Chapter Ten
Brooks
Bright light warms my skin—but somehow I know it is not from the sun—it is from her.
Why do I want cookies? Shit, why does my head hurt? Hell, does everything hurt? What is that sweet smell? Mmm, it’s maple and my girl. Those damn cookies she keeps burning with Sienna. That is why I want cookies. But why the hell do my teeth hurt? Can teeth hurt?
Suddenly I am tired and cold. I reach for my sweet bird, but I cannot move. Everything is too…heavy. I am smaller than I should be, I think. Why does everything feel so wrong? I smell Blake and sweetness and rain…Stormchaser!
I was going for a ride before the hurting started.
It was a trial run on a proposal. I am not proposing yet, I know better.
I just wanted to plan it. I am a man who love a plan.
I planned to take Blake home with me the night I first saw her, and I did.
I planned to keep her in my life, and I have.
I told the entire ranch I plan to make her my wife, and I do.
When she needs me to propose, when she lets me say the words…
damn I want to hear her say them. I want to say them back to her a hundred times.
I want to learn how to say them in other languages.
Fuck, I would learn sign language to tell her how much I fucking love her.
I’ve never felt as good as I do when I am with her.
For a long time, out on the circuit, while I was a hot-shot horse trainer, I thought I knew how to feel good.
Show off at a show or listen to praise after taming a horse.
None of that comes close to how good it feels to make Blake laugh.
To make her cuddle close because she feels safe in my arms. Nothing comes close to how it feels to be loved by her, even if she can’t give the words yet.
“She will give them to you when she needs you to hear them,” Sterling had said just this morning. Well, I think it was this morning.
Where the hell am I now and why the hell do I hurt so much?
“…nothing wrong upstairs. Good news. I mean, more than what he had wrong before the accident,” Sterling’s voice hits me like the sound on a radio when you’re switching between stations. I hear another voice, but I don’t recognize it. Am I laid up somewhere hurt? Where the hell is my Dove?
“I will be sure to tell him you agreed his brain was just fine before the accident. Just as soon as he wakes up for me. Hmm, baby,” there she is, her voice is soft as silk, gentle hands touching my face.
It hurts, but I don’t care. “You will wake up for me, won’t you, baby?
I miss you, stud,” Blake’s voice breaks, making my heart splinter.
Why can’t I just wake up? I’m searching for an accident, a crash—anything—but there’s nothing. Just blanks. I remember the ranch. Sterling. Stormchaser. And then there’s her. Blake. My sweet dove.
God, I hate hearing her cry. If she were the one hurt, I’d be a total wreck, but hearing her this broken, this worried.
.. it’s worse. Wake up, idgit! Fight for her.
“They will be back later, baby,” her voice is close, warm on my skin.
I want to reach for her, to hold her, to tell her everything will be just fine.
Before I can, I am lost in a dark abyss I cannot fight.
Every time I try to wake up, the darkness drags me back down like a riptide. I hear her whisper my name, and the grief in it is sharper than any broken bone. I try to groan, to squeeze her fingers, to give her some kind of sign—but my body won’t obey. I’m right here, Dove. I’m right here.
“I love you, baby,” her words ring bright, clear, louder than beeping machines or the voices raging inside my head.
“Love you more than bourbon. More than Sienna’s warm chocolate chip cookies.
Even more than riding at sunrise. I love you more today than I did yesterday.
I am going to love you a little more tomorrow, I think. ”
Whatever hurt before does not seem to matter as her words play on a loop, a melodic, magical loop, in my head.
I swear the words dance across my skin, over my wounds, healing each broken spot a little bit.
Putting me back together with each I love you she whispers.
If she keeps it up, I might be walking out of here with her tonight. If I could just fucking wake up.
“Caleb said hi. From down the hall. You scared that poor boy but good, baby. It was my fault. I told him as much. I did warn you I wreck things. I don’t mean to.
But I do make a mess wherever I go. Maybe that is what I was looking for that night at The Barn.
I’ve wondered that a lot the last few days without you. ”
Days? I’ve been out for days? Wake up, Brooks.
Tell her you love her. Tell her it’s a little more every damn day, and if she feels it too, then we’re golden.
No more grand gestures. No more speeches.
Just: You’re going to be my wife. We’re going to the justice of the peace the second I can unbind these wires and kick back the darkness.
The darkness fades an inch at a time. Luckily for me, she has an endless supply of sweet things to say.
With every I love you, every time she whispers my name or calls me baby in that soft, low lilt, the shadows retreat a little further.
Until I’m overcome with a need to say a few sweet things of my own.
“Loved you first,” I manage to croak.
“Brooks?” her voice cracks, breathless and hopeful.
I force my eyelids to fight. They feel glued shut with ranch mud, but I push them open.
The hospital lights are blinding, a sterile white nightmare, but then she is taking up all the space I can see.
Blake. My sweet, worried dove. Her eyes are red-rimmed and her face is pale, but she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I try to swallow, throat as parched as if I’ve swallowed fistfuls of dry hay. “My dove,” I mumble. It’s barely a whisper, but it’s mine.
She draws my hand to her face, fingers trembling against my own. “I am here. I'm right here, Brooks.”
“You said it. You needed me to hear it, so you said it. I love you, darlin,” I rasp, the words feeling more solid than the floor beneath this bed. I watch her breath hitch, and I force a small, pained tug on her hand.
Tears spill over her cheeks, but she’s smiling—a real, shaky smile. “Yeah, stud, I needed you to hear it. I needed you to come back to me. I was so wrong when I said we were just going to be one night. I want all the nights, baby,” she hums, standing over me to brush her lips over mine tenderly,
I let out a breath, a heavy weight lifting off my chest that has nothing to do with my injuries. She loves me. Loves me enough to say it, to sit at my side until I could hear it. Her words must spike some of the machines because nurses come barging in, ruining the moment..
“You need to step out, ma’am. We need to…”
“Oh, no, I am going nowhere. That man needs me here and I need to be here. You can try to move me but I would not recommend it. I get real bite-y if someone tries to keep me from what is mine.”
Fuck, I love her. I think I say it half a dozen times while the nurses chuckle and check me over.
They take entirely too long to declare that I am awake.
I could have given them that news flash.
A doctor comes in, telling me a laundry list of injuries I am lying there burdened with. But I don’t care.
Nothing hurts at the moment. Not when my sweet dove is sitting at my side, beaming that beautiful smile at me.
She keeps our hands tightly woven together, kissing each of my fingers over and over.
I tell the doctor as long as they let her render her brand of medicine, I will be right as rain in no time.
“Tell me what happened. I can’t remember any of it,” I admit.
“It was…you were on a ride with Stormchaser. Our girl got spooked by a lightning storm and threw you. Gunnar found her wandering the paddock so he knew something had happened. They weren’t sure…at first, they were afraid your memory might be affected.”
“I did hear my favorite cousin talking about my brain being in good shape.”
“What about the rest of you?” Blake mumbles, jaw trembling.
“Do you love me?” I ask instead of answering.
Beaming at me, she nods. “Yes, I do. I love you. I might even give you my last name some day, stud. I love you, Brooks I am so damn glad I tried to get drunk one last time. Because you, loving you, living on the ranch, that’s my new addiction and it’s just what I needed.
It is just what I was looking for that night at The Barn. ”
“Told you I would give you what you needed, darlin’.”
Later, after what feels like every person I’ve ever known has paraded through the room, we’re finally left alone.
I don’t even have to ask her to climb in beside me on the narrow hospital bed.
She needs it as much as I do. Tangled up together, it feels just like our nights in the bunkhouse—it feels like we're back home.
“Am I taking up too much space, baby?’ she whispers when I wince in pain as we get settled.
“No, darlin’. You take up all the space I need you to,” I tease, bending to kiss her lips gently, whispering a dozen I love you’s before we break apart. I smell sweetness again and I can’t help but ask. “Didn’t you say something about cookies?”
Blake laughs and I do too, and nothing hurts even a little. “Shut up about cookies and kiss me, stud.”
To be fair, kissing the woman I love, whose hand I will put a ring on—some day—and who I might just give my last name to, sounds a lot sweeter than even the best cookies.