Chapter 8
8
CLAIRE
“ A unt Claire! Aunt Claire!”
I looked over as James ran toward me, his chestnut-colored hair shining under the sunlight, as Evelyn outpaced him.
Both seven years old, as fraternal twins they only vaguely resembled each other at this age. Evelyn looked so much like my brother, and therefore me, it was a little shocking each time I saw her. It was like watching a mini-me running toward me. James? He looked just like his mother.
I missed his mother with every ounce of my soul. She had been a kind woman, who had cared for her two kids, and had loved my brother. Fate wasn’t kind most times, as I knew all too well.
But now these little kids, who weren’t that little anymore at seven years old, were running to me, with Evelyn’s long legs pounding into the dirt, and James coming up from behind to beat her by an inch.
Evelyn had the sprinting, but James had the endurance. At least for now. Evelyn was an inch taller than James, and I knew that annoyed him to no end. It would change though, because despite looking like his mother, his growth spurts were just like his father’s. My brother had been short for much of his youth, until sophomore year, and he shot up, surprising us all.
Now he was a six-foot-three behemoth of a man covered in tattoos and a full beard. In other words, he fit in with his new bosses, the Montgomerys, just fine.
I thought it a little weird that he had decided to work with the family that I had become friends with for so long, but in the end, the Montgomerys were the best in the business and my brother wanted to work with the best.
“Aunt Claire, tell him that he’s wrong.”
I raised my brow at my niece, then looked over at my nephew. “What are you wrong about?” I teased, and he gave me a put-upon sigh which meant I said the right thing.
“I’m not wrong. But I need you to make sure that she’s wrong.”
I barely followed that sentence. “So what are we fighting about now? ”
The twins didn’t truly fight often. They squabbled like any siblings, but it was them against the world. It had grown more so after losing their mother, and I knew that tragedy had shattered something in this family. My parents and I were trying to fill that void, but we weren’t their mother. And my brother was doing his best at raising them alone. Of course, now that he was working for the Montgomerys, he wasn’t alone. There was always childcare in the wings, and countless people to help if he was running late and my parents or I couldn’t pick up one of the kids from one of their countless practices.
He had not only gotten a job, but he had gotten a second family, and for that I was grateful.
“She says that the original Star Wars was actually number four. And not number one. Why would they even release it that way? It makes no sense.”
I blinked at James, then over at Evelyn, and wondered why this was what they were fighting about. “Your sister is right.”
Evelyn smirked. “Ha. Told you.”
“You couldn’t tell from the different effects? I mean, there’s a not-so subtle difference in all of the effects if you look at each trilogy. Or even the animated series and TV shows and single movies within that world.”
Yes, I was a Star Wars geek, and I was a Trekkie. I refused to choose. I also liked Babylon 5, though nobody ever really asked. Only Battlestar Galactica was where I really shone. Katee Sackhoff as Starfire was my awakening. I knew right then and there I could marry a man or a woman and be just fine. But in reality I just wanted to marry Katee Sackhoff. I had said this to my brother once and he had just laughed, and agreed, that Katee Sackhoff especially as Starfire transcended any choices or desires.
My nephew scoffed. “All of the special effects were bad. I mean, nothing beats what’s out now. I just thought they just didn’t have the budget or something in the middle, then got it again in the end.” James shrugged, and the two ran off, apparently to find something to play with a lightsaber with.
“Be careful!” I called out, as they crunched through the light snow.
It had been perfectly sunny the day before, hence why Kingston had been out golfing with his friends and family. But then we’d gotten a slight snowstorm the night before, and here we were, playing lightsabers and duels in the backyard. Colorado weather was interesting.
“I see that they’re finally taking a hold of your nerdship.”
I glared at my big brother as Hudson wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “You’re the one who gave me the movies to begin with. ”
“Yes, but then you went off to write fan fiction.”
“Let’s not talk about my fan fiction. No one needs to know about it.”
Hudson smirked. “So Phoebe doesn’t know?”
I blushed, leaning into him. “No. And she doesn’t need to know.”
“I thought you didn’t keep secrets between friends.”
I ducked my head so he couldn’t see me react, as those weren’t the only secrets I was keeping from Phoebe. I was going to see Kingston later today, for self-defense training yes, but to see Kingston. And I didn’t know exactly what I was going to say or how I was supposed to react around him. We had purposely not talked about what it all meant, and yet we had in a sense. Because we were going to see each other. And we wanted to.
And things were weird but nice. And maybe that was going to be enough.
Maybe it had to be enough.
“You’re getting all lost in your thoughts again. You doing okay, little sister?”
I leaned into him and sighed. Yes, I had gone through hell recently, but so had he, so I didn’t need to rehash all my problems with my big brother. He would want to carry my weight and the world’s on his shoulders, but I wasn’t going to let him.
Not today .
“I’m good. It’s good to see them out and playing.”
“Yeah. It is.” His voice was a little gruff, and I rested my head on his shoulder, as he watched his children laugh as if they didn’t have a care in the world, even though I knew it was the opposite.
But that wasn’t about now. Yes, the real world hurt, and yes, there was always going to be some part that always ached, but my niece and nephew were resilient, and I had to credit most of it to their father. My brother was a good man, and he’d fought through hell to stand where he was right now.
“You’re giving me that look,” he whispered.
“What do you mean?”
“The one where you’re rhapsodizing about how I am still here and breathing.”
I winced. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I do the same thing every time that I look over at you and picture you in the hospital. The hospital that it took me way too long to get to.”
“You didn’t live here at the time. It’s not your fault.”
“I beg to differ, little sister. I should have found a way to get here.”
I leaned into him a bit more. “You’re here now. What more do I need?”
“Maybe a life.”
“Hey. I was just thinking about how great you are, and now you’re all mean to me. ”
Hudson moved to study my face and raised a single brow. I hated that he was so good at that look. Our dad had the same look and used it on both of us often. “Little sister, you need a life.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I have a life,” I somewhat lied.
“You say that as if it’s the truth. But I don’t believe you.”
“Let me be, okay? I’m fine.”
“You know what fine stands for.”
“That you just need to leave me alone and let me wallow?” I asked.
“Wallow in what?”
“Life and the lack of good coffee sometimes unless I go to my favorite cafe.”
Hudson smiled, though I knew he was placating me. “I really do like that cafe.”
I laughed, knowing it’s what he wanted and honestly, what I felt. “It helps that you work right next to it. I have to drive to it.”
“Oh God forbid you come and visit me.”
“We both know I’m visiting the coffee.”
He kissed the top of my head, then ran off to go chase his kids, and I just sighed, and watched them giggle and move around. I was so grateful for them, even if it sometimes felt I was the one on the outside looking in .
But sometimes I just wanted this for myself. Just a little bit.
I said my goodbyes, and hugged the kids as they decided which fake lightsaber they wanted to use and made my way to a gym about twenty minutes from my house. It wasn’t too far, and I knew that while it wasn’t necessarily owned by Crew, he went there often. At least that’s what Kingston had mentioned.
I also knew that the Montgomery Security had its own private gym, but we weren’t going there. I was oddly grateful. Even if it felt a little bit like hiding, I didn’t want anyone else to see. And not just because this was with Kingston. Okay, most of it was because it was with Kingston. But I also didn’t want them watching me do this. And failing.
I was probably going to fail spectacularly.
I pulled out my gym bag, complete with towel and water, and hoped what I was wearing was enough. After all, I had been wearing comfy clothes when I had been attacked before, and that hadn’t helped. So maybe I should have worn like a dress or something. So I wasn’t wearing leggings and a sports bra with a tank top and jacket over it. That wasn’t the sexiest thing. Of course Kingston had seen me naked, so perhaps it didn’t matter what I wore?
Why was I overthinking this so much?
There was a knock at my window, and the scream that reverberated inside the cabin of my car could have split an eardrum, namely mine.
Kingston held up both hands, and I was grateful that he was the calm one in this situation, because this was probably not the best way to start a day of self-defense. As in I was so zoned out sitting here that I hadn’t even realized a man had come to my window.
I opened the door when he stepped back and could feel the flames licking at my face.
“You didn’t hear that, did you?” I asked, my voice slightly high-pitched.
“Are you asking if your car is soundproof? No. But I liked that you didn’t panic.” He pressed his lips together, holding back a laugh.
I rolled my eyes, and then froze as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips.
It seemed so natural, as if we had done it a hundred times, and as he pulled back, he had a questioning look in his eyes.
“Okay?”
I pressed my fingers to my lips, and then looked up at him and nodded. “Yes. Okay.”
“Good. I’m already fucking awkward, you know, with the whole making you scream thing.” He paused and gave me a devilish look. “Except for that one time. Or seven times. ”
“You counted?” I asked as I closed the door behind me.
“As if you didn’t?”
I blushed, and hip-checked him. Of course I just bounced right off him, and he reached out to catch me.
“Careful there.”
“I have no idea if this whole you teaching-me-how-to-defend-myself is going to work. Considering you’re just so...” I waved at him with my free hand. “Big.”
“Seriously, you’re going to have to stop with the compliments.”
“I wasn’t talking about your dick.” At his wide gaze, I continued quickly. “Not that your dick isn’t big. Because oh my God, so sore still. Well, I was for a while. However, I’m just going to stop talking right now because I’m talking really quickly, and I feel like if I don’t take a breath right now, I might just run into that wall and just let what happens happen.”
“I love when you get flustered, because you don’t think about anything else. No stress, no worry about what’s to come. I’m going to have to fluster you more often.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
We entered a gym that felt like one of those old school ones, with a boxing ring in the corner, a few bags around, and other equipment I couldn’t name. It didn’t smell like feet though, so I counted that as a win. We entered a side room, as we passed a few people who were working out, and I was grateful that this one seemed to be private.
“This is all ours, and it’s going to be locked. That way nobody can see what we’re doing, unless we want them to but there’s no cameras in here because it’s Crew’s personal one. So you’re safe from peeping Toms, but you are alone with me. So, is that going to be okay?”
“It’s okay as in I feel completely safe with you. Probably not okay because we should most likely discuss at least something.”
“What do you want out of this?” My eyes widened as my thoughts went directly to what this could be. Us? Life? Today? Kingston winced. “I meant this lesson.”
“I totally knew that.”
When he reached out and pushed my hair behind my ear again, I shivered. “You should stop doing that if we’re going to focus.”
“We can do that. Now, let’s talk about it.”
“I just want to make sure that what happened never happens again.”
“I promise you I’m going to do all in my power to make that a reality.”
I swallowed hard and nodded, knowing he was as serious as he could be. Because he still blamed himself, just like I blamed myself for trying to get help and leaving Phoebe behind.
Guilt was an enigma, that wrapped around you and never let you go, even when you thought you were finally free from it. But it continued to drown you, pound you against the rocks, and make you believe that you were worthless.
“The first thing you need to understand is it’s not your fault.”
It was if he read my mind, and I shook my head. “Just like it wasn’t your fault.”
He cleared his throat, and took a step back, and I tried to not think of that as rejection, but just us focusing on matters at hand.
“Situational awareness is key to everything. And well, what happened to you isn’t exactly the same thing, being aware of your surroundings at all times is the first step.”
“And I like to daydream.”
“Well when you’re walking with me, I’ll be the one on alert.”
“That has to be exhausting.”
He shook his head. “No. It’s just what my brain does. It’s why I’m good at my job. But if you’re walking by yourself, make sure you’re aware of your surroundings. Don’t walk with your headphones on, staring at your phone, not paying attention to the rest of the world. And I’m not even talking about what we’re here for. It could be tripping over a curb or going out into traffic. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“That is true, and I always keep one earbud out, just so I can hear people coming up from behind me.”
“So there you go, you’re already a step ahead.”
“That’s true.”
“Now the first things we’re going to talk about are the five A’s, which is what I was taught when I was a kid.”
“The five A’s?”
“Awareness, alertness, avoidance, anticipation, and action. The five A’s.”
“That sounds like a lot of words.”
“True, but you’ve got this.”
He went over each, and I swallowed hard knowing that this was for a good reason. “We can talk about your house in general, because I know that the others put up your security systems, but I can go through it again with you.”
Kingston always did so much for me. Hell, for everyone in his circle. No matter how he was feeling or what he needed in his personal life, he always set that aside to help those he cared about.
And he cared about me .
Yet I’d run from him. I’d hid because I’d been scared. Not because of Kingston himself, but because of what he’d seen. Who I’d been when I’d been scared. And Kingston needed to know it wasn’t him. It was me .
“I didn’t blame you, that’s not why I didn’t answer my phone. That’s not why I pushed you away.”
“You ever going to tell me why?”
And that would be telling my feelings, but I’d already let him inside of me, so why couldn’t I do this?
“Because I had a crush on you,” I said point blank, knowing that if I could be strong here, I could be strong anywhere. His eyes widened, and I wanted to kick myself.
“You had a crush on me. As in past tense? So you pushed me away.”
I ran my hands through my hair, annoyed when I forgot that I had already had my hair in a ponytail. “It’s not that. It was more that I was going through a thousand things at once, and I needed to get over a crush, when it clearly wasn’t reciprocated.”
“I wouldn’t say clearly.”
“And yet you did nothing, and you never looked at me like that until recently.”
“Because you were Phoebe’s friend, and you were off limits.”
I exhaled. “I’m not off limits anymore?”
“Well, now I’m breaking the rules, and we’re going to have to deal with the consequences if there are any. ”
“There won’t be. At least not with them. They’re our friends.”
“Then why haven’t you told Phoebe?”
“How do you know I haven’t?”
He smirked. “Because Kane would’ve told me.”
“Maybe Phoebe wouldn’t have told Kane because it would’ve been between us, or if she did share with her significant other, maybe he didn’t share with you.”
He shook his head, letting out a breath. “This is too fucking complicated.”
“So maybe we shouldn’t make it so complicated. Whatever this is.”
“You’re right. But that means we actually have to have answers.”
“You got me on that one.”
He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine. “How about we just work on keeping you safe?”
I nodded and fell into step next to him. I followed his moves, tried my best to put my thumb where it was supposed to when I punched out, and knew this was only day one. In the end I was sweaty, a mess, and had my back pressed to him, with his arms around me, only I was trying to get out of his grip, and it wasn’t working.
“You can do this.”
“I really can’t. ”
I wiggled my butt, trying to get out, and Kingston groaned.
“Well, that’s one way to do it.” And that’s when I felt the hard length of him against my backside, and I swallowed hard.
“Oh.”
“Oh. Me holding you like this right now, this has nothing to do with self-defense, okay?” he asked, and his hold changed infinitesimally. And suddenly he was holding me softly, his hand sliding down my hip, and I groaned.
“Well, this is one way to end the lesson.”
“Sounds like it.”
He slid his hand over my leggings, in between my legs over the seam. It pressed me just right that I let out a shocked exhale of air.
“This room isn’t soundproof,” he whispered against my neck.
“Oh.”
He rubbed against me, his hand underneath my tank top and over my sports bra, the other between my legs. I pushed back against him, rubbing along his length, as we both groaned. We weren’t touching skin to skin, but it was one of the most erotic positions of my life.
Pent up, eager, I arched for him, wanting more, nearly at the edge, when his phone buzzed .
He cursed under his breath, and stopped, kissing the side of my neck.
“That’s the emergency line.”
Still thrumming, my heart racing, I nodded, and pulled back, bending over to take gulps of air.
Kingston’s gray sweatpants were tented in the front, the lead pipe between his legs swinging to and fro. I really wanted to know why the man wasn’t wearing underwear, but then again, I did not need to think about that.
Kingston frowned when he read the readout, his face graying a bit, as he answered. “Samantha, is everything okay?”
It would make sense that Samantha would be one of the ringtones that got through for emergencies. As we were still waiting on the final results for the bone marrow transplant, we were all on edge.
I was already moving toward him as his face fell, and he kept nodding even though I knew Samantha couldn’t see.
“When?” A clipped word, and yet it spoke of so much.
My heart shattered, the world feeling as if it screeched to a stop as Kingston stood there, his face stoic, his jaw tight.
“Thank you for letting me know. I’m so sorry, Samantha. Yes. Yes. I’ll be there. I’ll get all the information. The team will be there too. You won’t be alone. Is your family with you? Good. They’ll handle things too. Sit down, Samantha. Drink some water. I’m so sorry.” He ended the call, and stared at me, his eyes wide, bleak. “Eddie died. He threw a clot during the final procedure and he’s… gone. Just like that, I couldn’t save him. He’s gone .” His voice broke, and when he fell to his knees I was there, holding him close to me.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“I thought we could save him. I thought it was going to work this time.” He kept repeating it, my shirt growing wet with his tears, and I cried into his hair, holding him close, knowing that there was nothing I could do to make anything better.
In his mind and heart, Kingston needed to save people. It was in his blood. It was his purpose. And he couldn’t save his friend. It didn’t matter that it was medicine, and cancer, and such a small percentage of success, Kingston had given everything he could, and it hadn’t been enough against cancer.
In this moment, there was nothing I could do, nothing I could say, so I held him, and let the strong man who had just protected me, and taught me how to protect myself, fall into a million pieces and break.