Ruby’s Midnight Dickappointment Alert
Ruby’s Midnight Dickappointment Alert
SEXY NINE GROUP CHAT
Ava renamed the chat
Ava:
RUBY.
WAKE UP.
WAKE UP.
WAKE.
THE FUCK.
UP.
Sienna:
WHAT IS HAPPENING
WHY DID MY PHONE EXPLODE
WHY DID YOU @EVERYONE????
Trey:
Is someone dead
Do I need bail money?
Is this about the billionaire?
PLEASE SAY IT’S ABOUT THE BILLIONAIRE
Ruby:
It’s midnight.
Go to bed.
Ava:
NO.
YOU GOT A TEXT.
AT MIDNIGHT.
FROM HIM.
DON’T LIE.
DON’T EVEN TRY.
WE FEEL IT IN OUR SOULS.
Ruby:
…I hate you.
Trey:
OH MY GOD SHE HESITATED
SHE HESITATED
CONFESSION CONFIRMED
Sienna:
HOW DARE YOU NOT WAKE US
WE COULD HAVE BEEN DRINKING WINE AND LIVE-TRACKING YOUR HEART RATE
Ruby:
I’m not discussing this.
Ava:
Screenshots.
Now.
Ruby:
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Trey:
Okay, she’s hiding something juicy.
Like “I want you” energy.
Or “I miss your mouth” energy.
Or “you looked pretty at dinner” energy.
Ruby:
STOP GUESSING.
Ava:
He asked if you got home safe, didn’t he?
Ruby:
…
Sienna:
OH MY GOD HE DID
Trey:
WHAT A GENTLEMAN WHORE
I SUPPORT THIS
Ava:
What else.
Tell us the rest.
Or we will start making up scenarios.
And you KNOW our imaginations are dangerous.
Ruby:
He said…
It wasn’t just dinner.
Sienna:
I
AM
DEAD
Ava:
HE’S IN HIS FEELINGS
HE’S HAVING EMOTIONS
A BILLIONAIRE IS EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED
THIS IS HISTORY
Trey:
And you replied… what?
“lol ok”?
“k.”?
“new phone who dis”?
ANSWER ME.
Ruby:
I said it was complicated.
Sienna:
You sweet summer idiot.
Ava:
GIRL.
He is knocking on the door of your heart, and you’re answering through the peephole.
Ruby:
I’M TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE.
Ava:
Responsible is boring.
He chose chaos in this group.
Now tell us the WORST part.
Ruby:
He…
asked me to get coffee tomorrow.
Trey:
YES
YES
YES
THE STAKES ARE RISING
THE PLOT THICKENS
THE VANILLA LATTE OF DESTINY APPROACHES
Sienna:
Did you say yes?
Ruby:
NO.
Ava:
…
Did you actually say no?
Ruby:
I said
“Maybe.”
Trey:
SHE SAID MAYBE
THIS IS A FULL-BODY YES
WE KNOW HOW RUBY MAYBES WORK
Sienna:
A Ruby Maybe = Yes With Denial Sauce
Ava:
You’re meeting him.
You know you’re meeting him.
We know you’re meeting him.
HE knows you’re meeting him.
Ruby:
I’m going to bed.
Trey:
No, you’re not
You’re going to lie awake for two hours replaying dinner in slow motion.
Then you’re going to spiral.
Then you’re going to reread the text.
Fifteen times
And then pretend you didn’t
Ruby:
…
Shut up.
Ava:
We love you.
We support you.
Now go moisturize your face and your morals.
Tomorrow’s going to be FERAL.
Ruby:
Goodnight.
Sienna:
Sweet dreams of your billionaire.
Trey:
Dream responsibly.
Ava:
Don’t do anything we wouldn’t do.
Which is nothing.
We would do ALL OF IT.
Ruby:
GOOD. BYE.