Chapter 17
CHAPTER
SEVENTEEN
PENELOPE
T he drive home from the kennel is a complete blur. My mind races in an attempt to make sense of my choices over the past hour. Seriously, what was I thinking?
Take your hair down.
Tell me to take off your shirt.
Tell me to take off your bra.
His words echo in my mind.
How about no, Dreven! We’re in a freaking closet with everyone we work with right outside these doors!
“No.
“No.
“No.
“No.”
I say the word over and over in a variety of voices. It's such a simple word, yet it escapes me when I’m near Gunner.
I’m supposed to hate the guy, not fit in a mind-blowing quickie between screwing in light bulbs. In a closet. At work. Wouldn’t want to leave those two details out. They seem awfully important to my insanity plea, which, let’s face it, is all I have to go on at the moment.
After parking my car in the drive, I run up to my front door, let myself inside, and make a beeline for my bed, where I hide beneath my covers. Maybe if I stay here long enough, I’ll eventually wake up to discover this was all a very bad dream.
At this moment, I hate myself. I truly do. I’ve never been the girl to hide and wallow in self-pity. My life has not been easy—says the daughter of the town alcoholic, but I’ve always held my head high. Always.
More than anything, I’m embarrassed that I allowed Gunner to make me so weak.
Knocks sound on my door, and I ignore them.
“Go the fuck away!” I scream into my pillow.
The intrusive sound continues until, eventually, it stops. Relief doesn’t find me because in a few seconds, my front door opens, and seconds after that, Iris walks into my room, holding a key in her hand.
“I found your spare key. Hope you don’t mind.” Her voice is entirely too chipper.
I sigh. “So I suppose everyone knows, then?” Mental note: Kick Bash’s ass.
“Not everyone.”
I sit up and lean my back against my headboard. “Great.” This position and the little stretch my pants provide make me very uncomfortable. If I’m going to be talking about feelings and crap—which Iris will insist on—I need to change. Scooting off my bed, I remove my shirt and grab an oversized T-shirt.
“I knew something was there.” My back is to Iris as I pull on a pair of yoga pants, but I’m sure she’s grinning from ear to ear. I can hear it in her voice.
Tugging the clip from my hair, I sigh as my hair falls loose and weigh my options. I could force Iris to leave me to wallow, or I could talk to her. Both sound awful. Everything about today is complete shit.
“What do you want?” I ask.
Iris stands from my bed and steps toward me, her arms extended. “Come here.”
Squinting, I eye her arms. “What are you doing?”
“I’m giving you a hug.” She tilts her head to the side.
“I don’t want a hug.”
“As your best friend, I know when you need a hug.”
I scoff. “You’re not my best friend, and I don’t need a hug.”
She grins and steps closer. “Not only am I your best friend but I might also be your only friend.”
I shake my head. “That’s not true. I have lots of friends.”
“Who you like?” She raises a brow.
“Well, no. But that’s not a qualification for friendship.”
“Come here, Pen.” She closes the gap between us and wraps her arms around me. My whole body stiffens, and my arms go stiff at my sides. “Hug me back,” she says, her voice soft.
The movement feels weird, but I circle my arms around her until I’m squeezing her as much as she’s squeezing me. And then I’m crying. Full-on crocodile tears stream down my face as I rest against her shoulder. The embrace pulls me into this space where I’m loved and safe…and vulnerable. It’s equally terrifying and comforting at the same time.
After a few minutes of snotting all over Iris’s shoulder, my tears abate, and I step away.
“Let’s go sit down.” She heads toward the living room. “Do you want anything to drink?”
“Water is fine.” I plop down onto the sofa and wrap the throw blanket around me.
Iris comes out of the kitchen with two glasses of water and hands me one. “Tell me everything and start with the truth about Vancouver.” She takes a seat in the oversized chair opposite me, placing her glass of water on the side table.
At this point, I’ve messed things up so much that the truth couldn’t possibly make anything worse. So I tell her. I go over every emotion I felt as the events in Vancouver unfolded. I don’t give her specific details about the actual sex, but I do mention frequency and the insane chemistry. I explain how it was supposed to be nothing more than a three-night fling born out of boredom.
“And I left Vancouver in the past, I did. But today in the closet, he was close, and I could tell he wanted me. That combination made me feel insane as if I had no choice. I wasn’t thinking straight. I was blind to all logic and reason and only wanted him. It makes no sense because it’s not me. Whoever was in that closet wasn’t me, and now I don’t know what will happen with the team and my job. I’ve screwed everything up.” I suck in a breath as a new round of tears threaten to fall.
She holds her palms out to me. “First, take a deep breath. Your job will be fine. Sure, some of the guys know, but…”
Panic fills me. “But what?”
She chews on her bottom lip and lifts her eyebrows. “Let’s just say I’ve never seen Gunner so mad. It looked like he wanted to murder Bash. He made it very clear that if anyone said a word about you, he’d make sure they never played hockey again.”
My mouth falls open. “Like he’s going to break their legs or get them kicked off the team?”
Iris shrugs. “I have no idea, but I can guarantee no one is going to try to find out.”
“Really?” I question, still shocked by it all.
Iris shakes her head and grins. “It’s clear that you’re both into one another.”
“No, we’re not.”
“You’re so into him, and from the way he just had to have you in the closet and how he defended you…he feels the same. Those kinds of emotions aren’t something you feel with a booty call or a one-night stand. That’s the real deal type. Like in Barbados when Cade and I did it in the bathroom by the pool and in the pool while Beckett was going on about rum. When the connection is that intense, it’s love.”
I bring my fingers to my temples and rub circles against my skin. “First of all, in case I wasn’t clear before… I’m a hundred percent cool with never hearing another you and Cade Barbados sex story for as long as I live. Second, there is no way in hell that Gunner and I share anything resembling love. It’s lust.” I throw my hands up. “It has to be. For some reason, we share insane sexual chemistry, and that’s all it is.”
“No, it’s not. You don’t have to believe me now, but you’ll see. The attraction you have isn’t just about sex.”
I jump up from the sofa and start pacing the living room floor. “How could it not be? I can’t stand the guy. He’s literally the bane of my existence. A hothead who makes my life so much harder.”
She shrugs. “You can’t choose who you love, Pen. When it’s there, it’s there. I think you and Gunner are very similar actually.”
“Once again.” I try to remain calm. “I do not love him. And how in the hell are we similar? We couldn’t be more different.”
“Well, you know what they say—opposites attract.”
I huff out a laugh. “You know, you don’t have to give advice, especially when everything that comes out of your mouth is contradictory. First, you say that we’re similar, and then you say that we’re opposites of one another. My head is already a complete mess without trying to connect the dots of your unsolicited logic.”
“You can be both.” She chuckles. “In some ways, yeah, sure, you’re very different. But in others, you’re the same.”
I dip my chin in an exaggerated nod. “Oh… now it makes complete sense. Ugh. This is not helping.”
“It’s hard to explain because you’re both such a closed book that I don’t know what it is for sure. But you have obvious differences that everyone can see, right? That’s the opposites part. However, you’re both very private, quiet, standoffish, and broody. And I don’t know for sure, but I feel that you’re both that way for a reason, and maybe the reasons are related like you share a similar experience that made you jaded. Has he talked to you about his past?”
“No. Why would he?”
“Have you told him anything about yours?”
I pin her with a stare. “Is that a serious question?”
She grins. “Maybe you two should talk and get to know one another. Discover why you have such a connection. I’m telling you, your feelings aren’t going to go away.”
“My feelings,” I scoff. “You know, you’re really annoying. If you weren’t my best friend, I’d hate you.”
She throws her head back in laughter. “Ha! Told ya. I knew I was your best friend.”
“Listen, I don’t have feelings for Gunner. I have lust, and believe me, that will go away. Sure, he’s good in that department, but that is where my attraction to him ends. I can get my needs met some other way. I’ll hook up with someone else or do it myself.”
“No vibrator is going to satisfy you like Gunner does, babe. Sorry to break it to you.”
I shake my head. “I made a huge mistake. I can’t figure out why I did it, but I’m telling you right now that I will never sleep with Gunner again.”
“Is that so?” His deep voice startles me, causing me to yelp. Looking behind me, I find him leaning up against the threshold to the living room. He looks at Iris. “Leave.” And as if he realizes what a dick he sounds like, he throws in a short, “Please,” after a beat.
Iris jumps up from the chair and hurries out of the room, throwing a quick, “Bye, bestie! Have fun!” over her shoulder as she exits.
What a traitor.