It Only Takes a Memory
IT ONLY TAKES A MEMORY
Firefly smelled different in the rain.
I cupped the sides of my mug with both hands, shivering as the warmth spread through my body. I sat on the swing outside my house, gently swaying back and forth. The rain came down hard enough that my gutters stopped doing their job.
“We needed the rain.” Every summer, we muttered the words, but by fall, we had our fair share. With the leaves preparing to fall, we’d have an early onset of autumn without the rain. The leafers would be up in arms if they didn’t have time to see the forest turn the color of fire.
I pulled a foot out of my slipper and stuck it in the rain. Not even the heat from the cocoa could offset the chill. By the time I drew it back, the leg of my flannel pajamas had soaked through. There didn’t seem to be any end in sight.
“Defeated by Mother Nature.” I flipped the bird, waving it about as if somebody in the yard might see. “I hate you.” Ironic, considering how much I loved playing in the rain.
I had shut off my phone. The text messages from Amanda asking what we were going to do had gotten overwhelming. While I prepared my concession speech, she wanted to rally the troops. I accepted the loss. Giving up should have made me frantic, or at least angry, but I felt a sense of peace.
“It’s out of my hands.” I took a sip of the hot chocolate, fishing for the tiny marshmallows with my tongue. I wiped my face clean before licking my fingers.
Lightning lit up the yard seconds before thunder rumbled across the valley. Under different circumstances, this would have been magical. When I bought a house, a porch with a swing had been my top priority. Growing up, watching my parents spend the evenings swaying back and forth had left its mark.
Tomorrow, I’d get an early start and get the comic shop ready for disappointed geeks. Even with the convention rained out, there were plenty of storefronts still showing off their superhero swag. What if it wasn’t all on the green? Attendees could at least stop by the shops and indulge their curiosities. It might not be the comic convention I envisioned, but hopefully, it provided a little bump to the community.
I couldn’t ignore the world. I flipped my phone on for a second. Seventy-two text messages? Amanda must have worked herself into a? —
Jon: Take the night off. We’ve got this bitch.
Amanda: Jon! Got an interesting text. We have an idea. Come back to the loft.
That I expected, but it was the other seventy that surprised me.
Simon: When you’re ready, I’m here. There are so many sliders. Nobody will be hungry.
Abraham: I found a shield. A sword is too much, right? We’re storming the dungeon.
Dorothy: Superhero cookies have been made. Now, to frost them.
Gladys: The quilt guild donated two more quilts! They also made capes for the kids.
Bonny: Hey Cupcake. If you need space, we can clear out under the awning in front of the store.
They kept going. With each new message, my eyes watered. I had given up on Firefly, but it hadn’t given up on me. While I had been focused on all the things the town wasn’t, I had forgotten what made its heart beat. The people of Firefly, good or bad, they were my family.
Mom: I love you, and remember who the duck you are .
Mom: Duck…
Mom: Duck!!!
Mom: I give up. Love you, Boogie.
I slugged back the rest of my coffee and kicked off my other slipper. Setting the mug on the porch, I dashed out into the rain. I nearly slipped on the slate pavers as I gunned it for the truck. I tore the door open before climbing inside. Even after a few seconds in the downpour, I could feel the wetness in my underwear.
I pulled down the visor and grabbed the keys. As soon as the engine turned over, I pulled out of the driveway and headed toward downtown. I might have a moment of peace, but the more I thought about Firefly and the convention, the more I needed to drown myself in familiarity.
Even with the windshield wipers on max, I had to keep the truck to a slow crawl. I rolled past Georgie’s old house. During my freshman year, I had to work on a history paper with him and he offered me my first cigarette. First and last. Mom had grounded me for a week after she smelled my jacket.
Turning the corner, I spotted Old Man Vinny’s house. The white fence out front had seen better days. Eventually, we’d tire of seeing the chipped paint and make him touch it up. Of course, we’d grab a six-pack of beer and help him. We’d spend more time telling stories about the founders of Firefly than actually painting.
Every house I passed, I could trace the owners back several generations. Some were people I grew up with, others were classmates of my parents. I had gotten fixated on needing more. I almost forgot the comfort of living in a small town.
“Bonny,” I laughed as I spotted her and Carl in the garage. They had opened the door while the truck sputtered. She leaned over the front of their truck as she fixed something. While her legs hung in the air, Carl searched for tools, handing them to her. Bonny might have been the pretty girl in school, but her dad insisted she know how to fix a car. Carl, on the other hand, knew when to be the assistant.
With one more turn, I drove along the green. I was surprised to see so many stores with their lights on. The downpour kept them from lighting up the park, but inside Twice-Told Tales, I spotted people moving about. Gladys had probably scored some new antique and needed to create a display before the store opened.
I could see the light on in the comic shop. I thought about stopping and running in. “If they needed me, they’d say.” Whatever they had going on, it was between them. I stopped in front of the store, looking across the green. I had hoped to see the light on in the Bistro. If it had been on, would I have gone in?
To my surprise, I smiled. Before the Bistro, it had been the Rise and Shine. The couple who ran it had grown up with my grandparents. It closed as quickly as it opened. Everybody thought they threw in the towel. The woman had gotten sick, and instead of spending their twilight years in the kitchen, he had bought a small cabin near Canada. Mom said he rediscovered what mattered most to him.
“Me too,” I whispered.
The convention wouldn’t happen. Instead of disappointment, I had warm fuzzy feelings. Maybe I didn’t get the results I wanted, but I think Firefly had given me what I needed. I might not know what the future held, but I had my reason to stay.
“I love this town.” I couldn’t give it up, not completely. It’d be weird walking down a street and not knowing random facts about every person I encountered. Twenty percent less gossip would be great, but who was I kidding? I shared as much as anybody else.
“Do I dare?” An idea entered my mind. “Could I have both?” Portland was a few hours away, and Boston was only a few hours beyond that. It might be a haul, but maybe I could convince Amanda or Jon to go with me now and then? If I could repair the damage I inflicted on my friendship with Simon, maybe he’d show me around the city. One weekend, we could eat our way through the city.
“We’ll call them cultural expeditions.”
I continued driving around the green, heading back toward the house. The thought of being a tourist in the city made me excited. I’m sure after a long weekend, we’d come back, thankful for the familiar. It’d be a perfect way to upset our boring routines.
Tomorrow might not be what I hoped for. I was going to put on a brave face. It was time to head home and settle in for the night. I spun the wheel and revved the engine as I made my way back.
For a moment, I thought the rain might let up. The wipers furiously slinging water left and right said otherwise. I’d be lucky if I didn’t need to break out a canoe to get to work in the morning. Pulling onto my street, I slowed.
“What in the hell?”
In my senior year, a neighbor borrowed my car to take his wife to the hospital. I couldn’t get to school that day. The principal didn’t bat an eye when I explained my absence. It was the same mentality coming downstairs in the morning to see another neighbor making coffee and waiting for my dad in the bathroom. Sometimes, we were too familiar with one another. That’s to say, it shouldn’t be a surprise to see a figure sitting on my porch swing.
“Amanda, what are you up to?”
With the lights behind her, she had an ominous appearance. Why hadn’t she gone inside to wait? Even if she hadn’t brought her key, she knew every hiding place. Wait, I hadn’t even locked the front door when I left.
I pulled into the driveway, stopping next to a car I didn’t recognize. In the back of my head, alarms screamed. Maybe she came to report on this brilliant idea she and Jon had. I turned off the ignition, trying to psych myself up for the cold water. Running around in the rain while wearing flannel wasn’t my brightest idea.
“I hate being wet.”
I threw open the door and jumped out. Speeding along the path toward the porch, I nearly toppled again as my feet slipped on the slate. I stayed upright, but the few extra seconds meant I was drenched. There was no point in rushing now. Good, cause as I got closer, I realized it wasn’t Amanda lounging on my porch.
“Lucy?”
She stood, pushing back the hood of her sweatshirt. It wasn’t her usual fluffy sweater and skin-tight jeans. Like me, she had been soaked to the bone. Pushing her hair behind her ear, she looked nervous as she continued staring at the porch.
“What’s going on? Is everything okay? Is it Lucas?”
“Jason, I think we should talk.”
Oh shit, she knew.
I ran a towel through my hair for the third time. There wasn’t a drop of water left on me. One more time, and then I’d go downstairs and have a conversation with my guest. She had said nothing after I brought her a towel. I didn’t need to change, but I needed time to get my bearings.
“So, we’ve both seen your husband naked. We have that in common.” I whispered. We hadn’t exchanged enough words to know if she wanted to claw my face or tell me to stay away from her man. Had Simon told her, or did Bonny spill the beans?
Pulling a t-shirt over my head, I poked my head out of my bedroom. With a deep inhale, I decided it was time to put on my big boy pants, even if they were made of flannel and had superheroes on them. The universe decided fifteen minutes of Zen had been enough. It was time to face my discomfort head-on.
“Do you want any coffee?” I called down the stairs.
“I’m good, but thank you.”
“Tea?”
“Never been a fan.”
“Caramel macchiato made with almond milk?”
I headed downstairs, taking my sweet time on the descent. Lucy had taken off her hoodie and continued crimping her hair with a towel.
“Now you’re just making fun of me.”
“Not you,” I admitted. “All flatlanders.”
I probably shouldn’t poke the beast, especially considering the beast’s husband had poked me. “I’m sorry. We should be nicer to Southerners.”
“Really? We call you mountain folk when we’re being nice. Potato pickers, sometimes.”
“Hicks,” I added.
She nodded. “Oh yeah, we definitely use that.” Did she know we wore the title like a badge of honor? They might call us hicks, but did they know how to survive in the forest with a pocket knife and rope? When the zombie apocalypse came, I’d team up with a hick over a flatlander.
I debated on where to sit. Was this a ‘sit across the room and stay outside of clawing range’ discussion? Or were we going to have a quiet, intimate conversation side-by-side? She decided when she scooted over and patted the couch. It’d be rude if I took a seat anywhere else .
Even waterlogged, Lucy remained beautiful. I bet if she spent the days chasing pigs in the mud, she’d still walk out looking like a model. If Lucas grew up looking like either parent, he wouldn’t be short for dates.
Lucy’s face scrunched up. “This is awkward, isn’t it?” When she laughed, it broke the tension.
“I can’t begin to explain how weird this is.”
“I wanted to talk to you about Simon, but I guess you knew that.” Lucy fidgeted, playing with her fingers as she squirmed in her seat. “Okay, I’m just going to say it. I know you and Simon are you and Simon.”
Nope, that didn’t make it any better. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. It’s just…”
She shook her head. “That’s not on you.”
Lucy spun about on the couch, bringing one knee to her chest. She held it in place as she faced me. I know she worked as a nurse, but if that didn’t pan out, she could work the runway. Even damp, those piercing blue eyes commanded attention. “It’s me who should be apologizing.”
“Now I’m confused.”
The room grew silent as she started to speak and stopped half a dozen times. It looked as if Lucy was as lost for words as me. I guessed neither of us had ever been in a situation where we shared a lover with another person. I would have paid money for a timely interruption. If I thought hard enough, maybe Amanda would hear me and come running through the door.
“I think I gave you the wrong impression about me and Simon. My entire world changed when I came back to the States. I agreed to the divorce, but with so much upheaval, I think I came back here and fell into old habits.”
“I’m not sure I follow…”
“Part of me wanted to see if Simon and I would work out. New setting, new career… I think I wanted some stability. In hindsight, I sounded like I was going to get Simon back. Our time as husband and wife ended before I left for Ghana. I apologize for being an idiot and making it seem like we’re still us… a couple.”
Wait, did Lucy admit that she and Simon weren’t together? After talking to Mom, I realized it wasn’t so cut and dry. I didn’t want to get ahead of myself and misread her words. “So, you and Simon are…”
“I signed the papers.”
“Oh.”
This wasn’t the conversation I expected. In my head, at any moment, she would backtrack and tell me to stay away from her man. Could she be both beautiful and reasonable? Dammit. She was perfect. We had gotten through the marriage conversation, but it ignored that her ex-husband was playing kissy face with another man.
“Did he…” I couldn’t stop my face from turning red. If he hadn’t told her, I didn’t want to out him by accident. Simon deserved to work through his sexuality without me throwing him to the wolves.
“Tell me he met a cute guy?”
“Yeah…” Did Simon describe me as cute, or did she? I co uldn’t take the compliment without blushing. If I got any hotter, I’d squeal like a tea kettle.
“Oh… you were worried… did you think…” Lucy laughed hard enough that the couch shook. When she reached out, resting a hand on my arm, the tension in the room vanished. We had gone from adversarial to old friends. “Honey, I’ve known Simon has a soft spot for soft men.”
“Really?”
I couldn’t hide my surprise. Beautiful. Check. Humanitarian. Check. Progressive. Check. If Lucy got any more perfect, I might ask if she was seeing anybody. If Amanda had been here, she’d have already made Lucy a cocktail and suggested they take the party back to her place.
“Simon and I talked about it when we first started dating. If I remember, before me, he had been seeing a guy. Levi, I think?”
The disbelief on my face had found its way into my throat. “You’re telling me you knew your husband’s?—”
“Boyfriend, at the time?”
“Your boyfriend had a thing for guys, and it didn’t bother you?” Dear God, was I archaic? Had I gotten so fixated on something being black and white that I didn’t see the shades of gray in between? Holy shit, even my mom was more progressive than me. My world might as well have been tossed in the blender. I needed to do a self-evaluation.
“I loved… love Simon. I always will. That includes every part of him.”
“Has anybody ever told you that you’re perfect? ”
She gave me a wink. “If it makes you feel better, it took me a while. I had my insecurities. I still remember sitting on the park bench with him and asking if he found a guy attractive. Eventually we argued about whether he was a briefs or boxer man.”
That sounded like Simon. “I guess, for some reason, I thought you’d be upset.”
“He’ll always be the father of my son. As long as you’re okay with Lucas’s mom being in the picture, I think it’ll be okay. Ultimately, I want Simon to be happy.” Her eyes narrowed as the corner of her lip turned up. “The way he talked, it sounds like you make him happy.”
I had barely finished processing Lucy being in my living room. Now, she let it slip that I made Simon happy? I couldn’t tell which raced faster, my mind or my heart. The ridiculousness of the situation made me laugh. Lucy had delivered a compliment on behalf of her ex-husband.
“Sorry, I can’t help it. This is just so damned weird.”
She giggled. “I guess it is. But now I understand why Lucas asked why there was another man on top of Daddy.”
I nearly choked. “He didn’t…”
Lucy nodded, trying to stifle a laugh. “You’ll get nothing past that boy.”
Mom would never let me live this down. The angst I had been feeling over the last week could have been washed away with a candid conversation. A little honesty and Lucy had gone from rival to confidant. I could see why Simon married her. Heck, at this rate, Amanda would need to work to keep the title of bestie .
“Does this mean we’re friends now? Cause I’ll be honest, this is not how I imagined this conversation going.”
“If you’re going to date my husband— ex-husband, I think it’s a requirement.”
“Yep, it’s still a weird statement.”
“Let’s make it even weirder. Give me your phone.”
She held out her hand and didn’t pull back when I hesitated. I reached into my pocket and pulled it out slowly. A gay man handing over his phone to somebody ranked high on the scale of trust. “Careful what you click. Some things you can’t unsee.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Considering we have the same taste in men, I’m tempted.”
Poking at the phone, I leaned forward to steal a peek. She pulled back, hiding the screen as she typed away. I waited patiently as she paused. Her lips pursed as she pondered what to type next. When her eyes went wide, she typed furiously. It ended with a familiar swoosh of a text message being sent.
“There you go.”
She spun the phone around and handed it back to me. I was almost terrified to see what she had sent.
Jason: Simon, your extremely talented, thoughtful, AND beautiful ex-wife says we have things to talk about. Would you do me the honor of getting cupcakes?
“Cupcakes?” Even the mention of the word sent me back to elementary school. I could hear Bonny laughing. I still couldn’t think about the baked goods without hearing her cackle.
“Sweet, and the perfect bite. Trust me, there’s no way he says no to that.”
Lucy got off the couch, pulling the hoodie over her head. I had considered tonight a loss, and a waterlogged precursor to the convention. Never in a million years did I think I’d be having a heart-to-heart with Simon’s ex-wife. In no universe did I foresee her encouraging me to date Simon.
“I’m rooting for you, Jason. Outside of the kitchen, I haven’t seen his face light up like this in years.”
I stood, and she gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. A minute later, she was out the door, dashing across my yard to her car. Despite the downpour, I had a ray of sunshine to look forward to. Tomorrow might be a complete disaster, but I was going to face it with my head held high. Right now, not even Mother Nature could spoil my mood.