall. Nico’s hands come to cage me in, his head angled down to keep eye contact with me.
“So, what? You come strolling in after midnight looking freshly fucked by that little nobody?”
My face screws up at that. “What is that supposed to mean?”
He scoffs as me as he shakes his head.
“C’mon, Cassi. You could do a lot better than that guy. What does he have going for him? Does he have a nice pension at the fucking Olive Garden rip off? I’m sure his salary is substantial and his real estate assets are probably overwhelming,” he says with a sarcastic drill.
I blink at him slowly like he’s stupid, because he sounds like it right now.
“Do you honestly think money or assets would factor into my decision of who I fuck, even a little? Do you truly believe that is how a persons worth is measured?”
His misplaced anger seems to ebb for a moment or two before I’m the one to scoff.
“Maybe that is how your world operates but that’s not how I live my life. I’m far more interested in literally anything else besides how many zeros someone has in their bank account. Stop projecting your weird elitist shit on everyone else and go crawl back to my gold digger sister.”
I go to take a step away but he matches my move, blocking me in once more. His eyes haven’t left mine, honestly, they feel like they never will as he stares at me in silence for several seconds.
“I can’t,” he says, his raspy voice practically rumbling the walls.
“Can’t what?”
Those deep brown eyes come to me, so much intensity in them it’s almost hard to breathe.
“I can’t go back to her when you’ve infiltrated my goddamn head. You’ve wormed your way in and I can’t fucking get you out,” he snaps like he’s furious with me.
I’ll be honest, it feels validating to know that I have the same effect over him that he does over me. Not like I’m going to share that piece of information willingly, though.
Shrugging a disinterested shoulder, I look away from his heavy eyes as I speak.
“I don’t know what to tell you, maybe you should have left for Boston when you had the chance. Or better yet, maybe you should leave now.”
I’m met with silence for several moments before I feel a gentle finger press against my chin, slowly forcing my gaze back to his, surprised to find his mouth only inches from mine as he speaks.
“I’m confident there isn’t a land far enough where you would escape my thoughts. I could travel to the ends of this world, and it wouldn’t be far enough to get you out of my head.”
I’m shook to my core, frozen in place. Goosebumps race against my skin and my feet turn to led. How does one respond to that? How do I even know how I want to respond to that?
Nico’s eyes scan my own, as if he was searching for something, whatever it is, it seems like he finds it as he leans in closer and closer. So close, that I abandon every bit of freewill or determination I possess as I close my eyes and wait for the inevitable.
Instead of the familiar feeling of his lips on mine, though, I feel his forehead pressed to my own.
“You’re going to be the very death of me Cassi Fischer.”