Chapter Nine
Naomi
I’m lying in bed, replaying dinner from the other night over and over in my head.
Each time I do, it cracks my chest open a little more, like my own personal brand of torture.
I have to stop. I have to push him and that night at the club out of my head once and for all.
It was a mistake, clearly, and the only way forward is pretending it never happened.
Even I don’t buy my own crap, though.
Spring break is almost over, and I’m not going to waste it wallowing over Kolter. I’ve done enough of that to last me a lifetime.
I make my way downstairs and find Mom sitting at the table, enjoying breakfast before her shift starts.
She works so hard, even to this day. I know she doesn’t have a clue how amazing she is.
Once I’m finished with college, I’m going to get an amazingly good job and help her get ahead of…
everything. She deserves to take a break, slow down, live.
“Morning, sweet girl,” my mom says, smiling as I press a kiss to the top of her head.
“Morning, Mama,” I reply, taking a seat beside her.
“Any fun plans for the day? Spring break is almost over,” she reminds me.
Honestly, don’t need the reminder. I enjoy school, and I’m kinda bored without it. I contemplated getting a part-time job like Cassi, but with all the advanced classes I take, my workload is full. Still, a job would help during breaks like this.
I shrug. “Not really.”
My mom nods then rises from the table and heads over to the sink to rinse out her cereal bowl. Yes, my mom is nearly fifty and still eats cereal almost every morning. She says she’ll never stop, and we all think it’s hilarious.
“God,” she sighs. “I just… I can’t believe Kolter came over the other day. I was beginning to wonder if we’d ever see him again.”
My stomach instantly turns at the mention of him, and I find myself searching for the nearest exit. Mom turns to face me when I don’t respond then tilts her head to one side.
“Is everything okay? I know you took his leaving harder than all of us. That’s why I thought you’d be happy to see him.”
“I was—I mean, I am. It was fine.” I pause, cursing my awkward rambling. “He’s just… not the guy he used to be, you know?”
My mom’s smile turns sad. “No doubt because of his good-for-nothing father. I swear to God, if I ever cross paths with that man again, I’ll run him over with my car.”
My eyebrows shoot up in surprise at the intensity of her words.
My mom is a kind woman, a gentle one; I rarely see her get fired up.
But there are two topics she never discusses—Kolter leaving and our father.
Now that one of those topics has been brought up, it’s easy to see why she tends to avoid it altogether.
“Well, let’s hope you never cross paths with him. That’s murder, and you wouldn’t do well in prison.”
My mom snorts. “You’re right about that.”
I smile sadly as she sighs.
“I just… I wish I could turn back time. As soon as I got custody of Kolter, I would have taken all of you kids and ran—gone somewhere he’d never find us. Then he could never have sunk his claws into Kolter. I imagine how different his life could be if I’d been a little braver.”
I frown. “Mom, you can’t blame yourself. Besides, it’s not like Kolter seems to have a bad life.”
She shakes her head. “You don’t know what their world is like. How dangerous it is. The horrors those men have to go through for the sake of Matthew’s whims.”
“And you do?” I challenge.
She hesitates for a moment before nodding.
“You have to remember—I grew up with him. His dad was at least twice as terrible as he was. Matthew was always a mean-spirited person, but the MC, his dad, it all amplified it. Kolter, though,” she says with a heavy exhale.
“He was good; he still is. I just worry about how that world is treating him. I worry he’ll grow into a man I’m not familiar with, and that will break my damn heart. ”
I sometimes forget how deeply seeded Kolter is in our family. Too blinded by my own selfish desires, I forget that my mom effectively lost a son; that my brothers lost a sibling. I thought I’d suffered the worst of it, but, in reality, I’m only one of the many casualties.
“I’m glad he’s come back around,” I say carefully. “I’m glad you have him back.”
My mom looks to me with a soft smile. “Not sure how long it will last, but I’ll drink in the moments with all you kids while I can.”
I dreamed about him last night, though it’s every night these days.
I swear, the more I try to push him out of my head, the more he infiltrates my every waking thought.
I’m getting so fucking sick and tired of it.
I just need… a break. I tried to call Arianna, but she didn’t answer, so I FaceTime Cassi instead.
It takes a few rings before the screen comes to life, then Cassi smiles and waves as she props up the phone and begins making what looks like nachos.
“Hey, what’s up?” she asks.
“Nothing, just needed a distraction. What are you up to?” I ask as I lie back on my bed.
“Making a snack. You?”
“Starving. What are you making? I can be over in five,” I say, laughing, though I’m a hundred percent serious.
Cassi tenses for a moment before laughing me off. “No way, moocher.”
My laughter softens as my brows pull together. “Wait, where are you? That doesn’t look like your kitchen. Oh my God. Are you at Alec’s house?”
She did tell me that she’s been seeing her ex-boyfriend recently.
I love that for her. He adored her, practically worshipped the ground she walked on, and we all thought they were going to be endgame.
He’s handsome, sweet and, most importantly, not a cheating piece of shit like her sister’s boyfriend.
Cassi grabs the phone, quickly abandoning the nachos, and steps outside, laughing nervously. “Um, nooo.”
I tilt my head to the side, waiting for her to explain where she is. Instead of saying anything, though, she just stares at me with a guilty look.
“Cass, where are you?” I ask calmly.
“I’m, uh, in Boston.”
“Boston? Since when?”
Classes start on Monday. What could she be doing there? I mean, I know her sister lives out there, but she just visited Seattle and they’ve never been close, so it’s not like she followed her out there for more family bonding or anything like that.
“I got here yesterday,” Cassi says quietly.
Wait. No. Oh my God.
I can’t help it. My mouth drops open, and my eyes widen as I look at my best friend, who’s making a huge fucking mistake.
“Cass… no.”
Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, Cassi looks down at the ground nervously. “Yeah, I mean, it just kinda happened.”
“What do you mean?” I gasp. “What just happened? You sleeping with your sister’s boyfriend, or you jumping on a plane so you have easier access to him?”
Cassi seems shocked by my aggression, but come on—we’ve always been straight with each other. Especially Cassi, honestly. She’s the first one to tell us when someone’s doing something fucked up. Just because she’s the one in that position now doesn’t mean she gets a free pass.
“I…”
“Honestly, I’m really disappointed in you, Cass. I mean, this isn’t you. I know you and Carly don’t get along, but to help her boyfriend cheat? The club was an accident, but this,” I say as I gesture to the men’s button-down she’s currently wearing.
Cassi quickly pinches the shirt together, like that will absolve her of what she’s done.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to judge her.
She’s a grown woman—she can sleep with whoever she wants, and as her friend, it’s my job to support whatever makes her happy.
This isn’t that, though. She felt awful when she found out her mystery man was her sister’s boyfriend.
We talked for hours about how she regrets it and wants him to disappear—a feeling I can absolutely relate to.
That’s why I’m so dang confused why she’s doing this.
“You don’t get it,” Cassi says with a shake of her head, her voice choked with tears.
“No, I don’t. At all. This isn’t you. You’re worth more. You’re not a side piece; you don’t deserve your sister’s sloppy seconds. You deserve someone like Alec that will make you their entire life. You should be number one, always.”
I hope she understands where I’m coming from because it’s true. She deserves the world. Not this slimy scumbag.
“Would you believe me if I told you that Nico makes me feel that way?” Cassi asks quietly.
“Not if he’s still dating your sister,” I answer honestly.
Hurt flashes on her face, and for a moment, I regret being so hard on her.
“It’s complicated, Nay,” she snaps defensively.
Complicated? Complicated? Call me the dang queen of complicated.
At least she didn’t suck off her brother.
At least she isn’t dreaming of doing it again and again.
The difference is, I’m refusing to go there.
I know it’s wrong, and so does he. I mean, yes, I did try to initiate another encounter, but that was a lapse of judgment, and I needed the brush-off from Kolter to fully take in the situation.
It’s wrong, it’s messed up, and I know better.
Cassi should too. Instead, she’s playing the victim, and it pisses me off.
“It’s more than complicated, Cass. It’s wrong.”
The hurt dissipates from her features then, fiery rage taking over.
“I get that you don’t have all of the facts and you’re drawing conclusions based off the information you have, but respectfully, you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
I laugh bitterly as she continues to defend herself with absolutely zero self-reflection.
“Okay, Cass. Play the victim. I’m the bad guy, Carly is the bad guy.
Not you and Nico, though, right? You guys are just two innocents caught up?
Like it’s that fucking easy. Society has rules, standards, and you’re breaking them! ”
I’m practically heaving. I never swear—my mom instilled that in me from a young age, so I’ve probably cursed a total of five times my whole life. Six now, I guess.
Cassi shakes her head in disbelief and sneers at me.
“Honestly, why am I getting lectured by a jealous virgin? Maybe if you stuffed more than vibrators in your cunt, you’d chill the fuck out and realize life isn’t so black and white!
It’s messy, and I thought my best friend would get that.
Apparently not. Do the world a favor and get laid already—you’re acting like a miserable bitch. ”
The screen goes dark, and I’m left feeling numb. That’s the problem with fighting with friends—they know just how to hurt you.
Without thinking about it, I stand up and move to my closet, rifling through my clothes until I find the shortest, tightest dress possible.
It’s a little black dress that’s even more risqué than the one I wore to the club.
Ari got it for me for my birthday last year, knowing I’d never buy it for myself.
A small part of me is afraid Cassi is right. Maybe I am so uptight, so miserable all the time because I keep myself locked away. Well, tonight, things will be different. Fuck it.