18. Adrian
ADRIAN
JESSE: If I bring some pumpkins over will you help me carve them?
ADRIAN: Umm—what?
JESSE: Pumpkins.
ADRIAN: Yeah I got that part—why do you need to carve them?
JESSE: Because Reid is advertising a spooky walk through the trees so we’re all supposed to carve pumpkins for this weekend
ADRIAN: Pretty sure friends don’t carve pumpkins together
JESSE: Why not?
S queezing my eyelids shut, I take a deep breath that does nothing to ease the headache I feel coming on.
JESSE: Oh and there’s this cool hiking spot like an hour from here. We should go one day this week while the leaves are peak colors
JESSE: You’re off Wednesday, right? I could probably swing that if I stay late the rest of the week
Can he really be that oblivious?
Jesse Sterling, with the playboy reputation and self-proclaimed commitment issues, knows my work schedule, wants to carve pumpkins, go hiking to see peak-colored leaves and what? Drink fall-flavored lattes in matching sweaters?
Seriously, what in the absolute fuck am I supposed to say to this?
Looking around my apartment with my half-eaten container of chicken and rice, I say the only thing I can.
ADRIAN: Yes.
“I told you this view is insane, right?” Jesse says as we pause, looking out over the expanse of brightly colored trees after hiking the last several hours.
He looks so proud, his arms spread wide and a huge smile on his face, like he’s a kid showing me a project from school.
In the last two weeks, we’ve spent more time together than I ever have with someone I’m not dating. We carved pumpkins and then attended the event, binged a television series, ate takeout, and grabbed beers with his cousin and Harlan that definitely felt like a double date.
All the while, Jesse maintained how happy he was hanging out as friends.
And like an idiot, I took my frustration out on him in bed, solidifying that my heart would be broken when he got tired of me.
Of us.
Whatever this is.
“It’s beautiful,” I agree, looking out and shoving all my feelings down as far as I can manage so I don’t ruin things while we’re miles from the car.
Instead, I pull my phone out and take a picture, one of just the scenery and one of Jesse grinning like a fool.
“This is one of my favorite places,” he says, shoving his hands in the pockets of his pants.
“I didn’t get the chance to come up much this summer because of all the work we had to do for the sanctuary.
It’s nice to get back out here, so thanks.
” His smile is sheepish like maybe he hasn’t done a lot for himself but he’s willing to make time to do it for me.
From what I gathered from the short time I spent with his family, they all ended up in pretty serious relationships over the last year.
It happened fast and he’s the only one left.
It makes sense with all of them trying to run interference with their mother if she’s trying to get him to do the same.
But is this the kind of thing I want to get roped into long-term? I’m almost thirty—am I really going to beg my twenty-four-year-old fuck buddy to be my boyfriend?
Even just thinking about it makes my stomach flip.
It’s fine. I don’t have to make any decisions right now.
“Thanks for bringing me up here.”
“Oh, I almost forgot,” he starts with a grin that implies he absolutely did not forget. “I brought a couple of beers for the occasion. I grabbed the one you liked when we went to the Range.”
Why the fuck does he have to be so thoughtful?
This would be so much easier if he was a dick.
Opening both bottles, he hands me one and holds his out and I oblige, clinking the two together before taking a hefty swallow to calm my racing heart.
“I think there’s only one thing better than this view,” I tell him, gripping the back of his neck as I pull him in for a searing kiss. I need the distraction.
I need the control.
“What’s that?”
“You laid out for me, naked and dripping and begging to come.”
He gulps, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he blinks at me. “Then drink your beer so we can get the hell down this mountain.”
The sooner the better.