Chapter 12
12
CLAIRE
I woke drenched in sweat, odd whispers in my mind as I tried to pull myself into reality and out of my terror dreams once again. I took a deep breath, and then another. I would be fine. I had to be fine.
“It’s just a dream. It’s just a dream.”
I continued to repeat that phrase to myself, the blood pounding in my ears finally dissipating so I could hear my alarm going off.
I reached over and pressed a button on my phone to stop it, and then ran my hands over my face again. At least the dream had come right before my alarm, so I wasn’t up at three o’clock in the morning again, screaming.
I didn’t have as many nightmares as I usually had. I didn’t know if it was because therapy was working, time had moved on, or maybe because I could rely on someone.
Although Kingston wasn’t in bed beside me. He had gone to his family dinner the night before, and we had talked late into the night for hours over the phone, each of us having early morning appointments and meetings. We didn’t spend every hour together, but I did think about him more often than not. Perhaps that should worry me, or perhaps it just meant that this was normal. What did I know? I hadn’t been in a serious relationship in a long time. And even then, this felt different. Probably because we had been friends first, and the trauma that had brought us together still ebbed within my nightmares as was evident this morning.
I had only had that one nightmare with Kingston at my side, and I didn’t know what to make of that. In the few times he had slept over since, I hadn’t had a dream where I’d woken up in a cold sweat and panic. I had dreamt peacefully, and woke up in his arms, naked, and warm.
I was fine without him being here. I didn’t want to have to rely on him being beside me to be okay. And I didn’t want to rely on the idea of a man to protect me, or him in my life forever. It was way too early for that, and although I had had a crush on him for as long as I had known him, things were different now. He was different.
And I was beyond crushing on the man. I had learned who he truly was.
I didn’t want to rely on that, I told myself again, so I got out of bed, and told myself I would go through my day, and I would talk to him later. It was girls’ night, something I didn’t get to do often, but we were trying to be more social even during our busy season, and then afterward, I would talk with Kingston. Because he was mine. If only for a little while.
I took a quick shower and got ready for my day, going through my list on my phone and everything else that I had to work through.
I didn’t have any events today, as I only had planning meetings and phone calls galore. And I was grateful for that. Meaning I didn’t need to wear an outfit to fit another event. I could wear leggings and a cute top, and that would work for the girls’ night as well. I quickly put on my makeup, and then sent myself a voice text to make sure that I had everything set up when I got to my office.
I headed to my office, still surprised that I even had one. When I had first started my business, I had worked out of my home. It had just made sense and was better for cost saving. And then I had started to need to meet clients face to face, rather than at a coffee shop, or at the venue.
Now I felt like I was a grown-up, with a real place of business, and things working out.
Of course, I knew if I said that out loud, things would probably blow up in my face, so it was best to keep things in my mind.
I was excited to start working on the Montgomery event. I knew that it was usually a well-oiled machine because they had so many years of practice, but with the new venue, and the late notice of some things, Kingston’s mom was in a panic. But I was working with her and would do my best to help. The fact that I had had a cancellation at all irked me and made me feel horrible for the couple, but maybe it was a good omen. Because I got to work with the Montgomerys. And they always did a fantastic party. While part of me wondered if this was just a pity thing, the other part of me knew that everyone else had full-time jobs, and they wanted to be able to relax.
So I would help them have the best party ever. Because while I wasn’t a Montgomery, I was one of their friends, so that meant I had been trapped in the spiderweb long ago.
By the time I finished working on that with Holland, and a couple of Kingston’s aunts and uncles, I was hyped up for the event, and ate lunch while working on a retirement party set for a couple of months from now. We were just in the initial steps, but this one was going to have at least three hundred people there. It touched me that the woman retiring had so many people connected to her who wanted to celebrate the life she had led and the people that she had helped. So I would do my best to showcase her career. And make sure she knew that this wasn’t the end. But a new beginning.
I smiled at that and wiggled in my seat as I continued to work. I loved my job. I loved events that just made sense and clicked. I loved the dogs’ birthdays and the weddings and small birthday parties for two. Because yes, sometimes I planned those, so it was a surprise and intimate for the other person involved.
I loved what I did. And it did make me feel like I had another feather in my cap because I was working on a Montgomery party.
I just didn’t want to think too hard about that.
By the time I was done, I had been working for far too long, since I had been up since four o’clock. But I had more on my list to do before my girls’ night. So I packed things up, and continued calls in the car before I went to the grocery store to pick up my order. Thankfully, the shopper there seemed to understand what a ripe fruit and not moldy vegetable was, so everything looked good in the bags, and I headed over to my brother’s house .
My brother lived in a small two-bedroom home on the other side of the suburb from me, and it was still a work in progress. Hudson had spent most of their savings on his wife’s cancer treatments, and it broke me to think even with insurance, it hadn’t been enough. And so now Hudson was starting over, not just in life, but with savings and a new job, and figuring out how to be a single dad.
I was so damn proud of him, and even though he was the older brother, I did all I could to take care of him.
Case in point, me showing up with groceries. He answered the door, a scowl on his face, as I looked around for the kids.
“Are they with Mom and Dad?”
“Yes, they’re having grandparent day. It’s so good to see you. Hello. Why are you here with groceries, little sister?”
I smiled brightly and danced on my toes. “I’m here because I love you.”
“I’m supposed to be the one who takes care of you,” my big brother said with a scowl before he kissed the top of my head and took the bags from me.
“You do take care of me. All the time. But I know you worked a double, so I wanted to pick up groceries.”
Hudson exhaled and took the bags from me, letting me inside the house. “I know how much you make a year, Claire. You can’t afford to take care of my groceries and your own. The Montgomerys pay me well. And I make a very respectable living doing what I do. It’s not always an option for someone to be a full-time tattoo artist and take care of their kids. But I’m working on it. Having childcare taken care of is a huge help.”
“Most of the Montgomerys have kids now, at least the ones that work with you. So it makes sense they’d have it taken care of.”
Hudson shrugged, putting everything away with the ease of a man who knew his home and was finally comfortable in it. “And apparently their parents did the same thing. So I’m using it, because it came with the job, and that way I don’t feel guilt.”
I shook my head, studying my brother’s face. “Like you feel guilt for me bringing groceries? But didn’t you bring me groceries two weeks ago?”
“Of course I did. Because you’re my baby sister.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead so of course I blew a raspberry at him.
“And you’re my big brother. So get over it. I love you. Jerk.”
“We’re all so cute making sure that we keep the pet names going. Speaking of pet names…does Kingston call you by something? Or is it something that I’m going to have to kick his ass for? ”
“That is the least subtle I’ve ever heard you in my life.”
“We know I’m not good at that shit. Seriously though, is he taking good care of you? Do I need to kick his ass?”
“You don’t get to kick my boyfriend’s ass.”
“So he’s your boyfriend now.”
I rolled my eyes. “Maybe? Someone called me his girlfriend in front of him and he agreed with it.” Hudson just rolled his eyes even as my stomach tightened. “It’s good to know that hasn’t changed over the years.”
“I like the Montgomerys, Claire. I do. And I like Kingston. But I know you’ve had a crush on him for a while.”
I blushed, frowning at him. “How did you know?”
“Like I said. I’m your brother. It’s what we do. Does he know?”
“That I had a crush on him when he didn’t even see me? Yes. It was awkward as hell, and I sort of just blurted it out.”
He snorted. “That sounds about right.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing, other than I think I’m happy. Which is scary.”
“It’s scary to be happy?” he asked softly.
“I think you of all people know better than to be confused about asking that. ”
“You’re right. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Why do you think I would get hurt?”
“I’m not saying you will. I’m just saying that I don’t know, I just don’t like the idea of me working with the family of the guy that you’re seeing, and you being friends with a lot of them. All of our webs are a little too tangled.”
I rolled my eyes, even though he was hitting on a point I tried not to think about. “Stop worrying. Worrying is for me to do.”
He reached out and tapped the side of my face, and I frowned, putting my hand up to his.
“What is it?”
“I see the dark circles your concealer’s not hiding. Don’t you have that color corrective shit?”
I pulled away, embarrassed. “Trust the tattoo artist to know about that. And thank you for making me feel like crap.”
“Nightmares?”
I couldn’t lie to him, not when he could see the evidence stamped on my face. “Yes, a nightmare. But I’m getting better. And I’m talking to my therapist.”
“I’m glad to hear about the therapist, not so glad about the nightmares. And I’m sorry for making you frown and think too hard about Kingston. I am not good about this whole overprotective brother shit. ”
“I’m not good at the annoying baby sister who tries to feed you too much shit.”
“You’re pretty good at being annoying though.”
I shoved at him, but he didn’t move, damn muscled man.
“As for me and Kingston, we’re just taking it slow. We’re friends first. We always have been. That’s not going to change.”
Hudson held me tightly, sighing into my hair. “Good. I just hope that remains true.”
And with that ominous thought, I kissed his cheek, and then headed back out to girls’ night. I didn’t want to think about what would happen when Kingston and I broke up. Whatever did happen though, we had to just remain friends. Phoebe was with Kane, so that meant Kingston would always be in my life, even if things turned out horribly. But I didn’t want to dwell on things that hadn’t even happened yet, so I was going to push it out of my mind, and only think about time with the girls.
Of course, nothing was ever like I wanted it.
“So, how are you and Kingston?” Aria asked, and I frowned at her.
“You just saw us together. Things haven’t changed.” And why did I keep feeling butterflies every time someone mentioned him?
“I want details,” she teased, sipping at her drink .
We were at an ax throwing restaurant thing, and I had no idea what I was doing. Daisy of course was winning, with Libby and Aria coming up second and third. Phoebe and I were not doing well. But that was fine, we were trying our best. Even though it didn’t seem we were.
“I like it. The two of you are great together. And now we can easily double date without things being weird,” Phoebe put in, as she picked up her ax and went to the target. She of course missed the board completely, and Libby took a photo, grinning.
“I’m going to send this to your man.”
“Please do, because that means he can help me practice, and that means lots of cuddling.”
“It’s just like golf,” Daisy said.
“You know, where they hover around you, and try to help you with your swing.”
“Oh, so I guess I should invite Kingston?” I asked, as everybody cheered.
“You guys are just so cute,” Libby said, as she sipped her drink. “It makes me actually believe love and happiness could happen.” She paused and looked down at the single drink she had had all night. “Maybe I should switch to water.”
“You are out of practice,” Daisy said, handing over the water pitcher.
I sipped water as well, since I had had my one drink for the night, and continued to play poorly at whatever ax throwing game we were trying to play.
“Hey, I have to go,” Aria said, not ten minutes later, and I frowned at her.
“Is everything okay?”
She nodded, but I saw the tension in her gaze, and everyone else seemed to catch it as well. “I just have to pick up Travis.”
“What’s wrong with Travis?” Daisy asked, and I heard the biting tone. She apparently wasn’t a fan either.
Aria seemed to have sensed it as well, and she lifted her chin. “He needs a DD.”
“And he can’t call a ride share?” Phoebe asked softly. “I mean…it’s good he’s calling you though. That way he’s not behind the wheel.”
“We’re friends. I’m going to pick him up. It’s what I do. At least he’s not getting behind the wheel.”
“Again,” Daisy muttered, but Aria didn’t seem to hear. Instead, Aria waved at us, and headed out, and I pressed my lips together, not wanting to say anything.
“Is she okay?” I asked.
Daisy shrugged. “I don’t know. I can never tell with Aria. She’s so closed off even when she thinks she isn’t.”
We sat there in silence for a few more moments, lost in our thoughts and lives and the world continued around us.
“I need to go get Amelia. I keep getting kicked out of my own house so my parents can watch her, and I know they want me to have a life, but I miss my baby.”
“I should go too,” Phoebe said. “Kane should be home from work now. And well…” She blushed, and Daisy just laughed.
“I’m going to go see my kid and Hugh. You guys okay to drive?” she asked, her voice serious.
We all nodded and pointed to the fact that none of us had finished a drink. We finished paying, our girls’ night now fully finished, and walked to our cars. We had all parked near each other, so we were still together when Libby came forward.
“So what is going on between you and my cousin?” Libby asked, and I cursed under my breath.
“Did you really think you were going to get through tonight without answering?” Daisy asked, and I knew she was trying to lighten the tone. We were all worried about Aria after all.
“I don’t know. I had a huge crush on him, and I loved him in a sense where I knew I could fall in love with him. And now it’s all different and he’s real and I don’t know what I’m doing. Is that enough?” I asked, speaking far too quickly .
The girls stared at me, before it looked as if a balloon had finally let out air, and they relaxed.
“Well. I love that stage of not knowing exactly where you’re at. It’s a good stage. It is horribly stressful, but you’ll figure it out. I like the two of you together,” Phoebe repeated.
“And maybe you should do something that I was really bad at, and actually talk to him about your feelings.” Daisy winced as she said it, and I shook my head.
“Let’s get through these first few weeks first before I blurt something crazy like I like him or something.”
Libby just snorted. “I’m the worst at relationships so I have no words of advice, other than live in the moment for as long as you can, because reality is really harsh, and I hate it.” She winced. “Okay, so I will not be giving any relationship advice.”
We all said our goodbyes, laughing with one another, and I headed home, feeling a little lighter, and yet heavier at the same time.
My life was now intrinsically connected to these people who were also connected to Kingston. Falling for your crush, for a member of your friend group, was always wrought with terror and ample time for mistakes. And I needed to remember that.
I pulled into the driveway, double-checked my locks and security, and finally relaxed with a glass of wine and my planner. I still had a couple more hours of work to do, and soon Kingston would be calling, and we would have our nightly chat. But when the doorbell rang, I froze, panic settling in until I looked at the video readout and realized it was Kingston.
Now my heart was racing for a whole other reason.
I scrambled off the couch, setting my wine glass on the coffee table, and unlocked the multiple locks, and opening the door.
“Hey, I didn’t know you were coming by.”
Kingston smiled, lowering his head to brush his lips along mine. “I needed to stop by Home Depot and pick up a few things, and they had those LED lights that you were looking for that had been out of stock forever.” He held out the box, and my heart tripped.
Damn it. He’d thought of me.
I had just casually mentioned it, and he had thought of me.
I was in deep trouble.
I pulled him inside and closed the door behind him. I locked one lock, one deadbolt, and tried to let out a deep breath, telling myself I didn’t need to lock all three right now.
“It’s okay. You can do it. I don’t mind you locking everything and setting the security alarm. It’s a good idea.”
I bit my lip, still feeling a bit self-conscious. “Thank you. I hate that feeling of slight panic. ”
“You know what I do for a living, right, babe? I want you to keep safe. And if that’s the locks and security that I installed? The better.”
Relieved, I did indeed lock everything and set the security again, before I found myself pinned to the door, with Kingston’s mouth on mine, and I groaned into him.
“Hello,” he whispered.
“Hi there.”
“I just wanted to stop by. I know we have a phone call later, but I needed to see you.”
He always did things like that, surprising me. So I reached up and cupped his cheek.
“I’m glad you’re here too. I missed you.”
He smiled, lowering his face to mine, when his phone rang. “Damn it.”
“It could be important. Come on, let’s head to the living room.”
“You’re right, let me answer it real quick.” He paused, his shoulders tightening. “It’s the hospital,” he said, as he met my gaze, and I swallowed hard, watching him answer. He didn’t say much, just cursed under his breath, and when he ended the call, he stared at me, and rubbed a fist over his chest.
“I’m a match, but Buckley’s too sick for the transplant to work right now. They need to get him better in order for him to even be able to get through the procedure.”
My heart fell, and I moved forward, wrapping my arms around him. He immediately hugged me back tightly, resting his cheek on the top of my head.
“I’m so sorry.”
“How the hell is he going to be able to get better in order to get medicine that’s going to hurt even more? I don’t fucking understand.”
“I don’t either. But you’ll be there for him as soon as you can. He’ll get through this. You both will.”
“I just don’t know,” he whispered, and I held him close, knowing there was nothing I could say. But I was there for him, and it had to be enough for now.