Chapter 19
CHAPTER
NINETEEN
PENNY
M y slick body lies atop Gunner’s, limp and buzzing with the afterglow of satisfaction. The jets from the Jacuzzi tub push bubbles of water across my skin as I breathe in the steamy air.
So much for my no-sex declaration.
However, did I think that bathing with Gunner would lead to another mind-blowing orgasm? I’d be lying if I said no. Apparently, the two of us will never not take advantage of being naked together.
I was serious about wanting to talk and getting to know one another. But a little romp in the tub never hurt anyone. Now that it’s out of our system, we can go back to the regularly scheduled program, which, when I stop to truly think about it, is insane. We’re going to get to know each other…Gunner and me… and talk about our relationship.
So strange.
I am naked in the tub in my house, straddling the Crane’s goalie, who, up to a month ago, I couldn’t stand. The two of us have no business partaking in anything labeled “a relationship,” yet here we are. Granted, we’re only a few hours in, so the jury is still out. This could all end in an epic disaster, but something inside me needs to find out.
Propping myself up, I splay my palm across his chest and run it across his wet skin. The guy is an Adonis; every inch of his body is sculpted to perfection. Some of the more outgoing guys on the team have the hot guy reputation, but I don’t find any of them more attractive than Gunner. I tilt my face up, resting my chin on his chest as I take him in. His dark black hair is disheveled, the short cut just long enough to allow chunks to fall to the side. A sexy five-o’clock shadow covers his face. His eyes, a deep brown with dark lashes, hold a kindness that I don’t think many people see. Truthfully, I’ve never looked at his eyes long enough to see it myself.
He is one big, beautiful beast of a man. And he’s… mine?
My reality has been turned upside down over the past month. I was so sure about things that I now realize I got wrong. I haven’t quite figured Gunner out, but he’s not the man I thought he was. He’s so much more than I gave him credit for. He came here inviting me into his life to know him in a way that I don’t think many do.
My steel heart is starting to feel things I haven’t felt in a long time. It’s scary, and I’m questioning myself. It’s too soon to trust my feelings. Though, part of me wants to. I yearn to dive in headfirst, heart open to experience a love like I’ve never known.
Maybe.
But what if I’m wrong? What if this isn’t real?
I’ve spent my life building a fort around my heart to protect myself. I’ve never been against love, but I won’t be vulnerable. In my earliest memories, it was me against the world. I’ve always been the only one who I could count on, and that hasn’t changed. Gushy fantasies of lifelong orgasms and a dreamy alpha male to love me for all eternity are alluring, but the fact remains, at the end of the day, there’s only me. I’m willing to see where this goes, but the protections stay in place. They have to.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Gunner’s deep voice breaks my train of thought.
“Just thinking we should probably get out.”
“Sure because we have all that talking to do.” He sounds less than amused.
I push myself up from his slick body. Standing, I grab a towel, wrap it around my body, and step out. “Don’t sound too excited.” I offer him a towel.
“I’m excited about food.” He steps out of the tub. “I’m starving.”
With another towel, I bend at the waist and scrunch the water from my hair. I catch Gunner eyeing me with a look of fascination. The guy definitely has something for my hair. “I’m starving, too. What about Thai?”
“I could do Thai. Have you tried All that Thai? They have the best…”
“Drunken noodles,” we say in unison.
I chuckle. “It’s definitely a drunken noodle kind of night.”
An hour later, we’re sitting on my oversized sofa, each at the opposite end with our Thai noodles. I’m sporting oversized sweatpants and a baggy T-shirt, while Gunner wears the jeans and T-shirt he came in. Our get-to-know-you session has resulted in eye-opening revelations. For instance, I now know that Gunner loves playing hockey and Thai food. While he’s learned that I have a love/hate relationship with my job, and not only do I love Thai food but I’m also a coffee addict.
I mean, the deep levels of vulnerability we’ve experienced here are shattering.
Slurping my final noodle into my mouth, I set the empty plastic to-go container on the coffee table behind me. “Don’t you wish there was a way to fast-forward through the awful get-to-know-you dates? I dread them, and in the past, they’ve been a waste of time anyway. Most guys don’t stick around very long. So why go through all the questions to begin with. You know?”
“Why don’t most guys stick around?”
“Because I don’t want them to.”
He nods as if that’s all the explanation he needs. “I’ve never made it to the get-to-know-you dates in a relationship.”
My brows raise. “Really?”
“Really.”
“And why is that?”
“Because I don’t date.”
“But you want to date me?”
“Yeah.”
The one word makes my heart twist. “You’re thirty-three. Why haven’t you had a serious relationship before now?”
He sets his take-out container down and releases a long sigh. I can see him weighing his options. To share or not to share. This is a make-or-break moment in this potential relationship. “Until recently, I’ve never been in the presence of a healthy relationship. I grew up surrounded by toxic ones, and I’ve never wanted that in my life.”
“Your parents?”
He shakes his head. Looking down, he’s quiet for a minute, clearly deciding how much to share with me. I can tell he’s never gotten to this part of a relationship before. He clears his throat and raises his gaze to meet mine. “I never knew my dad. It was always only ever my mom and the piece of trash she was dating at the moment.”
“And I’m guessing there was a lot of trash?”
He nods slowly, a frown on his face. “Tons.”
“I didn’t know my dad either, and my mom was the town drunk. I basically raised myself so there wouldn’t be any red flags that would cause concern and get me taken away from her.” It’s not like me to be this open, but I feel surprisingly comfortable with Gunner. Not to mention, I’m the one who initiated this whole get-to-know-each-other conversation. If I want him to be open and honest, I have to do the same.
“That’s why you are the way you are,” he states.
“Meaning?”
“You present this badass version of yourself, prim and proper, and always in control with your boring pantsuits and pulled-back twist without a hair out of place. You need to control the narrative the way you did growing up.”
“I suppose so.”
“It must be extremely frustrating trying to control us heathens.” A small smile finds his lips.
I force out a dry chuckle. “You have no idea.”
“So… your mom now? Is she better?” His voice holds a sweet tone of concern.
I shrug. “She’s six feet under, so… I don’t know if that’s better than living the way she was or not.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well… one can’t chug vodka like water for thirty years and think they’ll live a long life.”
“So that’s why I never see you drink.”
“Partly. I don’t have anything against casual drinking. I know that’s the way of the world. But they say alcoholism is hereditary, and I’ve never wanted to push my luck. Plus, the thought of being out of control is something I can’t fathom. Not to mention, you only see me at work functions, and I’d never drink on the job anyway. But no, I’m not a big drinker.”
“Yeah, me either,” he says.
I quirk my brow with a scoff. “Yeah, right. You always have a beer in your hand at the bars after a game.”
“True. I’ll have a beer or two, but you’ve never seen me drunk because I never am. I, too, like to be in control.”
Thinking back to the years I’ve known Gunner, I can’t remember a time when he was obviously drunk. He’s always the same, a grumpy guy of few words. I’d assumed he was the same way when drinking. His statement is hard to believe. It shatters years of preconceived notions, but I have no evidence to the contrary. It’s not that I wouldn’t date someone who drank. I know that people can get tipsy and have fun without having a problem. However, it’s oddly another thing we have in common.
I’m not quite sure if I find our many similarities comforting or unsettling. Because of his past, he can see into me in a way that no one ever has. He understands. We’ve barely gotten to know each other, and already, I feel as if there’s no hiding.
Speaking of parallels, I ask, “How about your mom? Has she gotten better choosing a man?”
Gunner’s entire frame goes stiff, and my heart beats rapidly in my chest. The air in the room has shifted. Gunner stands and collects the take-out containers.
“She’s dead.” His voice is low and firm with his response. It’s only two words, but they carry a finality, and I’m well aware that our getting-to-know-you session is over.